And You Already Know How These Nameless Posts Will End

Indianapolis 31 @ Jacksonville 24 – And of course the Colts are going back to the playoffs. I will live with this, as long as Tampa and New England both miss out.

Baltimore 33 @ Dallas 24 – As with the salmon returning to Capistrano, the Cowboys’ December collapse shows up right on schedule – perfectly coinciding with the fantasy football playoffs. Let this be a lesson. A loss to Philly this weekend and Wade Phillips had best get his interview suit cleaned… and let out.

Cincinnati 14 @ Cleveland 0 – So as I’m walking to work this morning in the -45C temperature, I see a guy riding a bike. As I’m about to yell, “Get a car you hippie!” I remember why I’m walking to work, and realize that at least you always know a bike is going to start.

Pittsburgh 14 @ Tennessee 31 – Man, Ben Roethlisberger had tougher time holding onto balls than a porn starlet with carpal tunnel.

San Francisco 17 @ St. Louis 16 – C’mon St. Louis, the good people that cheer for Kansas City really needed you to pull that one out. We need that #2 draft pick, you had it last year – give someone else a chance.

San Diego 41 @ Tampa Bay 24 – In a rare double-whammy game, San Diego managed to set up a date with Denver for the division title on Sunday; while also making Tampa’s playoff hopes a little bit fainter. Wasn’t it like two weeks ago that people were talking about Tampa being the first team to play in a Super Bowl at home?

New Orleans 42 @ Detroit 7 – As bad as it is to cheer for Kansas City, at least there is a glimmer of hope off in the distance. Not so for Lions fans. There are on the verge of historic futility and it sounds like there will not be major changes to the team before next season. Have fun in the Motor City, Sam Bradford (or Matt Stafford).

Miami 38 @ Kansas City 31 – Oh Kansas City, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory yet again. Just one more epic fail this weekend in Cincinnati and the number 2 pick is within reach. I have faith in you guys.

Arizona 7 @ New England 47 – So… the NFC West might not be all that competitive is what I’m starting to realize. Funny things can happy when a weak division team plays against an actual football team.

Buffalo 30 @ Denver 23 – Now it’s Cutler vs. Rivers in the battle for the quarterback you’d most like to see at the bottom of a well.

NY Jets 3 @ Seattle 13 – Let me just check my notes – so Brett Favre is going to the Pro Bowl, but Phillip Rivers isn’t? Also, I can’t wait for this offseason’s retirement melodrama.

Houston 16 @ Oakland 27 – Did you know that if you don’t support a new football stadium in Regina you hate pizza, have a cat named Himmler and are probably a communist? Ask anyone. Also if a new dome sat empty for half a year, it’s ok because the current outdoor stadium already sits empty for half a year. Food for thought.

Atlanta 24 @ Minnesota 17 – I was wrong about Atlanta, ok? I scoffed at the idea of them continuing the NFC South trend of last place teams winning the division the following year. But if they win and Carolina loses, the Atlanta Falcons are your 2008 NFC South Champions.

Philadelphia 3 @ Washington 10 – If anyone is looking for any last minute gifts for me, I have a suggestion. I would like my office PC, wrapped and under the tree so I can do this to it:

(Turn the volume down if you’re at work)

Carolina 28 @ NY Giants 34 – How many fantasy football championship games do you think DeAngelo Williams and Brandon Jacobs changed on Sunday night? I know they both came into play in ours.

Green Bay 17 @ Chicago 20 – Oh poor Green Bay, looks like that draft pick from the Jets is only going to be a 3rd rounder because of their implosion over the last couple weeks.

Don’t You Wanna Know Why The Post Remains Nameless?

New Orleans 24 @ Chicago 27 – With Reggie Bush done for the year and Vince Young holding a clipboard, how good does that Mario Williams pick look now? I still find it hard to believe how all this has played out.

Tampa Bay 10 @ Atlanta 13 – Thank you Atlanta, I will now release the hostages.

San Francisco 9 @ Miami 14 – Saw this on Deadspin yesterday and I thought I would pass it on. It’s not hilarious, but it’s better than anything I was going to come up with.


Seattle 23 @ St. Louis 20 – Kath and Kim is the worst show in the history of TV – it’s like The Hills for stupid people (note: I’ve never actually seen The Hills, but I think you have to be pretty stupid to watch it). If Kath and Kim is actually faithful to the incredibly popular Australian version, it confirms what I’ve always suspected – Australians are idiots.

Buffalo 27 @ NY Jets 31 – Know how I know you’re a terrible football player? You’re name’s J.P Losman.

San Diego 22 @ Kansas City 21 – You know, I feel like I should be surprised the Chiefs blew an 11 point lead with 2 minutes to go… but I’m not, at all. Since nobody in their right mind would put this abomination on network television, I was following along on NFL.com and I saw the Chargers where driving with about 2 minutes to go. I thought to myself, “The Chiefs are going to blow this.” And sure enough. But I’m not mad, not at all – because…

That’s right, the man “affectionately” known as King Carl – Carl Peterson – is out after 20 years of being the Chiefs’ President, CEO and GM. And I’m more excited than I’ve been in a long time.

