Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I've Been Through the Desert on a Post With No Name

It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name

(Rip off Neil Young much?)

Oakland 10 @ Baltimore 29 – Don’t look now, but Baltimore is 4-3 and only one game back of Pittsburgh in the AFC North. They’re one serious injury to Ben Roethlisberger away from winning that division.

Arizona 23 @ Carolina 27 – What day is it, October 29? Yup that sounds about right for Arizona to start collapsing. Huge game for them this weekend in St. Louis.

Tampa Bay 9 @ Dallas 13 – What a disgrace of a football game this was. Brad Johnson should no longer be allowed to step on a football field, unless he’s sweeping the field after the game.

Washington 25 @ Detroit 17 – This game was close for awhile and I had my hopes up. But alas, the Lions fall again. Maybe Daunte’s Inferno is going to be the answer

Buffalo 16 @ Miami 25 – What the crap is going on in this division? The stage is continually being set for New England to walk away with this division again.

St. Louis 16 @ New England 23 –Sigh, this is going to stop at some point isn’t it?

San Diego 32 @ New Orleans 37 – I’m not buying it New Orleans, I can’t... don’t make me care about you again!!!!!!!

Kansas City 24 @ NY Jets 28 – DO NOT BE FOOLED, GOOD READER! The Chiefs have not turned a corner, there is no joy in the Show Me State, Tyler Thigpen is not a viable NFL quarterback. They ran a spread offence that the Jets had not prepared for and still lost - and Brett Favre was doing those Brett Favre things, ie: throwing 3 interceptions and leading his team on a 4th quarter game-winning drive. If it seems like I’m rooting for the Chiefs to lose, it’s because I mostly am. That top pick is the only thing keeping me hanging on at this point (yes, I will settle for top three). Suffice it to say, if you see a car with a Chiefs vanity plate on the front careening around the streets of Regina, stay away – I’m dangerously unstable. At least I didn’t invest in that Glenn Dorsey jersey.

Atlanta 14 @ Philadelphia 27 – Donovan, you’ve got a receiver named Kevin Curtis. How about throwing to him every once and awhile, ok? White lightning!!

Cleveland 23 @ Jacksonville 17 – This is usually how pre-season Super Bowl predictions turn out isn’t it? I’m not sure why people even bother.

Cincinnati 6 @ Houston 35 – That Cincinnati/Kansas City game on the last weekend of the season is starting to loom large as the First Overall Draft Pick to the Team That Loses Championship of the World.

NY Giants 21 @ Pittsburgh 14 – So it’s the old, “Your backup long-snapper is your starting defensive end,” play eh? Well played.

Seattle 34 @ San Francisco 13 – No discipline and no effort make Mike Singletary something-something.

Go crazy?

Don’t mind if I do!

Indianapolis 21 @ Tennessee 31 – Thanks to a strong second half from Chris Johnson and some modest effort from Bo Scaife, I was able to scrape out a 2.2 point fantasy victory. I yell at my TV too much.

Ok, because I feel bad about posting that lame rip-off of a song at the beginning - here's a song from the 70's that does not suck. Everyone knows real rock and roll stars play the flute.

That song makes me want to rob a bank - I'm not sure why.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well I’m going to try to get back into things. Last week I just wrote a bit about beefing up your qb situation, and though no one got hurt, some might say Brees losing his #1 option in Bush is a big deal. You have to believe one more performance like the one Anderson had will find him on the bench, and with Cleveland going agaisnt a rested Jags defense… a new Brady bunch in the NFL?? Then there’s Brad Johnson, not sure why it happens but when the qb goes down teams sometimes fall to pieces for the first game, not sure why Romo affected their run defense but?? Another guy this week that was one of my sleeper picks that might be in for some trouble Garrard… Cleveland pass def is not that bad and Garrard is not at his best and likely missing 2 wr’s with Matt Jones getting suspended.

Right now in most leagues trades are becoming a big thing, guys at the top are looking for better depth, guys in the middle are looking for a deal that will get them into the playoffs. At this point you have to forget names: Harrison, LJ, Peyton, Holt…etc. People who have them will try to sell you on them but look at the numbers and more importantly look ahead.

LT could have been one of my names to not to get sold on. However, look at his schedule… KC twice, Oaktown, Atl, Indy and Denver. Each one of those games he could easily get 100+ yards and 1-2 TD’s. Then you have Brandon Jacobs… look at his last matchups.. Wash, Phil, Dallas, Car, Minny. Not the best matchups for a RB.

Anyways on to the week ahead

I’ll leave you guessing about that one till the end.

I really didn’t want to touch this game with any kind of bet be it over/under, spread, fantasy picks. But the game is in London and well I did just see this episode so.

The problem is which teams show up, does Colston the #1 wr actually get a catch? Do Rivers and Brees the 2 top qb’s in the league light it up or dial it in? I really have no clue and have flipped around this many times, after writing I’ll change again. SD has put up stinkers this season, but they have come back with good games… N.O.?? We don’t know they’ve lost but never like that. People may blame it on Bush being out, but last year without Vush and McCalister, Brees put up multiple 300+ yards and at least 2 td’s in 3 of his past 4 games… he likes to throw. So for that reason start the wr’s for NO, on the other side LT I think will have finally have a good game, though Rivers…he’s kind of in a funk and with Chambers likely out, if you have a good second option go with it. I’d proably sit McCalister just cause it will be an air show, and his whole steroid thing coming out may become an issue.

