Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Sports As Life Halloween

I was supposed to be working on something today about the Hamilton Tigercats and their inability to field a competitive football team. But I haven't been able to work myself up into the required fevered pitch yet. So this will have to do.

With Halloween coming up soon I got to thinking about sports-related costumes a person could put together. It's my favorite holiday, cut me some slack. All of these costumes are non-gender specific and could be used by males or females, regardless of what sex the person is that the costume is based on.

The first one I came up with is a few years old but that's sure to mean that you'll be the only person dressed up in it. And originality is key in selecting a Halloween costume. Anybody can go
as a Catholic school girl or a slutty maid. But it takes a special kind of person to dress up as former Chicago resident Steve Bartman, especially in 2007. For those who don't remember, Bartman is the Chicago Cubs fan who, in the 2003 NLCS, interfered with a pop fly and ended up costing the Cubs the game. This little clip sums up everything pretty nicely - watch the part with him being escorted out of the Wrigley. I actually feel bad for him. Other fans were reacting to him like he was a genocidal monster - this is what happens when you take sports too seriously. Anyway... how great would this costume be? A pair of 4 dollar headphones, a Cubs hat and a green turtleneck - you're all set. It would be worth it for the laughs you would get from the 3 people who would actually understand what you were wearing. Maybe this is a little too inside.

If the Steve Bartman doesn't work for you, how about Mike Gundy? The Mike Gundy incident happened recently, so it would be fresh in people's minds. There's less chance for people coming up to you all night saying, "What are you supposed to be?" Of course I don't know how far the
Mike Gundy saga penetrated into everyday society, so as Cooper said while we were having this discussion, "It's a good costume but if people don't know who you are, you're just some crazy person walking around all night screaming, I'm a Man! - I'm 40!" Good point. However, this would be a pretty easy costume to put together as well - you wouldn't even need the Oklahoma State gear. All you'd need is an orange shirt and a black visor. And then you can walk around all night screaming out, "That's garbage!" It might be worth it for that alone.

And how about this one - America's favorite racist, neo-Nazi, baseball owner Marge Schott. This costume would be especially appropriate if you owned a St. Bernard - you could allow it to just randomly defecate wherever it wanted, just like Schott did. Of the three so far, the Schott costume would definitely be the toughest to pull off. You'd need a grey, 3/4 mullet wig and the reading glasses from 1978. Serious bonus points if you can find the Cincinnati Reds sweater from the mid-80's though. And if you own a Reds sweater from the mid-80's you are legally obligated to dress up as Marge Schott. I guarantee nobody will get this costume. I'm sure most people, wherever you are, will think you're dressed up as either Bea Arthur or possibly Barbara Bush. Although a Bea Arthur costume would be pretty funny as well.

Ok, this last one is probably the least accessible for both genders. And it is also the most inside Halloween costume I could possibly think of. Unless you were going to a sports-themed Halloween party this one might have to be shelved. But if you were going to a sports-only Halloween party I guarantee you'd have the best costume there. Take a look at the picture on the left - don't recognize him? It's Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham, Alabama. If anyone in professional sports needs to have elbow, knee or shoulder surgery - they go to see Dr. James Andrews. If you are a pro athlete and you have a damaged joint, you go to see Dr. Andrews. And while this idea is probably only funny to me - it's really funny to me, so I thought I should include it here. The costume itself would be very, very easy to put together - just some O.R scrubs ("Oh are they?") and some Dollar Store wire glasses. It couldn't be simpler. Of course you'd have to be explaining to people all night who you were dressed up as. But that is an excellent way to break the ice at Halloween parties.

If there are any ideas you think should be passed on to everyone out there be sure to leave them in the comments.


Anonymous said...

How bout broadway joe? Fur coat anyone? Or how bout this one:

Man that is alot of chest hair. But that was joe in his prime, and I see that you are doing Halloween joke costumes, so how bout Namath drunk? All you need is a jets jersey and a pair of glasses:

However, for added effect you and a friend could go as a pair, one as namath and one as suzy kolber, all she needs is a yellow jacket. Now the nite can be spent with one trying to be serious and the other hammered and saying...well see for yourself:

Oh ya, Joe is still a player.


Luke said...

I love the Broadway Joe idea - especially the Namath/Kolber combo package.

Trebor said...

n suggested raider costume... not even from a raider fan.

How about everyone's favorite coach..i'm not going to try and find a picture but what you do is get tanked, wake up a couple minutes before you go out, dont shave or do your hair, then plop on a NE bunnyhug. Not sure if you need to have the hungover look, but something to make you look sluggish or more bum-like.

Maybe even a koren robinson (reinstated the other day, will play for packers) costume not sure what that would involve excpet a drink in your hand...maybe a suit.

Or a Vick ... no I'm not going to go there.

After typing this out, i'm going to pass along the Bill costume to the old lady see what she thinks...

Luke said...

You gotta make sure you cut the sleeves off the hoodie though - just for that extra hobo touch.

Anonymous said...

I got another combo for ya, how bout drew rosenhaus and terrell owens? All one would need is a cheap suit (purple/pink tie is optional)and don't answer any question "Next Question" and the other needs a track top and not say a word all nite...easy.

I was also thinking about Michael Strahan's record breaking "sack" on Brett Farve. A Giants jersey and a Packers jersey are all that is needed - oh and a total disregard for any kind of record or sportsmanship.


Trevor said...

How about a Marv Albert costume...

Luke said...

Marv would be good but you'd have to dress up in women's underwear and put bite marks on your body.