Saturday, December 6, 2008

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It is the final weekend of the college football regular season. There are mostly conference title games this weekend with a sprinkling of meaningless rivalry games thrown in. Then after a few weeks rest we begin an orgy of 60 + bowl games such as “The Meineke Car Care Bowl”, “The Outback Bowl, brought to you by Outback Steakhouse”, “The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl” and so on and so on and so on. Oh also the GMAC Bowl from Detroit. That is if General Motors is still in existence in 2 weeks time. We will wait and see I guess.

#12 Ball St (12-0) @ Buffalo (7-5): MAC title game. I see that this game is currently in progress and it is currently 7 – 7.

I’ll take Balls St.
(Ed. Note - Since Cooper sent this on Friday and I'm posting on Saturday, I'll share with you that Buffalo trounced the Balls St. 42-24)

East Carolina (8-4) @ Tulsa (10-2): The Conference USA title game features the Pirates of East Carolina versus the Golden Hurricanes of Tulsa……So a few days ago I was relaxing on the couch watching tv when I saw in the tv listings a show on APTN called “Cooking With Wolfman”. Interesting I thought, so I checked it out. I was sadly disappointed to find that it was not at all what I had envisioned as I had assumed this so called “Wolfman” was Wolfman Jack. Was anyone out there aware of this?

I will take Tulsa to Win.

#18 Boston College (9-3) @ V-Tech (8-4): ACC title game. You know what marriage has taught me. It has recently taught me that if you own a sweet vintage 1970’s Coke machine that you are no longer allowed to keep it and must sell it. Also I have learned that when married you are no longer allowed to buy a sweet vintage 1970’s coke machine for $300. And before you ask, yes it is in perfect working condition. My dream was to purchase it and place it in the sunroom in the summer and stock it full of ice cold Miller High Life…The bottles, not the cans! Serenity Now, Serenity Now!

(Ed. Note - Since Cooper didn't include a winner for this game, I'll tell you that Virginia Tech won 30-12)

#1 Alabama (12-0) @ #2 Florida (11-1): Well it appears that in this year's SEC Conference final we have Coach Satan versus Coach Hitler. I will let you decide who is who. I really would like to see nothing more than both teams lose but sadly someone must win. I am a big fan of Alabama’s simple crimson red helmets with white numbers.

Alabama to win…It truly pains me to say that. The only satisfying outcome for an Alabama win is if unruly Bama fans rush the field at the end and trample Nick Saban to death.

Photo from

#19 Missouri (9-3) @ #3 Oklahoma (11-1): Did anyone happen to watch the Oklahoma – Oklahoma State game last Saturday? No? Didn’t think so. Well I did and no less than 6 times did I see WWE’s Jim Ross walking the Sooners sideline. Don’t know where I am going with this. Forget it.

So let me get this straight. Texas beats Oklahoma and finishes with the same record as Oklahoma yet Oklahoma goes to the title game over Texas. Now if Mizzou happens to upset Oklahoma then Texas, not Mizzou would go to the BCS title game. Ya no need for a simplified playoff system is there?

Oklahoma to win.

Now you are probably asking yourself where are the pictures of scantily clad college women representing their school. Well I say if you can find an attractive woman on the campus of Ball State, Buffalo, East Carolina, Tulsa, Virginia Tech, Boston College, Missouri or Oklahoma than you definitely have lower standards than I.


Trebor said...

Hey college guys..riddle me this -
how can qb colt MacCoy be named big 12's offensive player of the year when he's not even the top qb in the big 12 (top qb sam bradford)?

I'm confused on this one but i dont watch alot of college so maybe one of the readers can explain this.

Anonymous said...

That vintage coke cooler sounds pretty sweet. On the other hand, $300 can buy alot of miller high life, which may be worthwhile even if you have to leave the porch to get one - or better yet, isn't your son at the prime "get a beer for daddy" age? He's old enough to bring it back unshaken, and young enough not to realize he's feeding your alcohol addiction, or to understand that the beer will make daddy too sleepy to play ball with him later in teh afternoon.