Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The 2nd Annual Sports As Life College Football Bowlstravaganza

Yes folks, Cooper is back to wade through the unending mire of the college football bowl season; previewing all the highlights, lowlights and which games you should shovel your driveway during.

If We Make it Through December. Bowl Predictions Part 4 of 6? 7? 8?

“If we make it through December we’ll be fine”……Merle Haggard.

December 31st:

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: Houston (7-5) @ Air Force (8-4)

Speaking of sports related Christmas gifts that were featured here awhile back I myself got a fairly nice sports related gift myself for Christmas. Well it is more of a fictional sports related gift, but still in the genre nonetheless.

When I opened this gift I immediately went and purchased this to accompany it.

Air Force

Brut Sun Bowl: #24 Oregon St (8-4) @ #18 Pitt (9-3)

They still make Brut? And if so people still wear Brut?

Oregon State

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Boston College (9-4) @ Vanderbilt (6-6)

If you tune into this game and watch it you, in my opinion are a Gaylord. I had to go back into the grade 4 archive for that insult

*That is my own personal opinion and I am not speaking for the corporation nor any of the other contributors or our editor.*
(Ed. Note - I appreciate the legal disclaimer)

Boston College to win…… Gaylord’s! Bowl: Kansas (7-5) @ Minnesota (7-5)

It appears Mark Mangino has eaten his way into another bowl game.

Isn’t there a world food crisis? I believe we may have found the source.


Chick-Fil-A Bowl: LSU (7-5) @ #14 Georgia Tech (9-3)

As TH and the editor know I am a big fan of the triple option, and if you are like me, then this game is the game for you. Georgia Tech is as big a fan of the triple option as much as what’s his face was of the big cats. The triple option is the perfect formation. You can hand the ball to the full back and run him up the gut or to either side. You can fake the handoff to the fullback and have him go up the gut or roll out as a blocker and then roll your QB to either side and either run the QB, or set up a pitch, or you can drop back and throw. Or you can fake the handoff to the fullback, roll your QB to the right, fake pitch to the RB, then pitch to a WR who then throws it to the fullback. So very simple. Here are a few successful examples.

(Ed. Note - Greatest play in college football history, by the greatest college player of all time - too bad his heart gave out on him)

Oh and there is also the fumblerooski which is when you bring the end around and well I don’t want to ruin the surprise. It is as the 6:32 mark

To date the play has only been run 4 times in college football history, only 3 successful.

Georgia Tech

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The 2nd Annual Sports As Life College Football Bowlstravaganza

Yes folks, Cooper is back to wade through the unending mire of the college football bowl season; previewing all the highlights, lowlights and which games you should shovel your driveway during.

If We Make it Through December. Bowl Predictions Part 3 of 6? 7? 8?

“If we make it through December we’ll be fine”……Merle Haggard.

Well as of Sunday night I am a humiliating 4 – 7, pretty brutal I admit. Now that we get into the meat and potatoes of the schedule hopefully I will start predicting some of these game correctly. I did miss posting a pick for Sundays Independence Bowl in which Louisiana Tech defeated Northern Illinois. Naturally I would have gone with Louisiana Tech. You will note that now we are actually getting into matchups between teams who are not only ranked but have records better than .500.

December 29th: Bowl: NC State (6-6) @ Rutgers (7-5)

Not bad

Do-able I guess

I’ll take NC State

Valero Alamo Bowl: #25 Missouri (9-4) @ #22 Northwestern

As far a cheerleaders go I have to pick Mizzou in this one. Northwestern I is too focused on “education” and “degrees” and “doctorates” to have the hot, drunk college females we all come here to see.

Mizzou to win

December 30th:

Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl: Maryland (7-5) @ Nevada (7-5)

A bowl sponsored by a chain of truckstops you say? That’s a big 10 – 4!

And you probably assumed I would link to some Smokey and the Bandit clip.

I’ll take Nevada

Texas Bowl: Western Michigan (9-3) @ Rice (9-3)

I believe Rice University used to be called West Texas A & M Tech until they had a grad by the name of Uncle Ben who had a successful business career and gave some generous donations to the school. They have since renamed the school after the man. True story honest! I heard it from a homeless drifter in the mall.

Rice to Win

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: #13 Oklahoma St (9-3) @ #15 Oregon (9-3)

The Holiday Bowl reminds me of how I suck a video games NCAA 2004 had a classic games mode where you would have to try and relive classic moments in NCAA history. The 1980 Holiday Bowl featuring BYU vs SMU was one of those games which drove me insane in that I could never beat it. Believe it or not you have to lead BYU to a 20 point 4th quarter comeback with 2:33 left to play. Impossible, absolutely impossible. If there was not video evidence to prove otherwise I would say that this game never happened and is a myth created by EA sports to make my early 20’s a frustrating, anger filled time, well that and all that other stuff.

The Holiday Bowl Wikipedia

I’ll take Oklahoma St to win a high scoring affair.

Note I forgot to send this off Monday morning and have missed posting before the NC state – Rutgers game in which NC State won. The Mizzou – Northwestern game is currently ongoing
(Ed. Note - I didn't check my email Monday night, so you're getting it Tuesday morning)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The 2nd Annual Sports As Life College Football Bowlstravaganza

Yes folks, Cooper is back to wade through the unending mire of the college football bowl season; previewing all the highlights, lowlights and which games you should shovel your driveway during.

If We Make it Through December. Bowl Predictions Part 2 of 6? 7? 8?

“If we make it through December we’ll be fine”……Merle Haggard.

Well as of Wednesday afternoon I am 1 – 5 so far in my picks for the bowl season. I blame my lousy record on the fact that I was not able to actually sit down and watch any game as of yet. When asked if you would like to either stay at home and watch the EagleBank bowl or do the Christmas gauntlet of Toys R Us, Walmart and Costco, choose wisely and stay home and watch some mediocre football. Serenity Now!

December 24th:

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Notre Dame (6-6) @ Hawaii (7-6)

Really Notre Dame gets a bowl game? Are you shitting me? The only productive thing Notre Dame seemed to do this year was the “unintentional” maiming of head coach Charlie Weiss

(Ed. Note - Now that is funny!)

I’ll take Hawaii at home

December 26th:

Motor City Bowl: Florida Atlantic (6-6) @ Central Michigan (8-4)

The Owls vs the Chippewas. If anyone can provide anymore insight to this game than that, please feel free to submit.

Central Michigan to win

December 27th:

Meineke Car Care Bowl: West Virginia (8-4) @ North Carolina (8-4)

Seriously, $18.93 for a muffler install? How can Meineke possibly afford to sponsor this game year after year?

West Virginia

Champs Sports Bowl: Wisconsin (7-5) @ Florida St (8-4)

TH, from what I can tell Florida St is the first place we should go to check out a game. However, with such nice scenery in stadium I would miss most of the game.

Florida St to win.

Emerald Bowl: Miami (7-5) @ California (8-4)

Anyone got any last minute gift ideas on what to buy your spouse at 2 in the afternoon… Christmas eve?
(Ed. Note - I hear Meineke has a pretty good deal on mufflers)

I’ll take Cali to win

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Hallelujah, Holy Sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?

Well, this is going to be my last post until after Christmas - and likely until the New Year; I'll be taking a much deserved break. Cooper should be stopping by occasionally for bowl game previews, and who knows I might even write some NFL stuff next week if the mood should strike. Rest assured, we will be back in full force when the playoffs roll around. But between now and then, it's the holidays go outside try to stay warm and don't spend all your time in front of the computer. And if you are stuck at work next week, surely you can find something better to read.

So from the entire Sports As Life crew, have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Stay safe, stay warm and thank you to everyone who stopped by in the last year. We hope to see you again soon - would giving you cash help?

(Volume down if you're at work)

And You Already Know How These Nameless Posts Will End

Indianapolis 31 @ Jacksonville 24 – And of course the Colts are going back to the playoffs. I will live with this, as long as Tampa and New England both miss out.

