Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Further Adventures of Coach Lebowski

The waiting limo's back door is flung open. The Bishop is shoved in and awkwardly takes a seat facing the rear. The door is slammed behind him.

Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum!

We've been frantically trying to reach you, Bishop.

Brandt sits catty-corner from the Bishop; directly across from the Bishop is Coach Lebowski, a comforter across his knees.

Where's my g*ddamn offence, you bum?!

Well we--I don't--

They did not receive the ball, you nitwit! They did not receive the g*ddamn ball. OUR OFFENCE WAS IN YOUR HANDS!

This is our concern, Bishop.

No, man, nothing is f*cked here--


Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well, I finally got to watch some football and it was a frustrating day, as you may have gotten from my post last week. Speaking of that post, CH was asking about QB’s and it’s such a great question. If there were another draft held today, look at the different top positions:

Top 10 WR's - still pretty much the same except for Moss and Colston, both due to injury. Holt is really the only one I can think of that’s been a big disappointment.
Top 10 RB's - maybe Willie Parker moves into the top but even Steven Jackson is still putting up decent numbers - maybe not top 10 but not a big bust.
Top 10 QB's - here’s where the fun begins. This year in all my drafts I waited until the later rounds to pick up my QB. I got Warner in most of my leagues and he’s worked out not bad. But if you selected a top 10 projected QB, how are you feeling now? Anderson is close to losing his job, Palmer might turn things around, Big Ben is hurt and struggling, Brady is out. Hasselbeck and Bulger have done nothing and to some degree Peyton has been a disappointment.

So that’s what - 7 out of 10?? Not good. Instead your top qb’s are Rivers, Cutler, Warner and Rodgers, many of them selected for a teams #2 qb.

Now with the bye week, the Manning bros’ are sitting so teams may be looking for a qb right now, and there should be some guys still on Waivers. As I said there in my post, there are some options out there - JTO, Edwards, Campbell... maybe even Griese (though I’d wait a couple weeks before proclaiming him a top qb).

If you have a top qb maybe look at moving him for. I just traded Warner in 1 league away for Schaub. There were a few other players involved but sell high, buy low. Schaub may lose his job but if he makes it through this week his schedule gets more favorable. I also have rivers as my other qb so I'm not too worried. But the thing here is that the qb position is up and down, people are losing jobs and maybe Trent Green, Gus Ferotte or Brady Quinn become top guys, so get strong at the other positions and try and find a serviceable qb.

When you're looking, look ahead see what games are coming up. Make sure that you don’t get 2 with the same bye or have difficult mathcups the same week. When it comes to Sunday play your best match ups, sitting Mcnabb for Edwards this week might be a great move. Edwards may not be the best but playing against St. Louis… the only thing stopping him from throwing 2-3 td’s is Lynch just running it in all the time.

Anyway last week, my pat on the shoulder pick... sit Delhomme against a weak Minny pass def… he threw for what 129 yds no td’s. LJ was so close, tuning in mid way threw the 3rd quarter he had done nothing. However, I didn’t know the KC was that bad... LJ got his points in garbage time cause Atla. didn’t care they crushed them. Again the sits were pretty bang on. The starts ??? where did Kevin jones go in Detroit?? I still don’t know. How can Bryant Johnson the #1 wr in SF only get 2 catches against Detroit???.

I’ll start off with who to start, see if that changes things.

How about Robert Meacham? Colston is out, Shockey is out, General Patten might be out. Brees can only throw swing passes to Bush so much, so it’s either Meacham or Henderson...
Dwayne Bowe – yes he plays for the Chiefs, but Denver seems to have a terrible defense so…
Josh Reed – he gets targets a lot and is playing against the Rams, plus Parrish is out so he’s the unquestioned #2 guy.
Ocho Cinco – he’s done nothing but I think it’s a shootout game and he’s gonna get his TD this week.

Delhomme – last week I said sit, this week start. Smith in his 2nd game back against Atla. I’m believing that KC is that bad and not Atla not that good.

I already mentioned Edwards and JTO… so that’s enough qb’s

Jacksonville duo – last week they came out finally, this week they play Houston they should both put up solid numbers.

John Stewart – he seems to be the goaline back so he should see lots of work this week.

Chris Perry – hopefully Cincy has turned things around and being the starting back in that offense should help.


