And You Already Know How This Will End

March Madness is now officially under way, and you already know how this will end:

- in a fit of rage

- in self-loathing

- in the realization that you're not as smart as you think you are

- worse, in the realization that you're exactly as smart as you know you are

- in solemn vows to never do this again

- in promises to stop taking things so seriously

- in sombre acceptance

- in busted brackets

- in tears

Don't Forget - Lousy Smarch Madness On Now

That's right boys and girls, yesterday was Selection Sunday which means your productivity at work this week should be absolutely zero. And just to prove I do care, I've already got your work week planned out for you:

Monday: First draft of your bracket, as you ponder the existence of a school named Cleveland State.

Tuesday: Second crack at your bracket, as your wonder how Robert Morris and Stephen F. Austin made the tournament - those dudes must be awesome!

Wednesday: Finalize your bracket, even as you curse yourself for picking North Dakota State University over Kansas.

Thursday: Log on to CBS.com's tournament website as soon as you get to work, so as to get in the hours long queue. Keep the volume down or off on your computer and try not to use up every drop of bandwidth your company uses. Curse your terrible picks.

Friday: File for unemployment.

With all that excitement in mind, make sure to sign up for the Sports As Life Lousy Smarch Madness pool. Here are the details again:

Log on to this site.

Sign yourself up with a fancy new username, or use your old, rusted one if you've been here before.

Click the Group Membership tab and join the group titled Sports As Life, the password is madness.

And as always, if you accidentally create a new group I will destroy you.

Sign up now! Good seats still available.

Sick of This March Madness Business... Bring On The NHL Playoffs... Or Something

When is the NFL Draft again?

This happens without fail every March. I'm not sure why I get surprised anymore. In the weeks before The Tournament I get Kid on Christmas Eve excited. Then two days after it starts, my bracket lies in smouldering ruins and I lose interest faster than the calculus student with Attention Deficit Disorder.

Last year I got a slight reprieve from the usual self-loathing as I picked 30 of 32 first-round games correctly. My jubilation was short-lived however, and the customary tailspin followed soon after. But what a couple of days it was.

For some reason I thought last year's savant-esqe start would carry over to this year. Boy was I wrong.

Oh sure, I made a couple of nice picks this year - Siena over Vanderbilt and Kansas State over USC. But man does it get ugly after that:

Gonzaga to make the Final Four... they lost their opening game.

Clemson to make the Elite Eight... first-round choke job.

Pitt to make the Elite Eight... they're done.

And Drake to make the Sweet Sixteen... first round loss.

Hate the Drake!!

I know, I know - listening to a person talk about their March Madness bracket is about as appeal ling (appalling?) as someone talking about their Fantasy Football Team or their hockey playoff pool (which we will be doing as well - coming soon, brought to you by Sports As Life) - but I thought I'd try to impart what I've been going through in the last few days.

Even though I have 9 of 16 teams still playing - I don't believe I will be winning the Sports As Life March Madness Pool Party Grand Prize (which is a T-Shirt, by the way). And now I seem to have lost all interest in watching Tournament games, although I'm sure I can talk myself into watching the Final Four games. And yes I know, I've missed some exciting games in the last couple of days.

Major League Baseball's Opening Day can't come soon enough.

Hate the Drake!!