Baltimore 33 @ Dallas 24 – As with the salmon returning to Capistrano, the Cowboys’ December collapse shows up right on schedule – perfectly coinciding with the fantasy football playoffs. Let this be a lesson. A loss to Philly this weekend and Wade Phillips had best get his interview suit cleaned… and let out.

Cincinnati 14 @ Cleveland 0 – So as I’m walking to work this morning in the -45C temperature, I see a guy riding a bike. As I’m about to yell, “Get a car you hippie!” I remember why I’m walking to work, and realize that at least you always know a bike is going to start.

Pittsburgh 14 @ Tennessee 31 – Man, Ben Roethlisberger had tougher time holding onto balls than a porn starlet with carpal tunnel.

San Francisco 17 @ St. Louis 16 – C’mon St. Louis, the good people that cheer for Kansas City really needed you to pull that one out. We need that #2 draft pick, you had it last year – give someone else a chance.

San Diego 41 @ Tampa Bay 24 – In a rare double-whammy game, San Diego managed to set up a date with Denver for the division title on Sunday; while also making Tampa’s playoff hopes a little bit fainter. Wasn’t it like two weeks ago that people were talking about Tampa being the first team to play in a Super Bowl at home?

New Orleans 42 @ Detroit 7 – As bad as it is to cheer for Kansas City, at least there is a glimmer of hope off in the distance. Not so for Lions fans. There are on the verge of historic futility and it sounds like there will not be major changes to the team before next season. Have fun in the Motor City, Sam Bradford (or Matt Stafford).

Miami 38 @ Kansas City 31 – Oh Kansas City, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory yet again. Just one more epic fail this weekend in Cincinnati and the number 2 pick is within reach. I have faith in you guys.

Arizona 7 @ New England 47 – So… the NFC West might not be all that competitive is what I’m starting to realize. Funny things can happy when a weak division team plays against an actual football team.

Buffalo 30 @ Denver 23 – Now it’s Cutler vs. Rivers in the battle for the quarterback you’d most like to see at the bottom of a well.

NY Jets 3 @ Seattle 13 – Let me just check my notes – so Brett Favre is going to the Pro Bowl, but Phillip Rivers isn’t? Also, I can’t wait for this offseason’s retirement melodrama.

Houston 16 @ Oakland 27 – Did you know that if you don’t support a new football stadium in Regina you hate pizza, have a cat named Himmler and are probably a communist? Ask anyone. Also if a new dome sat empty for half a year, it’s ok because the current outdoor stadium already sits empty for half a year. Food for thought.

Atlanta 24 @ Minnesota 17 – I was wrong about Atlanta, ok? I scoffed at the idea of them continuing the NFC South trend of last place teams winning the division the following year. But if they win and Carolina loses, the Atlanta Falcons are your 2008 NFC South Champions.

Philadelphia 3 @ Washington 10 – If anyone is looking for any last minute gifts for me, I have a suggestion. I would like my office PC, wrapped and under the tree so I can do this to it:

(Turn the volume down if you’re at work)

Carolina 28 @ NY Giants 34 – How many fantasy football championship games do you think DeAngelo Williams and Brandon Jacobs changed on Sunday night? I know they both came into play in ours.

Green Bay 17 @ Chicago 20 – Oh poor Green Bay, looks like that draft pick from the Jets is only going to be a 3rd rounder because of their implosion over the last couple weeks.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Wow what a weekend, I was able to advance in all 4 leagues. The one league, the one that takes all my time, ended this past weekend and it was right down to the wire.

Unfortunately, The Davidson’s had the Logels over for Xmas thus Trebor missed watching the games and getting timely updates. However, with some of the early games ending it was not looking good, On his side Wayne, Clark, Rhodes all put up good numbers and the only guy I had was Andre Johnson so I was down by about 50.

Then out of nowhere KC decides not to play, Rivers goes from having 3 points to 21 quicker than this basketball going up in flames. In this league you get bonus points, so for qb if he throws over 300 that’s 17 pnts (1/ 25yrs then 5 bonus), in the last 2 minutes when Rivers threw for 160 yds and 2 td’s I was a happier than a Buccaneer at IHOP.

Some guys played in the afternoon, Deaneglo and Stewart brought my team within .5 points. We both had 1 player left, he had Eli and I had Westbrook. I was feeling pretty confident. Since Philly hates running the ball it was a close game, but Westbrook got 3.5 pnts on Monday night giving me an edge of 0.4 points. So many things could have changed the outcome and taken the $600 from my pocket… if Eli doesn’t heave up that last second INT, if Andre catches 1 less pass and doesn’t break the 200 yrd mark… If Chris Brown doesn’t miss that field goal. So many things once again hitting the point home that there’s a lot of luck involved.

My NFL league I’m a 5 point favorite and ?? I really just joined that league because I like the updates better than yahoo. Winning would bring a smile to my face because as in seemingly every league 2 guys who presumably don’t know each other make the worst trade. Right after Romo got hurt and the week Boldin was coming back, the one guy trades away Romo and Breaston, for Randy Moss and Rivers. My opponent is the benefactor of that trade, oh how I want to win.

This week I’m also favored to win the championship game in our very own Sports As Life league, though the previous 2 outings against this foe I have lost. However, I have made some changes to my lineup (how Pierre Thomas was available??), sitting Warner could be bad decision though with snow in the forecast against NE, he could be disastrous even though Oaktown just scored how many points against the Pats. It should be close thanks to Dallas Clark.

Also have my espn league where I’m favored by 40 pnts this week but it’s a 2 week playoff game so who knows how that will end.

All of this is some might say is bragging and I wouldn’t argue with that, but more so just to show that the Sports As Life fantasy guru isn’t just some bum off the street (Ed. Note - As opposed to the rest of the Sports As Life staff?). Well I used to be but not anymore, like the Dolphins rising up to glory after so long in the gutter. Did anyone think they would be better than KC this year, let alone the Patriots??? Anyway nothing but the best are hired, though that college guy still hasn’t answered my question…. How can the offensive player (a qb) of the year not be the top qb of the year?? It’s probably something stupid along the lines of the BCS system but I still want to know.

With most leagues ending or over for most I thought there would be no point doing a sit start thing, but rather a question to those readers. Is anyone interested in a playoff fantasy league? I know a couple out there from my other leagues but one can be created fairly easily by say, the editor.

These work a bit different as there is no draft and individual defensive players are usually picked. In a standard league you’d pick:

2 qb’s
2 rb’s
3 wr’s
1 Te
1 Flex
2 K’s
2 DL
2 LB
2 DB

Points for offensive players is the same and defense you get points for tackles, Forced fumbles, INT, sacks.

What makes it different is the fact that there can be 2 teams with the exact same roster, you can also just pick one team. If you think the J-E-T-S are going all the way then you can load up on all jet players and then throw in some NFC players. (note they aren’t going all the way, Favre stinks… besides that one game where he threw 5 TD’s he’s been very mediocre.)

Last year it wasn’t that interesting because everyone had New England players. So most people had Brady, maroney, Moss, welker, Watson, Gostkowski. Then the difference would be one guy liked Green Bay, another guy like Dallas or whoever.

Your picking guys from teams that you think will go far, however they don’t need to be playing in the superbowl to win the league for you. If you think Dallas as wildcard should win their 1st game and their 2nd but then lose in the conference finals. That means they play 3 games, the same amount that Pittsburgh or one of the other first round bye teams might play. The max any team will play is 4, which was the case with the giants last year.

There’s a few things to consider that make it interesting, say Tennessee playing 3 games I for one would say their offensive stars would be about the same as Arizona’s stars in 2 games. Pittsburgh and Baltimore are in that same boat with no offense so picking their players is risky.

Adding in Defensive players is also fun since last year for 2nd place it came down to 2 players. One team had Adalius Thomas and the other had Brusci, all the other players were either the same or had been eliminated. Because of a sack at the end of the superbowl, the team with Thomas won by 1 pnt or something like that.

