Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Little Old Lady Got Mutilated Late Last Night, Posts With No Name Again



Cincinnati 10 @ Pittsburgh 27 – Make up your mind Willie Parker, either you’re hurt or you aren’t. And in the future, if at all possible, make up your mind BEFORE THE GAME STARTS.

Minnesota 30 @ Jacksonville 12 – Despite all odds, I think Jack Del Rio might be the next coach fired. Who would have thunk that before the season started? I’m still hoping it’ll be Herm Edwards though.
/crosses fingers

Buffalo 54 @ Kansas City 31 – Kansas City’s march towards historic futility continues. Team record for points surrendered? Check. On pace for lowest sack total in NFL history? Check. Prediction – they are going to get crushed in Oakland this weekend. That’s not even a reverse jinx, I think it’s going to happen.

New England 48 @ Miami 28 – Will this New England nightmare never end?

Chicago 27 @ St. Louis 3 – Apologies to Cooper for not posting his College Football picks this weekend. He did send them to me, however his beet farm has suddenly become profitable so he didn’t have much time this week. So here they are, better late than never:

Ole Miss over LSU
Utah over BYU
Texas Tech over Oklahoma
Ohio St over Michigan

and the Brown Bag of the week and maybe the Brown Bagger of all time....

Washington (0 - 10) over Washington State (1 -10).

I believe the winner just gets a giant dog turd for a rivalry trophy this year.
(ED. Note – Washington State won in overtime due to a missed field goal – somehow fitting)

San Francisco 22 @ Dallas 35 – I’m not totally convinced yet, I want to see Dallas do this against a team that isn’t San Francisco.

Philadelphia 7 @ Baltimore 36 – The score is 10-7 for Baltimore:

Andy Reid: Donovan, we need a spark – we’re going with Kevin for the rest of the game.

Approx. 15 seconds later, the score is 36-7 Baltimore

Andy Reid: What is the biggest size of pants you can buy? I wonder…

Houston 16 @ Cleveland 6 – As a consumer, nay, as a human being, is there a more spirit-crushing exercise than shopping at Costco? I don’t think so. In fact, I know there’s not. Firstly, there is never a time when Costco is not busy – I’m almost sure they put people on the payroll just to mill around the store and make it look full, like seat-fillers at the Academy Awards. Then, as if the people weren’t bad enough, you actually have to attempt to buy things there. And any trip to Costco costs you $80, it just does and there’s no way around it. It’s like a reverse cover charge, they let you in for free but you can’t get out until you spend 80 bucks. But you don’t get in for free, do you? No – because you have to be a member. Well la-de-da, what an exclusive club that is – it’s like Skull & Bones, only with more bulk meat. Adult video stores require memberships too (or so I’ve been told) – don’t feel so special now, do you Costco? Once you have finally rounded up your 40 pack of spray paint and your gross of toothpaste, you’re ready to pay. Well you’re ready to stand in line anyway. Once you finally get to the till, make sure you’ve got your membership card handy because you’ll need that or they won’t accept your money for their goods. Heaven forbid the guy checking your member card at the door serves any purpose, you need to see my card again? Then, when they’re finally ready to allow you the honour of paying… hey – hey, what is that? Are you trying to pay by major credit card? HA! American Express only chump! Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was 2008, should I pull out my Diner’s Card? When you’ve finally convinced the people at the checkout to accept your money, you think the misery has ended and you’re just happy to have escaped with your life and a part of your sanity intact – but you’re not done yet because you have to wait in line to get out of the store! And with this swipe of my marker you are now legally entitled to exit the premises! All hail Costco!

Tampa Bay 38 @ Detroit 20 – I really hope Tampa doesn’t make the playoffs, that John Gruden guy rubs me the wrong way. Fun fact: Detroit led 17-0 at one point in this game.

NY Jets 34 @ Tennessee 13 – Well I had the Jets to win, but never would I have thought they’d win by 21 - which is why I picked the tie on my ever useless ProLine ticket this weekend. Enjoy the donation Western Canadian Lottery Corporation!

Oakland 31 @ Denver 10 – As I was watching the scoreline in this game climb higher and higher for Oakland, I was totally dumbfounded. But as I thought about it more, it does make sense – Denver is the only team Kansas City managed to beat this year, so why should a home loss to Oakland be surprising?

Washington 20 @ Seattle 17 – It was a win, but I think it shows that Washington is finished in the playoff race. I know Seattle has a significant home field advantage, but playoff teams don’t beat Seattle by only 3 points. Of course the Giants got blown out by the Browns this season, so who the hell knows.

NY Giants 37 @ Arizona 29 – I don’t think this game was a close as the score might suggest, was it? To me, it just never seemed like the Giants were in danger of losing. Could you imagine an all New York Super Bowl? That city would be just insufferable… sorry, more insufferable.

Carolina 28 @ Atlanta 45 – Holy points this weekend Batman! Who says the NFL is boring? If I heard correctly, this weekend saw the most points scored in NFL history. Also, this game made the NFC South a whole lot more interesting.

Indianapolis 23 @ San Diego 20 – We’ve reached the point where nobody from the AFC West should be allowed in the playoffs – and I’m serious about that. There’s a very real possibility that not one of it’s four teams will be above .500 – if you don’t have a winning record, you shouldn’t be in the playoffs.

Green Bay 29 @ New Orleans 51 – So much for the “a good defence beats a good offence” adage. That was just an incredible offensive show New Orleans put on last night. And luckily for me, I’ve got Lance Moore on my fantasy team, and I found myself 12 points down going into last night’s game. At halftime, when Moore already had over 100 yards and 2 touchdowns, I sent an email to Cooper (who I was playing against this week) that read as follows:

SUBJECT: LANCE MOORE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Suffice it to say his reply has littered with an astounding assortment of four-letter words.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really think the editor should look for another favourite team. I mean enough is enough already. I know Joe Montana, childhood idol and all that but KC does not deserve your devotion. They stink and are quite happy to do so. Pottsville has a better chance at winning the Superbowl (again). Maybe cheer for a team that is not in the dreadful AFC west.

Just a thought.

B

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