I Predict a Riot - Week 11 in the NFL (Thursday Night Football Edition)

NY Jets @ New England – Oh good, someone on the Jets called the New England defence “old and slow”. I can’t think of any way that could possible backfire – not! The Patriots are fueled by disrespect – they make up new and clever ways for themselves to be disrespected. Tom Brady even intentionally hurt his knee just to give his team something to overcome this season – proving once again they are the greatest collection of men in the history of the world.
Winner: New England

Denver @ Atlanta – Whoooooooweeeee!! It’s the shootout down in Hotlanta! Pow Pow Pow Pow!


Get on board with Atlanta folks, seats are going fast and the train getting ready to leave the station.
Winner: Atlanta

Minnesota @ Tampa Bay – It’s the battle of slightly better than average potential division winners that don’t have a hope of winner a playoff game… only on FOX!
Winner: Tampa Bay

Baltimore @ NY Giants – This… this might be a great game – actually, you know what? Hopefully CBS shows the Oakland-Miami game and FOX shows the Detroit-Carolina game? Is it just me or does it seem like Oakland is on TV every other week? And I don’t even get that many channels. At least there isn’t another prime time Cleveland game this week. What?
Winner: New York

Oakland @ Miami – Have you ever wondered why dentists have such a high rate of suicide? I guess it’s because they are almost universally loathed, and I suppose that would wear on anyone. But I gotta say, I don’t hate my dentist – I hate my dental hygienist. I’m inclined to despise any profession that requires a blood sop and uses tools like “The Agonizer”, “The Gum Splitter” and “The Bone Saw.” I love it when they say, “You know, your gums wouldn’t bleed as much if you flossed a little more regularly.” Well you know what honey, when you’re gouging the soft tissue in my mouth it’s going to bleed whether or not I religiously put a piece of string between my teeth.
Winner: Miami

New Orleans @ Kansas City – Did you know, Kansas City is second in the NFL in turnover ratio at +9? I just found that out today and I thought it was staggering. This is why statistics are completely meaningless – Tennessee leads the NFL in turnover ratio at +10 and they’re undefeated at 9-0, Kansas City is second at +9 and they’re not exactly a front-runner at 1-8. It’s all balderdash – but you know what, I’m taking the plunge this week…
Winner: Kansas City

Detroit @ Carolina – Go ahead Jake, throw for 400 yards and 3 touchdowns this week – it’s alright. And go eat some gumbo while you’re at it.


Winner: Carolina

Philadelphia @ Cincinnati – A teaser win to keep Philadelphia relevant for one more week, before they fade into irrelevance once again. Games against Cincinnati and Detroit shouldn’t even be played anymore (say what you want, at least Kansas City can be competitive) – and to a lesser extent Oakland, Seattle and St. Louis. They’re basically gimme wins at this point. It’s like in your fantasy league where one owner inevitable gives up halfway through the season and stops making sure there’s a full roster every week.
Winner: Philadelphia

Chicago @ Green Bay – The bloom is a starting to fall off the Aaron Rodgers rose a little it seems. To be fair, he’s been injured and Green Bay’s running game seems to have disappeared. The NFC North is so boring, that’s really the best I could come up with.
Winner: Green Bay

Houston @ Indianapolis – Cripes the Colts are going 12-4 this year, aren’t they? I knew it, I knew it! Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in! Look at their schedule the rest of the way: Houston, @ San Diego, @ Cleveland, Cincinnati, Detroit, @ Jacksonville, and Tennessee. The only game on there that looks difficult is Tennessee but in Week 17 the Titans might not have anything to play for – so it might be the Vince Young shirts-optional show. The Colts are like John Travolta, every time you think they’re gone for good, they come back dressed in drag in movies about hair-care products. It’s time to go away now Barbarino – you too Peyton!
Winner: Indianapolis

St Louis @ San Francisco – I wonder if the surgery to remove Steven Jackson’s Y chromosome was successful. I hope so because that’s still a highly experimental procedure. In the old days they’d just give you the big snip and you’d be able to join the Vienna Boys Choir.