Lendal 'Marshmallow' White – he’s been getting the TD’s and been a serviceable #2 back, however against Minny he wont get many chances.

Thomas Jones - he started off great but has fallen off, even if Favre is a bit banged up he’s not going to hand the ball off so I would consider him a #3.

Westbrook and Willie Parker are out, should you start their back-ups??? Buckhalter yeah, Mendenhall no - stay away from this guy. He may have a great game but he’s up against Baltimore and his fumblitis kept him off the field for the most part… too many negatives.

Antonio Bryant – here’s my far out pick... he had something like 18 receptions last week, and GB defense isn’t the greatest but I’m thinking they’ll cover this guy a bit better this week.

Hines Ward – he’s been doing pretty good, but I’m just enjoying the downfall of the Steelers so much… Baltimore is going to pester Big Ben all night and I don’t think he’s healthy, so Ward may see a lot of targets but nothing big.

Tory Holt – this is an easy one, no one is thinking that Trent Green is the answer and Holt wasn’t doing anything before so…

Big Ben – as mentioned before
Garrard – they’ll run he ball too easily, plus he’s struggling thus far
Derek Anderson – I think this might be the last week we see him, onto the Brady era. It’s too bad stone hands Edwards and Winslow haven’t helped and their matchup have been tough. This week on paper easy game but things don’t look good.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team


See people, this is why I stay up late - to give you all the timely sports news. Lowly and unranked Oregon State has just upset mighty, #1 ranked USC in what was a fantastic game and the first big upset of the season. CFL teams, get Jacquizz Rodgers on your negotiation list right now - he's all kinds of talented but he'll be too small to play in the NFL. And as luck would have it - here's Coach Cooper with your weekly dose of coed T&A.

Another week, another set of mediocre picks. I went 3 – 2 for the second straight week, I am hoping to at least get 4 correct picks this week. Did anyone else happen to watch the Georgia - Arizona St game last Saturday night? If you didn’t you missed an absolutely ridiculous play by Georgia RB Knowshon Moreno.

ABC also showed a high school clip of Georgia freshman wide out AJ Green making an outstanding one-handed grab.

At the present time he would be by far the best receiver on the Riders.

(ED. NOTE - I'm including the video of this catch from last weekend too, because it's equally as ridiculous as the above catch.)

Speaking of picks did anyone else out there have the Patriots completely F you and your Pro–Line?

Ok... on to this weeks picks. I would like to thank those of you who sent in suggestions for pictures. Keep sending them in and I will use them to the best of my ability.

Tennessee (1-2) @ #15 Auburn (3–1): The first of 2 SEC match-ups previewed here this weekend. Both teams are coming off loses at home last weekend. Tennessee however, showed more of an ugly side, both on the field and in the stands as seen here:

Auburn comes into game still looking good, even after a loss at home:

The obvious pick here is the Auburn Tigers.

#9 Wisconsin (3-0) @ Michigan (1-2): I wish I could use the pictures from the Playboy piece profiling the girls of the Big 10 and their respective teams in this match-up. Sadly this is no site for images like that. Going by Playboy this game should end in a 49 – 49 tie.

I have scowered google and sadly this is what Wisconsin is bringing to the table:

Speaking of table it appears these girls didn’t know when to push away from the table soon enough. (Yes, that is a fat joke) In a state known for brats and beer maybe this is the best they have to offer.

Michigan counters with this:

(ED. NOTE - Cooper had a joke written here about dogs and bitches, but I couldn't get the corresponding picture to work. So I went with this one. Apologies.)

I’ll take the Badgers of Wisconsin in this one.

#8 Alabama (4-0) @ #3 Georgia (4-0): This is the best game all weekend. I pray to the ghost of Bear Bryant it is televised here. It will be all defense, a very close game. I would play the tie on Pro-line with this one. Alabama rolls into Georgia with these fine beauties:

And this:

ED. NOTE - I'm linking to this picture because it's boarderline NSFW. Enjoy at your own risk at work - click here.

Georgia has home-field advantage with this:

And this:

Very close game indeed. I have to go with instinct with this pick and my instinct is telling me Roll Tide!

Virginia Tech (3-1) @ Nebraska (3 –0): First of all what the F this is?