Washington 13 @ Cincinnati 20 – So he was being sarcastic, gotcha.

Tennessee 12 @ Houston 13 – Where did Houston come from all of a sudden. I guess when you don’t have to worry about Hurricane Rosenfels playing quarterback for you, things start to turn around.

Green Bay 16 @ Jacksonville 20 – Did you realize Green Bay is 5-9? That happened quickly and quietly.

Detroit 21 @ Indianapolis 31 – Only New Orleans and Green Bay stand between Detroit and their historic march towards futility. Maybe they’ll win both, giving Kansas City a shot at the #1 overall pick – oh, who are we kidding?

Minnesota 35 @ Arizona 14 – So, that happened.

Pittsburgh 13 @ Baltimore 9 – I honestly can’t believe they called it a touchdown. I think it was a touchdown, but from the replay I saw the conclusive evidence wasn’t exactly conclusive. But how does a referee not know how to describe why it was a touchdown? Two feet down in the endzone with control of the ball isn’t a touchdown IF THE BALL ISN”T IN THE ENDZONE TOO!

Denver 10 @ Carolina 30 – Citing a decline in production from the company that manufactures the product that turns Ben Mulroney’s skin orange, CTV has decided to put a hold on Canadian Idol. Christmas came exactly one week early this year. Five years ago, what kind of odds would you have gotten on Brian Mulroney eventually not being the biggest embarrassment in that family?

New England 49 @ Oakland 26 – Am I the only one who thinks giving up 26 points to the Raiders isn’t the sign of a great team? Probably just me. And I’m horribly, horribly biased.

NY Giants 8 @ Dallas 20 – Thanks Tony Romo and T.O, thanks very much.

Cleveland 10 @ Philadelphia 30 – I’m sure glad Cleveland has been on prime time TV every second week all season long. They are who we thought they were:


No matter how many times I hear that chant, it always puts a smile on my face. And you know what, just for the heck of it:

Man, do I love the internet.

I Am a Nameless Post King

Not the… a.



If you’re a fan of Slavic gypsy pseudo-punk (and stop kidding yourself, you are) Gogol Bordello is the band for you. Yes this song is in the commercial for what I’m sure is a terrible video game – but I tell you this, I would pay some serious rubels to see this band live.



Tennessee 47 @ Detroit 10 – Predictable – especially when you predict it the day after the game as been played.

Seattle 9 @ Dallas 34 – Just as predictable, but with more star power.

Arizona 20 @ Philadelphia 48 – Less predictable, but with even more talent – if not star power.

San Francisco 10 @ Buffalo 3 – Thankfully Mike Singletary managed to keep his pants on all afternoon – at least as far as I know.

Baltimore 34 @ Cincinnati 3 – You know who is the worst person in the world? (Is that a Keith Olbermann bit? I think it might be, but I don’t know for sure – I can’t stand that guy) The guy at the gym who doesn’t wipe down the machine after he uses it – don’t think I didn’t see you Goatee and Glasses Man or you, creepy guy on the bike next to me.

Indianapolis 10 @ Cleveland 6 – Cleveland is now down to Ken Dorsey at quarterback, eh? To me Ken Dorsey sounds like a late-night news anchor:

Good Evening, I’m Ken Dorsey.

First tonight, a La Hoya man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool.

New Orleans 20 @ Tampa Bay 23 – We’re through New Orleans. The restraining order will be in the mail this week.

NY Giants 23 @ Washington 7 – Plaxico Burress became so frustrated with his injured hamstring that he attempted to remove it by shooting it off of his body. Results were predictable, hilarious.

Miami 16 @ St. Louis 12 – You know what two of my three favorite words are? Ruse and gambit – and I just happened to read them both today. The third of my top three, you ask? Thorax.

Carolina 35 @ Green Bay 31 – I guess having a good pass defence doesn’t mean much when you give up 5 rushing touchdowns.

Atlanta 22 @ San Diego 16 – If Kansas City does keep winning, the only upside would be if they finish ahead of San Diego. This is the same team, minus Shawne Merriman and Michael Turner, that went to the AFC Championship last year, right?

Denver 34 @ NY Jets 17 – Could someone explain to me why a fumble recovery isn’t a challengeable play? It was pretty clear to me that Cotchery had the ball on the ground until a Denver player hydroplaned into him and it squirted out. I have no love for the Jets, but that was brutal.

Pittsburgh 33 @ New England 10 – Man, sometimes there is a reason to get out of bed in the morning…



Kansas City 20 @ Oakland 13 – Even in victory Herm Edwards is finding ways to screw this team, now by making the team just competitive enough to keep his job all while ruining their draft position. 2-14 is not better than 1-15 in this case, it’s worse. And Oakland – a fake field goal that makes Sebastian Janikowski run? Seriously?

Chicago 14 @ Minnesota 34 – I’m almost 100% certain that John Madden said that Pat Williams said that he would only let his daughters date if a boy brought Pat $50,000… Now, I don’t want to use the P word but that’s toeing the line a little bit I think.