Anyway let if there’s enough interest maybe Ed. will create a league again, or if you want to know more just let me know. the other great thing is there’s no limit in size in the leagues. One league has 17 teams already and it will probably have more so people can join up at any time. There’s almost always something on the line $10, $20... since there’s no limit people usually throw in 2 teams.

So I finally got the video uploaded… this is what Rob and I tried doing last weekend, looks like fun, however since we were boarding we thought we need a bigger chute and well it ended up looking like this .

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Sports As Life Christmas List

Good news for you sad, last-minute shoppers out there (raises hand) - TH stops by this afternoon to give you some much needed Christmas gift ideas for the sports lover on your list. And there was much rejoicing.

Well it is that time of year again, a time that inspires fear and terror and an overwhelming sense of hopeless… no, I’m not talking about my fantasy team – although I probably should be. No, I’m talking about Christmas shopping – all the pushing, shoving, swearing and eventual crying and the stealing of the who-pudding and who-roast. That is why I love this time of year.

So, if you are looking for that perfect gift for the sports-lover in your life here are a few of Sports As Life’s favourites.

For the football lover in your family how about this classic?

Didn’t everyone always want one of these growing up? They look kinda useless and you probably wouldn’t want to pick up the phone or make any outgoing calls on them…but they…well…ummm…they look like a football, what else can I say?

This is also the season that people tend to overindulge with snack foods and the like, well if you have one of those in your family that also loves sports they might love this.

A perfect festive combination. Who wouldn’t be proud to use the snack helmet as a centrepiece for all kind of social functions? Could it be the perfect Christmas gift? Well, no, because the KC logo has a high risk of causing people to choke (like they did against San Diego…bam!) (Ed. Note - also causing self-inflicted wounds) when you tell them that yes in-fact you are a Kansas City Chiefs fan. Oh, and yes, I know that the Raiders lost, but they got blown out and were never really in it. KC should have won…Merry Christmas Mr. Editor. (Ed. Note - *cocks hammer*)

People still like hockey… don’t they? Didn’t Sports As Life use to have an NHL department? It was as successful as a southern United States hockey team. Ah, the tough economic times must be the reason that nothing has come out of that department since…? But I digress. For the hockey fan in your life how about this classic?

What little Canadian child didn’t want one of these growing up? You could spend hours playing with them – lets face it they are more exciting than real NHL games - then someone would break it and it would end up in the attic or garage and never get used again and just be a place that would house mice and other vermin for the winter…ah the memories. Either that or you could put all your Star Wars figurines on a table tennis court and spend hours down in the basement trying to knock them over…sad, real sad.

But if hockey isn’t their choice of sport then what about…race car driving? If you know someone like this then how about this all-time favourite?

Because who doesn’t like drinking beer and watching cars go around in a circle? Perfect for all the race fans and people with less than a grade 9 education in your family.

Then there is my favourite sport…one that Sports As Life loves to cover, almost as much as NASCAR. Yes, that’s right…BASKETBALL!!! And what basketball lover wouldn’t want one of these beauties hanging on their tree or taking up useful space on their coffee table?

But lets face it, Sports As Life is a football site, so one last fantastic football themed gift for that special someone in you life.

I was never really sure how this worked, although they have leagues surrounding electric football these days. Maybe we could put the NCAA reporter on this up-and-coming sport when the college football season ends and he wonders what he is going to do with himself until draft day. Or that lazy-lazy NHL reporter that just stands around the coffee machine all day talking about the Flames…so lazy.

Lastly, for that sophisticated sports fan in your life, what about this classy fragrance?

Seriously, who wouldn’t want to smell like a burger 24/7…

Well I hope that this helps all you last minute shoppers out there. Have yourselves a Happy Holidays.

The 2nd Annual Sports As Life College Football Bowlstravaganza

Yes folks, Cooper is back to wade through the unending mire of the college football bowl season; previewing all the highlights, lowlights and which games you should shovel your driveway during.

If We Make it Through December. Bowl Predictions Part 1 of 6? 7? 8?

“If we make it through December we’ll be fine”... Merle Haggard.

That is what I am telling myself as I am gearing up for another busy college bowl season. I am going to buckle down this year and give a synopsis on every game. Synopsis is the word I am looking for, right? Anyway, yes I will preview and predict all 20-bowl games. Hold on, I am being informed that there are actually 34 bowl games this year. 34? That can’t possibly be right. Why that would mean that 68 of 119 teams are guaranteed a bowl game. What’s that you say? They want to add another 5 bowl games for next season. Why not just have 59 bowl games so that 118 of the 119 teams get a bowl game, that way everybody is a winner.(Ed. Note - Just like the CFL playoffs) Well all except for whoever is ranked 119th at the end of the season which is always either the Black Nights of Army or the Idaho Vandals.

This seasons bowl schedule kicks off this Saturday and goes until sometime in mid-January. The 8th of January to be precise. I will not preview every game at the present time, to do that in one sitting would be way too time consuming. And to make you the reader take in that much information in one sitting would be sadistic. Oh some breaking college football news, as I write this on what is Tuesday evening, everybody’s favorite octogenarian head coach Joe Paterno, at the age of 81 has just been given a 3 year extension to remain the head ball coach at Penn St. In all honesty I am happy to see him coming back to coach.

December 20th:

EagleBank Bowl: Wake Forest (7-5) @ Navy (8-4)
It’s good to see that in this time of dire financial ruin that a major U.S financial institution is throwing away money to sponsor a bowl game between Wake Forest and Navy. Kudos’ to you EagleBank, Kudos. What’s that you say? Each member of the winning team gets a free house on which you foreclosed on. That’s just excellent.

Oh this game is also a rarity in that Wake Forest and Navy have already met earlier this season in which Navy won 24 – 17.

Navy to win the rematch 31 – 27

New Mexico Bowl: Fresno St (7-5) @ Colorado St (6-6)
Hmmm apparently the legendary head coach of Alabama Paul “Bear” Bryant was somewhat of a douchebag.

(Ed. Note - To be fair, if I had to stare at the cream suit, I'd be pissed too)

I imagine that he was just still upset because he was told he had to have black players on his team by the national guard. Well still he is not nearly half the asshole that Nick Saban is.

Fresno St to win

MagicJack St. Petersburg Bowl: Memphis (6-6) @ South Florida (7-5)
Please let Magicjack be a local chain of flapjack houses in the St. Petersburg area, that would be so awesome. Oh they are just a free long distance phone company. Dammit!

Who would have guessed that Russians enjoyed college football enough to host a bowl game? I believe the MVP of this game gets a free Lada sedan.

Better yet who would have guessed that The Gambler, Kenny Rogers was such a kick ass bass player.

Then again who would have guessed that apparent greasy hippy is even Kenny Rogers. By my estimate the man has been sporting that beard for the better part of 40 years. That’s a hell of a long time to stick with one facial hairstyle. And I for one salute him for it. What do you think is under that beard? A Chuck Norris like fist? A Chuck Norris beard? Chuck Norris? Or carcasses of some fine roasted chickens? My money is on the chicken.

I highly recommend getting the studio version of that song “Ruby Don’t Take your Love to Town”, it is fantastic. Nothing beats a good old country song about shooting and putting your cheating old lady in the ground.

Just like South Florida will bury Memphis.

Las Vegas Bowl: #17 BYU (10-2) @ Arizona (7-5)
I imagine that when the fine people of the Chamber of Commerce for the city of Las Vegas decided to host a bowl game that they wanted to attract certain teams and their fan bases to come to their fine city and spend money drinking, gambling and whoring it up. Well Las Vegas open your arms up to Brigham Young University and it’s fine fan base which makes up the majority of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Yes a team of devout Mormon’s and their fans are making the holy trek across the salt flats to Vegas to play the Wildcats of Arizona. Actually it appears that BYU makes a yearly appearance in this game having played in it the last 3 seasons. Maybe it is made to be that way to give the Mormans one day of debauchery. Well here is a random clip from last years Las Vegas Bowl which I oddly enough remember watching live.