I happened to find it in my research. Here is what passes for V-Tech cheerleaders:

The Cornhuskers counter with this:

And this:

I’ll take Nebraska in this one. It will be close; I am leaning towards the Pro-Line tie on this one.

And finally time to brown bag it and pick my Brown Bag Special of the Week. Notre Dame makes a second straight appearance with their match-up against Purdue this weekend.

Purdue (2-1) @ Notre Dame (2-1): Not the ugliest match-up on the Pro-Line ticket this weekend but who wants to read about New Mexico and New Mexico St. Purdue has these lovely fans:


Notre Dame yet again is represented by my favorite girl in the world:

I’ll go with the smart pick and take the Boilermakers

Keep the pictures coming everyone -

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well anther week where I missed all the games because of softball in the afternoon and soccer in the evening - 1 day I’ll watch a game and hopefully it’s not Seattle, St Louis, Cleveland or Cincy playing - oh yeah, Oaktown and KC are on that list too.
My recommended sits were bang on last week, the greatest of them was going against the the grain and the experts. Favre against a weak NE secondary... he’ll put up big numbers. Nope. Ryan Grant going against the Lions... big numbers. Nope. It helps that he got hurt but he was on the injury report and yet people were still giving him the must start status, not this guy though.

The starts were a different story, though. Looking at some of the scores in my fantasy leagues there were no big time players. Warner and Rivers were top notch, as were their receivers. But again your not going to sit Fitzgerald or Boldin. It’s the guys you pick up in the later rounds that you have the decision to make about and none of those guys put up numbers this week.

On to week 3 and I’m dialing this one in, not sure what that means but I’m assuming it means I’m going to be lazy this with this week's picks.

Braylon Edwards – wow hands of stone, he also plays for 1 of the teams that should be good but aren’t. That is Cleveland/Cincy. I’d consider Braylon or even Housh, like a #3wr. The other awful teams… St. Louis, Oaktown, KC, Seattle were never expected to be good so them sucking isn’t a big surprise.
Chris Chambers – he’s a top 10 wr right now so this may be a tough one though all of his points have come from like 5 catches… and this week the Jets may shut him down.
Santonio Holmes – he hasn’t been great this year and with a tough matchup this week I don’t see big ben and his big shoulder throwing the ball deep, which is where Holmes gets his catches.

Don’t say LJ don’t say LJ…
LJ - he’s been his typical awful self in the beginning of the season and now he’s complaining about how many touches he gets. This week looks like a great match up for him. Though he’s got Thigpen is in... who’s that? Do you think Atlanta will be stacking the line??? Either way, he’s my breakout/bust player… he’ll either post ridiculous numbers or terrible - no in between for this game.
Well if LJ is on there I might as well put LT on here too. Is he going to play??? Will he be any good?? The Jets may not be the best but if he’s hurt and with a competent backup he may lose some carries this week. Consider him a decent #2 rb, so your probably not going to bench him but there is definitely better options out there. But I would consider sitting him if say, Kevin or Julius Jones were my #3 back.

As with every previous week all Houston, Cincy, Cleveland rb’s should be benched... and this week Carolina rb’s can be added too

Matt Shaub – I liked this guy going into the season but the mess in the backfield along with the seemingly unmovable Titans' defense makes me believe he’ll be sacked 10 times and forced to heave some balls.
Jake Delhomme – this is a risky pick cause Minny sucks against the pass, but they held Peyton for like 3 quarters, sure he ended up with 300+ yds but most came near the end.

I’m broadening this to guys that may be on the waiver wire that if you have room you should scoop up.

JTO - too lazy to see how to spell his name, but he plays the Lions this week, so book it.
Cassel – he may be no Brady but he’s going against the Dolphins and guess what Dolphin made a prediction? I wonder how Parcells reacted to that??
Hasselback- who’s he throwing to??? He plays the Rams at home so it should be good. NOTE* this week in the one league I will be starting Courtney Taylor and Koren Robinson. The Rams defense better not show up this week.

Fred Jackson – last week I wouldn’t have known who you were talking about. He’s Lynch’s backup so not a lot of work but he gets catches and runs and plays Oakland... consider him a solid #3 rb.
Darren Sproles – probably not available anymore but if you own LT... get this guy now. He probably doesn’t start this week but even if he doesn’t LT's workload may be decreasing.
Michael Bush – even if Mcfadden does start Bush will get 10-15 carries and he can always break a long one. Probably a low end #3 rb this week.
Kevin Jones - gets to play against SF in what will be a shootout.
Julius Jones – should see lots of action against a bad defense.