This is a picture of TE Todd Yoder’s injury looks painful and I’m sure it is. He suffered this during last week’s game trying to get down field on a punt and make a tackle.

So Lions and Redskins. Should be a pretty one sideded game and yeah that’s it no counter argument. Calvin Johnson could be the interesting point… He put up good numbers last week, but if I had him I’d be trying to get rid of him. They played Houston and all of his points came on one 96 yd play, when the game was decided. Washington I have to believe is better defensively and yeah Calvin is a sit candidate, if you start 3 wr’s however…he’ll be a decent #3. Of course your going to start Portis and Santana, but look for Randel el to put up some numbers maybe even throw a touchdown. This week we’ll probably see a lot more of Alexander, not worth starting but if he does good he’ll be snapped up off the waiver wire pretty quickly.

Can you guess which guy in this picture is a current NFL running back.

Guy on the left is actually Eddie George, but anyway Marshmellow lit it up last week and this coming week they get the Colts, who are terrible against the run. I was hoping that Sanders was coming back, in fact I picked up Indy’s defense for that reason and in the league there’s only waiver pickups once a week so now I’m stuck with them. This game I still don’t think will be close, but I’m not the resident game picker. This will all be about Manning, so start any of his wr’s/te, even Rhodes is worth a start even though the Titans are top against the run. Because I think that Indy’s offense will come out blazing, The Titans won't be able to keep to their run game. Chris Johnson is still a start, but Lendal he might get a TD but I would consider him at best a #3rb this week. Kerry Collins or any of the wr’s whomever they are, are also a sit. I’m thinking this game is a blowout and only Indy players are worth starting, this week.

So the mystery women was Carmella DeCesare, 2004 Playboy playmate of the year. Love that name Cesare… anyways she’s married to a man Terry Bradshaw once called the ugliest guy in the NFL - Jeff Garcia. (ED. Note - I believe the correct term is 'beard' not 'wife') This week Tampa plays Dallas, I like the Cowboys but this is going to be a tough matchup. Johnson was horrible against the Rams last week, and he’s not going to have a bounce back game, Marian Barber is a start but don’t expect much from him. The only guy I might consider as a flier would be Roy Williams, he’s had 2 weeks with the offense and should know it by now. On the other side, Garcia is a start this week he’ll spread the ball around enough that no 1 wr will get all the looks, but if you have Antonio Bryant get him in your lineup. Earnest is a definite start but I’d hold back on Dunn, he really hasn’t done too much and there may be a Caddy appearance this week.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It appears that Cooper has made his way back from the wilderness and is here to ponder the questions that have vexed man since the dawn of time - namely, how exactly does one tie a noose?

Well I am finally back in the land known as hell after my 10-day stay at fantasy camp. A fantasy camp without Microsoft word on the staff computer, but still a fantasy camp nonetheless. Before I get to this weekend's picks I must apologize for my pick of Mizzou over Texas. After Colt McCoy made the game 28 – 0 for Texas the phrase “I thought the Generals were due” passed my lips no less than 8 times. So for that lousy pick please accept my sincere apologies and let me restate, I thought the Generals were due!

After spending some time in the north forgive me if I over estimate the attractiveness of some of the co-eds that I find this week.

#2 Alabama (7-0) @ Tennessee (3-4): Alabama ranked 2nd in the nation behind Texas rolls into Knoxville to face a disappointing Volunteer team. I have read that this southern belle attended the University of Alabama.

(ED. NOTE - Now how does that have anything to do with Alabama football)

The disappointment of Tennessee this year can be summed up with Pat Summitt and one of her lady Vols.

I’ll take Alabama to win.

#23 Boston College (5-1) @ N. Carolina (5-2): Well Boston College comes into this game represented by these

While the Tar Heals counter with this group

A tough decision yes, but I will have to go with Boston College

#8 Texas Tech (7-0) @ #19 Kansas (5-2): Texas Tech comes into this game with one of the nations best offenses, powered by Graham Harrell, Michael Crabtree and the Texas Tech Swim team

The Jayhawks on the other hand have home field advantage and a little thing called the Mangino factor

Even though I am pulled towards picking Kansas, undoubtedly due to Mangino’s own gravitational pull I am still going to go with Texas Tech.

#9 Georgia (6-1) @ #11 LSU (5-1):Both these teams have been featured numerous times before so it is getting to be slim pickins on quality coeds to post for each school.

Yet again the University of Georgia’s coed body is represented by these two fine ladies

While LSU is represented with the following trio

I will have to go with LSU in this one as well as go get me some rollerblades

And finally this week's Brown Bag Special. Beneath the cover of the brown bag this week is the match up between the Minnesota Golden Gophers and the Purdue Boilermakers.

#25 Minnesota (6-1) @ Purdue (2-5): When we peer inside the brown bag this week we can see the Minnesota is represented by this supposed pack of stampeding elephants

And Purdue is represented by them

The decision here is similar to the choice one would make when confronted with a shark. Do you a) Swim away from the shark to save your life. Or b) Swim headfirst into the shark accepting that all hope is lost.

At present time I would have to go with plan b) Just give up and aim right for the shark.

I will take Minnesota to win

So if you will excuse me I should be getting back to reality, picking up some sports selects, putting up my feet and enjoying some college football. Hey look a length of rope.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Post With No Name That Haunts Your Dreams

Oh wait, it's just me.

Duly noted.

