Thursday, January 17, 2008

I Predict A Riot - Conference Championship Weekend

I'll admit it, I'm very nervous. This weekend has to just go just right or I won't be able to watch the Super Bowl. Of the 4 possible combinations, I could only bring myself to watch 2 of them. Actually, 50% ain't that bad - and as long as Green Bay wins I'll be fine. If the Giants keep giving kickbacks to Satan and somehow stay alive another week I won't be able to stomach it. How they're still playing I'll never know... over-rated... clap... clap... clapclapclap.

Nobody's Favorite Manning @ Everyone's Favorite Drug Pusher
Clearly not having heartburn makes you more of a man - Hey hon, come watch me throw this football over this lake! I'd say that eating less than 27 pounds of crawfish would probably help ease the heartburn problem as well.

Oh Eli, why does everybody hate you so much? You don't seem like all that bad of a guy. A little bumpkin-ish sure, but at least you don't spend your spare time taunting the opposing fans. But I don't think the total lack of personality is helping anything - unless you count pouting while walking off the field as personality - and you know I don't.

But then on the other side, you've got Mr. Personality - Mr. Gunslinger, Mr. Just Having Fun, Mr. Toss it Up There and See What Happens... Mr. Don't Bring Up That He Was Addicted to Painkillers for a Long Time... I kid, I kid. I like Brett Favre. There I said it. But not in a want to play homoerotic football with you kind of way. It's more to do with the fact that he's a throwback to a different time - when a quarterback was expected to be more than simply a "game-manager". What an absolute scourge on the sport that concept is. I want to see my quarterbacks take a chance now and then - I'd rather see a quarterback throw for 350 yards, 3 touchdowns and 2 interceptions than 180 yards, 1 touchdown and 0 interceptions. There was a time when quarterbacks were asked to do more than just not turn the ball over - they were actually expected to go out and win games.

The fact that Eli is a borderline "game-manager" is probably why I dislike him and the Giants so much. Yes I understand that protecting the ball and not turning it over is important - but if you're team can't overcome an interception or two now and then, you're not good enough to be competing for a Conference title anyway.

It was bad enough having to watch Peyton in the Super Bowl last year... if Eli somehow makes it, *shudder* - I don't know what I'll do. Oh, I know - not watch it.
Winner: Green Bay

The Quarterback Who Made Idiocy Cool @ The Quarterback Who Made Illegitimate Children Cool

I couldn't begin to tell you how torn I am over this game. I have no idea who I should be cheering for. On the one hand you have the Patriots - and the thought of even thinking about cheering for them makes the bile rise in my gullet. However, on the the other hand you have Phil Rivers - who, even though he might not even play on Sunday, embodies almost every characteristic that I despise in human beings.

Arrogant? Check.
Juvenile? Check.
Over-rated? Check.
Asshat? Check.
Prick? Check.
Whiner? Check.
Ignorant? Check.
Cry-baby? Check.
Loud mouth? Check.
Alabaman? Check.
Poor throwing mechanics? Check.
Wears number 17? Check.

Alright, I made that last one up, I don't hate people who wear #17 - but everything else is true. Say what you will about Tom Brady (and I have) but at least he is gracious in victory. If the Chargers can somehow shock the world on Sunday, I envision that Rivers' victory celebration would involve him removing his pants and defecating on the Patriots logo at mid-field. (Sorry Pop, I don't really have a problem with your team but I can't get past that quarterback of yours)

If Billy Volek ends up playing it will probably make it a lot easier for me to cheer for the Chargers. Not that it really matter who I'm cheering for, the Pats are going to wipe the Chargers off the face of the Earth - but at least I'll be able to live with the fact that I did the right thing and cheered against New England. Although if Volek does play I'm sure Rivers will still be doing this on the sidelines.
Winner: New England


Trebor said...

Can you imagine that there's a 25% chance that the superbowl will be New York vs San Diego......

Would the league even allow this superbowl media disaster to happen or would there be some influence from the refs in the 2nd game to make sure it didn't????

Anonymous said...

Of course the Pat's are going to win...they have controversy in the locker room. That means that they will have something to 'rally' behind. So not only does it 'motivate' their team, but the media leading up to the superbowl will have a field day with it. The Chargers have no such media story to cling onto, maybe their prickish QB or the lovable loser of a coach Norv Turner. But that is nothing to Randy Moss and his undisclosed 'mistake' with a woman friend who is now filing a restraining order against him...some mistake huh? What, he push her down the stairs and tie her to a chair or something?

That is one thing that the Superbowl always has, a story that the media can overkill during the leadup to the big game. Farve vs Brady, Pats vs the Pack...a media dream/NFL relations cream-in-pants type of that the the stench of Chargers vs Giants, Rivers vs Manning, makes ya ill doesn't it. NFL will never let it happen.


Conspiracy eh? I am going to go put on my tinfoil hat and think about this some more.

Luke said...

As terrible as a Chargers/Giants Superbowl would be - it does have the Rivers/Manning storyline going for it. That they were traded for each other on Draft Day - that's all you'd hear for 2 weeks, as weak as it may be.

Trebor said...

FROM TH's comment -----some mistake huh? What, he push her down the stairs and tie her to a chair or something? -------

Tie her to a chair...what is he a packer fan.

Trevor said...

The Patriots are all but pretty much guaranteed to win this game...

As Gerry Callahan of the Boston Herald said "This is such a lopsided match up that Tom Brady is thinking of spending a couple of days in Mexico with Jessica Simpson, just to make it fair."

B said...

Hey Luke, I'm with you on this Rivers thing. He embodies every behaviour I despise.

To capture the spirit of the moment, I'm tearing off the sleeves of the Chargers golf shirt you bought me and making it into a wife beater. It's my initiation into the P. Rivers fan club.

All kidding aside, your right he is a jerk and demonstrates no leadership.