Jacksonville 17 @ Houston 30 – Brutal. But here’s something to make you laugh and brighten your spirits. From the Boston Herald:

Rosie O’Donnell has had her variety show canceled because of bad reviews and even worse ratings, TV’s Extra reports. Only 5 million people tuned into O’Donnell’s variety show, “Rosie Live,” on NBC last Wednesday night, prompting the comedian, 46, to pull the plug. “There will b no more,” Rosie blogged on her Web site. “No ratings . . . bad reviews.” O’Donnell also blogged that even though the show tanked, she had fun while it lasted. “Yet still - a thrill 4 me.”

Nice spelling Rosie, is it really so hard to type that e in be? Also, I think it’s staggering that even 5 million people watched that.

Little Old Lady Got Mutilated Late Last Night, Posts With No Name Again

Cincinnati 10 @ Pittsburgh 27 – Make up your mind Willie Parker, either you’re hurt or you aren’t. And in the future, if at all possible, make up your mind BEFORE THE GAME STARTS.

Minnesota 30 @ Jacksonville 12 – Despite all odds, I think Jack Del Rio might be the next coach fired. Who would have thunk that before the season started? I’m still hoping it’ll be Herm Edwards though.
/crosses fingers

Buffalo 54 @ Kansas City 31 – Kansas City’s march towards historic futility continues. Team record for points surrendered? Check. On pace for lowest sack total in NFL history? Check. Prediction – they are going to get crushed in Oakland this weekend. That’s not even a reverse jinx, I think it’s going to happen.

New England 48 @ Miami 28 – Will this New England nightmare never end?

Chicago 27 @ St. Louis 3 – Apologies to Cooper for not posting his College Football picks this weekend. He did send them to me, however his beet farm has suddenly become profitable so he didn’t have much time this week. So here they are, better late than never:

Ole Miss over LSU
Utah over BYU
Texas Tech over Oklahoma
Ohio St over Michigan

and the Brown Bag of the week and maybe the Brown Bagger of all time....

Washington (0 - 10) over Washington State (1 -10).

I believe the winner just gets a giant dog turd for a rivalry trophy this year.
(ED. Note – Washington State won in overtime due to a missed field goal – somehow fitting)

San Francisco 22 @ Dallas 35 – I’m not totally convinced yet, I want to see Dallas do this against a team that isn’t San Francisco.

Philadelphia 7 @ Baltimore 36 – The score is 10-7 for Baltimore:

Andy Reid: Donovan, we need a spark – we’re going with Kevin for the rest of the game.

Approx. 15 seconds later, the score is 36-7 Baltimore

Andy Reid: What is the biggest size of pants you can buy? I wonder…

Houston 16 @ Cleveland 6 – As a consumer, nay, as a human being, is there a more spirit-crushing exercise than shopping at Costco? I don’t think so. In fact, I know there’s not. Firstly, there is never a time when Costco is not busy – I’m almost sure they put people on the payroll just to mill around the store and make it look full, like seat-fillers at the Academy Awards. Then, as if the people weren’t bad enough, you actually have to attempt to buy things there. And any trip to Costco costs you $80, it just does and there’s no way around it. It’s like a reverse cover charge, they let you in for free but you can’t get out until you spend 80 bucks. But you don’t get in for free, do you? No – because you have to be a member. Well la-de-da, what an exclusive club that is – it’s like Skull & Bones, only with more bulk meat. Adult video stores require memberships too (or so I’ve been told) – don’t feel so special now, do you Costco? Once you have finally rounded up your 40 pack of spray paint and your gross of toothpaste, you’re ready to pay. Well you’re ready to stand in line anyway. Once you finally get to the till, make sure you’ve got your membership card handy because you’ll need that or they won’t accept your money for their goods. Heaven forbid the guy checking your member card at the door serves any purpose, you need to see my card again? Then, when they’re finally ready to allow you the honour of paying… hey – hey, what is that? Are you trying to pay by major credit card? HA! American Express only chump! Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was 2008, should I pull out my Diner’s Card? When you’ve finally convinced the people at the checkout to accept your money, you think the misery has ended and you’re just happy to have escaped with your life and a part of your sanity intact – but you’re not done yet because you have to wait in line to get out of the store! And with this swipe of my marker you are now legally entitled to exit the premises! All hail Costco!

Tampa Bay 38 @ Detroit 20 – I really hope Tampa doesn’t make the playoffs, that John Gruden guy rubs me the wrong way. Fun fact: Detroit led 17-0 at one point in this game.

NY Jets 34 @ Tennessee 13 – Well I had the Jets to win, but never would I have thought they’d win by 21 - which is why I picked the tie on my ever useless ProLine ticket this weekend. Enjoy the donation Western Canadian Lottery Corporation!

Oakland 31 @ Denver 10 – As I was watching the scoreline in this game climb higher and higher for Oakland, I was totally dumbfounded. But as I thought about it more, it does make sense – Denver is the only team Kansas City managed to beat this year, so why should a home loss to Oakland be surprising?

Washington 20 @ Seattle 17 – It was a win, but I think it shows that Washington is finished in the playoff race. I know Seattle has a significant home field advantage, but playoff teams don’t beat Seattle by only 3 points. Of course the Giants got blown out by the Browns this season, so who the hell knows.