San Diego 14 @ Buffalo 23 – Norv, I’m not sure what Scott Linehan, Mike Nolan and Lane Kiffin are up to these days but maybe you want to give them a call? You’re going to need a Sunday support group before too long.

New Orleans 7 @ Carolina 30 – New Orleans… I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. We’re through. I’ve been wishing nothing but the best for you over the last three years, but you make a fool of me time and time again. So I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore. Sure I might keep your number in my phone and call you late at night sometime – lonely, tired and needing some fantasy football players. But this just isn’t working.

Minnesota 41 @ Chicago 48 – How many different way could I have been wrong about this game? How did those two offenses score that many points on those two defenses? I suppose if the league were entirely predictable there would be no reason to watch anymore.

Pittsburgh 38 @ Cincinnati 10 – Keith Rivers’ jaw? Meet Hines Ward.

Tennessee 34 @ Kansas City 10 – The time has come to load up a dump truck with crisp $100 bills, drive it to Bill Cowher’s house and dump it on his driveway. The Kansas City franchise is becoming a disgrace – how do you let LenDale White score untouched on an 80-yard run? He was eating a hoagie as he was running down the field for goodness sake. And Brodie Croyle as the quarterback of the future? How’s that working out? In the 12 games he’s played as a professional, he’s been knocked out of 4 of them with injury. The only silver lining about his latest injury is that he’s done for the year… and probably forever as a Chief.

Baltimore 27 @ Miami 13 – Miami did beat New England this year, right? In New England? I didn’t just dream that? I wonder where that team went.

San Francisco 17 @ NY Giants 29 – Sorry Mike, your snappy suits just aren’t enough to keep you around here anymore. We found a new Mike to fill in for you.

Dallas 14 @ St Louis 34 – It’s starting to look like drafting Steven Jackson at #5 in my fantasy draft wasn’t such a bad decision after all. And they scoffed at me when I passed on Joseph Addai. Of course, on the flip side – I also have Terrell Owens. Try relying on Brad Johnson to win fantasy games – not a good experience I assure you.

Detroit 21 @ Houston 28 – I was visibly upset when no Detroit quarterback inadvertently ran out of the back of the endzone this week. That’s easily my Play of Year so far – obviously, as I can’t stop talking about it. In fact:

I’m going to be like Kornheiser and the Trampoline Bear with this video.

Indianapolis 14 @ Green Bay 34 – In my defense, I thought this game was being played in Indy when I picked the games on Friday. In hindsight, I don’t think it would have made any difference if I had known. Indy is finished. (Of course, now they’re going 11-5)

NY Jets 13 @ Oakland 16 – Remember when I said the Jets could get to 10 wins this season? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Although Kansas City this week will help.

Cleveland 11 @ Washington 14 – Most boring game of the season or most boring game of the season?

Seattle 10 @ Tampa Bay 20 – Did you know Starbucks was founded in Seattle?

Denver 7 @ New England 41 – Wow, Denver has now decided to field a high school football apparently (as evidenced by the fact that Kansas City beat them). Their tackling last night was just embarrassing. They have better tackling at cricket matches for crying out loud:

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 7 in the NFL

We begin today with the news that is surely on everybody’s mind, I know it’s all the talk around the Sports As Life offices this morning and was on the front page of the Leader Post – the fact that Joe the Plumber is neither a plumber, nor named Joe.

From the New York Times:

As it turns out, Joe the Plumber, as he became nationally known when Senator John McCain made him a theme at Wednesday’s final presidential debate, may work in the plumbing business, but he is not a licensed plumber.

Thomas Joseph, the business manager of Local 50 of the United Association of Plumbers, Steamfitters and Service Mechanics, based in Toledo, said Thursday that Mr. Wurzelbacher had never held a plumber’s license, which is required in Toledo and several surrounding municipalities. He also never completed an apprenticeship and does not belong to the plumber’s union, which has endorsed Mr. Obama. On Thursday, he acknowledged that he does plumbing work even though he does not have a license.

His full name is Samuel J. Wurzelbacher. And he owes back taxes, too, public records show. The premise of his complaint to Mr. Obama about taxes may also be flawed, according to tax analysts. Contrary to what Mr. Wurzelbacher asserted and Mr. McCain echoed, neither his personal taxes nor those of the business where he works are likely to rise if Mr. Obama’s tax plan were to go into effect, they said.

Oh snap – take that, people who try to capitalize on things they haven’t properly vetted.

Wait, that’s not the front page story everyone’s talking about his? Oh right – that other front page story.

You know, even as I’m writing this I’m still not sure what I’m going to say about this. Clearly this is not the worst thing in the history of the human race, because this is:

But it is really bad, right? I’m not crazy in thinking that?

There seems to be a lot of people out there (more than there should be) who think the officer in the video is responsible for the whole melee – and started it somehow. Personally – I don’t know, I wasn’t there and didn’t see how everything got started. But from what I saw, the cop was totally justified in his actions.

Those who know me well will be shocked that I’m taking a cop’s side about anything. But quite honestly, what do we expect the cop to do? He’s on his own in a crowd of drunks trying to eject somebody, when all of a sudden someone else is clawing at his back and belt – which just happens to be where he keeps his sidearm, pepper spray and billy club. From the video it’s pretty obvious the fan clutching at the cop isn’t deliberately going for the gun or anything – but do we really think the cop is going to know that in the heat of the moment? The guy grabbing at the cop is lucky he’s not picking chunks of skull out of his brain – and you know what, if that was the case – I’d still say the cop was totally justified.