But now, with the move away from invasive surgery, they use radiation from a broken microwave and just zap that pesky chromosome right out of your body. Also, I think when you Google pictures of a boys choir your name goes on some sort of list.
Winner: San Francisco

Arizona @ Seattle – Know what sucks, the bye weeks are over and now there are 16 games a week. Great for football watchers, but slightly less great for marginally talented people who have to come up with something witty to say about garbage games like this.
Winner: Arizona

Tennessee @ Jacksonville – Do you like quarterbacks who write country songs? From the Tennessean:

Billy Ray Cyrus's alarm will go off at 3:30 this morning because he and daughter Miley will perform on Good Morning America from Sommet Center Plaza. He will debut "Back to Tennessee," the title track of his new album and a cornerstone of the upcoming Hannah Montana movie. "The song certainly lends itself to become a very quick anthem for Tennessee Titan fans," said Billy Ray, noting the team's 9-0 record. "It's all about being at home and being back to Tennessee. It feels like it's going to go hand-in-hand with where the Titans are."

He had a chance to pitch the song to Titans quarterback Kerry Collins, who, as it turns out, is also a songwriter. "I dabbled a little bit," Kerry said. "I met Ed Hilland Billy Lawson and we sat down and came up with a song. I think it's pretty good." The title is "It's Not Hard to Be Happy When I'm Looking at You," It's a perfect tune for him to croon to his receivers.

Has the reporter who wrote that ever seen a Titans’ game? A properly titled song about the Titans’ receivers would be called, “It’s Hard to Be Happy When I’m Looking at You.” Terry Bradshaw read this story and started drooling but it wasn’t out of jealousy – it’s mostly because that’s just what Terry Bradshaw does. Seriously, how is that man on TV? He doesn’t even know where he is or what sport he's talking about. He’s the white Emmitt Smith.
Winner: Tennessee

San Diego @ Pittsburgh – What the crap is wrong with San Diego? They’re like the New Orleans of the AFC, only San Diego wins the odd game. There’s no way a team with that much talent should be eeking out wins at home against Kansas City. Sure they’ll probably end up winning the AFC West but that’s nothing to brag about. I wouldn’t let my resume get too out of date Norv – you’re probably going to need it in a few months.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Dallas @ Washington – The greatest sideshow on turf is healthy and all back together again – just in time for a season-crippling loss on the road in Washington. And even though that would also cripple my fantasy team, I’m subconsciously rooting for it because I want to see an old-school T.O. explosion. Maybe he’d slap Wade Phillips in the stomach or something. That would be great.
Winner: Washington

Cleveland @ Buffalo – For the second week in a row we’ve got a real classic Monday Night Football matchup. Although last weeks game did turn out to be pretty good, save the total incompetence of Mike Martz (and people wonder why he didn’t get the head coach spot in San Francisco). In an unfortunate turn of events, the Buffalo defence is slightly stiffer than Denver’s so we’ll see if Mr. Quinn is actually the next big thing.
Winner: Buffalo

When There Are No Titles Left to Use, You Have to Give Your Post No Name

The alternate title for this one was going to be, "And All of That Time You Thought I Was Sad, I Was Trying to Give This Post a Name." It was a tough call.

Denver 34 @ Cleveland 30 - Despite his best efforts, Brady Quinn's first NFL win is still in the closet for another week.

New Orleans 20 @ Atlanta 34 - After weeks of fighting it, I'm on board with Atlanta. I think the Mike Vick fiasco left a bad taste in my mouth and I was wishing them ill but I'm over that. Plus, I'm starting to have a little man-crush on Matt Ryan. Speaking of Mike Vick, watch for a special Mike Vick feature later this week here on Sports As Life.

Tennessee 21 @ Chicago 14 - If you like watching one team with a total inability to run the ball, this was the game for you. Who knew that riding the arm of Kerry Collins was a recipe for success for Tennessee?

Jacksonville 38 @ Detroit 14 - It was a nice dream while it lasted. Oh Jacksonville, you had such a great opportunity - giving the league's two winless teams a win in back to back weeks. A chance like that comes around only once in a lifetime. At least people would have something to say about your team this year. This year's Jags team will be forgotten faster than t.A.T.u. That's right - and you thought you wiped that from your memory.