NY Giants 37 @ Arizona 29 – I don’t think this game was a close as the score might suggest, was it? To me, it just never seemed like the Giants were in danger of losing. Could you imagine an all New York Super Bowl? That city would be just insufferable… sorry, more insufferable.

Carolina 28 @ Atlanta 45 – Holy points this weekend Batman! Who says the NFL is boring? If I heard correctly, this weekend saw the most points scored in NFL history. Also, this game made the NFC South a whole lot more interesting.

Indianapolis 23 @ San Diego 20 – We’ve reached the point where nobody from the AFC West should be allowed in the playoffs – and I’m serious about that. There’s a very real possibility that not one of it’s four teams will be above .500 – if you don’t have a winning record, you shouldn’t be in the playoffs.

Green Bay 29 @ New Orleans 51 – So much for the “a good defence beats a good offence” adage. That was just an incredible offensive show New Orleans put on last night. And luckily for me, I’ve got Lance Moore on my fantasy team, and I found myself 12 points down going into last night’s game. At halftime, when Moore already had over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns, I sent an email to Cooper (who I was playing against this week) that read as follows:

SUBJECT: LANCE MOORE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suffice it to say his reply has littered with an astounding assortment of four-letter words.

My Heart Stopped Pumping But My Nameless Post was Still Alive

NY Jets 34 @ New England 31 – So Matt Cassel wants to be paid Aaron Rodgers money? Well good luck with that chump – see how you do on a team that’s not led by Bill Belichick. Please not Kansas City, please not Kansas City…

Detroit 22 @ Carolina 31 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #1: DeAngelo Williams (120) and Jonathan Stewart (130) each rushed for over 100 yards in this game. That more a function of Detroit’s brutal defence than anything else – but man, that’s still impressive.

Oakland 15 @ Miami 17 – Ugh…

Philadelphia 13 @ Cincinnati 13 – Man, oh, man. If there’s a football equivalent to the Simpson’s Movie, this was it. Not nearly what you expected, generally disappointing and you’re just glad when it’s finally over.

Chicago 3 @ Green Bay 37 – Here’s a story for you… for some inexplicable reason, a guy that works in my office continually whistles and sings Sinatra’s “Strangers In the Night” – and not quietly either. He works down the hall from me and I hear him all time. And whatever, it is what it is – just another example of how everyone but me is unbearably annoying. The problem is that I’m madly in love with the movie Fletch (I may move to Massachusetts and marry it), in which Chevy Chase sings, “Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...” So now I’m walking around all day singing the parody version of the song. Yes, it’s quite a glamorous life I lead.


Baltimore 10 @ NY Giants 30 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #2(Feat: Derrick Ward): The Giants both literally and figuratively ran over the Ravens. I guess things change for Baltimore when they have to play a quality opponent.

Denver 24 @ Atlanta 20 – That’s a tough loss for Atlanta and it might sabotage their playoff hopes. But this season has been so much better than anyone’s expected that, unless Matt Ryan starts showing up for games wearing a fur coat made of puppies, it’ll be considered a great season.

New Orleans 30 @ Kansas City 20 – Did you know, over the past calendar year Kansas City is the worst team in football? Yes, even worse than Detroit. They’ve won one game – ONE – since November 4 of last year (Detroit’s won two). Another fun fact – Kansas City has 6 quarterback sacks this season – on pace to have the lowest number ever. Joey Porter has 13 ½ .

Houston 27 @ Indianapolis 33 – It’s happening, I know it is – it’s already started. This was the first in a series of events that leads to the Colts going 12-4. The next step is for SkyNet to become self-aware. Then a souless army of Manning killbots will endeavour to wipe the human race off the face of the Earth.

Minnesota 13 @ Tampa Bay 19 – If the computer I use at work had a face, I would smash it in with a rusted shovel.

Arizona 26 @ Seattle 20 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #3: Larry Fitzgerald (151) and Anquan Boldin (186) each had over 150 yards receiving. This has to make Kurt Warner the front-runner for the MVP – and makes Matt Leinart the front-runner for most ASU co-eds nailed.

St. Louis 16 @ San Francisco 35 – Do you ever have ridiculous thoughts pop into your head, and you think you must be the only person in the world who thinks of things like that? Welcome to my life. Here’s one I had this week: If I were operating the paper shredder at work and my tie were to become trapped in the shredder somehow, would I be able to MacGyver myself out of the tie before I was strangled? Of course, I know there’s a stop button on the shredder but I think I’d try to escape the noose of death, just to see if I could. It would be like reverse calf roping.


Tennessee 24 @ Jacksonville 14 – CBS’s Upset-o-meter was registering off the charts for at least the first half of this game. Big game for Tennessee next week against the Jets. I never thought, in a million years, I’d type those words in that order this season.

San Diego 10 @ Pittsburgh 11 – I’m genuinely worried that the NFL is losing it’s luster and might be in some trouble. The officiating situation this season has been abysmal (as evidenced by the refs stealing a touchdown from Pittsburgh at the end of this game – cost my fantasy team a crucial 6 points, and gamblers worldwide $64 million) and the way hitting is being legislated the players might as well just play flag football. The Commish needs to lay down the law in his own organization in a similar manner he does his players.