Obviously there are legitimate instances of police brutality in Canada and around the world, but this isn’t one of them.

And you know what, this isn’t specifically about Rider Fans either, even though there is much wringing of hands in the Rider Nation. This particular instance happened to involve fans in Rider jerseys and happened to be caught on tape. But I can guarantee this is not the only time something like this has happened in a CFL stadium recently.

There is a serious problem with respect and entitlement these days. But that’s another discussion for another day. And believe you me; I am in no way, shape or form old enough to be talking about “the youth of today” – but come on!

As much as I love to turn the screws on Rider Fans just to get a reaction out of them, as a general rule they are decent good-natured football fans who just love their team. But oh how we long for the days when they would just dump manure on your driveway, am I right?

Oh, and alcohol might have been a factor as well.

But onto the business at hand:

Baltimore @ Miami – If Ray Lewis and Joey Porter didn’t exist, how much more oxygen would there be in Earth’s atmosphere? Conversely, how much less carbon dioxide would there be? Is it possible that loudmouth NFL linebackers are the cause of global warming, and not greenhouse gasses? Commission a multi-million dollar study at once!
Winner: Miami by a Wildcat

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati - The battle for the mustache capital of the United States. Or maybe not, Philadelphia would probably have to be involved in that game.
Winner: Pittsburgh

New Orleans @ Carolina - Because I'm allowed to be biased, I hope New Orleans wins this game. I have a soft spot for them for some reason - and I really don't want Tampa to win that division.
Winner: New Orleans

San Francisco @ NY Giants - The cross-country flight and early game time are probably going to be trouble for the 49ers. I'm mean, they're not very good anyway - but that probably won't help. At least they can score points this year - they just can't stop anybody from scoring more than they can.
Winner: New York

Minnesota @ Chicago - So last week Minnesota was only able to score 12 points against the brick wall that is the Detroit Lions defence? Forgive me if I'm a little skeptical about what they can do on the road against Chicago. Take the under.
Winner: Chicago

Tennessee @ Kansas City – The Chiefs are falling faster than the women Larry Johnson shoves at nightclubs. Johnson is suspended for this game after getting charged with assault for the 3rd time in 5 years. Never been convicted but has been in a domestic violence diversion program. He also ran for a total of 2 yards on 7 carries against Carolina two weeks ago. Both things are deplorable, not equally – but both still deplorable.
Winner: Tennessee

San Diego @ Buffalo - I think the bloom will be fully off the Buffalo rose after this game. I have no confidence in them and San Diego is going to come into this game guns blazing.
Winner: San Diego

Dallas @ St Louis - Man up Tony Romo, you're team needs you. But much more importantly, my fantasy team needs you. Do you really think Jessica Simpson is going to stay with you if you're going to be standing on the sidelines all the time. She needs a man of action
Winner: Dallas

Detroit @ Houston - I invoke my constitutionally guaranteed right not to have to write anything about a football game I care nothing about and has no impact whatsoever. It is in the constitution - look it up.
Winner: Houston

Indianapolis @ Green Bay - Fun fact, over the last 6 months Tom Brady and Peyton Manning have had 4 knee surguries between them.
Winner: Indianapolis

Cleveland @ Washington - So which one of these teams is actually for real? Cleveland will be trying to prove that last week wasn't a fluke. And Washington will be trying to prove that last week was a fluke.
Winner: Washington

NY Jets @ Oakland - I don't suppose many teams are hoping for their owners to die, but surely Oakland is almost there. But the joke is on them because due to an experimental surgury in 1987, Al Davis cannot die.
Winner: New York

Seattle @ Tampa Bay – This is the Sunday night game?!!?!?!! No wonder John Madden isn’t going to show up to call this game. I don’t want to watch it and I don’t even have to drive across the United States in a bus to get there.
Winner: Tampa Bay

Denver @ New England – First team to force a punt wins! Oh, and Jay Cutler thinks he’s better than John Elway. I’m constantly flip-flopping on which quarterback I like less – Jay Cutler or Phillip Rivers. As much as I dislike Tom Brady, at least he has WON something and therefore could do some bragging if he wanted – like, say, if he wanted to tell anybody who would listen that he’s a better quarterback than Steve Grogan. That would be fine.
Winner: Denver

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Ed. Note - Trebor has called in sick this week too. Not that I can complain, we pay very, very... very poorly here at Sports As Life. But he did send in this little bit of sage wisdom for all you people living in the fantasy world.

If you're looking at your rosters and you only have 1 QB... your team might be in trouble. Not sure what it is this year but first Brady, then Palmer (likely out for season), Vince Young gone, Hasselbeck's back, Rodgers might be out, Romo is out, Shaub missed a game, Big Ben is going to miss a game eventually, Kitna is gone, Trent Edwards concussed, KC's qb's (not sure who they are but they must be hurt...), TB, St. Louis and Minny have had different starters - and up until last week Anderson looked like he'd be riding the pine. Have I forgot anyone?? Probably but I'm making sure any of my teams have a competent back up or at least 2 serviceable qb's cause you never know when that grocery bagger will pick up the fumblitis again and be booed out of Arizona, or maybe he'll eat too many Oreo cookies, or get eaten by an alligator.

Oh yeah with LJ being suspended don't go out and get Jamaal or kolby, they play the Titans and yes they could have a good game but chances are KC gets shut out again.