When BYU wins this game their fans will be staying up till the wee hours of 11 pm to celebrate the win. I believe there is a planned celebratory scripture reading at the Wynn following the game.

BYU to win

December 21st:

R&LCNO Bowl: Southern Miss (6-6) @ Troy (8-4)
The actual full name for this game is “The R and L Carriers New Orleans Bowl”…Jesus tap dancing Christ! I assume neither R and L Carriers nor the City of New Orleans had enough money to sponsor a bowl game on their own so they decided to pool their resources in this time of financial woes. (Ed. Note - I can't embed that video, so you'll just have to follow the link to watch it)

That commercial is almost as bad as the legendary commercial for Ron and Ally’s pizza which featured North Star legendary tender Gilles Meloche

Troy St to win. Don’t ask why I think that. Just accept it

December 23rd:

Poinsettia Bowl: #11 TCU (10-2) @ #9 Boise St (12-0)
This is actually known as the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. The people at the San Diego County Credit Union would like to remind you over this holiday season to stay classy while we foreclose on your ass.

Seriously, Boise St wins their conference by decimating every team they faced, are undefeated and the best they get is the Poinsettia Bowl? Does the bowl selection committee not remember Boise St – Oklahoma from 2 years ago? Only the best bowl game ever!

(Ed. Note - Those videos still give me chils, and probably always will)

Seriously though this should be one of the better bowl games this year. It is just a shame two quality teams are forced to play in such a meaningless bowl game.

Boise St to win

So that is 6 down, only 28 more bowl games to go. Next up are the games spanning Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day. Serenity Now! Serenity Now!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Don’t You Wanna Know Why The Post Remains Nameless?

New Orleans 24 @ Chicago 27 – With Reggie Bush done for the year and Vince Young holding a clipboard, how good does that Mario Williams pick look now? I still find it hard to believe how all this has played out.

Tampa Bay 10 @ Atlanta 13 – Thank you Atlanta, I will now release the hostages.

San Francisco 9 @ Miami 14 – Saw this on Deadspin yesterday and I thought I would pass it on. It’s not hilarious, but it’s better than anything I was going to come up with.

Seattle 23 @ St. Louis 20 – Kath and Kim is the worst show in the history of TV – it’s like The Hills for stupid people (note: I’ve never actually seen The Hills, but I think you have to be pretty stupid to watch it). If Kath and Kim is actually faithful to the incredibly popular Australian version, it confirms what I’ve always suspected – Australians are idiots.

Buffalo 27 @ NY Jets 31 – Know how I know you’re a terrible football player? You’re name’s J.P Losman.

San Diego 22 @ Kansas City 21 – You know, I feel like I should be surprised the Chiefs blew an 11 point lead with 2 minutes to go… but I’m not, at all. Since nobody in their right mind would put this abomination on network television, I was following along on and I saw the Chargers where driving with about 2 minutes to go. I thought to myself, “The Chiefs are going to blow this.” And sure enough. But I’m not mad, not at all – because…

That’s right, the man “affectionately” known as King Carl – Carl Peterson – is out after 20 years of being the Chiefs’ President, CEO and GM. And I’m more excited than I’ve been in a long time.

Washington 13 @ Cincinnati 20 – So he was being sarcastic, gotcha.

Tennessee 12 @ Houston 13 – Where did Houston come from all of a sudden. I guess when you don’t have to worry about Hurricane Rosenfels playing quarterback for you, things start to turn around.

Green Bay 16 @ Jacksonville 20 – Did you realize Green Bay is 5-9? That happened quickly and quietly.

Detroit 21 @ Indianapolis 31 – Only New Orleans and Green Bay stand between Detroit and their historic march towards futility. Maybe they’ll win both, giving Kansas City a shot at the #1 overall pick – oh, who are we kidding?

Minnesota 35 @ Arizona 14 – So, that happened.

Pittsburgh 13 @ Baltimore 9 – I honestly can’t believe they called it a touchdown. I think it was a touchdown, but from the replay I saw the conclusive evidence wasn’t exactly conclusive. But how does a referee not know how to describe why it was a touchdown? Two feet down in the endzone with control of the ball isn’t a touchdown IF THE BALL ISN”T IN THE ENDZONE TOO!

Denver 10 @ Carolina 30 – Citing a decline in production from the company that manufactures the product that turns Ben Mulroney’s skin orange, CTV has decided to put a hold on Canadian Idol. Christmas came exactly one week early this year. Five years ago, what kind of odds would you have gotten on Brian Mulroney eventually not being the biggest embarrassment in that family?

New England 49 @ Oakland 26 – Am I the only one who thinks giving up 26 points to the Raiders isn’t the sign of a great team? Probably just me. And I’m horribly, horribly biased.

NY Giants 8 @ Dallas 20 – Thanks Tony Romo and T.O, thanks very much.

Cleveland 10 @ Philadelphia 30 – I’m sure glad Cleveland has been on prime time TV every second week all season long. They are who we thought they were:

No matter how many times I hear that chant, it always puts a smile on my face. And you know what, just for the heck of it:

Man, do I love the internet.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

(ED. NOTE - The editor is too tired to edit, so here's Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby in the raw)

Well well well, the playoffs are here and for some gone. Last week I suffered a defeat in the first round in my keeper league. I could blame it on Addai, Wayne, Gore & Romo who didn’t perform or I can say if I sat romo for shaun hill, or played deangelo hall instead of coleman. I was averaging 105 pnts per week, last week 75 and only lost by 5.5. It was a rough loss but I’m still in all the other leagues..hopefully going to the final round in my espn league and winning the big one this weekend (16 teams $120/team…big prize).

I try not to look at this point of the game what my matchups are and what the opponents are. As far as your own team this should have been done before the trade deadline and if you didn’t like it something should have been done back then. Now there’s nothing to do and last week was an example of match-ups being deceiving. By match-ups I was getting blown out: Addai vs cincy, warner vs rams, colston vs atla, cotchery vs SF. Meanwhile I had westbrook vs NY (less than 50 yds first time they played), deangelo vs TB, Andre vs GB, Rivers vs Oak. The game in the end wasn’t even close 150 – 40 (rounded) for this guy. Pretty much all of his players did the bare minimum, whereas I had huge performances. Who knew that TB was that bad against the run..suddenly the witten for stewart trade pays off.

People get in trouble when it’s playoff time, going with a mediocre player with a great matchup over a guy that is a proven star with just a so-so matchup, or a star who’s in a slump. Being burnt by sitting Steven Jackson in week 6 (whatever week he went off for 30 pnts), isn’t even comparable to losing in the playoffs with him on the bench and producing. So am I going to sit Andre Johnson cause he plays against tennesee for koren robinson who gets the rams…NO. Yeah robinson could have a big game but trust me you won’t be kicking yourself because you didn’t start a #3 wr for your top guy..pissed of yes but it’s about giving yourself the best opportunity. If you like risks then play the match-ups but it’s not for me.

So to write something I looked at the match-ups this week and saw that in 3 leagues I have 3 of the same players playing this week. 2 have great match-ups 1 an alright match-up. Westbrook, and indy defense could get me 50 pnts, then the 3rd is andre. If mcnab decides that he wants to throw 70 times this week..I’m screwed or if Indy overlooks the lions I could be done. Also in 2 leagues I’m playing against teams with the pitts defense and chris Johnson (good thing Lendal probably won’t play).

If your looking for some advice short and by game. Again no pictures cause I’m tired and sore from boarding in louise and still have to go shovel the 20 cm of snow we got last night.

