Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 12 in the NFL (Thursday Night Football Edition)

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh - Fresh of their season-altering tie with Philadelphia, Cincinnati hopes to continue their torrid pace as they head into Pittsburgh. Seriously, a tie? I still can't get over it. But what I really can't get over is that the last tie in the NFL was 6 years ago. I remember that day vividly because the football pool I was in had an emergency meeting about what to do because of the tie - and it sure doesn't seem like 6 years ago.
/cries a little inside.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Philadelphia @ Baltimore - Has anyone told Donovan McNabb yet that games can end in ties? I certainly hope so, because OMG that would be sooo embarrassing if it happened two weeks in a row - LOL!
Winner: Baltimore

Chicago @ St Louis - I would like to see St. Louis fire two coaches this season. In fact, I would like to see Oakland and St. Louis fire two coaches each this season. I think that would be the only way to make either of their seasons worthwhile. Also, I understand Steven Jackson’s estrogen treatments are moving forward – and the change should be fully complete within a month.
Winner: Chicago

NY Jets @ Tennessee - In an off week in terms of marquee matchups, this becomes the game of the week. It's not as important to Tennessee as it is to the Jets and the Jets will be looking to show they're now for real. Which is why I'm going out on the limb...
Winner: New York

New England @ Miami - Hopefully the chip on Joey Porter's shoulder shows up for this game. I don't mind admitting that I'm glad he's relevant again - I've got a soft spot for that loudmouthed agitator, and I have no idea why. I'm hoping he eats up the New England offensive like so much clam chowder.
Winner: Miami

Houston @ Cleveland - I’ve discovered a new, sure-fire measure to determine success. How successful a person is can be determined by the size of their refrigerator. I swear this is true – the bigger the fridge, the more successful you are. Mine is built into the side of a second-hand Lay-Z-Boy, so do with that what you may. (I apologize, in my head that was 30% funnier and made 25% more sense – I’m a little light on good material this week, as you can probably tell.)
Winner: Cleveland

Tampa Bay @ Detroit - So what’s the deal with this new vampire movie? Apparently girls are in love with the books it’s based on and the books are incredibly popular. Why wasn’t it attractive 10 years ago to be a dark, nocturnal, anti-social loner, who didn’t like to go out in the sun – that would have really helped me out. Never fails.
Winner: Tampa Bay

Minnesota @ Jacksonville - You know what’s one of the funniest movie lines of all time (easily in the Top 5), “I've been dating too. Nice girl, she's an author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it.” Five Sports As Life Fun Points* to the first commenter that can name the movie.
Winner: Jacksonville
*Sports As Life Fun Points redeemable at any Sports As Life amusement park worldwide (excluding Quebec)

Buffalo @ Kansas City - Is this it? Is this the game Kansas City breaks through for that much sought after second win of the season? Buffalo seems ripe for the picking – although let’s face it, it’s Kansas City. They’ll go up 42-6 on Buffalo in the first quarter only to slowly squander the lead and then lose when they concede a last second safety while trying to run a flea-flicker from their own 2. Book it.
Winner: Buffalo

San Francisco @ Dallas - I think if Frank Gore scores a touchdown he should run to the star at mid-field. Of course it would be Coach Singletary that tackles him – but I think that might be fun all the same.
Winner: Dallas

Oakland @ Denver - What was the score last time these two teams met? I’m much too lazy to look it up, but I believe it was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 78-3 for Denver. I expect it to be closer this time, but not close enough.
Winner: Denver

Carolina @ Atlanta - Quietly Carolina is 8-2 and Jake Delhomme still refuses for throw for more than 100 yards in a game. Just goes to show, you can’t trust someone of partially mixed French ancestry.
Winner: Carolina

NY Giants @ Arizona - Now that I've thought about it some more, this might very well be the game of the week. Arizona's offensive line better keep Kurt Warner upright, cause this might be the week he gets that injury we've all been waiting for.
Winner: New York

Washington @ Seattle - Wait, Seattle is in Washington… how is Washington playing at Seattle? (Holy cow – I apologize again. I’ve got nothing this week, but that’s no excuse for lame attempts at humour like that. I think I need to hire and intern and farm some of this work out.)
Winner: Washington

Indianapolis @ San Diego - So San Diego is by far the biggest underachiever this season, and already management has come out and said Norv Turner’s job is safe for next season. I honestly can’t believe that. Did losing Shawne Merriman mean they’re suddenly no good anymore? If they end up going 6-10, I’ll be surprised if Norv is back on San Diego’s sideline looking befuddled as usual.
Winner: Indianapolis

Green Bay @ New Orleans - Green Bay will hope to break the virtual logjam of suckitude atop the NFC North… and that’s really all I have to say about that.
Winner: Green Bay


Anonymous said...

Naked Gun - probably the first one i believe. Not the best of the three - that is reserved for the Anna Nicole Smith one. Well not just because of her, it also had Weird Al.

Do my Sports As Life points get me into the Festival of Trees?


Napoleon in Rags said...

Sorry, Naked Gun 2 1/2 - the lawyers tell me that's not close enough to award the points. You will have to find your own way into overpriced fundraisers.

Napoleon in Rags said...

Like getting tickets from work, for example.

Anonymous said...

Are you guys even allowed to take kickbacks that high? For shame. I think that's taxable.

i don't own a black tie anyway. But i still have sour grape taste in my mouth.

Not much of a prize to give out when you spill the answer yourself and then not have to give anything away. I'm calling Tony Merchant.

Napoleon in Rags said...

Tony can't take your call, he's too busy suing Tim Horton's because their rims are too difficult to roll up. Having to bite and pull the rim up with your teeth is not rolling - that is a blatant misrepresentation.

Won't anyone think of the children?