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

Ed. Note - Cooper is apparently stuck in Mongolia this week, as he does not have access to a word processing program. So Coach Cooper Hates Your Team will not be airing in it's entirity this weekend. He's still sent in picks and I might add some pictures if I find the wherewithall.

My 5 picks for the week are:

Missouri over Texas

LSU over South Carolina
Alabama over Ole Miss
Georgia Tech over Clemson

and the Brown Bagger will be

Navy over Pitt


Over this:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Nope, Still No Name - Try Back Next Week

Chicago 20 @ Atlanta 22: Great Finish of the Week #1 - Jason Elam goes from goat to hero in about 35 seconds and we're all deprived of Captain Neckbeard celebrating on the town in Hotlanta.

Miami 28 @ Houston 29: Great Finish of the Week #2 - A game-winning quarterback draw on 4th and goal? What is this, the CFL?

Baltimore 3 @ Indianapolis 31: I was wrong about this game, dead wrong - just ask my Pro Line ticket.

Detroit 10 @ Minnesota 12: Great Finish of the Week #3 - You know what would be hilarious - if a team's quarterback inexplicably ran out of the back of the endzone for a safety and then his team lost by two points. That would be awesome - wait, what?

Oakland 3 @ New Orleans 34: I don't care if it was against Oakland, Drew Brees played that game as close to perfect as a quarterback can.

Cincinnati 14 @ NY Jets 26: Somebody's got to let the Bengals win a game - they're not going to do it on their own and Kansas City already has a win. We've got to stay in the running for the #1 pick.

Carolina 3 @ Tampa Bay 27: Again, I was wrong about this game - see again: my Pro Line ticket.

St. Louis 19 @ Washington 17: Great Finish of the Week #4 - Losing to St. Louis in the regular season should automatically eliminate you from playoff contention.

Jacksonville 24 @ Denver 17: I've been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to come up with something clever/funny/interesting to say about this game... ... ...

Dallas 24 @ Arizona 30: Great Finish of the Week #5 - Uh oh... the wheels are starting to come off in Dallas. I'd be a lot more upset about what that means for my fantasy team if it weren't for the fact that I called the Dallas implosion before the season started.

Philadelphia 40 @ San Francisco 26: I think this game was sort of close for the most part... I don't know, maybe not.

Green Bay 27 @ Seattle 17: I'm very happy that Seattle has finally jumped the shark. No more making the playoffs every year just by being the best team in the worst division in football.

New England 10 @ San Diego 30: This reminds be of an old joke, "What do you call New England losing by 20?"... "A good start."

NY Giants 14 @ Cleveland 35: Meh, I'm not buying Cleveland just yet. You'll always be over rated to me.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well the question came up who would be #1 if the draft was held now… of which I don’t want to talk about because I have that said running back made of tin foil and turkey bones in 2 leagues. When he plays he’s #1 back, but he’ll be out the next 2 games which means only playing 3 out of 7 so not helping anyone out. As I’ve said before it depends on the league… if your in a points per reception league Reggie Bush and Gore get a boost. Some leagues don’t give you points for return TD’s (majority), but some do. In my one league I have Wayne, TJ, and Jennings... sounds like a good trio, but Higgins for Oakland is my #2 wr because of return yards, in any other league he’s not even picked up off the waiver.

In a draft today, LT and AP are probably still taken in the top 5 even though they may not deserve to be, but they are capable of huge things. Portis should be up there to, but the division he plays in would scare people from taking him as the top guy.

Reggie Bush, yeah another top back. The guys who picked him up early (1st round) and were laughed at during the draft are laughing now, but without the return td’s I don’t think he a top rb, maybe top 10 but with return yards or td’s... yeah at this point a top 3.

Turner though he’s the top guy right now, I wouldn’t be taking him as #1, probably not in the top #5. He’s got more than half his yards and 5/6 td’s playing against Detroit and the Chiefs. For those reasons I’m not taking him in the top.

My 5 right now would probably be Portis, Barber, Gore, AP, LT. Westbrook might still make it in despite his injuries. If you believe after week 7 he’ll be good, which he should be as far as ribs and ankle is concerned, then he moves up to #1 probably. On the bubble is Bush, Lynch, Forte.

Alright so onto the picks. Last week went alright. It was the receivers that killed me, though Reggie Brown did get 84 yards… that might be #3 wr material but I’ll call that a lose. Brees got eaten by the purple people eaters (Moore and Meacham were terrible). Trent Edwards may have proved me wrong but got hurt in the first quarter so if you sat him good for you... (I see the Jim Jams went against the advice and got .72 points for the week… tisk tisk)

Now some might say sure you did, but because of time and lack of pics I didn’t put the Carolina game in last week. LJ would have been the sit, who knew that bad, but Carolina had previously played against LT, Adrian and forte…no 100 yrd rushers no td’s. Some of you may have noticed I picked up and played Carolina's defense for that reason last week.

On to this week…

This is Reggie Bush’s gal, Kim Kardashian. I wonder what he sees in her ????? Anyway the Saints play Oaktown. Oakland is coming off a bye which means they could win this game and that is scary but as The Editor said, New Orleans is the worst talented team. Huggy Bear Jr. will be starting this week so he’s a good start, and I’ll go again with Meacham. I would sit Henderson he’s a burner. He plays good one week, people get excited then he does nothing for a couple, he gets dropped and then he’ll have a breakout game again… I got fooled once but from now on I won't pay any attention to him.