John Carlson – yeah he’s actually a TE but he’ll get lots of looks from Hasselbeck in St. Louis
General David Patten – Last week against the Editor, I picked up Devrey Henderson because Brees throws the ball, well that didn’t work out to well - he either does great or nothing. Patten however should see double digit targets so ppr leagues he’s a strong #3.
Desean ‘TD’ Jacskon – Luckily in the league that I have him I also have Westbrook so no harm no foul. Anyway back to to back 100+ yrd games... that’s a good sign, though he is playing a tough Steeler defense.
Bryant Johnson - really him or Isaac Bruce could be considered #2 wr this week with a favorable matchup.

Something key next week, you have the beginning of the bye weeks… Lions, Colts, Patriots, Giants, Seahwaks. So there a few key players going to be sitting - best to start looking at the waivers early.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It appears that I got off to a rocky start last week, only correctly predicting 3 of 5 games. Hopefully I can run the table this weekend. My extensive research which consists of my accessing pictures on Google with the search criteria being “said university frat girls”, or “said university cheerleaders”, and “said university hot chick”. I have come up with the following evidence to support my claims this week. If you have any pictures you would like to share by all means submit them for approval.

#18 Wake Forest (2-0) @ #24 Florida St (2-0): This game pits the girls from a southern Christian school and against the girls of a Florida party school. Should be no contest right? Here is the evidence that I am faced with. Wake Forest, located somewhere in North Carolina has this:

While Florida state has these two:

The visual evidence tells me Florida State wins this game hands down however I hear that Christian girls are all about embracing the Holy Trinity. That’s just too good to pass up.

Give me the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest by a field goal.

#6 LSU (2-0) @ #10 Auburn (3-0): This is the first of two battles between SEC rivals this weekend. The SEC is chalk full of gorgeous southern belles. I automatically look to play the tie in this one on Pro-Line. However, I am forced to choose a winner. The LSU Tigers are representing this weekend by these fine young ladies:

Where as the Tigers of Auburn counter with this:

Like I said this game is close, all defense, no offense. If you have not heard, Auburn defeated Mississippi St last week 3 – 2. Yes you read that correctly - a field goal held on to win against a safety. What no rouge?

I am going against my better judgment and going with Auburn in this one.

Arizona (2-1) @ UCLA (1-1): In the words of the fine American linguist Emmitt Smith, both teams “got debacled” last weekend. UCLA lost by an incredible 56 to BYU. A Mormon school people - C’Mon! My vast research on the frat girls of Arizona leads me to believe that the good looking women flock to Arizona St:

I guess she must really like “A”

UCLA gives us this:

I swear that when UCLA and USC meet up the shear volume of attractive women in one stadium will create giant black hole and the earth slowly implode in on itself.

UCLA wins

#4 Florida (2-0) @ Tennessee (1-1): Here is the second SEC battle of the weekend. Florida as you would think is well represented coming into this game:

And this:

(Note: that is Florida QB and Heisman winner Tim Tebow and his alleged girlfriend)

Tennessee give us this:

I use the picture with the old lady in it to show how little I think Tennessee will win this game. I will go with Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and the great women of Florida in this one.

Notre Dame (2-0) @ Michigan St (2-1): I am torn between what to call this game, I have come up with “The Dogs of the Week”, or “Brown Bag Special”. Either way it will be a weekly pick. Notre Dame located in Indiana, and Michigan St located in, well if I need to tell you, just forget it. I don’t imagine either state is a breeding ground for anything more than your typical “Sara plain and talls”. Notre Dame comes into this game represented yet again by her:

While Michigan St counters with her:


Michigan St is at home in this game so I will give them the nod.

ED. NOTE - If you have any picture suggestions, send them to:

Friday, September 12, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 2 in the NFL

I Predict a Riot was on hiatus last week as I was desperately trying to finish the 32 Teams in 30-Some Days. As such, I apologize for the lack of football picks last week - however, judging by who I wagered on you were better off without what I had to say anyway.