TB – ATL : Sit-Turner the Burner and Matt Ryan, Garcia
Start- Roddy White, Bryant

Was – Cincy : Start – Portis, Moss, Housh

Ten – Houston : Sit – Schaub
Start – Gage

GB – Jags: Start – Rodgers, MJD
Sit – Garrard

Sf – Miami: Sit- Ronnie, Foster (If he’s a starter)
Start – Pennington, Bruce

Seattle – Rmas: Start – Branch, Morris, Jacson, Bulger

Buff- NYJ : Start- Favre, Jones
Sit – lynch, Evans

SD- KC : Start Thigpen, Rivers, LT
Sit – LJ

Detroit- Indy: Start – Any Indy offensive player
Sit – Calvin Johnson

Minny – Arzizona: Start- AP
Sit – Warner, any Arz rb. ( I’m saying sit warner cause though he will throw for 200+ yds and 2-3 Td’s I see turnovers, he’s also likely better than most #2 qb’s out there so ….

Pitts – Baltimore : I’d start no one here

Denver – Carolina : Start – Carolina rb’s, Cutler, Marshall
Sit – Delhomme

NE – Oakland: Sit – Cassel
Start – Morris

NYG – Dallas : Sit – Choice (I’m assuming Barber’s out), Eli
Start – Romo, Owens

Browns – Philly : Start- Mcnab

No real stretches out there but one thing I did just remember. It came to me when I was writing the Dallas game, and that was Jerry calling out Marian the Barbarian and I am glad he did. I know it doesn’t look good, but your team needs you . Challenging a guys toughness is ideal but jerry and the fans see the qb trying to play with a broken finger, the year before a wr with a broken thumb, then a guy with a dislocated toe and he’s out for the most important games???

With Marian out though there is a terrible trend that just serves as a reminder that you can know everything and say this is a skill, but like poker there’s luck involved. This week the following rb’s are likely out. Addai, Gore, Marian, Jacobs, Lendal. There’s also a host that have already been injured and out or that are banged up and may not finish the game. All of the guys listed though could have been #1 rb on someones team.

It’s luck when you’re the #5 in the draft you want addai, but the guy in the 4 spot takes him and leaves you with Westbrook. At the time your like oh well he’s still good. Then he gets hurt midway, you stick with him though and now he’s one of the top players down the stretch meanwhile that guy who took addai..probably out of the playoffs.

Good luck to all in the playoffs except for the editor. No even to him, though if you win I want it to be because Boldin gets those 7 Td’s, and not because of huge performances by Chris or Pitts.

Friday, December 12, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 15 in the NFL

So as you may have noticed (but probably didn’t) there was no NFL wrap-up post this week. I’m blaming the fact that I couldn’t come up with a clever song lyric to fit in the “nameless post” model – and while you may scoff at that, I assure it played a larger role than it probably would have for a sane person.

But since we’re all here – why don’t we have a chat?

Did you know a new football stadium was apparently built overnight here in Regina? I sure didn’t. But from what I’ve been able to piece together it is a state of the art, 60,000 seat, retractable roof, interchangeable turf, multi-use, NHL-enticing, Rolling Stones having every year, BEST THING EVER stadium!!1!1!!

It seems like only about 10 months ago we were having this same discussion and hey – look what I found! From a March 18th post:

Well let me be the first to give this new stadium it's first nickname... the World's Most Expensive Golf Dome. Or how about The Big Empty? That Stadium They Used to Play Football In? Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time?

Anyone want to sit inside on a beautiful summer night and watch football? Didn't think so. An indoor stadium would save fans from how many cold games a year... 2... 3? And that's all part of the experience of going to a football game in Saskatchewan.

Is a new stadium needed? Maybe.

Taylor Field absolutely has to be upgraded and improved. But if a new stadium is followed through with, it has to be open-air. What is a brand new, multi-hundred million dollar indoor stadium going to be used for in the winter? Occasional soccer game? The odd concert Regina can pry away from Saskatoon? Car dealership extravaganzas?

And where might the money come from for this new pipe-dream? Oh, the government you say? I will agree that there is lots of money to go around in the province right now. But let me counter by saying there are a few hundred things that need funding in this province before a new football stadium.

Our infrastructure is crumbling.

Our health-care system is dangerously close to collapsing in on itself (ok, maybe it's not that bad - but I sure don't want to go to the Emergency Room anytime soon).

Affordable housing is a joke and a thing of the past.

I'd like to think that we have a little bit of common sense in this province and we see to it that some of these more pressing issues are dealt with before we build a novelty that will sit empty and unused for half of the year.

However, if this project does somehow start to move forward you can be that I'll be using this platform and it's (non-existent) influence to come out fully against the indoor stadium. Or at least the use of public money to fund it.

That is all.

And just think, that was written back when oil was $110 a barrel and rising, today’s price: $43.50. Oh well, there’s always potash.

But I’m sure glad I wrote all this back then because it saved me a lot of time now. The only thing I would change is the name of the stadium, I still love ‘The Big Empty’ but here’s what my sources (I have none) tell me the stadium will be called:

“Hopson’s Folly”

In the spirit of other affectionately-derisive stadium nicknames, like “The Big Owe” and “The Mistake by the Lake,” I think “Hopson’s Folly” is perfect. “Fiacco’s Folly” and “Wall’s Folly” just didn’t have that same ring, even though they might be more appropriate.

Then there is the fact there are some who think the possibility of an NFL team in Toronto (less likely than it was 6 months ago) would kill the CFL (I still don’t see it). So even if both of those longshots paid off and the Toronto Bills killed the CFL, what then? Would the Regina Red Sox play in front of 45 people inside this testament to man’s need to build the biggest, coolest stuff he can?

Oh, by the way – as you were reading this SaskPower raised your rates by 13%. How would you feel about a tax increase to pay for a new stadium now?

And since the writing of the post spanned two days, here’s a quote from yesterday’s Leader Post, from Kevin Blevins:

What does matter is that Fiacco, our fair city’s most public cheerleader, has come a long way in the past 12 months, from thinking we could only spend $10 million on fixing up 80-year-old Mosaic Stadium to now believing that maybe this city, and this province, can build something extraordinary that will serve our province for the next 50 years at least. There is a long way to go, especially when Premier Brad Wall says it’s a City of Regina issue. Thanks, Mr. Premier, maybe Regina will build the stadium and then rename them the Regina Roughriders.

All I can say is bravo, Mr. Premier. At least someone in a position of power isn’t getting swept up in this hoopla. And he’s right, it is a City of Regina issue. Are people in North Battleford going to want to pay higher taxes or have their tax dollars (or however it would be paid for) used to build a new stadium in Regina? How about Saskatoon? What percentage of a Roughrider crowd comes from Saskatoon? 10%? I have no idea but I think even that might be a little generous. And that’s only 10 days a year (probably 9 in reality). And yes I know that provincial money is spent in regions that do not affect me one iota – but I’d say that fixing a road or bridge in northern Saskatchewan or a hospital in Moose jaw is slightly more important than a new luxury stadium in Regina.

Sure, a new dome would have a larger effect if a big name concert was drawn to Regina – but I don’t think simply building the stadium means Led Zeppelin is going to play a reunion date here.

I am well aware that this has been all over the map – but here’s my last question: If this new stadium was 40,000 seats let’s say – would the Roughriders have the ability to sell 40,000 tickets for every football game? I say probably not. And I guess in reality the stadium would hold 30,000ish and be expandable. But a situation should not be created wherein sections of stadium are tarped off so empty seats aren’t visible and the game is technically a sell-out.

In the end, I don’t care if a new stadium is built – I’m just not going to pay for it.

But on to why we’re here:

Note – my fantasy football semi-finals are this weekend, in which I’m playing Sports As Life’s own fantasy guru Trebor and am going to get blown out of the water. So expect much fantasy talk in the game previews, as I try to motivate my team by cursing them out in an electronic medium they will never, ever see – and if you don’t like it go read a newspaper.

