Friday, November 28, 2008

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

Ok I am back after a two week hiatus. The buffaloes were plentiful on the moon, however I contend that I was simply saving up precious energy that will be needed for the upcoming bowl schedule. If I am going to preview 40 + bowls games then I need time to rest before the storm. This is the final weekend of regular season play. Up next are conference finals and an orgy of bowls.

#19 Oregon (8-3) @ #17 Oregon St (8-3): It doesn’t look like much when you see who is playing but this could be the most important game in the history of college football. If Oregon St can pull out a victory against Oregon in this year's version of the Civil War then Oregon St. will win the Pac – 10 Championship. So what you ask?! Well that means that USC will not be eligible for the Rose Bowl which would be awesome. I hate USC more than hoboes. C’mon Oregon St.

Were You Aware of It? Oregon St head coach Mike Riley guided the Winnipeg Blue Bombers to Grey Cup victories in 1988 and 1990. And were you aware that the 1988 team was quarterbacked by non other than ESPN’s own Sean Salisbury.

Were you even aware of it?

Oregon St to win.

(Ed. Note - Two things, first it should be noted that Salisbury no longer works for ESPN. He was fired a few months ago. And second, since this game is known as the Civil War and to celebrate the release of Chinese Democracy I thought I should add this)

What's so civil about war anyway?

Virginia (5-6) @ V–Tech (7-4): The Commonwealth Cup is up for grabs once again in what is the 90th meeting between these interstate rivals.

Speaking of me and my apparent beet farm as mentioned by the editor earlier in the week, here’s an idea I had awhile back but kept tucked away in the deep fissures of my warped mind. It seems that the growing and selling of corn in southern Manitoba is a big business. I was thinking that I could get in on this profitable market by growing a large crop of corn and then selling it to the public at a chain of my own local corn stands called, wait for it……”The Corn Hole”, or “Corn Holed”. Patent Pending, Patent Pending Patent Pending! I am totally expecting this to be edited out so I am sure none of it will ever get read. (Ed. Note - Are you kidding? What are franchises going for? I want to be in on the ground floor!) Now who wants to give me their money and get in on the ground floor?

V-Tech in close one.

#2 Florida (10-1) @ #23 Florida St (8-3): This year marks the 53rd meeting between Florida and Florida St in the “Sunshine Showdown”. These two teams battle it out for the Jeb Bush Cup. It is Jeb isn’t it? Anyway, I can’t see Florida losing this game, or the SEC championship game against Alabama the week after - and then look for Florida to win the National Title. Needless to say I will take Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and the Gators.

Here is some eye candy for those who only read the column to satisfy their own male curiosity.

Auburn (5-6) @ #1 Alabama (11-0): Aurburn and Alabama meet every year in what is known as the Iron Bowl. This year is 73rd meeting between these two hated rivals in which they compete for the Foy – ODK Sportsmanship Award

The most famous Iron Bowl took place in 1985 in which Alabama drove 65 yards with 57 seconds left to set up a 52 yard field goal

I can’t see this years game being as close as previous battles. Alabama wins with ease.

Mississippi St (4-7) @ #25 Ole Miss (7-4): This Friday marks the 105th time these two teams have met in what is known as the Egg Bowl. Note this game is on Friday not Saturday. Not that anyone cares but I am telling you anyway.

On completely unrelated matter I happened to hear about an upcoming sporting event taking place in Winnipeg this January which I am intrigued to go see. The WWE is making a stop here January 9th. Normally I wouldn’t give a damn - however, someone who I am sure we all loathed as kids is featured in the “Main Event”. I couldn’t tell you who the other 3 participants are in the featured tag team matchup are, however the one name that did stand out was that of Ted DiBiase. Yes the same Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. The man has got to be what 60, 70 years old? And apparently he is no longer “The Million Dollar Man”, but the “I’m Not to Proud for a Soup Kitchen Man”. Looks like Irwin R Shister ended up winning in the end.


Napoleon in Rags said...

Great post.

Watching that Iron Bowl clip makes me really miss Keith Jackson. I'm hoping Auburn can pull off an upset so that the only thing Nick Saban wins is a one-way ticket to Go Fornicate Yourself Land. Man I hate that guy.

I'm almost positive I'm going to make the trip to Winnipeg to see Ted Dibiase - I couldn't forgive myself if I passed up a chance to see The Million Dollar Dream in person.

Cooper said...

I myself also really miss Keith Jackson, alot! Nothing against Uncle Brent Musberger but Jackson is the greatest play by play man ever.

As far as the DiBiase thing goes I may have spoke too soon. On further inspection The Million Dollar Man apparantly had a son which he named Ted DiBiase Jr, who just happens to be in the WWE. Both are currently in WWE however I cannot for sure say who is wrestling in Winnipeg come January. I am praying it is the elder DiBiase as I have already bought tickets and they cost me "Money, Money, Money, Money"!

It is true "Everybody has a price to pay!"

Anonymous said...

Hey, maybe by January deflation will make the cost of the $100 bill he'll shove down someone's throat equivalent to the bill he used 18 years ago. Money in teh mouth can't be sanitary. I think i'd rather take a 2x4 from hacksaw jim duggan - although it's still better than a Yokozuma facesit. Is Ric Flair coming too? The combination may make it worthwhile, although I think it would take an awful lot of predrink to fit in with that crowd.

Cooper, see the trailer for "The Wrestler". Looks up your alley. I've heard nothing but good things. It's Mickey Rourke's comeback about a washed up wrestler