And if you must know, I've been on holiday this week - thus the lack of posts. But we've had three today, so if you missed Cooper and Trebor's posts scroll down for much hilarity and T&A. If this is what you had to look at all day, would you want to be in front of a computer?

On to the games...

Chicago @ Carolina
Soooo... after Week 1 this looks like a potential NFC Championship match up? I'm not sure if I'm ready to buy that just yet. But even if it pains me to say, I'm buying Chicago more than I'm buying Carolina. I watched that Sunday night game and Bears look like a team you don't want to play right now. Even the Neckbeard looked competent. And Matt Forte ran up and down Indianapolis. I'm sticking with the Bears until further notice.
Winner - Chicago

Tennessee @ Cincinnati
Vince Young suddenly going around the bend might be the best thing to happen to Tennessee this year - even if that means Kerry Collins leading the way for the Titans. I still have no remorse about feeling pure joy about Tom Brady getting injured, but I do feel bad about Young's situation. Some people just aren't equipped to handle the pressure of being a pro athlete and I hope he gets the help he needs. I think Cincinnati needs a little help too - actually they probably need more than Young does. This is just a team in shambles and look like they might be a top-5 draft team next year. It doesn't matter who's playing quarterback for Tennessee, they're going to run all over the Bengals.
Winner - Tennessee

Green Bay @ Detroit
You know what's really sad? Because of Detroit, Matt Ryan now has more career wins (WITH ONE!) than does the Chiefs' Brodie Croyle. Did I mention that Ryan has played one game and Croyle has been in the league 3 years. I honestly thought Detroit might be a little bit better on defence this year than they were last. That, it appears, isn't the case. Detroit still puts up big numbers through the air but it's only because they're always so far behind. Green Bay looks like they haven't lost too much from last year and they should role in this one.
Winner - Green Bay

Buffalo @ Jacksonville
Well it only took one week for Jacksonville to lose it's lustre didn't it? That sure didn't take long. Tennessee was a stout challenge to be sure - but Buffalo is no pushover either. The Bills are much improved, as Seattle found out last weekend. With seemingly no healthy offensive linemen, I'm going against Jacksonville until they show they can actually win.
Winner - Buffalo

Oakland @ Kansas City
Someone's gotta win this game right? The sad thing is, I don't think it's going to be Kansas City. As bad as the Raiders looked on Monday, I think they've got more upside than the Chiefs. Darren McFadden and JaMarcus Russell looked solid when they're offensive line was able to remain upright, which didn't seem like was that often. And what happened to that vaunted Raiders pass defence? Luckily for Oakland, Kansas City doesn't have much of a passing game to speak of. But as much as I like bringing down the Chiefs, they were one Dwayne Bowe drop in the endzone away from taking the Patriots to overtime. As a Chiefs fan, I think I speak for us all when I say - WE WANT TIM TEBOW!! WE WANT TIM TEBOW!!
Winner - Oakland (even though, by all accounts, the team is ready to implode)

Indianapolis @ Minnesota
Yes, the Vikings lost last week and Tarvaris Jackson only completed a pass or two in the first half, I'm still not writing him off. In the second half, when the Vikings' coaches let him off the leash a little bit he looked like he could move the ball. And Indy... yikes, what happened there? Peyton better hope that knee gets better soon... and Jeff Saturday's too. And Marvin Harrison should probably just stop shooting at people all together. I think Indy will be fine in the long run, they're just shaking off a little rust.
Winner - Indianapolis

New York Giants @ St. Louis
The only reason St. Louis is relevant at all is in the race for the number 1 overall pick in next year's draft. And for this reason, I'm rooting for them to win a game or two so that Kansas City can lockup that first overall selection. Rams coach Scott Linehan might be looking for a new job by Thanksgiving - Canadian, not American.
Winner - New York

New Orleans @ Washington
Do you think it's possible that Washington might fire their first year head coach before the season is over? I think it's more likely today than it was 2 weeks ago. Washington looked totally inept last Thursday. What I'm getting out of this is that hiring someone with absolutely no head coaching experience is probably not a good thing? New Orleans lost their #1 receiver for at least a month, however they should still have the offence to get by Washington. They'll probably only need a field goal to beat the Redskins - and I'm not saying they'll beat Washington by 3, they'll only need 3 points to win.
Winner - New Orleans