The size of grapefruits. No further comments. Other than he probably will not be playing this week so start another TE. Since we started with if the draft was held now… do you think he’d still be #2 TE. Maybe still in top 10 but not very good. It’s a bad matchup for the Browns, I really want to say start Anderson but. If Winslow is out, who’s Anderson going to throw to? Add that to Jamal doing nothing. I will go out on a limb with Braylon though… he took the bye week and learned how to catch again so things should be good. On the other side Eli and Jacobs are must star and even the Toomer.

So the Redskins are doing not bad... Cooley finally had his breakout game and this week look for that to continue cause they get every team's whipping boy… the Rams. So start any offensive player - Randel El start, Campbell start. I actually can't think of anyone on either side I’d sit. Steven Jackson and holt should do good. If anyone I’d sit Bulger. Taylor will two-step past the O-line and mamba the bulge all day.

Travis Henry won't be playing ever again but he was with the Broncos last so some connection... Denver plays the Jags and this could be another real boring game. I have never watched an exciting Jags game and doubt I ever will in the near future. Fragile ‘no more’ Fred should see lots of action, as well as MJD. I think Garrard could have a big game just cause it’s Denver but he’s struggled bad this year so show him to the bench. Marshall finally came back down to earth but don’t sit him -he’s good for a td this week. The running backs, sit for sure… Pittman I believe will be the starter so that’s an indication that they won't do that well. Stokley might see more action because of the Scheffler injury but I wouldn’t start him this week. 1 good game doesn’t warrant a trip to the starting line up.

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

Sadly, due to time restraints I will have to fore go any in-depth analysis of this weekends prime college football games. Last week I went 4 – 1, bringing my season total to 12 – 8. I was fortunate to win a sweet $220.00 on a $2.00 Proline on Saturday, having picked the tie for Vanderbilt - Auburn, as well as the Florida St – Miami game. Sorry TH, no 360 yet. A fool is the man who brags to his spouse about his lofty Pro-Line gains. Hopefully, I can get enough cash this weekend to get that 360. On to the picks.

(ED. NOTE - Since Cooper is busy and I'm currently laying on my couch, I'll pitch in and see what sort of questionable pictures the internets can produce today.)

#2 Oklahoma (5 – 0) @ #5 Texas (5 – 0): I will take the Sooners in this one, even though I am reminded every time this game comes around of a little Texas saying about how you can’t spell c********r without OU. I am sure there are plenty coeds who partake at both schools.

South Carolina (4 - 2) @ Kentucky (4 - 1): In an inept offensive game I will take Kentucky to win. Playing the tie would be a prudent idea.

#23 Michigan St (5 – 1) @ Northwestern (5 – 0): I will take the State in this one.

Tennessee (2 – 3) @ #10 Georgia (4 – 1): I will take Georgia to win and cover the – 12.5

And here is my Brown Bagger for the week:

#13 Vanderbilt (5 – 0) @ Mississippi St (1 – 4): In another low scoring game I will take Mississippi St to win. Play the tie the whole way.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 6 in the NFL

It’s the Take Me to the Riot Edition

CHICAGO @ ATLANTA: Did you know that Michael Turner is the leading rusher in the NFL? Did you also know that LaDanian Tomlinson is 13th in rushing? I think it’s safe to say there will a new #1 pick next year in fantasy drafts around the world. LDT might still be a top 3 pick next year but, depending on how the rest of this season plays out, I don’t think he’s going to be the consensus #1 again. We’ll have to get Trebor to weigh in on this, but if you had the #1 pick, who do you take? I suppose it’s Adrian Peterson. LDT might have jumped the shark, Brian Westbrook seems to be comprised of tin foil and dry turkey bones and Tom Brady is coming off major knee surgery. I think it’s a pretty interesting discussion and one I’m prepared to start having – it’s sure better than talking about a game between the Bears and Falcons anyway. A guy who I think has top 3 potential next year is Clinton Portis – why not him? He’s durable and he’s an undisputed #1 back, which is hard to come by these days. Here’s one more bold prediction: Matt Forte is a top 10 pick next year.
Winner: Chicago

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY: Wow, can I please continue the fantasy football discussion? I have nothing interesting to say about either one of these teams. I will say I’m surprised at how well Jake Delhomme is playing. For a guy with a newly reconstructed elbow he’s not doing too badly. He’s not lighting it up by any means but I thought he would start really slowly and come on later in the year. Maybe it’ll be just the opposite and he’ll fade down the stretch. You know, now that I’m thinking about it, I almost hope this game is on TV this weekend – it’s for the division lead and might not be all that bad of a game.
Winner: Tampa Bay

ST LOUIS @ WASHINGTON: It’s a Jim Jam of the highest order – Jim Zorn vs. Jim Haslett. I… I apologize, that might have been the worst thing I’ve ever written. Nothing will make up for it, except this…

Me’sa so sorry. Me’sa neber do it again.

