Tuesday, September 4, 2007

One Great City

"And in the turning lane,

Someone's stalled again.

He's talking to himself,

And hears the price of gas repeat his phrase,

I hate Winnipeg."

- One Great City, The Weakerthans

Now if that was the Roughrider fight song, at least on Labour Day, maybe the CFL would be a sport I could fully get behind. But until then I'll just have to hear the Rider pep band play, "Roll Out The Barrel" for the one millionth time.

With the annual Labour Day Classic being held this past weekend, Regina surely must have been the Unofficial Hillbilly Capital of North America. It was like a perfect storm of mesh hats, chewing tobacco and Pilsner. With both Saskatchewan and Winnipeg in first place, this confluence of Rider and Bomber fans created a Hillbilly Nation of unequaled proportions - one the likes of which will probably never be seen again.

Now of course I'm painting with some pretty broad strokes here. Obviously not all Rider and Bomber fans are hillbilly's. And even if they were, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to have adopted the Hillbilly Lifestyle, there are clearly many people around that have embraced it. I'm simply saying that if you were in Regina this past weekend and you are not a hillbilly, you were in the minority - for better or worse.

So now you're asking yourself - how should I have spotted these hillbillies and why didn't you write this before the weekend. Well first of all I had planned on writing this before the weekend but I think I might have West Nile, or possibly mono - and have been under the weather, but now you'll know for next time. As for how to spot a hillbilly, and without going all Jeff Foxworthy on you, here are some handy tips:

1) If the person believes that apparel out of a beer box is acceptable in public, they're a hillbilly.

2) If the person believes that a watermelon is acceptable headgear, even at a football game, they're a hillbilly.

3) If the person takes an empty pop bottle into the bar so they can spit out their chew, they're a hillbilly.

4) If the person drives a truck that proudly sports a picture of Calvin peeing on anything, they're a hillbilly.

5) If "Git 'er done" is at all a part of the person's vocabulary, they're a hillbilly.

Wow, that actually came a lot closer to copyright infringement than I had intended. But this demonstration was not meant to be a rip-off of any game show hosts' comedy routine - it was merely meant to be an illustration about people here at home you might know, even love.

I'm pretty sure I had a point when I started writing this post but now it seems to have been lost - blame the blood-borne pathogen. Hopefully there was a laugh or two in there at the very the least.

I'll leave you with this thought though - would the CFL, or more specifically, the Saskatchewan Roughriders be as popular as they are right now if alcohol was not permitted at the games? Something to consider.

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