Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Continuing Mis-Adventures of Napoleon in Rags, or A Series of Unfortunate Haircuts

I know everyone nobody has been wondering when my seemingly extended leave of absence was going to end and the answer is – right now. And here’s a rare trip through the looking glass for all you blog readers out there, over the past 3 weeks or so I’ve been going through a period of self-inflicted employment turmoil. After going through several job interviews over that time, I was wound tighter than a snare drum left out in the sun after a rainstorm – case in point, I’m not sure that metaphor even makes any sense. Because let’s be honest, even one job interview is one too many. Yes it’s good to have opportunities, but after losing a loved one and chronic illness, job interviews are the worst thing in the world. The moral of the story is: own your own business. Or, don’t ever get a job. It’s a toss up.

Anyway, after my third day on the new job, I’m wound 1% less tightly than I was a week ago – so I’m going to take a stab at being funny again. Although, I suppose the word “again” in that last sentence implies I was funny to begin with, so take from that whatever you want.

In addition to Cooper and Trebor’s great weekly features – and let’s give them both a big round of applause for shouldering the load over the past few weeks, good job on both of you - what I’m hoping to do is resurrect the ever-popular “I Predict a Riot” running feature to appear on either Thursdays or Fridays.

As well I’m planning on doing a Tuesday run-down post of the previous weekend’s NFL action. The way it looks in my head right now, it’ll be one sentence – max two – about each of the games. The only problem is, I don’t know what to call it.

But you know what, since I’m feeling chipper – let’s give it a try right now, title or no title. Even though it's Wednesday

TEN 13 @ BAL 10 – What’s more scary, the thought that Kerry Collins might lead a team to the Super Bowl or the realization that he’s done it once before?

SD 10 @ MIA 17 – Remember when I said I didn’t want Chad Pennington to quarterback the Chiefs? I was wrong, so very, very wrong.

WAS 23 @ PHI 17 – I dislike the Redskins, and I’m not really sure why. Is Clinton Portis the most underrated player in the league? I’ll answer it for you… yes.

SEA 6 @ NYG 44 – Watched this game – it was a drubbing of the highest order. It seemed like all 3 of New York’s running backs had 100 yards.

IND 31 @ HOU 27 – Fun fact: Hurricane Rosenfels injured more people than Hurricane Ike – look it up.

KC 0 @ CAR 34 – F*&% you Herm Edwards and you too Carl Peterson. Matt Flynn was available in the 7th round of the draft and you didn’t take him (or any of the other QB’s available late in the draft). Now he’s Green Bay’s backup and probably an upgrade over any of the other useless carcasses you’re putting behind center. A rebuilding project doesn’t work unless you have a quarterback to build around – I hate you both so much. (Yes, yes – that was more than 2 sentences, start your own blog and complain about it).

ATL 27 @ GB 24 – I don’t care, I still don’t believe in Atlanta *puts fingers in ears, starts whistling Superstition by Stevie Wonder*

CHI 34 @ DET 7 – I love that Bears are rolling because it just expedites the inevitable Kyle Orton booze-soaked picture relapse. Long live the Neckbeard.

TB 13 @ DEN 16 – Both of these teams should be chained to a big rock and dropped in the Atlantic – I have no use for either of them.

BUF 17 @ ARI 41 – The meteoric rise of the Cardinals is going to make their inevitable collapse all the more spectacular. But someone has to win that division, right? Are teams with losing records allowed in the playoffs?

NE 30 @ SF 21 – Don’t worry Pats fans, if you’re giving up 21 points to the 49ers, you probably weren’t going to win the Super Bowl anyway.

CIN 22 @ DAL 31 – Even though they’ve fought it off for the past couple weeks, the Dallas implosion (or explosion, but not offensive) is coming, you can feel it in the air like the coming of spring.

PIT 26 @ JAC 21 – For a game that was decided in the last few minutes this game was incredi…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

MIN 30 @ NO 27 – If you broke the NFL down into talented and untalented teams, New Orleans would be the worst talented team in the league. Do with that information whatever you will.


Anonymous said...

Congrats on the new job. Very nice.

-Patty Mayo.

Napoleon in Rags said...

Just to clarify, because I couldn't have phrased it more poorly:

Worst Things in the World
1. Losing a loved one
2. Chronic Illness
3. Job Interviews
4. The No-Yards Penalty
5. Reality Television

Trebor said...

Atlanta will finsih at the top... I really hope not but like i said before the season: last to first in that division for the past 3 or 4 years.

On the reality TV... I was going to do the watching bad tv so you dont have to, but I think the show was cancelled before I got to a computer. I glimpsed 10 minutes of the show ..."hole in the wall". I'm a sucker for anything but this was just soo bad. To sum up there was a hole in the wall, it moved towards you and you had to contort your body so you'd fit, apparently it was a japanese sensation but???