So Jim Haslett is going to right the ship in St. Louise eh? *cough* Aaron Brooks *cough* He’s been the defensive coordinator for the Rams for the past couple seasons and how has that gone? How many points did they give up in Week 1? 38, that’s how many – and 41 in week 2. The only cure for this situation is more backward passes
Winner: Washington

CINCINNATI @ NY JETS: I would not be surprised in the least to see the Jets lose this game. Of course I wouldn’t be surprised to see the Bengals lose by 40 either. Brett Favre has the highest passer rating in the NFL, any bets on how long that’s going to last
Winner: New York

BALTIMORE @ INDIANAPOLIS: Oh my goodness, the Colts just won’t go away. They could legitimately be 0-4, at least 1-3 if not for Hurricane Rosenfels last weekend. I have a feeling that Baltimore’s defence is going to kick Indianapolis in the teeth this weekend… at least I hope so. The only that would make this game interesting to me is if Marvin Harrison and Ray Lewis got together at mid-field and discussed whether stabbing or shooting was the best way to off somebody.
Winner: Baltimore

DETROIT @ MINNESOTA: It’s going to be interesting to see if we can have 3 win less teams in the NFL this season. I know there are 4 at the moment, but at least Houston has been in their last two games. Yes you could say that about Cincinnati too, but I think they’re finished – that loss last weekend took the life out of them. But Detroit and St. Louis are genuinely terrible teams and now Jon Kitna might be out for this weekend’s game. Dang it Kansas City, why’d you have to win a game? Now you’re probably out of the running for the #1 overall pick.
Winner: Minnesota

OAKLAND @ NEW ORLEANS: Ummmm... take the over. There probably won’t be a whole lot of defence played in this game. This will be Tom Cable’s first game as interim head coach of the Raiders and it’ll be interesting to see how long it takes before Count Al is feasting on Cable’s delicious, life-giving blood.
Winner: New Orleans

MIAMI @ HOUSTON: Pretty soon the only play Miami is going to run is the Wildcat. They’ll probably line Ronnie Brown up behind center about 137 times this weekend. Although if Hurricane Rosenfels plays again this weekend Miami won’t even have to score on offence to beat the Texans by about 21.
Winner: Miami

JACKSONVILLE @ DENVER: You know Carolina was the trendy preseason Super Bowl pick over the last couple years? That’s you this year Jacksonville – and you’re going to end up about the same 7-9 and out of the playoffs.
Winner: Denver

DALLAS @ ARIZONA: Storm’s a brewin’ in Dallas – T.O.’s weeping on the sidelines, Pacman’s breaking the law again, Romo seems to be regressing. It’s going to be a mighty fine thing to just stand back and watch. Could you imagine what would happen if they lose to Arizona and St. Louis in back-to-back weeks? Jerry Jones would shed his skin, assume his true serpentine form and devour the entire earth.

Winner: Dallas

GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE: It’s the Holmgren bowl! Free mustaches for the victorious team’s fans.

Winner: Green Bay

PHILADELPHIA @ SAN FRANCISCO: You can go ahead and make up something to say about this game – I have nothing.
Winner: Philadelphia

NEW ENGLAND @ SAN DIEGO: Could someone else just go ahead and beat New England please. I know it probably won’t be you San Diego, but I just thought I’d ask anyway.
Winner: New England

NY GIANTS @ CLEVELAND: These two teams played each other in the preseason and I think the Giants were up 34-0 at the end of the first quarter. I don’t it’ll be quite that bad this time, but it’ll be close. Thank goodness for Cleveland they get to play Cincinnati twice this season, otherwise they might be on that list of teams to go win less. I’ve never been so happy to have been right about a team.

Winner: New York

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Continuing Mis-Adventures of Napoleon in Rags, or A Series of Unfortunate Haircuts

I know everyone nobody has been wondering when my seemingly extended leave of absence was going to end and the answer is – right now. And here’s a rare trip through the looking glass for all you blog readers out there, over the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been going through a period of self-inflicted employment turmoil. After going through several job interviews over that time, I was wound tighter than a snare drum left out in the sun after a rainstorm – case in point, I’m not sure that metaphor even makes any sense. Because let’s be honest, even one job interview is one too many. Yes it’s good to have opportunities, but after losing a loved one and chronic illness, job interviews are the worst thing in the world. The moral of the story is: own your own business. Or, don’t ever get a job. It’s a toss up.

Anyway, after my third day on the new job, I’m wound 1% less tightly than I was a week ago – so I’m going to take a stab at being funny again. Although, I suppose the word “again” in that last sentence implies I was funny to begin with, so take from that whatever you want.

In addition to Cooper and Trebor’s great weekly features – and let’s give them both a big round of applause for shouldering the load over the past few weeks, good job on both of you - what I’m hoping to do is resurrect the ever-popular “I Predict a Riot” running feature to appear on either Thursdays or Fridays.

As well I’m planning on doing a Tuesday run-down post of the previous weekend’s NFL action. The way it looks in my head right now, it’ll be one sentence – max two – about each of the games. The only problem is, I don’t know what to call it.

But you know what, since I’m feeling chipper – let’s give it a try right now, title or no title. Even though it's Wednesday

TEN 13 @ BAL 10 – What’s more scary, the thought that Kerry Collins might lead a team to the Super Bowl or the realization that he’s done it once before?

SD 10 @ MIA 17 – Remember when I said I didn’t want Chad Pennington to quarterback the Chiefs? I was wrong, so very, very wrong.

WAS 23 @ PHI 17 – I dislike the Redskins, and I’m not really sure why. Is Clinton Portis the most underrated player in the league? I’ll answer it for you… yes.

SEA 6 @ NYG 44 – Watched this game – it was a drubbing of the highest order. It seemed like all 3 of New York’s running backs had 100 yards.

IND 31 @ HOU 27 – Fun fact: Hurricane Rosenfels injured more people than Hurricane Ike – look it up.