Baltimore 41 @ Houston 13 - How long has it been since the quarterbacks drafted in the first round weren't total flops? 4 years? I almost forgot that young quarterbacks could be good - I'm looking at you Alex Smith.

Seattle 19 @ Miami 21 - Who wants it less? C'mon.. who wants it less?

Green Bay 27 @ Minnesota 28 - Umm, was this the quietest 192 yards a player has ever rushed for? Maybe we're just so used to seeing this from Adrian Peterson that it's not a big deal anymore.

Buffalo 10 @ New England 20 - So this Buffalo thing is officially over eh? Well it was nice while it lasted. Having a non-competitive team will probably make it easier on the people of Buffalo when their team moves to Toronto.

St Louis 3 @ NY Jets 47 - There's a comedy bit that people used to think was funny. It went something like this, "You might be a redneck if..." Then the comedian would insert something that rednecks tend to do, and we'd be all like - "Hey, that's true - that is something a redneck would do. Hilarious, that guy should host a terrible TV game show." Anyway, I've got a new standard like that for the NFL, "You might be the worst team in the NFL if..." This week's installment is, "You might be the worst team in the NFL if you give up 47 points to the New York Jets."

Carolina 17 @ Oakland 6 - This was the worst game in the history of the NFL - trust me, I watched it. Hey Jake - why don't you go throw another interception you backwards, bayou born, inaccurate-throwing, cousin kissing, something or other. I lost my fantasy game by 0.20 points, is it obvious that I'm a little bitter about that?

Indianapolis 24 @ Pittsburgh 20 - The Colts are back, aren't they? I used to hate Peyton Manning, but then I took his side in the Colts/Patriots rivalry. Now I'm starting to feel those old feeling of ill will towards him again.

Kansas City 19 @ San Diego 20 - Sigh. Finding New and Innovative Ways to Lose, Part II: This week Kansas City missed an extra point in the second quarter, which meant that, when they scored at the end of the game to trail by 1, instead of simply kicking an extra point for the win they went for two. Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you they weren't successful.

NY Giants 36 @ Philadelphia 31 - The Ghost of Andy Reid's Clock Management comes back to haunt the citizens of Philadelphia. The Clock Management Ghost is like the Ghost of Christmas Past, only it's got more drug dealing children.

San Francisco 24 @ Arizona 29 - I like that Mike Singletary might be for real as a head coach. Of course it's only a matter of time before the team starts to tune him out - but for now it's fun to see them being more competitive.

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

So anyone else out there see the phenomenal game between Texas and Texas Tech last Saturday night? Anyone? Beuller, Beuller?



Well I honestly don’t have the steam to do this today but I said I would do it so here goes. I figure I better get cracking and get this done before I have to spend the weekend with the out-laws, I mean in-laws. And it will be a long, long weekend.

#3 Penn St (9-0) @ Iowa (5-4): Looks like the lack of any quality opponents this year will seriously hurt Penn State’s chances of not only getting to the BCS championship game, let alone win it all. Even if Penn State runs the table the rest of the way they have to hope for an Alabama or Texas Tech loss to help catapult them into the BCS game. This looks like the only viable weekend for both Alabama and Texas Tech to lose is this weekend.


I include this pick after I read an article about how 1 in every 4 men have a foot fetish. I assume there are 4 people who read this blog, so I will leave it up to you to discuss among yourselves who that person is out of the group. My money is on a Mr J. [redacted], I mean Jeff T.




I’ll take Penn St

Cincinnati (6-2) @ #20 West Virginia (6-2): I honestly have nothing to say about this game whatsoever. So I will just provide visual aide to guide your decision on who to pick for the win. The city and University of Cincinnati is well represented by the following buxom beauties.




For those of you who do not get these references don’t look here for explanation. You obviously don’t enjoy good sitcoms.


(Ed. Note - I promis you, that will be the only time Nick Lachey appears in this space)

I will take Cincinnati to win. To be honest I am only picking them to win so I can link to this


(Ed. Note - Best theme song ever or best theme song ever? Welcome Back Kotter might give it a run for it's money. Might.)

