Monday, January 14, 2008

Monday Headlines (on Tuesday)

Norv Turner Just Informed His Team Has More Games to Play

So the Chargers are headed to the AFC Championship game eh? Let me just say for the record that I will be a Patriots fan for that day. I'll be rooting for the Chargers to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Don't get me wrong, San Diego is a nice team with some very good players - I really like LT and Antonio Gates. However, Philip Rivers is taking prickishness to a whole new level. I should state that I didn't see all the Indy/San Diego game, but I have it on good authority that Rivers decided to taunt Colts fans while he was injured on the sidelines - and Billy Volek was leading the game winning drive. (I have since seen the footage) I could never in good conscience put my support behind a team lead by such an insufferable infant. I hope Rivers heals in time to play in Foxboro, just so we can see him get his comeuppance. Comeuppance!

Check out this post on Kissing Suzy Kolber - it sums Rivers up perfectly. The post is R-rated, so proceed with caution. And thanks to Trebor for sending it along to me.

Phil Simms Calls Patriots Game; Brings Self to Orgasm

Is there no way that CBS can get someone besides Phil Simms to do colour commentary for Patriots games? Please? Simms' blatant fanboy style makes Bob Cole look fair and impartial by comparison. If it were possible for Tom Brady to impregnate a man - instead of, you know, actresses and supermodels - Simms would be sending more flowers and chocolates to Gillette Stadium than the front office could process.

Watching a completely dominant and unstoppable Patriots team is bad enough as it is - do we really need the broadcast team to be cheering for them as well?

Simms might tolerable if he could actually speak English - but whatever he's speaking, that ain't English. Is it too much to ask for networks to employ personalities who can actually speak the language. See: Smith, Emmitt.

Why I'm No Longer Welcome at the YMCA

Because of some deluded notion about self-improvement, I found myself at the local Y on Saturday afternoon. Thanks to the advancements in modern science, I was able to watch the first quarter of the Green Bay/Seattle on the little TV attached to my Elliptical Machine.

However, due to Ryan Grant's 2 fumbles in the first 6 nanoseconds of the game, and my subsequent stream of questionable language, I was nearly force off the premises. But as they say, the cream always rises to the stop and Seattle was beaten like a gong for the final 55 minutes of the game. Shaun Alexander's 20 yards and 2.2 yard average brought joy to my heart.

And speaking of bringing joy to my heart - that was a football game wasn't it? Driving snow in Lambeau Field and Brett Favre making one of the great plays I've ever seen. Watching that game reminded me why I love sports. Sometimes I need that reminder with all of the other garbage in sport.

Do you realize that if not for those 2 early fumbles, the final score would have been 42-6? Although I think there's a principle in physics that says changing one aspect of an event will ultimately change the final result. Maybe that's Occam's Razor. Or maybe it's the one about the cat in the box.

Mexico: Not Just For Violent Stomach Ailments Anymore

Now it's also the place to go before you put together a textbook football choke-job. The New York Giants are now going to the NFC Championship game... I'll just let that sink in for a second. At least the league's Mandatory Manning in a Championship Game policy is being followed to the letter. Sponsors and talking-heads will be over-joyed. Unfortunately it's the Frank Stallone of Mannings... Elisha.

How the Giants continue to play in the post-season is just beyond me. Yes I know it's probably just denial, but they're not really that good are they?

But that was more a case of the Cowboys losing the game than the Giants winning it, right? Since Jessica Simpson has already disgraced the careers of Tom Wopat and John Schneider, she can now add Tony Romo to that list. I'd add Nick Lachey, but he never had a career in the first place. BAM!


Trebor said...

I only got to see the cowboys game due to company for the weekend. a few things i got from that game:

I think it was buck who said now let's talk about romo going you know where with you know who....that doenst really sound like your talking about it seems more like avoiding the subject???