KC 0 @ CAR 34 – F*&% you Herm Edwards and you too Carl Peterson. Matt Flynn was available in the 7th round of the draft and you didn’t take him (or any of the other QB’s available late in the draft). Now he’s Green Bay’s backup and probably an upgrade over any of the other useless carcasses you’re putting behind center. A rebuilding project doesn’t work unless you have a quarterback to build around – I hate you both so much. (Yes, yes – that was more than 2 sentences, start your own blog and complain about it).

ATL 27 @ GB 24 – I don’t care, I still don’t believe in Atlanta *puts fingers in ears, starts whistling Superstition by Stevie Wonder*

CHI 34 @ DET 7 – I love that Bears are rolling because it just expedites the inevitable Kyle Orton booze-soaked picture relapse. Long live the Neckbeard.

TB 13 @ DEN 16 – Both of these teams should be chained to a big rock and dropped in the Atlantic – I have no use for either of them.

BUF 17 @ ARI 41 – The meteoric rise of the Cardinals is going to make their inevitable collapse all the more spectacular. But someone has to win that division, right? Are teams with losing records allowed in the playoffs?

NE 30 @ SF 21 – Don’t worry Pats fans, if you’re giving up 21 points to the 49ers, you probably weren’t going to win the Super Bowl anyway.

CIN 22 @ DAL 31 – Even though they’ve fought it off for the past couple weeks, the Dallas implosion (or explosion, but not offensive) is coming, you can feel it in the air like the coming of spring.

PIT 26 @ JAC 21 – For a game that was decided in the last few minutes this game was incredi…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

MIN 30 @ NO 27 – If you broke the NFL down into talented and untalented teams, New Orleans would be the worst talented team in the league. Do with that information whatever you will.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

So last week I picked things up a bit going 6 / 10 for starts and 7 / 9 for sits. Big hits were sitting Antonio Bryant and Mendenhall. Also starting Perry or Ocho Cinco. Big misses... who knew that Bowe wouldn’t put up numbers or that LenDale ‘marshmellow’ White would get 13 yrds rushing but 1 TD.

As I was back in Regina spreading the news about Trebor junior, I was told that I need pictures... so the format has changed. I’m not going to post pictures of cheerleaders... though I’m thinking pics of players wives could be a good way to pick??? Instead I’ll try and find pics that have something to do with an NFL team and then pick players from that team’s matchup on Sunday.

So this is Kendra..

She’s from the quality show - Girls Next Door. She’s dating Hef, but apparently is engaged to Hank ‘drop it in my’ Basket. There’s the loose connection.

This week Philly plays Washington. So my sits would be Campbell, as he will see a ton of pressure. Also Buckhalter since Westbrook might play. Won't know until 5 minutes before game, but even if Westbrook is out, Buckhalter has minimal value and better rb’s can be found. For starters, give Reggie Brown the nod this week, he’s back from his injury and should get a lot of balls thrown his way.

Don’t you wish that you could wear whatever you wanted with the fact that no one could say anything to you… case in point.

Guess what, this guy plays on the defensive line. I know you were probably thinking corner, but yeah DL. He used to play for the Saints but now he just sits at the Crab Shack eating Crabbie Patties.

So in the game NO vs Minny. Start Ferotte, not sure who he throws to but he can put up numbers. Then on the other side start Robert Meacham or Lance Moore, the first won't get a lot of receptions but is targeted in the red zone so both are good #3 wr’s.

Because Youtube is blocked at work and my home comp sucks I’m hoping editor can post this hit.

(ED. NOTE - Ask and ye shall receive)

Not a good one if you don’t like seeing people get hurt, but the videos I can watch on the web are mostly skaters and bikers and guess what they’re doing? The hit makes you cringe definitely and your not going to laugh like when the biker mis-times his jump and hilarity and blood ensues. Anyway, in Arizona Warner had 6 turnovers last week, I’d be a bit worried since Buffalo is looking really good this year. I wouldn’t run and start Breaston if Boldin doesn’t play. I don’t see this being a high scoring game. Gotta sit Edge this week, he get’s no TD's and that’s what counts. I’d also sit Edwards this week, his numbers against the Rams kinda sucked and this week Arizona gets Adrian Wilson back. In my IDP league he’s been a must start for the last 2 weeks so with him back the secondary gets a lot better.

How can I have loosely related pics without a pic of my girl... sweet sweet Jessica.

So this week she’s out shopping for engagement rings. I see this as a great move by Romo, when your getting blitzed with ‘when are we gonna get married’, ‘did you see my sisters ring’, ‘no more putting out until were engaged’, what do you do. If you drop back too much you’ll be under too much pressure and might cave or worse yet drop the ball and whoops, you got 9 months to get married now. You can run but that is only so good. So what you do is lull them in, make them think they’ve got you then hit them with the screen pass... birthday present – fishing pole, Christmas – fake promise ring (what was I thinking).

Oh yeah, weekend pics... Ocho cinco did as I predicted get his first TD last week. This week he’s back on the bench along with the rest of the Bengals, Dallas is mad and Cincy doesn’t have a qb. After TO had his vent session you gotta believe he’ll see some balls thrown his way, but what about this Miles Austin guy? He’s a start in deeper leagues for sure.

And this picture is just too good not to post.

Photo from

The Raiders after starting the week off on a high they inevitably falter in the last quarter and end up losing going into the bye week. The offensive coordinator is then put on notice, and told any day your going to get fired and I’ll drink your blood.