San Francisco @ Seattle
Little known fact - I tried out to play wide receiver for the Seahawks this week. Such was their need that a slow, slightly overweight white guy with slightly above-average height was given a shot. I think my downfall was that tried out in jeans and I was wearing my glasses. That's not true at all - they asked but I would never play for Seattle.
Winner - San Francisco

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
I think things are going to be a little more difficult for Matt Ryan this week than last. I don't think Tampa's all that good - but they'll surely be more rigid than Detroit. Which isn't saying much because watered-down Jello is more rigid than Detroit's defence. And what's the deal with Tampa and their quarterbacks? Is Jeff Garcia actually hurt? Or is Jon Gruden just jerking him around or what? Actually, you know what - on second thought, don't answer me. I don't care.
Winner - Tampa Bay

Miami @ Arizona
Ugh, thankfully this game is not going to be on network TV - at least I hope not. Games like this are an advertisement AGAINST Sunday Ticket - there are some games I just don't need to see each week. It's looking more and more like Arizon might be the team to come out of the NFC West this season. If that happens, Matt Leinart is going to score so many coeds from ASU he'll go through more antibiotics than the Red Cross.
Winner - Arizona

San Diego @ Denver
I refuse to believe that Denver is any good. I WON'T AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!! I know as a Chiefs' fan I'm instinctively supposed to hate the Raiders, but my loathing is focused on Denver. I hate that team and their smug coach like poison. San Diego won't be as good as people thought, but they should prove to be a tougher challenge than Oakland was on Monday night. Shawne Merriman finally decided he should have his knee ligaments reattached and now LDT is questionable for the game. The Chargers will still win though - right, RIGHT!?!?!?
Winner - San Diego

New England @ New York Jets
I know the chosen one has gone down but I'm still not believing that the Patriots are done until they're done. They always have a way of coming through when people have counted them out. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. This is going to turn into one of those Cinderella stories and the Patriots are going to storm back and win the Super Bowl again somehow. REVERSE JINX! REVERSE JINX! Matt Cassell might be serviceable at quarterback but the problem for New England was always going to be defence. I'm pretty sure Tom Brady didn't play defensive back for them, so his injury doesn't really change things all that much. Good teams don't let Kansas City hang around like that.
Winner - New York

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
Cleveland looks like they bought into their own hype. This is a team that's going to be on prime time a half-dozen times, oh hooray. I can't wait to see them get blown out all season long. I'm glad I jumped on the Cleveland hater bandwagon early.
Winner - Pittsburgh

Philadelphia @ Dallas
This should be the game of the week and it's in prime time on Monday night. I don't know if there's anything I enjoy more than Monday Night Football. Sure it's great to sprawl out on the couch on a Sunday in various states of dress with remnants of various junk foods strewn about. But to come home Monday night after a long day at work and there's football on! That's just about the best thing ever. And this one shouldn't disappoint. Both teams are coming off huge offensive week 1's - and this game should be a shootout.
Winner - Dallas

Baltimore @ Houston
This game is going to be on Monday night as well due to one of the various hurricanes that's currently moving toward Texas. Did you know that Joe Flacco also has more career wins than Brodie Croyle, after ONE GAME! Baltimore might be the only challenger to Pittsburgh in the AFC North this year.
Winner - Baltimore

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well I didn’t see one game this past Sunday because of Ultimate Frisbee and a movie called Traitor. Looks like I missed a bunch injuries to QB’s – Vince Young, Brodie Croyle. RB’s- Joe Addai. TE – Dallas Clark, Antonio Gates. WR - Marques Colston… oh yeah and god (Tom Brady). So there will be some moves on the waiver wire for sure, and maybe people won't play guys who are literally sitting on the bench. It’s the first week so it can happen but come on…

So when your right 50% of the time your wrong 50% of the time. Turns out WR’s suck - really really suck. The 2 guys I said to watch for - Bruce and Gaffney both 0 catches. I started Bruce in 1 league… luckily it wasn’t a difference maker. Gaffney has now been cut by all my teams. I did mention that St Louis was going to suck but I didn’t know it would be that bad, with both Jackson and Holt doing arguably nothing (7 and 1 pts respectively).

In my 16 team league I picked up Colston and TJ and I was thinking I did not bad… well 5 points combined is… something… right. Instead, if you took any Philly WR you were laughing.