New Orleans @ Chicago – I hate you Lance Moore. I know you basically saved my season when Jerrico Cotchery disappeared faster than my interest in network television. But you screwed me last night Moore – ruining the slim chance I had at making the finals, so kindly go find an interstate to run across.
Winner: Chicago

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta – Die Tampa, die!
Winner: Atlanta

Washington @ Cincinnati – The bloom has really come of the Jim Zorn rose, hasn’t it? Apparently Clinton Portis thinks Zorn is a “genius” – which I assume means that Zorn isn’t a genius. Although I could be wrong about that – I was away the week they taught sarcastic quotation marks in school. Or are they ironic? Like I said, I was away.
Winner: Washington

Detroit @ Indianapolis – After this game, Detroit has New Orleans and Green Bay left. Neither of those two teams should lose to Detroit, but Baltimore shouldn't have lost to Miami last year either. I'm extraordinarily excited for Detroit to go 0-16.
Winner: Indianapolis

San Diego @ Kansas City – Gee, I hope this steaming pile of garbage is on TV. So word out of Kansas City this week is they might be looking to get a pass rusher in the first round instead of a quarterback. For those scoring at home, the Chiefs still only have 6 sacks for the year. And while a defensive end is needed, I don’t think you can build a team around that position. YOU NEED A QUARTERBACK. Fun fact: in the past, the Chiefs have tried to shore up their defensive line through the draft with hilarious, if not expected results:
2004 – draft Junior Siavii in 2nd round, played 2 years in the league – now out of football
2004 – get lucky in 4th round, draft Jared Allen – trade him during last offseason because General Manager is grade-A prick (note: Allen has 12.5 sacks this season – Kansas City’s entire team, 6)
2002 – draft Ryan Sims in the 1st round (6th overall), played 4 wildly unspectacular seasons in Kansas City – apparently now with Tampa Bay. Here are some of the defensive linemen taken after Sims in 2002: John Henderson (9th overall), Dwight Freeny (11th overall), Albert Haynesworth (15th) – as I was typing that I had to fight a very strong urge to spontaneously combust.

But if you want to drive yourself nuts, get on Wikipedia, look at past NFL draft results and see just how bad your team is in the draft. Were you aware that David Carr was taken number 1 overall in 2002? Joey Harrington was taken #3. So I guess a quarterback is never a sure thing either.
Winner: San Diego

Buffalo @ NY Jets – If you use speakerphone for the majority of your person to person phone calls, you’re a douchebag ok? I hate to break it to you – but you are. PICK UP THE RECEIVER AND SPEAK TO THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END AS IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY WORTHY OF YOUR TIME! “Oh I’m sorry, I’m much too important and busy to pick up 0.25 pounds of plastic and place it under my chin.” Here’s another news flash – absolutely nobody wants to hear your phone calls. PICK UP THE PHONE!
Winner: New York

Seattle @ St. Louis – I just know you’re going to screw me over this weekend, aren’t you Steven Jackson? I just know it. This actually might be the worst game of football every played.
Winner: St. Louis… no wait, Seattle… no wait, there will be no winners associated with this game because in the end we all lose

San Francisco @ Miami – Well it was inevitable… the Sports As Life accounting department has just informed me that due to a catastrophic corporate structure and borderline-incompetent money management we will be bankrupt within the month. So here’s my question – is this the line for a bailout, or are we taking numbers?
Winner: Miami

Green Bay @ Jacksonville – It’s come to my attention that the light in my office’s photocopier is green, rather than the usual retina-destroying bright white. Yes, it is a fascinating life I lead – thank you for asking.
Winner: Jacksonville

Tennessee @ Houston – Chris Johnson, this weekend you’d better run like you’re covered in BBQ sauce and LenDale White is chasing you with that look in his eye. Hell, I’ll even supply the sauce if that’ll help.
Winner: Tennessee

Minnesota @ Arizona – Since I have nothing to say about this game, other than I hope Kurt Warner contracts a case of sudden-onset, acute, uncontrollable pants-pissing syndrome and has to sit this week out, forcing Matt Leinart into the game wherein he miraculously thrown 7 touchdown passes to Anquan Boldin and nothing to Larry Fitzgerald – here are some pictures from Arizona’s NFC West-clinching victory last weekend, courtesy of commenter B.

Winner: Arizona

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore – Whooooweeeee, this might be the most exciting 6-3 game you’ll ever see. This game might also bring us the NFL’s first on-field aggravated assault charge.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Denver @ Carolina – By all logic Carolina should rush for about 1,400 yards in this game – which of course means they’ll rush for 42. I still can’t get over the ass-kicking they gave the Tampa defence last week. The only rushing game in the world right now that’s better than Carolina is Georgia Tech. If you love the Triple Option, and how could you not, make sure to watch the Chick-Fil-A Bowl on New Year’s Eve. I’m sure Cooper will cover this as well, but I wanted to give it an early plug.
Winner: Carolina

New England @ Oakland -

Winner: New England

NY Giants @ Dallas – If you happen to find yourself standing near a bus while in Dallas, Texas – beware! Someone from the Cowboys organization will find you and throw you under it. First Jerry Jones threw Marion Barber under for not being tough enough (of all the people to question!). Then Terrell Owens throws Tony Romo and Jason Witten under for having a secret club and not inviting him (winner for least surprising news of year). I’m certainly glad that my fantasy fortunes are tied so closely to two people in the middle of a blood feud – although I guess that’s what I get for making that fantasy deal with the devil. How’d that Pacman Jones signing turn out by the way?
Winner: Dallas (the power of positive thought!!1!!!)

Cleveland @ Philadelphia – I just need Brian Westbrook to be stifled for one week and he’s playing Cleveland?!?! Shoot me in the face. Where’s that “can only tie with Cincinnati” Philly team when you need them?
Winner: Philadelphia

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Giant Post About the New York Jets

(Or how I learned that Brett Farve can’t play in the pouring rain)

Finally, the boss has given me an assignment that I can sink my teeth into - writing a piece about the New York Jets/Denver Broncos game. What’s that you say, I have to fly to New York to cover the Jets game? Ok, but can I put it on the company credit card? What’s that you say? Cooper spent the company’s limit on his buffalo moon farm and paying our lawyers for being sued by college co-eds? F*ck! Well looks like no Christmas gifts for the family this year.

Well, I decided that this was the perfect way to climb the corporate ladder at Sportsaslife Inc., so I bit the bullet and bought my ticket to the game and to New York City for the Jets/Broncos game. If the editor doesn’t take note of this then I may as well look for another job at another sports-blog. I also didn’t want to be taken advantage of in the big city, so I brought some muscle along (by brother DH) and some brains (Sportsaslife fantasy guru Trebor and his beautiful wife).

There were a few days before the game, so I decided that I might as well see the sites of the big city. We started at the Statue of Liberty, which was smaller than I thought, but still mighty impressive. Needless to say you can tell that we are some classy people and really respect the integrity of historical things.

Yes a bunch intelligent sensitive people, yup that’s us.

Well, down to Wall Street to see where all the magic of the market happens. Oh, wait, there are a bunch of people in suits begging for money. Hey, I think I see our editor holding a sign up asking for a bail-out!?! Better not take out that housing loan.

Jeez by the time we made it through Wall Street I was out 250 billion dollars and I didn’t even get a thank-you or a reach-around. Man, this trip just got very expensive. Perhaps things will be better on 5th Avenue.

Oh, Sacs 5th Avenue, Tiffany’s, Louis Vuitton, these are stores that everyone knows…and that poor shmoes like us aren’t allowed into. I guess that explains why all these stores have door guards. Well off to Macy’s, hopefully there are no Christmas shopping related squishings while we are there. Too soon?

We just got out of Macy’s and a day has somehow passed us by… what happened in there. I guess that is to be expected with a store that’s advertisement reads “Macy’s: The Biggest Store in the WORLD”.

Off to Times Square to see the sights...

Well all I got there was a street CD that I didn’t really want. Actually, it isn’t bad hopefully our editor can put a track on somehow, if not, check this guy out at Seriously, check it out! (Ed. Note - He couldn't, so y'all just have to follow the link)

Hey, one of the huge New York city news tickers just said that Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a night club with a handgun that he didn’t have a permit for…he must be a Rhodes Scholar. Maybe he goes home at night wondering how he could join his buddy Mick Vick in jail. Perhaps he also goes home at the end of a game and starts flushing money down the toilet for entertainment. Idiot. The second that news hit the streets the New York Papers were killing him… and I have to say that he deserves it. Well, no time to waste, have to see all there is to see before the game.