Dallas 14 @ Washington 10 – Apparently all it took for Dallas to get back on track was Tony Romo’s boyish good looks and million dollar smile. That gives me an idea for a sitcom – it’ll be Listen Up meets Gary Unmarried meets Alf.

Cleveland 29 @ Buffalo 27 – Wide right, eh? My oh my, how that must bring back memories for fans in Buffalo. Luckily for them, they won’t have a team much long to drive them crazy.

When There Are No Titles Left to Use, You Have to Give Your Post No Name

The alternate title for this one was going to be, "And All of That Time You Thought I Was Sad, I Was Trying to Give This Post a Name." It was a tough call.

Denver 34 @ Cleveland 30 - Despite his best efforts, Brady Quinn's first NFL win is still in the closet for another week.

New Orleans 20 @ Atlanta 34 - After weeks of fighting it, I'm on board with Atlanta. I think the Mike Vick fiasco left a bad taste in my mouth and I was wishing them ill but I'm over that. Plus, I'm starting to have a little man-crush on Matt Ryan. Speaking of Mike Vick, watch for a special Mike Vick feature later this week here on Sports As Life.

Tennessee 21 @ Chicago 14 - If you like watching one team with a total inability to run the ball, this was the game for you. Who knew that riding the arm of Kerry Collins was a recipe for success for Tennessee?

Jacksonville 38 @ Detroit 14 - It was a nice dream while it lasted. Oh Jacksonville, you had such a great opportunity - giving the league's two winless teams a win in back to back weeks. A chance like that comes around only once in a lifetime. At least people would have something to say about your team this year. This year's Jags team will be forgotten faster than t.A.T.u. That's right - and you thought you wiped that from your memory.



Baltimore 41 @ Houston 13 - How long has it been since the quarterbacks drafted in the first round weren't total flops? 4 years? I almost forgot that young quarterbacks could be good - I'm looking at you Alex Smith.

Seattle 19 @ Miami 21 - Who wants it less? C'mon.. who wants it less?

Green Bay 27 @ Minnesota 28 - Umm, was this the quietest 192 yards a player has ever rushed for? Maybe we're just so used to seeing this from Adrian Peterson that it's not a big deal anymore.

Buffalo 10 @ New England 20 - So this Buffalo thing is officially over eh? Well it was nice while it lasted. Having a non-competitive team will probably make it easier on the people of Buffalo when their team moves to Toronto.

St Louis 3 @ NY Jets 47 - There's a comedy bit that people used to think was funny. It went something like this, "You might be a redneck if..." Then the comedian would insert something that rednecks tend to do, and we'd be all like - "Hey, that's true - that is something a redneck would do. Hilarious, that guy should host a terrible TV game show." Anyway, I've got a new standard like that for the NFL, "You might be the worst team in the NFL if..." This week's installment is, "You might be the worst team in the NFL if you give up 47 points to the New York Jets."

Carolina 17 @ Oakland 6 - This was the worst game in the history of the NFL - trust me, I watched it. Hey Jake - why don't you go throw another interception you backwards, bayou born, inaccurate-throwing, cousin kissing, something or other. I lost my fantasy game by 0.20 points, is it obvious that I'm a little bitter about that?

Indianapolis 24 @ Pittsburgh 20 - The Colts are back, aren't they? I used to hate Peyton Manning, but then I took his side in the Colts/Patriots rivalry. Now I'm starting to feel those old feeling of ill will towards him again.

Kansas City 19 @ San Diego 20 - Sigh. Finding New and Innovative Ways to Lose, Part II: This week Kansas City missed an extra point in the second quarter, which meant that, when they scored at the end of the game to trail by 1, instead of simply kicking an extra point for the win they went for two. Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you they weren't successful.

NY Giants 36 @ Philadelphia 31 - The Ghost of Andy Reid's Clock Management comes back to haunt the citizens of Philadelphia. The Clock Management Ghost is like the Ghost of Christmas Past, only it's got more drug dealing children.

San Francisco 24 @ Arizona 29 - I like that Mike Singletary might be for real as a head coach. Of course it's only a matter of time before the team starts to tune him out - but for now it's fun to see them being more competitive.

It Started Off as a Post With No Name, How Did it End Up Like This? How Did it End Up Like This?

NY Jets 26 @ Buffalo 17 – The Jets are like the smell that emanates from my kitchen drain pipes – every time I think it’s gone for good, it pops back up and ruins my day. Don’t look now but there’s a 3-way tie for the AFC East, and Miami’s only a game back.

Houston 21 @ Minnesota 28 – A Hurricane Rosenfels sighting! But even he wasn’t enough to bring down foundations of the Metrodome. Bridges however, he’s all over that:



Green Bay 16 @ Tennessee 19 – This is the type of game that gives the NFL a bad reputation to some. Low scoring, grind it out, beat the will to live out of your opponent football - but I love it. It’s better than watching 7 receivers running before the snap and then spreading out over 12 square miles of turf.