#22 Georgia Tech (7-2) @ #19 N. Carolina (6-2): Nothing to say about this game either. So in lue of commentary here is a tribute to the hobo we found dead on the tracks Monday.

In the big rock candy mountain you never change your socks
and the little streams of alcohol come trickling down the rocks
So your socks get good and stinky and you’re always good and drunk
It’s the bestest time that you ever had
You won’t miss your friends or your mom or your dad in the big rock candy mountain

In the big rock candy mountain there’s a hole that’s full of treats
And the rocks all taste like sugar drops and the dirt is nice and sweet
You can eat some as you work the mines to bring me precious gems
There’s a Hobo shed, and some paint made of lead
You know you’re done a paintin’ when you wake up dead in the big rock candy mountain

I love the tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch, the breasts there grow on trees
And streams of bacon ranch dressing flow right up to your knees
There’s tumbleweeds of bacon and cheddar paves the streets
You get to Veg all day all the lotto tickets paid
There’s a king who wants you to have it your way at the tender crisp bacon cheddar ranch.

Hmm sounds like a song for Hoboes to lure children, and my hope to get sponsorship by BK.




I’ll take North Carolina.

#8 Oklahoma St (8-1) @ #2 Texas Tech (9-0): Michael Crabtree was gracious enough to get into the endzone for the last second game winning TD last Saturday, thus netting me $310 on Pro-Line. In return I offer him a delicious recipe… I assume he is a big fan and avid reader of my column.

How to Cook Owls

1. Look into it’s eyes
2. Kill it
3. Remove the thing that makes it purr
4. Remove it’s clockwork innards
5. Rub it all over with myrtle and salt
6. Sacrifice 100 goats to Athena
7. Don’t discard the little bolus of mouse bones you find in it’s tummy – that’s a delicacy
8. Then cook as you would crows



I assume Michael Crabtree and Graham Harrell have been with all of them


And this one as well I assume after Texas Tech routs Oklahoma St.

And once again it is time for the Brown Bag Special of the week. This week we feature a WAC conference game. I believe that is a first for this column.

Hawaii (4-5) @ New Mexico State (3-5): My interest in this game can be summed up by with the following common folk remedy.

If you have eczema and you do not have a baby to put in your bath, make a salve of cat fur, candle wax, goose grease, boiled carrots, and cornmeal. Eat this, and then vomit into a sack. If you can get someone to open the sack, then theoretically they should catch your eczema and you should be cured.



I’ll take Hawaii in this one. And if they win you too should be cured of your horrible affliction with eczema.

I Predict a Riot - Week 10 in the NFL (Thursday Night Football Edition)

Denver @ Cleveland – Brady Quinn’s long-awaited coming out party is finally upon us. What? No, not coming out like that… I mean his first start as an NFL closet case quarterback. Too bad Cleveland's problems are largely defence-related. Luckily Denver has defence-related problems of their own. So Brady's first game might not be as overwhelming as it could have otherwise been.
Winner: Cleveland - not that there's anything wrong with that.

Tennessee @ Chicago - Who would have thought this had game of the week potential? If you like defence, you'll love this game. Of course the last time I said something like that Minnesota and Chicago put up 90 points - so take all this with a grain of salt. It seems to me that Tennessee's run is almost coming to an end. I'm going to give them one more week though.
Winner: Tennessee

New Orleans @ Atlanta - Whooooooo baby, this one could be a shootout and a fantasy owners dream. Unfortunately, this week I find myself playing against the marksman know as Drew Brees. One of my favorite city nicknames of all time? Hotlanta.
Winner: New Orleans

Buffalo @ New England - I defy you to watch this video and not tap your foot:

Winner: New England (and your eardrums)

Seattle @ Miami – Since there is nothing interesting to say about this game, let me tell you a little story. I recently started a new job and with this new job came a different computer on my desk. Initially I was excited – however, after about 15 minutes of work on this new computer I quickly realized this was the worst computer/network in the history of civilization. When you work on a computer all day, I assure you there is nothing more frustrating than when it loads slowly, doesn’t load, freezes, doesn’t send emails, doesn’t receive emails, and causes juvenile diabetes. Ok, I made that last one up – but if there were children in the vicinity of this machine it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if it gave them an incurable disease. Suffice it to say, most of my day is spent cursing at this useless piece of scrap metal and if this computer were a person I would crush it’s windpipe like heat-weakened tinfoil.
Winner: Miami