I guess we should go to a museum or something… doesn’t Ben Stiller work at the Natural History Museum?

After 4 hours of looking I am finally convinced that Night at the Museum was not a documentary and Ben Stiller doesn’t work at the New York American Museum of Natural History.

I suppose that we should go to the game, since that was what I was here to see. Oh, good, it is pouring rain. Even better, it is cold… hurray, I am looking forward to this already. Wait, what!?!?! We have to go to New Jersey to see the game…what!!! Needless to say once we emerge for Lincoln Tunnel I know we are in New Jersey, and I know why it is nicknamed “The Swamp”.

Into the Giants Stadium surrounded by real New Yorkers, the first ones that I have seen since I have been here. The game starts out well despite the rain, 7 – 7, and I just learned that you can’t challenge fumble recoveries in the NFL – could someone remind me why the NFL has replay again? But things look promising for the Jets since the Broncos can’t stop the run. Oh, wait, Brett Farve has started to do those Brett Farve things… sling the ball down the field. Did he forget that he isn’t any good in the rain?

Oh, things are getting out of hand before the half.

Just before half the Broncos have an injury. Oh, two in a row, people are starting to grumble. Wait, wait, three in a row… the people around us start to boo. I turn around and I think Elliot Gould is sitting right behind me. He looks and sounds exactly like him. I ask him for his autograph and he asks for my wallet. Nice, Elliot Gould has just stolen my wallet at a Jets game. But he said he was the wallet inspector.

Oh, more booing, which means that there is another Bronco lying on the field only to come back into the game 2 plays later after they have sat by the heater for a second. One more down and I begin to boo – I am starting to feel like a Philly fan booing when Michael Irvin was lying on the field at Vet’s stadium with a broken neck. I seemingly have lost all interest in the game and start to count how many Broncos can be ‘injured’, and contemplate how well they are organized… never are their two Broncos lying on the field at the same time. They could form some kind of synchronized swim team. They could dominate international competitions! Oh, I have also learned that stepping on the white sideline does NOT mean that you are out of bounds… the things I didn’t know about football. Oh, look my first viewing of a Brett Farve overthrow interception… neat.

Thank god the game is finally over, that was painful to watch, and no wonder the editor gave me this assignment. I think he hates me. The Jets couldn’t even beat the lowly Broncos, who were blown out by the Raiders… I guess the Jets also lost to the Raiders…and they are going to the playoffs!?!

Well after I stand out in the rain another hour waiting to get on the bus back to Port Authority and the safety of New York I am ready to go home. Our flight is in two hours, loads of time. Into the cab on the way to the airport and someone has forgotten their passport at the hotel… AHHHHHH!!!

Bye-bye New York, you were a fine city… let's see where the boss sends me next year.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well I was going to do the re-draft thing this week, as when I got back to Canada I found out that the election 2 months ago didn’t matter. So then it was going to be a whole new draft starting today and who to take. However, I brought back the New York flu and energy has been drained so something simple.

Most leagues should be in playoffs by now, in my espn league I’m in week 3. So the team has got you to the big show or let you down, either way unless there’s huge injuries your team is finalized and you got who you got.

Because of time I’m going old school, no pics


Clinton Portis – What was it like 5 - 6 weeks ago people were saying if you redrafted portis would be the #1 back or top 2 at least. He didn’t fool me and though there wasn’t any redraft I can say told you so. He’s always had injuries but he made it through the first half, imagine if you would have traded him away for a #2 rb and top wr…the possibilities. He’s hurt and playing against one of the best run defenses. I don’t see him getting much running room or playing time - SIT

Ronnie Brown – before I left one reader asked about Ronnie to which I said he’s a time share running back now. Since then nothing has changed and going into Buffalo the weather will be terrible, wait is this the week they play in Toronto. I was going to go with a low scoring game but indoor on turf…I’d still sit Ronnie he’s a #3 rb this week - SIT

Chester Taylor - Yes Adrian is the starter and will get 100+ and 1-2 Td’s, however the Lions stink. I believe in the past 4 games in 3 of those games the opposing teams #1 and #2 backs both got 100+ yds. Also Chester has been doing great the past few weeks, has a nose for the endzone even with his limited touches – START

Peyton Hillis - It used to be that any Denver rb would be a top back because of their offensive scheme and blocking. Then Portis left what 4 years ago and since then Denver hasn’t had a #1 back, Shanahan has screwed with fantasy owners by having 2-3 rb’s and rotating who gets the carries. Well because of 4 injuries Hillis is the last guy, no time share and he’s doing what you expect of a Bronco rb. He ran over the Jets last week and this week is KC. – START


Romo – Almost every football site you see something saying about Romo this week because he’s playing Pittsburgh. If he’s on your team you drafted him to be your guy, you likely don’t have Jay Cutler as a back-up so don’t go and pick up a guy on waivers. JP Losman did fine against the fins last time and he could lite it up again but his ceiling is like 200 yds and 2-3 Td’s. Romo yes, has a bad match-up but his ceiling is so much higher it’s worth the risk. START

Thigpen – Denver as of late has played better on defense lately but Thigpen isn’t that bad of a qb and he should be able to find some holes. He’d be a qood guy to have if your starter has a bad matchup this week. START

Cassell – I went away and this guy is putting up 400 yrd games. Good thing I had him sitting on the bench for Kyle Orton. Last week not good but that was more of the defense I believe. This week it’s Seattle and he may not get back to 400 yrds but he’ll put up some numbers. START

Garrard – This guy is having an awful year. He was one of my targeted qb’s going in to draft week and luckily he was always taken before I wanted to take a qb. This week he’s playing against Chicago and don’t expect much. The only receiver is Matt Jones - still not suspended. SIT

Peyton – What to do with this guy? You're starting him of course but last week against the Browns he didn’t do anything, who’s to say this week will be better? One thing though I like his new commercial. “You're going down Manning ”– “Yep 4th floor gonna get me one of the massages.”

Eli – Well talked about one manning, might as well mention the other. He’s been playing good as of late even without Sherrif Plaxico in their. I think the pass rush of Philly gets to Manning and without a legit deep threat the Giants offense will struggle. SIT


Laveraneus Coles – Favre and the offense should play better. SF has a decent run defense so it will be done in the air. I’m hoping it’s not Cotchery so then it’s gotta be Coles. START

Hines Ward - Adam Jones is back for Dallas and Ward hasn’t been that great so I’m sitting, not only Ward but Santonio to, if Pittsburgh gets yards it’s going to be on the ground. – SIT

Calvin Johnson - Minny gets to roll through Detorit this week. I don’t really understand the whole restraining order but the Williams' get to stay and that doesn’t bode well for Detroit. You gotta believe Calvin will be double teamed and though he wont get shut out he shouldn’t put up big numbers. SIT

Marvin Harrison - He’s got all of his TD’s at home so if your going to start him it has to be when they play in Indy. Also going against Cincy you gotta believe everyone on offense has a great chance of getting a TD this week. START

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It is the final weekend of the college football regular season. There are mostly conference title games this weekend with a sprinkling of meaningless rivalry games thrown in. Then after a few weeks rest we begin an orgy of 60 + bowl games such as “The Meineke Car Care Bowl”, “The Outback Bowl, brought to you by Outback Steakhouse”, “The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl” and so on and so on and so on. Oh also the GMAC Bowl from Detroit. That is if General Motors is still in existence in 2 weeks time. We will wait and see I guess.

#12 Ball St (12-0) @ Buffalo (7-5): MAC title game. I see that this game is currently in progress and it is currently 7 – 7.