Arizona 34 @ St Louis 13 – Steven, when you say you’re healthy enough to play… play! Only 7 rushing attempts is not healthy enough to play. I hate you. Meanwhile, Arizona takes a stranglehold on their division and is actually a pretty impressive football team. Until Warner gets hurt that is.

Tampa Bay 30 @ Kansas City 27 – Kansas City: Finding New and Innovative ways to lose since 1993. This game was 21-3 for Kansas City in the 2nd quarter. Kansas City, it would seem, is improving – and I’d be lying if I said I was fully excited about that. I want to cheer for a competitive team, but they will never win anything with the current coach/GM combo. It’s a moral conundrum – I don’t want to cheer against my team, but I don’t want to cheer for the status quo either. I’ll shut up now.

Detroit 23 @ Chicago 27 – So close Detroit, so close. You’ll reach that unreachable dream eventually.

Baltimore 37 @ Cleveland 27 – It’s actually nice to see some rookie quarterbacks making an impact this year – both Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan. After the last few years of Alex Smith, JaMarcus Russell and Tavaris Jackson these two are a refreshing change.

Jacksonville 19 @ Cincinnati 21 – And a great cry went up from the banks of the mighty Ohio as the Cincy 11 finally knew the joy of victory. Say Fitzpatrick, their Irishman of a quarterback, “I went to Harvard, I deserve better than this.”

Miami 26 @ Denver 17 – So… 7 wins gets the AFC West? Chiefs and Raiders still mathematically alive with 3 combined wins.

Dallas 14 @ NY Giants 35 – The only thing more satisfying than watching the wheels come off in Big D, is the fact that I predicted this gong show before the season started. Hooray for me.

Philadelphia 26 @ Seattle 7 – Since I have nothing of any value to say about this game, I want to remind you why you love sports:



Atlanta 24 @ Oakland 0 – I mentioned Matt Ryan earlier, and speaking of quarterbacks – can you believe some of the garbage leading teams this season – Gus Ferotte, Brooks Bollinger, Brad Johnson, Seneca Wallace, JT O’Sullivan, Ryan Fitzpatrick. I realize most of those guys are only playing because of injury, but is it really so hard to find a backup with even a little talent?

New England 15 @ Indianapolis 18 – It’s looking like New England/Indianapolis is no longer a prime time matchup. They could have given this one an afternoon start and no one would have batted an eyelash. At least we don’t have to watch Cleveland 3 more times in prime time. What? (NOTE: Cleveland - now with 100% more Brady Quinn!)

Pittsburgh 23 @ Washington 6 – If you’re as sick of hearing about my fantasy team as I think you are, well… you’re probably pretty sick. But let me just say this – I love the Pittsburgh Steelers' defence as much as one man can love 11 other men. Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Everything going to plan I’m going to have a little mid-season review up sometime this week – and to all the fantasy people out there, don’t forget about the Thursday game this week!

I've Been Through the Desert on a Post With No Name

It felt good to be out of the rain
In the desert you can remember your name



(Rip off Neil Young much?)

Oakland 10 @ Baltimore 29 – Don’t look now, but Baltimore is 4-3 and only one game back of Pittsburgh in the AFC North. They’re one serious injury to Ben Roethlisberger away from winning that division.

Arizona 23 @ Carolina 27 – What day is it, October 29? Yup that sounds about right for Arizona to start collapsing. Huge game for them this weekend in St. Louis.

Tampa Bay 9 @ Dallas 13 – What a disgrace of a football game this was. Brad Johnson should no longer be allowed to step on a football field, unless he’s sweeping the field after the game.

Washington 25 @ Detroit 17 – This game was close for awhile and I had my hopes up. But alas, the Lions fall again. Maybe Daunte’s Inferno is going to be the answer


Buffalo 16 @ Miami 25 – What the crap is going on in this division? The stage is continually being set for New England to walk away with this division again.

St. Louis 16 @ New England 23 –Sigh, this is going to stop at some point isn’t it?

San Diego 32 @ New Orleans 37 – I’m not buying it New Orleans, I can’t... don’t make me care about you again!!!!!!!

Kansas City 24 @ NY Jets 28 – DO NOT BE FOOLED, GOOD READER! The Chiefs have not turned a corner, there is no joy in the Show Me State, Tyler Thigpen is not a viable NFL quarterback. They ran a spread offence that the Jets had not prepared for and still lost - and Brett Favre was doing those Brett Favre things, ie: throwing 3 interceptions and leading his team on a 4th quarter game-winning drive. If it seems like I’m rooting for the Chiefs to lose, it’s because I mostly am. That top pick is the only thing keeping me hanging on at this point (yes, I will settle for top three). Suffice it to say, if you see a car with a Chiefs vanity plate on the front careening around the streets of Regina, stay away – I’m dangerously unstable. At least I didn’t invest in that Glenn Dorsey jersey.

Atlanta 14 @ Philadelphia 27 – Donovan, you’ve got a receiver named Kevin Curtis. How about throwing to him every once and awhile, ok? White lightning!!

Cleveland 23 @ Jacksonville 17 – This is usually how pre-season Super Bowl predictions turn out isn’t it? I’m not sure why people even bother.