I blame the lose on Crayton, the one dropped pass was bad and though i havent seen any highlights (on purpose). On the last drive he's open in the endzone, does crayton slow down ??? watching live it looked like he slowed down at the 2 yd line..WTF..oh yeah he also opend his mouth before the game taunting the giants..cause the taunting has always worked out well for others.

back to buck/aikman....were they not saying, maybe the player X was in mexico, or maybe this player should have went to mexcio a little too much for anyone else.

From a live blog entry at the end of the 3rd quarter: Joe Buck: “Maybe some of these other players should have gone to Mexico.” How do you know they didn’t? We just didn’t hear about them because nobody gives a Mexican jumping ^#&* about Patrick Crayton’s personal life.

Also if someone watched the patriots game.....what did harrison do???? on a number of sites people are talking about what an #&$clown and jerk ...etc. harrison is, but i cant find anything on what he did to deserve those titles.

Oh yeah american gladiator update...powerball takes out another contestant and way more cheesy lines..may have to stop watching.

Luke said...

... Also, Foxborough is spelled wrong. Thank you very much Google!

Jeff K said...

To respond to Trebor's comment, Buck and Aikman are far and above (and I mean WAY above) all the best booth going right now. They are the best duo of the playoffs, plain and simple. Why not make jokes about Mexico, it is hilarious.

...and this is coming from a die hard Cowboys hater. I can't stand the Cowboys and I always disliked Aikman...but in the booth with Joe Buck, I love it. Plus, everyone knows Joe Buck is in love with Jessica Simpson. Luke had posted this clip twice before, but I think it is worth seeing again.,-learing-broadcasters/joe-buck-verbally-gropes-jessica-simpson-eww-334652.php

I love this because Buck is telling it like it is. "Hell ya Tony Romo...Hit that!"

I hope that Buck and Aikman get the NFC Championship game as well as the Superbowl...which I think is on fox.

As long as there isn't a Gumble anywhere, I will be happy!

Last, What is with no headline on Terrel Owens' sob fest. Cry it out T.O.! Cry it out!

For those of you that havent seen it:

Seriously, what is with the crying. There is no crying in football. What happened to rude T.O.? I am wondering if there isn't some HGH at play here? Is he all juiced up and it is getting to his emotions? Ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

Hey leave T.O. alone, he mixed up his HGH with estrogen pills - and seriously, who doesn't want to see a crying T.O. let his emotions out infront of the world instead of being a jerk - I think it is refreshing. No, wait, I meant to say "I think it is hilarious".
And there is crying in sports, if you break your arm you can cry, if you tear your ACL you can cry...T.O. had a broken heart, he is allowed to cry. Those mean reporters broke his heart with hurtful words. I shake my fist at you evil sports writers. That includes you Mr. leave Romo alone and quit making T.O. cry.


Trebor said...

I would have to agree that buck and aikman are good, maybe my favorite as well.

For me I just heard too much of mexico, too much of jessica...I wanted the cowboys to win and I wanted to hear something other than mexico.

It was like the biggest story for soem reason ?? every announcer every analyst, writer everyone said it's not going to affect his game, but they just kept saying it too much. By weeks ends it was just to overwhelming

another american update...turns out that the one contestant last night is actually an adult film actress, i wont post a link or anything more becuase of the children, but yeah. It's like a common thing now for these reality show to take someone from that industry...creates buzz or conterversy I guess???

Cooper said...

I believe it is John Schneider who played "Luke Duke" not Luke Schneider.

Luke said...

Dammit! That's why you shouldn't post something at 11:30 at night.

Trebor said...

actually john played the role of Bo Duke.

Cooper said...

Good on you to point that out. Luke was played by Tom Wopat and Bo by John Schneider. I feel shame for getting that wrong. Also wasn't there a guy on that show named "Anus"? And why were all the black characters the bad guys? And why did Bo, Luke and Cletus dissapear halfway through the series and then magically re-appear? I know the storyline had them off racing NASCAR, but really was there a contract dispute or something? The series took a tragic turn for the worse when they left. I swear the 2 cousins who replaced them were just absolute tards.