Wednesday, November 7, 2007

You Know What I Hate... Prosperity

... So I'd like a new government please.

This is the only time I plan on mentioning politics on this site - but tonight seems like a good night, what with the Provincial Election and all - so bear with me. I know you don't care what I have to say about provincial politics and I sort of care that you don't care - so I won't get heavily into personal opinions here. I will only say this - seems like, in the midst of a strong economy and job growth, voting for change, purely for the sake of change is a very strange thing to do. From what I can tell this election came down to a couple bad highways and a football team that hasn't won anything in almost 20 years.

Anyway, enough of all that. Since I didn't listen to Lorne Calvert's concession speech tonight, this is what I'm hoping it sounded like. None of that gracious loser garbage - I'm talking fire and brimstone - think Richard Nixon, circa the early 1960's. And I really shouldn't have to tell you that this is satire, this is not an actual quote - and yes, I did create that picture myself:

Good evening,

I'm here tonight to concede the race for the Saskatchewan Legislature. Global News just called the election in favour of the Sask Party 15 minutes after the polls closed, and who am I to argue?

First of all I'd like to thank the people of Saskatchewan for allowing me lead them for the past 6 years. And I'd also like to say to everyone in Saskatchewan, I hope you know what you've gotten yourselves into. I don't think you do - otherwise things probably would have worked out differently tonight. All I know is that you people better not come crying to me in three years when the treasury is bankrupt, the C. Montgomery Burns Corporation owns SaskPower and is only providing 3 hours of electricity per day, and your livestock are dropping dead from a highly communicable, airborne anthrax. Maybe you'll know who to blame then - cause it won't be me buster, ho ho... you better believe it won't be me.

(Stunned silence from the crowd)

And to the "fair and impartial" (Calvert makes air quotes) media in this province - especially Murry Mandryk and Bob Hughes at the Leader-Post and the three trained chimps that put out the Star Phoenix - thank you for always providing election coverage without bias. It wasn't enough that I had to run against the Sask Party but I had to overcome the print media in this province too. Don't worry Wall - they'll turn on you too soon enough. Unless of course you follow through with whatever you promised when they gave you those campaign donations.

What... no Betty, I'm not through yet. (Calvert shakes off his wife Betty, who tries to get him off the stage) If I'm going down, everyone's coming with me! (Calvert slams his fist on the podium)

You people probably think I'm done don't you? Well I promise that you haven't seen anything yet. I'm still a member of this legislature and I'm going to make every minute we're in that chamber a living hell. I'll be going old school on these guys - no cheap prop gags like rubber boots. I'm talking about things like filibusters and gerrymandering. I don't even know what that stuff means - but I know it's sure to piss some people off. You should have voted me right out Saskatchewan, cause now I still have a seat and I'm bitter.

For 6 years... you've had a lot of - a lot of fun - that you've had an opportunity to attack me and I think I've given as good as I've taken... But as I leave you I want you to know - just think how much you're going to be missing. You won't have Lorne Calvert to kick around anymore, because gentlemen, this is my last press conference.* (Calvert knocks over the microphone with his hand as he walks off stage)

*Paragraph from Richard Nixon's 1962 Farewell/Concession speech.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear from a young man in Saskatchewan who cares. I couldn't agree with you more. Did you see the news coverage of people leaving the polls - open mouther after open mouther leaving with these words: "Ummm...it's time for a change." or "Well, i think it's about time we had a change." 18 year old girls "It's like time we changed."

What change was necessary? What does that even mean? What was so wrong with how things were? How much time and money is wasted to have people who have never been the government learn the ropes on how to even be a government - just for the sake of change?

And the bias goes beyond the print media. Who saw Manfred Johenick last night barely containing himself while the polls came in.

I'll stop ranting too. Just glad to hear someone who agrees.

CH

Trebor said...

Isn't it the saskatchewan way.... when the economy is going strong we vote in a new government ??

Change for the sake of change is never good, but this prosperous, hot economy that is saskatchewan. Did the government do anything to create it?

The fact that oil is near an all time high and sask happens to be the #2 oil and #3 gas producer, may have helped.
Or maybe sask being the #1 uranium exported, or potash exporter. Both also at all time highs, could also help.
Or maybe just overflow from alberta. How hard of decision is it when your house in Calgary is worth 500K and you can buy a better property in a better location for 200K in Regina... hmm retire maybe get part time job.... does it really matter what's happening politics wise.

ahh this aint a politics page..... here's a question for you i need to beat a certain CH this week in fantasy. I have gore and morris who should i start at rb. I need to know today because a trip to the redskins game will prevent me from making any last minute calls.

Anonymous said...

This is an official notification to the administrator of sportsaslife.blogspot.com, your employment with this government will no longer be necessary. Unfortunately upon reading the above column your position has become redundent. We apologise and realize that this must be hard news to take - we hope that a young man like yourself will change his tune and perhaps with an attitude adjustment you can once again be employed within beautiful Saskatchewan - perhaps a retail job would suit your attitude better.

BW

Oh, also should I start McGahee this week? As I have the same problem as Trebor, as I am in Washington to negotiate Saskatchewan's entry into the United States of America as the next state...one more star baby!!!
TH

Luke said...

If Gore is healthy and playing I'd go with him. Seattle has a suspect defence at times - at least when they're on my team.

I think you should start McGahee. I think I read that he practiced and should play. LaMont Jordan is out anyway - so he won't be available.

Anonymous said...

I dropped that LaMont guy, and picked up the son of Huggy Bear...Justin Fargas.
TH

Trebor said...

I think TH's problem is an easy one, especially since Jamal lewis is playing the steelers.

Mine one the other hand.... last week i started gore and he never played...this week ?? Meanwhile morris out rushed alexander who isn't practicing and could end up being the #1 guy. If both were healthy and if they were both the #1, It would be gore no question but too many ifs.

Anonymous said...

I would like to state just one thing, Saskatchewan is a trade dependent province with approximately 70 cents of every dollar being accounted for through trade. If one looks at the data the greatest gains to the Saskatchewan economy were seen in oil and gas exports, agree wth Trebor, and this has largely accounted for the gains seen in our economy over the last 5 years. No matter how you look at it the gains in oil cannot be attributed to the NDP government. It must have been nice for the NDP to ride the coattails of the oil and gas industry in their final years.

Luke said...

And hey - I totally agree with that argument as well. The NDP's platform over the past few years seems to have been to live simply off oil revenue. And that, to me, is a valid reason for a change in government.

My issue lies with the change for the sake of change argument. It might be alright for changing head coaches but I don't think it cuts it when picking a government.