There were a couple of big performers - Eddie Royal and Hines Ketchup (2 td’s), though talking about Pittsburgh brings up everyone's breakout candidate Santonio Holmes, who did nothing…

Anyway back to the picks… I said stay away from Seattle players and well that was a good call. On the other recommendation the RB tandems out there had mixed reviews. Both Tennessee backs (Johnson and White) got TD’s, so not bad. Though I still don’t know who to sit/start there. In Carolina, Deangelo Williams is obviously the favorite getting 8 more attempts in the game but 9 points is not starting RB numbers.

Indy players – I missed the game but wow what happened Peyton? Did you go out celebrating after hearing Brady’s out.
Warner - he did alright, but the expectations weren’t for Hightower to get td’s.
Cutler – the one game I get to watch in week 1 and it’s that!!! TH, how are they even called an NFL team. Another reason Warner made this list is cause I started him over Rivers and ended up losing by 5 points to the guy who had Cutler the anger is still with me. Come on I thought Oaktown had a secondary??? then there’s the QB... when it’s 41-7 you should be able to move the ball… another topic I guess.

Seattle/St Louis players - Warner will lead the Cards to the divison title, or maybe O'Sullivan will, what a bad division.
Favre/Pennington - true they didn’t do much better than Warner but they were better than the middle of pack.
Houston/Carolina RB’s - committee situations suck.
Oakland RB’s – Fargas did alright, Mcfadden... ha. All those people who took him in the 2-3rd round. In the future all Oakland players might join all Seattle players on the sit list.
Delhomme – he did get the last second TD, but that wasn’t enough to call it a good game.
TE’s- they had a huge week though Utect and Keller didn’t get as much Fasano did, as well as many other TE’s.

Week 2:

– Maroney - almost want to say all New England players, but Maroney for sure. He may get more carries with Cassel, but I’d rather take a flier on Sammy Morris. He gets the goaline work and even last year he was the better RB until he got hurt in week 6.

- Chris Perry/Jamal Lewis - both could be good but their offenses are in shambles right now. So either of them as a #3 rb, but nothing better.

- MJD/Fragile Fred - committee situation and they are also missing 3 starting O-lineman.

- Ryan Grant – this may be an odd one, cause of what Turner did last week. Detroit’s head coach came in saying they were going to run the ball more and stop the run. I think they’ll focus on stopping the run, plus Grant is banged up and might lose carries to Jackson.

Favre – the winning TD was the classic Favre, heave and hope. NE has a better defence. And the little general I think will have his team motivated to go out there and have the defence win a game.

Anderson/Palmer - they play tough defenses and both look rusty. These 2 were probably picked up as #1 QB’s, but hopefully you got a solid #2

Hank Baskett – If you're in bigger leagues this guy has probably come off the waivers… he may turn out good, but in last week's game he only had 2 catches. Yes he did break 1 tackle and get 90 + yds and a TD, but Mcnabb obviously isn’t looking his way often.

Roddy White – It looks like Atlanta is going to be a running team and also playing against a tough backfield in Tampa. People were high on him saying look what he did last year with Harrington/Leftwich/Redman… how can he do worse? We may see.

It’s close to the point where I wouldn’t start any Oakland/Seattle/St Louis player. However, Fargas is going to get more carries in Oaktown and he might be good for a score this week. As well, Double J (Julius Jones) lost his partner in the backfield so he gets the ball to himself so maybe he’ll do something with it. Both could put up #2 RB numbers.

Eli Manning – he plays St Louis.
Kerry Collins – it’s hard to think he’ll do worse that Young, he also gets a great match-up in Cincinnati.

Aaron Rodgers – a penalty kept him form having a great game last week, this week Detroit will help.

Bowe – unless last week was a hiccup for Oakland Bowe should go to town. Last year almost all of Bowe’s TD’s came from Huard not Croyle so something to think about.

Matt Jones – shudder, this guy is talked about every year, and for the past 3 years he’s been a bust. This year though he was the most targeted through preseason and in game 1 so I’m giving him a shot.

Steve Smith - not Carolina but New York… maybe even Toomer. St Louis looks terrible and no one would think about sitting Plaxico, but consider these guys as fliers.

You have to like Fasano in Miami and possibly Martin. I’m sure I heard something this week about the majority of noodle arms passes being thrown to TE’s and the RB’s.

