The NFL Review...I Predict a Riot

...First of all, I'm not sure who was more heavily medicated on Sunday - Emmitt Smith or Britney Spears (If you watched NFL Countdown and the MTV Somethingorother Awards you know what I'm talking about. I don't know if people realize what a cultural watershed moment Britney's performance was. There's a pretty good chance I'm going to have to devote a whole column to it. But in the meantime take a look at a fresh new blog that breaks down her performance - Music, Movies and TV).

...Staying with NFL Countdown, the chemistry on that show is totally shot. Gone are Michael Irvin and Steve Young (who I hate as a person but like as a studio analyst). Replacing them are Keyshawn Johnson and Emmitt Smith. Keyshawn is not interested in his job at all and is clearly just waiting for an NFL team to bring him out of retirement. To wit - when asked to pick a winner in the Washington/Miami game, Keyshawn replied, "It doesn't matter." For some reason Keyshawn seems really intent on picking a fight with Mike Ditka too. Good old Emmitt on the other hand smiles and giggles so much I think he has a blast of laughing gas during each commercial break.

...You know your studio show is in trouble when viewers are texting each other this exchange:
-"How long before Ditka punches Keyshawn in the mouth?"
-"Mere seconds"
True story.

...To say Phil Simms is a terrible broadcaster is a slap in the face to terrible people everywhere. His man-love for Tom Brady and the New England Patriots is bordering on troubling.

...I was very concerned with the lack of offensive touchdowns in the early games. Minnesota, Green Bay, Buffalo all scored their opening touchdowns on defence or special teams. In Green Bay's case it was the only touchdown they scored all game. New England scored on special teams as well but they had quite a few offensive touchdowns to go with it.

...Clearly I need to start making notes in my notebook during the games. The Sunday games were two days ago - I'm struggling to remember what happened.

...Is anyone else concerned about the alarming number of injuries that happened this week? The Kevin Everett injury aside - which was just a freak and tragic accident. But here's the list of just big-name guys to get injured and probably miss time: Steve McNair(?), Jonathan Ogden, Eddie Kennison, Terry Glenn, Eli Manning, Osi Umenyiora, Brandon Jacobs, D.J Hackett, Cadillac Williams. And here's the guys who got injured on the weekend and are out for the year: Mike Brown (no big surprise there), Orlando Pace, Jason Ferguson and Jon Jansen (no big surprise there either).

...I was having a discussion about these injuries yesterday and we jokingly said that they're due to the league's crackdown on HGH. But the further the conversation progressed, the less joking it became. This could actually become a story.

...As much as I love Tony Kornheiser I'm still not convinced he works in the Monday Night Football booth. His chemistry with Ron Jaworski is much better than it was with Joe Theismann though. I'm giving it a full season before I decide. Jaws needs to cut out the "blacksmith running game" line though, or at least use it less than 125 times a game - I think Cooper was almost catatonic about this.

...But speaking of 3-man booths, I was pleasantly surprised with the 3 Mikes (Greenberg, Golic and Ditka) doing the late MNF game last night. I've never listened to the Mike & Mike in the Morning radio show so I wasn't familiar with their work but I enjoyed them. And I thought that a certain coach Ditka was better as a booth guy than he is in the studio. I look forward to hearing them again.

...I think Baltimore is in big trouble this year. They looked absolutely awful at times last night on offence against a bad Cincinnati defence.

...Chicago could be in big trouble too. Of course, they were playing in San Diego but Cedric Benson looked terrible. And Rex Grossman was...well, Rex Grossman. The Bears might not live to regret giving up Thomas Jones.

...Barring some catastrophic injury, New England is going to win the Super Bowl. I don't think there's any doubt about it. I can't watch them win it again, I just can't.

...Here's some advice for you - never ever, under any circumstances, bet on Joey Harrington (yes, he's back to Joey - no more "Mean" Joe) - especially on the road against a quality defence. I would have gotten more enjoyment out of just flushing my money down the toilet. At this point I wouldn't bet on Joey to beat Mary Kate Olsen in a cage match, especially if they were fighting for a sandwich...or a vial of coke.

...I will take some solace in the fact that I went 10-6 on my Sports As Life picks. Stick with me kid, I'll take you places. Of course my picks don't really help from a wagering standpoint unless you're in a Pick 'Em league. Perhaps I'll have to start incorporating the point spread into my picks.

...Oh, and I'm not actually predicting a riot. I just have the Kaiser Chiefs song stuck in my head and I thought writing it out would help. It hasn't. Not that I'm complaining though, it's a quality song.

...That is all.