I Predict A Riot - Week 5 in The NFL

Yikes, I just barely scraped to 8-8 last week. Try to do better this week...

Jacksonville @ Kansas City
Is Kansas City actually good? Or was San Diego just that bad? These are the sort of questions I need answered. A win at home against a team they should be able to beat would go a long way to answering those questions. Of course they'll probably get blown out and I'll be back to flip-flopping on which quarterback the Chiefs should take 1st overall. Also, why can't Jacksonville run the ball? Maurice Jones-Drew, you're dead to me and you've embarrassed me in front of all my friends.
Winner: Kansas City

Arizona @ St. Louis
Yeesh... I hope nobody bothers televising this game. St. Louis has a more legitimate shot at going 0-16 than New England does at going 16-0. I might have read that somewhere else this week and it seeped into my subconscious - so if I ripped it off I apologize. St. Louis is bad... really bad. I don't know if I can say it enough. Also, as if the rotating running back setup wasn't killing fantasy football, now Arizona is rotating quarterbacks. This better not catch on. If Seneca Wallace starts playing in goalline packages for Seattle I'm going to scream.
Winner: Arizona

Cleveland @ New England
Do you think there's a chance, any chance, that New England takes a look forward to next weeks game in Dallas and overlooks Cleveland? Let me tell you Timmy - no, there isn't. This might be one of the all-time NFL drubbings. You thought New England had been running up the score in the first 4 weeks - I don't think we've seen anything yet. And might I add - jinx jinx jinx!
Winner: New England

Carolina @ New Orleans
New Orleans has to win this game - they just have to. Not only because going 0-4 would end their season but because David Carr is starting for Carolina. If the Saints can't be Carr and his male model haircut I just won't know what to say. I have a vested interest in this game too because I'm going off the board and starting Drew Brees as my fantasy QB, over Matt Hasselbeck. If Brees can't get it done this week, he won't all year.
Winner: New Orleans

New York Jets @ New York Giants
I'm not obligated to watch this game or any "highlights" that might emanate therefrom am I? I'll pick the Giants only because they're at "home". I don't trust Chad Pennington and this "throwing arm". I'm also quite enjoying all the use of "quotation marks" - ok, those last ones actually didn't belong there.
Winner: NY Giants

Seattle @ Pittsburgh
Finally the rematch of Super Bowl XL that absolutely nobody has been looking forward to. Hey - did you know Jerome Bettis was from Detroit? Does that joke still work two years later? I'm just bitter because I missed the only exciting play of that game - Randle-El's touchdown pass to Ward - because I was in the bathroom. I didn't want to miss any commercials, what can I say? Oh - back to the future... Pittsburgh's probably really upset about losing in Arizona last weekend.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Detroit @ Washington
I heard somewhere this week that Detroit has never won in Washington - so who am I to argue with history? Also I refuse to believe this Detroit team is for real purely out of respect for Barry Sanders.
Winner: Washington

Miami @ Houston
As the old saying goes, "If you can't beat Oakland at home, you can't beat Houston on the road." Actually, I just made that up. As the new saying goes, "If you can't beat Oakland at home, you can't beat Houston on the road."
Winner: Houston

Atlanta @ Tennessee
I'm taking Vince Young over Joey Harrington every time - even if Atlanta has shown some life in recent weeks.
Winner: Tennessee

Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis
Tampa Bay's season, like my fantasy season, may have been resting on Cadillac Williams' knee ligaments. Unfortunately for everyone involved, those knee ligaments are now in about 167 pieces. I'm still not sold on Indy's defence either though. Although like last year they'll probably be a liability in the regular season and then turn into the 1977 Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoffs.
Winner: Indianapolis

Baltimore @ San Francisco
Yikes - this might be the first scoreless draw the modern history of the NFL. Does Trent Dilfer have an intimate knowledge of his old team? Do I really have to pick a winner in this game?
Winner: Baltimore - I'm sick of being burned by Baltimore, so this is their last chance.

San Diego @ Denver
I'm sick of writing that San Diego is in a must-win game and then getting burned by them. I'm going the other way on them until further notice. Also... fire Norv Turner.
Winner: Denver

Chicago @ Green Bay
So Brian Griese wasn't the answer at quarterback? Hmmm... I'm not even a little bit shocked. He made the Detroit Lions defence look like the Nittany Lions defence. Well... he had a lot of turnovers anyway. I think the Bears real problem is their total inability to run the ball. I read somewhere that some Chicago fans think Cedric Benson runs like a pig. It seems like everyone except the Bears' management knew that trading away Thomas Jones was a bad idea. Although I think this is actually going to be a very, very close game.
Winner: Green Bay

Dallas @ Buffalo
The NFL picks are up late today and I don't have a whole lot left say... actually, I have nothing left to say.
Winner: Dallas

Oh - the College Football picks will be up a little bit later.