Cincinnati 6 @ Houston 35 – That Cincinnati/Kansas City game on the last weekend of the season is starting to loom large as the First Overall Draft Pick to the Team That Loses Championship of the World.

NY Giants 21 @ Pittsburgh 14 – So it’s the old, “Your backup long-snapper is your starting defensive end,” play eh? Well played.

Seattle 34 @ San Francisco 13 – No discipline and no effort make Mike Singletary something-something.

Go crazy?

Don’t mind if I do!



Indianapolis 21 @ Tennessee 31 – Thanks to a strong second half from Chris Johnson and some modest effort from Bo Scaife, I was able to scrape out a 2.2 point fantasy victory. I yell at my TV too much.

Ok, because I feel bad about posting that lame rip-off of a song at the beginning - here's a song from the 70's that does not suck. Everyone knows real rock and roll stars play the flute.



That song makes me want to rob a bank - I'm not sure why.

The Post With No Name That Haunts Your Dreams

Oh wait, it's just me.

Duly noted.

San Diego 14 @ Buffalo 23 – Norv, I’m not sure what Scott Linehan, Mike Nolan and Lane Kiffin are up to these days but maybe you want to give them a call? You’re going to need a Sunday support group before too long.

New Orleans 7 @ Carolina 30 – New Orleans… I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. We’re through. I’ve been wishing nothing but the best for you over the last three years, but you make a fool of me time and time again. So I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore. Sure I might keep your number in my phone and call you late at night sometime – lonely, tired and needing some fantasy football players. But this just isn’t working.

Minnesota 41 @ Chicago 48 – How many different way could I have been wrong about this game? How did those two offenses score that many points on those two defenses? I suppose if the league were entirely predictable there would be no reason to watch anymore.

Pittsburgh 38 @ Cincinnati 10 – Keith Rivers’ jaw? Meet Hines Ward.


Tennessee 34 @ Kansas City 10 – The time has come to load up a dump truck with crisp $100 bills, drive it to Bill Cowher’s house and dump it on his driveway. The Kansas City franchise is becoming a disgrace – how do you let LenDale White score untouched on an 80-yard run? He was eating a hoagie as he was running down the field for goodness sake. And Brodie Croyle as the quarterback of the future? How’s that working out? In the 12 games he’s played as a professional, he’s been knocked out of 4 of them with injury. The only silver lining about his latest injury is that he’s done for the year… and probably forever as a Chief.

Baltimore 27 @ Miami 13 – Miami did beat New England this year, right? In New England? I didn’t just dream that? I wonder where that team went.

San Francisco 17 @ NY Giants 29 – Sorry Mike, your snappy suits just aren’t enough to keep you around here anymore. We found a new Mike to fill in for you.

Dallas 14 @ St Louis 34 – It’s starting to look like drafting Steven Jackson at #5 in my fantasy draft wasn’t such a bad decision after all. And they scoffed at me when I passed on Joseph Addai. Of course, on the flip side – I also have Terrell Owens. Try relying on Brad Johnson to win fantasy games – not a good experience I assure you.

Detroit 21 @ Houston 28 – I was visibly upset when no Detroit quarterback inadvertently ran out of the back of the endzone this week. That’s easily my Play of Year so far – obviously, as I can’t stop talking about it. In fact:


I’m going to be like Kornheiser and the Trampoline Bear with this video.

Indianapolis 14 @ Green Bay 34 – In my defense, I thought this game was being played in Indy when I picked the games on Friday. In hindsight, I don’t think it would have made any difference if I had known. Indy is finished. (Of course, now they’re going 11-5)

NY Jets 13 @ Oakland 16 – Remember when I said the Jets could get to 10 wins this season? Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Although Kansas City this week will help.

Cleveland 11 @ Washington 14 – Most boring game of the season or most boring game of the season?

Seattle 10 @ Tampa Bay 20 – Did you know Starbucks was founded in Seattle?

Denver 7 @ New England 41 – Wow, Denver has now decided to field a high school football apparently (as evidenced by the fact that Kansas City beat them). Their tackling last night was just embarrassing. They have better tackling at cricket matches for crying out loud:

Nope, Still No Name - Try Back Next Week

Chicago 20 @ Atlanta 22: Great Finish of the Week #1 - Jason Elam goes from goat to hero in about 35 seconds and we're all deprived of Captain Neckbeard celebrating on the town in Hotlanta.

Miami 28 @ Houston 29: Great Finish of the Week #2 - A game-winning quarterback draw on 4th and goal? What is this, the CFL?

Baltimore 3 @ Indianapolis 31: I was wrong about this game, dead wrong - just ask my Pro Line ticket.

Detroit 10 @ Minnesota 12: Great Finish of the Week #3 - You know what would be hilarious - if a team's quarterback inexplicably ran out of the back of the endzone for a safety and then his team lost by two points. That would be awesome - wait, what?

Oakland 3 @ New Orleans 34: I don't care if it was against Oakland, Drew Brees played that game as close to perfect as a quarterback can.

Cincinnati 14 @ NY Jets 26: Somebody's got to let the Bengals win a game - they're not going to do it on their own and Kansas City already has a win. We've got to stay in the running for the #1 pick.