Jacksonville @ Detroit – What if, and now bear with me… what if Jacksonville were to lose this game? I think that would be one of the most underrated stories of the year. Here you have a preseason Super Bowl favorite that loses in back to back road games to winless teams. What a wonderful bit of happenstance that they are playing Cincinnati and Detroit in back to back weeks. Just when you think the football world is random and cruel, a situation like this comes along. And as if that wasn’t good enough – it’s the return of Daunte’s Inferno. You know what, I’m getting on the bandwagon.
Winner: Detroit

Baltimore @ Houston - I know many fantasy owners are busy cursing Willis McGahee for not bothering to run on the field last weekend - but has anybody seen Todd Heap lately? What happened to that guy - 2 or 3 years ago he was one of the best young tight ends in the game. Now, I don't know if they even give him a jersey anymore.
Winner: Baltimore

Green Bay @ Minnesota - When exactly does Gus Ferotte's deal with the devil expire? Anybody know?
Winner: Green Bay

St Louis @ NY Jets - Did you realize that the alien machines in War of the Worlds were defeated by lichen? That still makes me mad to this day - two and a half hours of Tom Cruise running through New Jersey and then the monsters are destroyed by cave moss? Give me a break. He probably had to wear lifts in that move so he'd be taller than Dakota Fanning. Forgive me, I just saw an ad for it being shown on TV.
Winner: NY Jets

Carolina @ Oakland – Sooooo.... DeAngelo Hall was a real bargain, eh Raider fans?
DeAngelo Hall’s 8 games: 8 million dollars
An owner with eternal life: 4,000 stem cells a day
Releasing your highest paid free agent 9 weeks into the season: priceless
Winner: Carolina

Kansas City @ San Diego - The march towards futility (and a top 3 draft pick) continues! Kansas City is steadily improving and by the end of the season they may be known for more than just ending the season of Tom Brady. Doubtful, but you never now. This is potentially a trap game for San Diego, although I don't know if a 3-5 team can have a trap game. Did you know: if Denver loses and Kansas City wins, they're only 2 games out of the division lead.
Winner: San Diego

Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh - I can't wait to see Byron Leftwich try to rumble away from an onrushing Dwight Freeny. Is Freeny even playing, I can't keep track of all their injuries anymore. Same goes for Pittsburgh too I guess.
Winner: Pittsburgh

NY Giants @ Philadelphia - A nice, old-school, beat the life out of your opponent, NFC East battle.
Winner: New York

San Francisco @ Arizona – This is the Monday night game? When does the flex-scheduling start and why couldn’t it be applied to this game. Why wasn’t this an afternoon game – the type I like to nap through once the morning coffee has worn off, generally with chip crumbs all over my shirt. I guess if San Francisco can play a half-decent game, this game has the potential to entertaining at least – the outcome isn’t in doubt, but at least it could be entertaining. Luckily now that the time has changed I’ll probably be asleep before the game is over anyway.
Winner: Arizona

The Sports As Life NFL Mid-Season Review Election Night Spectacular

I obviously watch way too much TV because I know more than any person should about people like Jeanne Shaheen and John Sununu. Thankfully that will all be over after tonight.

But this week is also special because the NFL season is at it's halfway point - and that means I get to look back and see just how wrong I was about everything. I'm going to look at each division, because I just don't have the wherewith all to do each team.

NFC East
So much for that Super Bowl hangover, eh? I'm actually enjoying the Giants this season. Philly is hanging around sort of where I thought they would be but I will admit that I was totally wrong about Washington - they're actually a lot more competitive than I thought they'd be. I don't think they're going to be in the playoff picture but at least Zorn hasn't been a total catastrophe. And speaking of catastrophes, how 'bout them Cowboys? And how 'bout obvious segways? I'd be much more excited about the Cowboy implosion if my fantasy season wasn't tied to their fortunes.

