Thursday, November 29, 2007

I Predict A Riot - Week 13 in The NFL

Here's something to read this afternoon instead of looking at the vomit-inducing picture of His Worship's uprooted leg hair on the front page of the Leader-Post. As if it wasn't hard enough to look at that paper at the best of times. You're just lucky I can't find a online picture of this or I assure you, you'd be sharing in my misery.

I should have really written something earlier in the week but there have been a few factors contributing to my lack of posting:

1) The cold. There is no way I can ever get across to you how much I hate the cold. This is compounded by the fact that I wear glasses, which inevitably fog up when I walk outside if my head/face is properly insulated. This results in a tooth-chattering, near-blind, penguin walk to work every morning. And if one more person asks me if it's, "cold enough out for me" I'm going to punch them in the mouth without hesitation. I know it's cold out, you know it's cold out - now can we please find something else to talk about while we pretend we're interested in what one another has to say?

2) The murder of Redskins safety Sean Taylor. This has me really bummed out - not only the actual event (which you can read about here if you don't already know the story) but the entire media fall-out. Whether it's sanctimonious, melodrama written by people in the media who had probably never been within 2,000 miles of Sean Taylor - I think it's all well and good to honour someone and talk about their life but to me things like that should be reserved for people who actually knew the deceased or had at least been influenced in some way by them. And then are those who continually bring up Taylor's past when talking about his murder - as if he was responsible for his own demise. Honestly the whole situation just makes me sad and sick and I'm washing my hands of the whole thing - because it makes me not want to write about sports ever again.

Deep breath.

Hey - there's a football game tonight. And it's night's like this that I'm glad I live in Canada, as about 85% of the people in the U.S won't see the game because of the ongoing dispute between cable companies and the NFL. I'm not going into the specifics because... well, I live in Canada and I couldn't care less. I get to see the game so I'm happy. If you're really interested. This is the one situation that doesn't make me want to abolish the CRTC.

And speaking of the CRTC and terrible Canadian channels (cause I'm sure that's what I was talking about, isn't it?) - I was watching College Gameday on the Score last Saturday morning, because that's the only channel that shows it. And the show ran a couple minutes long - but instead of staying with the live show about College Football, the Score - in it's infinite wisdom - decided to cut away to it's regularly scheduled repeat of terrible poker. I think that's actually what it's called. As those familiar with College Gameday - it's in the last 2 minutes that Lee Corso makes his pick for the day and dons the headgear of that team, which is what everybody wants to see. But I'm sure that people would have been up in arms if their 11 o'clock poker hadn't been on right? Nobody in Canada could possibly care about American football - especially American college football. We'd rather watch fat degenerates gamble.

If you're not prepared to stay with live programming for its duration - you should be stripped of the right to broadcast it. Let someone who will show it in its entirety broadcast it.

Anyway, I think I was talking about tonight's Cowboys/Packers game or something wasn't I? These tangents will be the death of me. I followed up my 14-2 effort two weeks ago with 12-4 last week.

Packers @ Cowboys
For some reason I see thing being one of those Brett Favre from 2 years ago games - tons of bad throws and about 4 interceptions. I sure hope not because I really want to see this game live up to its hype - it's not everyday two 10-1 teams play each other. In fact, I just found out that it hasn't happened since 1990 - thank you very much I've had it in my head all year that Dallas has a better chance of beating New England in the Super Bowl than Green Bay does - which is why I wanted them to win tonight. However, it occurs to me that in a game against New England I'm taking Brett Favre over Tony Romo - so now I don't know what to believe. I still think that Dallas is going to win but suddenly I don't want them to... as long as Marion Barber goes off in a losing effort.
Winner: Dallas

Houston @ Tennessee
Vince Young might actually be bad after all. If not for a defence that sort of came out of nowhere this year, Tennessee might have been who we thought they were. If he hadn't gotten hurt, Albert Haynesworth might have been the defensive player of the year. Still might be.
Winner: Tennessee

Jacksonville @ Indianapolis
This game is for first place in the AFC South - I kid you not. Indy looked as good as they ever have earlier in the year but have been just killed by injuries. Now they're in danger of getting run all over at home and falling into a tie for the division lead.
Winner: Jacksonville

San Diego @ Kansas City
If you lose at home to Oakland in Arrowhead Stadium I'm picking against you for the rest of year - that's just the way it is - even if the game is against a team coached by Norv Turner.
Winner: San Diego

Atlanta @ St. Louis
I have nothing to say...
Winner: St. Louis

NY Jets @ Miami
If I had nothing to say about Atlanta/St. Louis, what chance does this game have?
Winner: Miami

Detroit @ Minnesota
Was it Eli Manning being horrible? Was it Minnesota's defence being fantastic? I have no idea. Have I mentioned lately that I hate Detroit? I hope Adrian Peterson/Chester Taylor run all over them.
Winner: Minnesota

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
This should be a really good game - let's hope so anyway. The Saints need this game to get back to within a game of first place in the NFC South. And I need Drew Brees to play like he did last week for Fantasy purposes. Of course I didn't start him last week and he went off - so I'm expecting him to lay an egg this week, simply because I've got him in my starting lineup.
Winner: New Orleans

Seattle @ Philadelphia
It's not a good situation when you're hoping your starting quarterback doesn't play, right? We should probably ask Philly fans.
Winner: Philadelphia

Buffalo @ Washington
It'll be interesting to see how the Redskins respond to the Sean Taylor murder. They might either pack the season in or decide to win for Sean. I don't think I'd want to be playing them this week though.
Winner: Washington

San Francisco @ Carolina
Winner: San Francisco

Cleveland @ Arizona
Whoever has the ball last in this game wins. Take the over.
Winner: Cleveland

Denver @ Oakland
If Oakland wins this game and San Diego loses, the Raiders will only be 2 games out of first place in the AFC West. And as if that wasn't sad enough, the Raiders will probably finish ahead of Kansas City this year. Oh well, it just means the Chiefs have a better shot at getting Chase Daniel.
Winner: Denver

NY Giants @ Chicago
Think the Giants will punt to Devin Hester - I'm thinking they probably won't. It's almost a better strategy to just go for it on 4th down and turn the ball over than punt to Hester.
Winner: NY Giants

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
It's funny how that mostly scoreless Monday Night game was as entertaining as it was. I was almost disappointed when Pittsburgh finally scored with 17 seconds left.
Winner: Pittsburgh

New England @ Baltimore
Think the Patriots have a little bit of frustration pent up over last week's less than 30 point win? And now people are questioning whether they are in fact the greatest thing in the history of the world... You mean they might not be as great as electricity or bypass surgery? I suspect the Patriots will be trying to put the hurt on Baltimore.
Winner: New England

Well that's it - it is now 7:50 in the evening and Dallas just kicked a field goal to go ahead 6-3, just in case you thought I was going to fudge that pick. Also, Bryant Gumble is the worst play by play man in the history of sport. I'd rather listen to Rod Black. I don't think Gumble has ever even watched a football game before. And if he has, he clearly doesn't enjoy it. This is unbearable.


Walks said...

Hey Luke!

Cold enough for ya?

How come no mention of Canadas own Jan Hudec winning the Downhill at Lake Louise on Saturday Nov 24th. I know ski racing is not the most common sport. However- this event gets the highest tv ratings of any sports program in Canada other then the Olympics.
The "Crazy Canucks" are back!

Luke said...

Ski rac-ing?

Aside from professional wrestling circa 1995, I generally oppose anything that involves men wearing tights.

Walks said...

It's more a full body unitard...

Luke said...

I'm not entirely certain that helps your case.