I’ll take Balls St.
(Ed. Note - Since Cooper sent this on Friday and I'm posting on Saturday, I'll share with you that Buffalo trounced the Balls St. 42-24)

East Carolina (8-4) @ Tulsa (10-2): The Conference USA title game features the Pirates of East Carolina versus the Golden Hurricanes of Tulsa……So a few days ago I was relaxing on the couch watching tv when I saw in the tv listings a show on APTN called “Cooking With Wolfman”. Interesting I thought, so I checked it out. I was sadly disappointed to find that it was not at all what I had envisioned as I had assumed this so called “Wolfman” was Wolfman Jack. Was anyone out there aware of this?

I will take Tulsa to Win.

#18 Boston College (9-3) @ V-Tech (8-4): ACC title game. You know what marriage has taught me. It has recently taught me that if you own a sweet vintage 1970’s Coke machine that you are no longer allowed to keep it and must sell it. Also I have learned that when married you are no longer allowed to buy a sweet vintage 1970’s coke machine for $300. And before you ask, yes it is in perfect working condition. My dream was to purchase it and place it in the sunroom in the summer and stock it full of ice cold Miller High Life…The bottles, not the cans! Serenity Now, Serenity Now!

(Ed. Note - Since Cooper didn't include a winner for this game, I'll tell you that Virginia Tech won 30-12)

#1 Alabama (12-0) @ #2 Florida (11-1): Well it appears that in this year's SEC Conference final we have Coach Satan versus Coach Hitler. I will let you decide who is who. I really would like to see nothing more than both teams lose but sadly someone must win. I am a big fan of Alabama’s simple crimson red helmets with white numbers.

Alabama to win…It truly pains me to say that. The only satisfying outcome for an Alabama win is if unruly Bama fans rush the field at the end and trample Nick Saban to death.

Photo from

#19 Missouri (9-3) @ #3 Oklahoma (11-1): Did anyone happen to watch the Oklahoma – Oklahoma State game last Saturday? No? Didn’t think so. Well I did and no less than 6 times did I see WWE’s Jim Ross walking the Sooners sideline. Don’t know where I am going with this. Forget it.

So let me get this straight. Texas beats Oklahoma and finishes with the same record as Oklahoma yet Oklahoma goes to the title game over Texas. Now if Mizzou happens to upset Oklahoma then Texas, not Mizzou would go to the BCS title game. Ya no need for a simplified playoff system is there?

Oklahoma to win.

Now you are probably asking yourself where are the pictures of scantily clad college women representing their school. Well I say if you can find an attractive woman on the campus of Ball State, Buffalo, East Carolina, Tulsa, Virginia Tech, Boston College, Missouri or Oklahoma than you definitely have lower standards than I.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Predict a Riot - Week 14 in the NFL (Thursday Night Football Edition)


Wait, what’s happening? Noooooooo…

SANCTUARY!! … That’s not it?

PARLEY!!... No?

PROROGUE!! A-ha! I knew it was something like that.

Oakland @ San Diego – I swear this game better be high scoring to be even remotely watchable. And I mean high scoring – like 76-68. But who are we kidding, you and I? It’s going to be 12-10. At the very least there better be a brawl, or better yet - a stabbing:

Winner: San Diego

Jacksonville @ Chicago – It’s like a Sufjan Stevens album up in here. (runaway leader for “Obscure Musical Reference of the Year)

Winner: Chicago

Houston @ Green Bay – Well it’ll probably be another 15 years before Houston is on Monday Night again. In other news, I’m going rogue in my fantasy league this week by starting the Green Bay defence, who have given it up more than Jamie Lynn Spears over the past two weeks. I own the Pittsburgh defence, who are playing against Tony Romo and Terrell Owens – so they are just going to be cancelling each other out. So I’m taking the plunge with Dallas getting past the Pittsburgh D – I’m already convinced I’ve made the wrong decision.
Winner: Green Bay

Atlanta @ New Orleans – A fantasy player’s dream matchup: Brees, Bush, Colston, Moore, Ryan, White, Turner. And no defence anywhere in sight! As an aside, I hate that Microsoft Word tells me I’m spelling defence incorrectly – when in fact I’m spelling it much more correctly.
Winner: Atlanta (but of course it will probably be New Orleans)

Cleveland @ Tennessee – I’ve got new sitcom pitch for you. Picture this: The leader of country of, let’s say about 30 million people, is having a rough week. Nobody seems to like him; all the bullies at work are ganging up on him and trying to get him fired. All he wants more than anything in the world is for everybody to SIT STILL AND DO EXACTLY AS HE SAYS! Just when he’s about to give in, he’s visited by a mysterious ghost in the middle of the night. The ghost tells him that must not give up, that he is destined for great things – that he is a robot with magical powers. The next morning when he wakes up, he thinks the ghost was only a dream – but he soon realizes he has no human emotions and does have magical powers. HE CAN MAKE TIME STOP FOR 6 WEEKS AND BECOME INVISIBLE! Problem solved and hilarity ensues. It’s Yes, Prime Minister meets Out of This World meets Transformers.

Winner: Tennessee

Philadelphia @ NY Giants – Yes, Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg whilst trying to unload his handgun in a nightclub – but that’s not the strange part of the story. The part I can’t get my head around is, he was wearing sweatpants? Really? At the club? Is this the new thing – hobo chique is actually chique? Dressing like George Costanza is now the thing to do I guess.
Winner: New York

Cincinnati @ Indianapolis – The Colts don’t score a touchdown last week, Peyton Manning throws two picks and then still win? It’s just as I have foreseen it – someone get a couple buckets of goat’s blood.

Now that’s telekinesis Kyle!

Winner: Indianapolis

Minnesota @ Detroit – Looks like the Williams Sister have been spared from the heavy hand of the NFL in their “banned substance” case for at least another week. A little common sense here by the League wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It’s obvious just by looking at Pat Williams that the only thing he’s ever injected into his body is turkey gravy.

Winner: Minnesota

Miami @ “Buffalo” – Hey – it’s the first ever NFL regular season game in Canada!! Can you afford $300 for a ticket? No… well, please go away and be poor somewhere else. We’d rather not sell the game out than let the plebs in. It’s a shame Ted Rogers didn’t live to see this, actually… … in the spirit of not speaking ill about the recently deceased, I’m not going to finish that sentence.
Winner: Miami

NY Jets @ San Francisco – If you wear a Santa Hat in public you should be stripped of your citizenship to whatever country would have you in the first place, have your passport and assets seized and be forced to walk the Earth forever like Kwai Chang Cain. I’m serious.

Winner: New York

Kansas City @ Denver - Can Kansas City win both games against Denver this season and hold the tie-breaker over them when they finish tied for first in the division at the end of the season? In a word: No.
Winner: Denver

New England @ Seattle - This will be an inevitable New England route that overinflates their significance for another week. So instead of talking about that, I'd like to talk about how much I hate Deion Sanders. Truth be told I'm watching the NFL Network at the moment and it's Deion front and centre. He's running routes against a member of the US Army and getting in the soldiers face when he burns him on a fade route. Only we find out later they had to run the route about 4 times becase the soldier kept breaking up the pass. The best part, immediately after that segment the NFL Network went to commercial, and what was the first commercial for? You guessed it: the US Army. Man, I can't stand that guy. What ever happend to Lincoln Kennedy? Sigh.
Winner: New England

St. Louis @ Arizona – A win in this game and Arizona will clinch the NFC West, which is sort of like being the best ski jumper in Kenya I guess. Sure the title is nice, but really – there wasn’t a whole lot of competition. They will be one and done in the playoffs.
Winner: Arizona

Dallas @ Pittsburgh – A suspect day of games, for the most part is completely redeemed by the last three – starting with this one. For purely selfish reasons, I'm hoping the Dallas offence can outscore the Pittsburgh defence. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure Warren Sapp just threatened to kill, skin and wear a polar bear.
Winner: Dallas

Washington @ Baltimore - A pretty nice little Sunday night game, no?
Winner: Baltimore

Tampa Bay @ Carolina - There's a rising tide of people that are putting Tampa in the Super Bowl. Shoot me in the face.
Winner: Caronlina