NFC North
Before the season I said that Jon Kitna was the best quarterback in the NFC North - well, Kitna is now out for the season and that title probably goes to Aaron Rodgers. But then there's Kyle Orton - who would have thought he'd be as good as this? Not me, and I loves me some Captain Neckbeard. Confession time though - I was dead wrong about the Tarvarvis Jackson Experience. Sometimes you just have to take a chance - sometimes you're right, sometimes you're wrong. I was wrong.

NFC South
Wow, this division is a little bit surprising, isn't it? All four teams are reasonably competitive - it's like the bizarro AFC West. I'm surprised but not disappointed that Matt Ryan is making an impact in his first year. I do wish that Tampa Bay would go away though, I'm tired of them. And New Orleans... our relationship is well documented and I don't want to open old wounds again.

NFC West
When the Arizona Cardinals are the division's dominant team, it might be an off year. I'm excited to see Seattle in the tank this year, although that's mostly due to injuries it would seem. And after only two weeks of Mike Singletary the Head Coach, I have no idea how I got by without him.

AFC East
Our long nightmare ended early this year when Tom Brady went down in the first quarter of the season's first game. Of course, now we have to hear about those plucky Patriots that just won't go away. The four teams in this division could end up tied at the end of the year and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

AFC North
Wow - it just took me a full 5 minutes to remember who even played in the AFC North - not a real endorsement of the strength of this division. Baltimore might just end up being the division winner. Pittsburgh probably has more talent but their offensive line is just abysmal. The other two teams aren't even worth mentioning - other than to say, I told you so (about Cleveland) - I told you so (about Cleveland)!

AFC South
Two months ago, if I'd told you Kerry Collins would be quarterbacking the Tennessee Titans by week 9 - how many wins would you say they'd have? 3? 4? Would you have said the Indianapolis Colts would be 4-4? I suppose this is why they play the game.

AFC West
It's entirely possible the winner of this division won't have a winning record. I suspect Denver and San Diego will be around .500 - but wow, this division has a chance to be historically bad. Oakland might be the first team in history to fire two coaches in one season (plus have a vampire for an owner). And Kansas City fans only wish we could get rid of our coach.

It Started Off as a Post With No Name, How Did it End Up Like This? How Did it End Up Like This?

NY Jets 26 @ Buffalo 17 – The Jets are like the smell that emanates from my kitchen drain pipes – every time I think it’s gone for good, it pops back up and ruins my day. Don’t look now but there’s a 3-way tie for the AFC East, and Miami’s only a game back.

Houston 21 @ Minnesota 28 – A Hurricane Rosenfels sighting! But even he wasn’t enough to bring down foundations of the Metrodome. Bridges however, he’s all over that:



Green Bay 16 @ Tennessee 19 – This is the type of game that gives the NFL a bad reputation to some. Low scoring, grind it out, beat the will to live out of your opponent football - but I love it. It’s better than watching 7 receivers running before the snap and then spreading out over 12 square miles of turf.

Arizona 34 @ St Louis 13 – Steven, when you say you’re healthy enough to play… play! Only 7 rushing attempts is not healthy enough to play. I hate you. Meanwhile, Arizona takes a stranglehold on their division and is actually a pretty impressive football team. Until Warner gets hurt that is.

Tampa Bay 30 @ Kansas City 27 – Kansas City: Finding New and Innovative ways to lose since 1993. This game was 21-3 for Kansas City in the 2nd quarter. Kansas City, it would seem, is improving – and I’d be lying if I said I was fully excited about that. I want to cheer for a competitive team, but they will never win anything with the current coach/GM combo. It’s a moral conundrum – I don’t want to cheer against my team, but I don’t want to cheer for the status quo either. I’ll shut up now.

Detroit 23 @ Chicago 27 – So close Detroit, so close. You’ll reach that unreachable dream eventually.

Baltimore 37 @ Cleveland 27 – It’s actually nice to see some rookie quarterbacks making an impact this year – both Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan. After the last few years of Alex Smith, JaMarcus Russell and Tavaris Jackson these two are a refreshing change.