LJ Smith – I didn’t know that he was back, he seems to be hurt a lot but I think he’s a target for when they get inside the 20 so he might be able to get a TD.

Shockey – I think he’ll benefit the most with Colston being out, the other wr’s might step up but they are #2-#3 wr’s with not much consistency.

Something that worries me... My girlfriend Jessica opened her mouth which is usually a good thing, but not this time. Last year the Jessica jinx came in when they played Philly at home and lost. This year she started making comments and I would consider sitting Romo if I had a solid backup. Philly has a great pass rush and he could put up a stinker on Monday night.

Coach Cooper Loves the College Football... and Hates Your Team

Yes folks, Cooper is back for another year of marginal football picks and thinly-disguised sexual innuendo. Actually, it's probably not disguised at all.

So it looks like I have signed myself back up for another season of college football prognostication. Granted I have missed the first 2 weeks of the season, but outside of the rare upset, most games in the first 2 weeks are pretty lame. If you need me to tell you that Oklahoma will beat Chattanooga or that West Virginia will beat East Carolina then maybe college football isn’t your thing.

What’s that you say?

West Virginia lost to East Carolina? There’s an East Carolina now? Is that somewhere in the proximity of the New Mexico? Last season I employed a few different methods to making picks, none of which provided great results. I was thinking of using the mascot method again this year, however I remembered a suggestion made to me late last season by a reader - I believe it was one of the H’s. The suggestion was that I pick the winner based on what school has the hottest on campus females. With that idea in mind - a mind currently under the influence of Crown Royal and Royal Crown (RC) Cola - I give you the first college picks of 2008, granted in week 3.

Note: Due to 2 double Crown and RC's there may be some unbelievable upset picks. I am told my beer goggles are quite bad.

Last season I mainly picked games that would appear on Pro-line so that maybe some of you could win some cash like myself. I won just over a grand last season spread over 4 different winning weekends. However, the first 2 weeks as well as this week's Pro-line have some real dogs for games (Ex #60 San Diego St @ San Jose St). So keeping that in mind I may throw in some non Pro-line games.

#13 Kansas (2-0) @ #19 South Florida (2-0): Friday night’s main event features two of the most surprising teams from last year. Last time coach Mangina, I mean Mancow, sorry Mangino, took his Jayhawks to the state of Florida they beat V-Tech in the Orange Bowl. Ok enough actual football talk. Based on the limited research I have done on this game I give the nod to the Kansas Jayhawks. This game will be close, I would even go for the tie on Pro-line with this game, a late field goal will win it. I am basing this on the following evidence. Judge for yourself. In my eyes the Kansas beast on the left brings down the other two girls making it close.

Bullish indeed.

#16 Oregon (2-0) @ Purdue (1-0): I ponder the following questions. Is it possible for the state of Indiana to produce attractive women? Is it possible for the state of Oregon to produce attractive women who are not granola eating, tambourine beating hippie lumberjacks? Well based on my research I strongly believe the winner of this game will be Oregon, Oregon, OREGON!

#2 Georgia (2-0) @ South Carolina (1-1): Lordy I love the women of the SEC. Nothing beats the beauty of the southern belles. Hey TH, Roll Tide! Ha, ha, ha. Roll Tide indeed. Georgia wins this game based solely on talent on the field alone. As for the match up between southern belles it is a dead heat, South Carolina may even have the edge. Judge for yourself

Damn that chick is hot!! I know the shirt adds to the hotness, but damn!

By the way if you are not aware the Gamecocks QB is Chris Smelley. Hence the reason for this hilarious shirt:

Michigan (1-1) @ Notre Dame (1-0): This used to be a marquee match up. However, both these teams in the past 2 years have been reduced to rubble. Here is the evidence I am faced with in choosing a winner.

Notre Dame had this:

Don’t forget D-Bob’s (John Favreau) girlfriend in Rudy

Michigan has this:

By the way I recently received the newest issue of Playboy, which just happens to have a piece on the hottest women of the Big 10. I suggest you check it out!

#5 Ohio St (2-0) @ #1 USC (1-0): Ohio State does have some nice representation in the Playboy, however we are talking USC here people. The University of Southern California. Based is Los Angeles. The proof is in the pudding:

USC Trojans win and win big. To hell with Beanie Wells.