Friday, September 12, 2008

Coach Cooper Loves the College Football... and Hates Your Team

Yes folks, Cooper is back for another year of marginal football picks and thinly-disguised sexual innuendo. Actually, it's probably not disguised at all.

So it looks like I have signed myself back up for another season of college football prognostication. Granted I have missed the first 2 weeks of the season, but outside of the rare upset, most games in the first 2 weeks are pretty lame. If you need me to tell you that Oklahoma will beat Chattanooga or that West Virginia will beat East Carolina then maybe college football isn’t your thing.

What’s that you say?

West Virginia lost to East Carolina? There’s an East Carolina now? Is that somewhere in the proximity of the New Mexico? Last season I employed a few different methods to making picks, none of which provided great results. I was thinking of using the mascot method again this year, however I remembered a suggestion made to me late last season by a reader - I believe it was one of the H’s. The suggestion was that I pick the winner based on what school has the hottest on campus females. With that idea in mind - a mind currently under the influence of Crown Royal and Royal Crown (RC) Cola - I give you the first college picks of 2008, granted in week 3.

Note: Due to 2 double Crown and RC's there may be some unbelievable upset picks. I am told my beer goggles are quite bad.

Last season I mainly picked games that would appear on Pro-line so that maybe some of you could win some cash like myself. I won just over a grand last season spread over 4 different winning weekends. However, the first 2 weeks as well as this week's Pro-line have some real dogs for games (Ex #60 San Diego St @ San Jose St). So keeping that in mind I may throw in some non Pro-line games.

#13 Kansas (2-0) @ #19 South Florida (2-0): Friday night’s main event features two of the most surprising teams from last year. Last time coach Mangina, I mean Mancow, sorry Mangino, took his Jayhawks to the state of Florida they beat V-Tech in the Orange Bowl. Ok enough actual football talk. Based on the limited research I have done on this game I give the nod to the Kansas Jayhawks. This game will be close, I would even go for the tie on Pro-line with this game, a late field goal will win it. I am basing this on the following evidence. Judge for yourself. In my eyes the Kansas beast on the left brings down the other two girls making it close.

Bullish indeed.

#16 Oregon (2-0) @ Purdue (1-0): I ponder the following questions. Is it possible for the state of Indiana to produce attractive women? Is it possible for the state of Oregon to produce attractive women who are not granola eating, tambourine beating hippie lumberjacks? Well based on my research I strongly believe the winner of this game will be Oregon, Oregon, OREGON!

#2 Georgia (2-0) @ South Carolina (1-1): Lordy I love the women of the SEC. Nothing beats the beauty of the southern belles. Hey TH, Roll Tide! Ha, ha, ha. Roll Tide indeed. Georgia wins this game based solely on talent on the field alone. As for the match up between southern belles it is a dead heat, South Carolina may even have the edge. Judge for yourself

Damn that chick is hot!! I know the shirt adds to the hotness, but damn!

By the way if you are not aware the Gamecocks QB is Chris Smelley. Hence the reason for this hilarious shirt:

Michigan (1-1) @ Notre Dame (1-0): This used to be a marquee match up. However, both these teams in the past 2 years have been reduced to rubble. Here is the evidence I am faced with in choosing a winner.

Notre Dame had this:

Don’t forget D-Bob’s (John Favreau) girlfriend in Rudy

Michigan has this:

By the way I recently received the newest issue of Playboy, which just happens to have a piece on the hottest women of the Big 10. I suggest you check it out!

#5 Ohio St (2-0) @ #1 USC (1-0): Ohio State does have some nice representation in the Playboy, however we are talking USC here people. The University of Southern California. Based is Los Angeles. The proof is in the pudding:

USC Trojans win and win big. To hell with Beanie Wells.


Napoleon in Rags said...

You know, I always had a feeling I went to the wrong university - but I never figured out why I felt that way - until just now.

Cooper said...

Looks like I went 3-2. 4-1 if you count the fact that I predicted the Pro-Line tie in the USF - Kansas game