Jacksonville 19 @ Cincinnati 21 – And a great cry went up from the banks of the mighty Ohio as the Cincy 11 finally knew the joy of victory. Say Fitzpatrick, their Irishman of a quarterback, “I went to Harvard, I deserve better than this.”

Miami 26 @ Denver 17 – So… 7 wins gets the AFC West? Chiefs and Raiders still mathematically alive with 3 combined wins.

Dallas 14 @ NY Giants 35 – The only thing more satisfying than watching the wheels come off in Big D, is the fact that I predicted this gong show before the season started. Hooray for me.

Philadelphia 26 @ Seattle 7 – Since I have nothing of any value to say about this game, I want to remind you why you love sports:



Atlanta 24 @ Oakland 0 – I mentioned Matt Ryan earlier, and speaking of quarterbacks – can you believe some of the garbage leading teams this season – Gus Ferotte, Brooks Bollinger, Brad Johnson, Seneca Wallace, JT O’Sullivan, Ryan Fitzpatrick. I realize most of those guys are only playing because of injury, but is it really so hard to find a backup with even a little talent?

New England 15 @ Indianapolis 18 – It’s looking like New England/Indianapolis is no longer a prime time matchup. They could have given this one an afternoon start and no one would have batted an eyelash. At least we don’t have to watch Cleveland 3 more times in prime time. What? (NOTE: Cleveland - now with 100% more Brady Quinn!)

Pittsburgh 23 @ Washington 6 – If you’re as sick of hearing about my fantasy team as I think you are, well… you’re probably pretty sick. But let me just say this – I love the Pittsburgh Steelers' defence as much as one man can love 11 other men. Perhaps I’ve said too much.

Everything going to plan I’m going to have a little mid-season review up sometime this week – and to all the fantasy people out there, don’t forget about the Thursday game this week!

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

Happy Halloween to all. Seeing how this is the weekend for fright and ghouls and all that jazz, and kids running around stuffing bags full of candy I have decided to do something a little different with this weeks picks. I have decided to pick what could turn out to be the worst games of the weekend. The most putrid teams that Pro-Line has decided to throw are way will be previewed here. God Forbid they would want to offer up the Texas @ Texas Tech game for us to bet on, instead they have offered up these nuggets of gold. So here they are 5 brown bag specials to stuff full of whatever you would like.

Michigan (2-6) @ Purdue (2–6): Hmmmm let’s see. Ah here we go:


And representing Purdue is


Frightening indeed.

I’ll go with the ladies from Michigan, as Jackie Moon would say “ugly as s**t”. But they have a canoe.

Miami(Fl) (5-3) @ Virginia (5-3): I am not even going to bother searching for ugmo’s at “The U” because they don’t exist. At the University of Virginia however it is a completely different story…..



Virginia gives “The U” a good old-fashioned ugly stick beat down

Auburn (4-4) @ Ole Miss (4-4): Ya this is the worst I could find for Auburn…not really frightening whatsoever…

When I think of Mississippi my thoughts immediately go to something like this


I assume that the only pre-requisite to get into Ole Miss is that you are short at least 3 major chromosomes and enjoy dressing up every Friday night in your finest white ghost costume from Halloween whilst burning lower case “t’s” on lawns. That’ll show those damn richers.

I’ll take Kent Austin and the Rebels to win. I assume there will be some celebratory "burnings" in the woods of Mississippi Saturday night.

Colorado (4-4) @ Texas A&M (3-5): The Buffaloes roam into College Station with this gloomy guss


And whatever the hell this is


Texas A&M counters with this. This picture came from a TAMU website that states she is indeed a grad of said school.


Her last name is Oliphant and she reads Dog Fancy magazine. How fitting. I am probably the only person in the world who finds that so amusing.

I’ll take the Buffaloes and what appears to be their Steven Hawking Love child to win.

Tennessee (3-5) @ So. Carolina (5-3): I was going to use another picture of Pat Summitt here to illustrate the hideousness of this year's Tennessee team, however I believe that reference has been driven into the ground. Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you the 2007 – 08 Lady Vols.


Can you say corn fed?

The Lady Vols are up against the Gamecock gnome



I’ll go with the gnome.