Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Post With No Name That Haunts Your Dreams

Oh wait, it's just me.

Duly noted.

San Diego 14 @ Buffalo 23 – Norv, I’m not sure what Scott Linehan, Mike Nolan and Lane Kiffin are up to these days but maybe you want to give them a call? You’re going to need a Sunday support group before too long.

New Orleans 7 @ Carolina 30 – New Orleans… I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. We’re through. I’ve been wishing nothing but the best for you over the last three years, but you make a fool of me time and time again. So I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore. Sure I might keep your number in my phone and call you late at night sometime – lonely, tired and needing some fantasy football players. But this just isn’t working.

Minnesota 41 @ Chicago 48 – How many different way could I have been wrong about this game? How did those two offenses score that many points on those two defenses? I suppose if the league were entirely predictable there would be no reason to watch anymore.

Pittsburgh 38 @ Cincinnati 10 – Keith Rivers’ jaw? Meet Hines Ward.

Tennessee 34 @ Kansas City 10 – The time has come to load up a dump truck with crisp $100 bills, drive it to Bill Cowher’s house and dump it on his driveway. The Kansas City franchise is becoming a disgrace – how do you let LenDale White score untouched on an 80-yard run? He was eating a hoagie as he was running down the field for goodness sake. And Brodie Croyle as the quarterback of the future? How’s that working out? In the 12 games he’s played as a professional, he’s been knocked out of 4 of them with injury. The only silver lining about his latest injury is that he’s done for the year… and probably forever as a Chief.

Baltimore 27 @ Miami 13 – Miami did beat New England this year, right? In New England? I didn’t just dream that? I wonder where that team went.

San Francisco 17 @ NY Giants 29 – Sorry Mike, your snappy suits just aren’t enough to keep you around here anymore. We found a new Mike to fill in for you.

Dallas 14 @ St Louis 34 – It’s starting to look like drafting Steven Jackson at #5 in my fantasy draft wasn’t such a bad decision after all. And they scoffed at me when I passed on Joseph Addai. Of course, on the flip side – I also have Terrell Owens. Try relying on Brad Johnson to win fantasy games – not a good experience I assure you.

Detroit 21 @ Houston 28 – I was visibly upset when no Detroit quarterback inadvertently ran out of the back of the endzone this week. That’s easily my Play of Year so far – obviously, as I can’t stop talking about it. In fact:

I’m going to be like Kornheiser and the Trampoline Bear with this video.

Indianapolis 14 @ Green Bay 34 – In my defense, I thought this game was being played in Indy when I picked the games on Friday. In hindsight, I don’t think it would have made any difference if I had known. Indy is finished. (Of course, now they’re going 11-5)

NY Jets 13 @ Oakland 16 – Remember when I said the Jets could get to 10 wins this season? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Although Kansas City this week will help.

Cleveland 11 @ Washington 14 – Most boring game of the season or most boring game of the season?

Seattle 10 @ Tampa Bay 20 – Did you know Starbucks was founded in Seattle?

Denver 7 @ New England 41 – Wow, Denver has now decided to field a high school football apparently (as evidenced by the fact that Kansas City beat them). Their tackling last night was just embarrassing. They have better tackling at cricket matches for crying out loud:


Trebor said...

This was a terrible week..especially fantasy wise. In the one league I had the Minny Defense... 48 points what the hell. Then the guy I'm playing has Lendal 'marashmellow' white...Damm CHEFS...he's like 300 pounds I understand him getting like a 1 yard plunge but 80 yards runs ????

and no CHEFS was not a typo that is who they are to me, it will be awhile before they regain their chief status. Except for gonzo..who I feel sorry for there was a deal to Green Bay for a 4th round pick, then 5 minutes before the deadline KC says no we want a 3rd round pick now. Let the guy go .....

Napoleon in Rags said...

You know that dumptruck full of crisp $100 bills I mentioned earlier? Instead of going straight to Bill Cowher - make one stop first. Go to your local bookie's house and give him every cent you have and bet against the Chiefs on Sunday.

In case you weren't as obsessed as I am, the Chiefs best quarterback (not saying much) Damon Huard is now out for the season. So to fill the huge gap at quarterback, the Chiefs went out and signed... wait for it - Quinn Gray. Shoot me in the face.

For those scoring at home, the Chiefs quarterback depth chart now reads: Tyler Thigpen, Ingle Martin and Quinn Gray. Those names sound like the lead tenors for the Christmas pagent at Radio City Music Hall - NOT the 3 quarterbacks of an NFL team.

Seriously, bet every cent you own against this team. And if you don't have any cents of your own, rob somebody and bet theirs. (Of course pay them back afterwards - Sports As Life does not advocate robbery... unless pies are involved)

And did I mention that 7 attempts for 4 yards Larry Johnson is going to sit again this weekend. You'll never guess what he did this time? That's right studio audience - he assaulted another woman at a nightclub. This time spitting a drink in her face, and I believe threatening to kill her boyfriend.

Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards, you guys might as well go ahead and get the restraining orders right now - because if I ever get close to you two... no, no - I don't want to ruin the surprise.

/end rant

Trebor said...

I certianly wouldn't bet agisnt the Chefs this week... they play the JETS... who just lost to the raiders. And if it is at arrowhead..i'm seriously thinkng that the Chefs might win this one, taking them further out of the #1 draft spot.

Napoleon in Rags said...


/strokes out

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