Carolina 3 @ Tampa Bay 27: Again, I was wrong about this game - see again: my Pro Line ticket.

St. Louis 19 @ Washington 17: Great Finish of the Week #4 - Losing to St. Louis in the regular season should automatically eliminate you from playoff contention.

Jacksonville 24 @ Denver 17: I've been sitting here for 20 minutes trying to come up with something clever/funny/interesting to say about this game... ... ...

Dallas 24 @ Arizona 30: Great Finish of the Week #5 - Uh oh... the wheels are starting to come off in Dallas. I'd be a lot more upset about what that means for my fantasy team if it weren't for the fact that I called the Dallas implosion before the season started.

Philadelphia 40 @ San Francisco 26: I think this game was sort of close for the most part... I don't know, maybe not.

Green Bay 27 @ Seattle 17: I'm very happy that Seattle has finally jumped the shark. No more making the playoffs every year just by being the best team in the worst division in football.

New England 10 @ San Diego 30: This reminds be of an old joke, "What do you call New England losing by 20?"... "A good start."

NY Giants 14 @ Cleveland 35: Meh, I'm not buying Cleveland just yet. You'll always be over rated to me.

The Continuing Mis-Adventures of Napoleon in Rags, or A Series of Unfortunate Haircuts

I know everyone nobody has been wondering when my seemingly extended leave of absence was going to end and the answer is – right now. And here’s a rare trip through the looking glass for all you blog readers out there, over the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been going through a period of self-inflicted employment turmoil. After going through several job interviews over that time, I was wound tighter than a snare drum left out in the sun after a rainstorm – case in point, I’m not sure that metaphor even makes any sense. Because let’s be honest, even one job interview is one too many. Yes it’s good to have opportunities, but after losing a loved one and chronic illness, job interviews are the worst thing in the world. The moral of the story is: own your own business. Or, don’t ever get a job. It’s a toss up.

Anyway, after my third day on the new job, I’m wound 1% less tightly than I was a week ago – so I’m going to take a stab at being funny again. Although, I suppose the word “again” in that last sentence implies I was funny to begin with, so take from that whatever you want.

In addition to Cooper and Trebor’s great weekly features – and let’s give them both a big round of applause for shouldering the load over the past few weeks, good job on both of you - what I’m hoping to do is resurrect the ever-popular “I Predict a Riot” running feature to appear on either Thursdays or Fridays.

As well I’m planning on doing a Tuesday run-down post of the previous weekend’s NFL action. The way it looks in my head right now, it’ll be one sentence – max two – about each of the games. The only problem is, I don’t know what to call it.

But you know what, since I’m feeling chipper – let’s give it a try right now, title or no title. Even though it's Wednesday

TEN 13 @ BAL 10 – What’s more scary, the thought that Kerry Collins might lead a team to the Super Bowl or the realization that he’s done it once before?

SD 10 @ MIA 17 – Remember when I said I didn’t want Chad Pennington to quarterback the Chiefs? I was wrong, so very, very wrong.

WAS 23 @ PHI 17 – I dislike the Redskins, and I’m not really sure why. Is Clinton Portis the most underrated player in the league? I’ll answer it for you… yes.

SEA 6 @ NYG 44 – Watched this game – it was a drubbing of the highest order. It seemed like all 3 of New York’s running backs had 100 yards.

IND 31 @ HOU 27 – Fun fact: Hurricane Rosenfels injured more people than Hurricane Ike – look it up.

KC 0 @ CAR 34 – F*&% you Herm Edwards and you too Carl Peterson. Matt Flynn was available in the 7th round of the draft and you didn’t take him (or any of the other QB’s available late in the draft). Now he’s Green Bay’s backup and probably an upgrade over any of the other useless carcasses you’re putting behind center. A rebuilding project doesn’t work unless you have a quarterback to build around – I hate you both so much. (Yes, yes – that was more than 2 sentences, start your own blog and complain about it).

ATL 27 @ GB 24 – I don’t care, I still don’t believe in Atlanta *puts fingers in ears, starts whistling Superstition by Stevie Wonder*



CHI 34 @ DET 7 – I love that Bears are rolling because it just expedites the inevitable Kyle Orton booze-soaked picture relapse. Long live the Neckbeard.

TB 13 @ DEN 16 – Both of these teams should be chained to a big rock and dropped in the Atlantic – I have no use for either of them.

BUF 17 @ ARI 41 – The meteoric rise of the Cardinals is going to make their inevitable collapse all the more spectacular. But someone has to win that division, right? Are teams with losing records allowed in the playoffs?

NE 30 @ SF 21 – Don’t worry Pats fans, if you’re giving up 21 points to the 49ers, you probably weren’t going to win the Super Bowl anyway.

CIN 22 @ DAL 31 – Even though they’ve fought it off for the past couple weeks, the Dallas implosion (or explosion, but not offensive) is coming, you can feel it in the air like the coming of spring.

PIT 26 @ JAC 21 – For a game that was decided in the last few minutes this game was incredi…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

MIN 30 @ NO 27 – If you broke the NFL down into talented and untalented teams, New Orleans would be the worst talented team in the league. Do with that information whatever you will.