My Hovercraft is Full of Three-Down Football

Well since today is the start of the 2008 CFL season, I thought it would be appropriate to do the Roughrider season preview today. No, there will not be a repeat of last year's (moderately) popular prediction post - who has the time for such things?

However, it warrants mentioning that if the CFL season starts and no one sees it, did it still happen? Thank you very much SaskTel - I want my next bill to be pro-rated, to reflect the two days (and counting) my cable has not worked. Not that it's a big deal. I didn't really want to watch the Euro 2008 semi's, CFL games tonight or the NBA Draft anyway. If I'm a little testy you'll forgive me, I haven't seen a Simpsons episode in 56 hours.

Seriously, what did people do before television? Converse with one another? Have well-rounded inter-personal relationships? Read their evening newspaper by whale-oil lantern? Go outside? No thank you very much.

And while I'm complaining on the subject of things that bothering me, when did it become acceptable for fans to refer to a sports team as we? As in, "We really need a win tonight," or "we need a touchdown right here." No - they need a touchdown, you need to shove some more Dorito's into your noise hole.




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Well, I digress. On to why you're here.

I must confess that the reason I didn't write anything the Roughriders for so long is that I honestly don't have much of an idea about this team - at least nothing that I could turn into anything funny, which is generally my number one concern.

Once the season gets going I'm sure I'll have a little more material to work with - maybe Matt Dominguez complains about the health care system again, maybe Scott Schultz wins a chicken wing eating contest, or maybe Luca Congi presides at a lesbian wedding. The possibilities are endless.

The only concrete idea I had going into this post was that I thought new Roughrider head coach Ken Miller looked like the Big Lebowski from, well, The Big Lebowski.




















Which got me thinking that I would give both my kidneys to see this scene play out on the sidelines this year, with Marcus Crandell playing the role of The Dude and Ritchie Hall as Brandt.


Video NSFW, or at least turn your volume down.

"Marcus, the ********* plane has crashed into the mountain!" Seriously good times.

There is a big question on everyone's mind right now, and I know what it is - Do the Roughriders win the Grey Cup again?

If I had to guess I'd say they have a pretty good chance, somewhere around 1 in 8.

Well that's it for now - if my cable doesn't come back on soon, this is going to be the only sports I'll be watching in the near future:

The Sports As Life 2008 CFL Preview - The Godzilla Remix - Part 2

Good day, and welcome to Part 2 of the 2008 Sports As Life CFL Preview - The Godzilla Remix. As stated in Part 1 of the Preview, in trying to find an original way to preview the season we're using the motto of the city each of the CFL teams play in. Part 1 covered the East and now we're on to the West.

*Disclaimer: This preview contains no actual research and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.*


Saskatchewan (Regina) - "Let Regina Flourish"
If you like conservative governments, skyrocketing housing prices and nurses so powerful they make the Roman Legions look like Girl Scouts, then welcome to Alberta Saskatchewan!

Yes Saskatchewan, home of the defending Grey Cup Champions - we haven't been able to say that since Michael Jackson was black - and no, ninja masks do not count. Saskatchewan is also home to the most unoriginal advertising campaigns (Welcome to the Green Mile brought to you by the Rider Nation) since I tried to market my own homemade McRib sandwiches out of the back of a van parked in a McDonald's parking lot. They were not pleased about that.

For the casual observer it seems the Roughriders are trying to apply the addition by subtraction philosophy this year. Gone are Kent Austin, Reggie Hunt, Kerry Joseph, Fred Perry and probably a few others. But as someone smarter than me once said, just because you know their name doesn't mean they're any good. I'm looking directly at you Jackie Mitchell... wherever you are.

Edmonton - "Industry, Intergrity, Progress"

I must say, I know less about the Eskimos than just about any other team in the league I reckon... and if you've read this far, you'll know the competition for that title is pretty tough.

I think that fat little French kid they hired as their coach a couple years ago is still hanging around... somehow. Nothing like ruining a streak of decades upon decades of consecutive playoff appearances.

Plus they acquired Fred Perry's gold teeth via trade in the offseason. So they got that going for them... which is nice.

Calgary - "Onward"

If you've ever met somebody from Calgary you'll know that motto is probably the most profound thing someone from Cowtown has ever come up with. Did you know that when children are behaving badly in Calgary their parents tell them the Deerfoot lives under their beds and will eat them if they don't behave?

This season I can only hope that the Stampeders continue the trend of signing the biggest NFL Draft bust they can possibly get their hands on. Last season it was the Akili Smith debacle - What? The accuracy problems that cost him an NFL career weren't suddenly remedied by only playing 3 downs? I'm shocked!

My shortlist of busts Calgary should sign this year would include David Klingler, Heath Schuler (although I believe he's an elected official in the U.S now - but that CFL money could probably lure him out of retirement) and Lawrence Phillips... oh, wait. But the guy I'd like to see more than anyone is Ki-Jana Carter. C'mon Hufnagel, he was a #1 pick for goodness sake!

Note: I was going to make an Andre Ware joke here but I forgot he was in the CFL many moons ago - and actually won a Grey Cup. Yes, he was the backup. To Doug Flutie.

B.C (Vancouver) - "By Sea, Land and Air We Prosper"

I think something got lost in translation there because as far as I knew B.C's motto was "By Leg Whips, Chop Blocks and Chokeholds We Prosper."

Since the Commissioner won't be troubling himself with negotiating with the NFL anymore, perhaps he might turn an eye to the punishment system in his own league. Or maybe not - players without fear of reprisal are sure to play within the rules at all times.

Ok, that does if the this year's CFL Preview - and I must say it was much easier than writing an NFL Preview, which I'm going to have to start this weekend if I want it to be done by September. Speaking of weekends, starting tomorrow I'll be out of the Sports As Life offices for a week - so don't expect any posts during that time. But don't worry, I'll be working on some things for the week I return.

Also, with the Stanley Cup wrapping up last night - and might I say, how sweet was it to see Fleury score on himself again to cost his team a championship - it meant the end of the Sports As Life NHL Pool Party. Yours truly could not hold on to the lead down the stretch and failed to go wire to wire for the victory. The winner was ShakeyJ. So congratulations you bastard - also belated congratulations to CH who took home the the March Madness Pool Part. Both will receive a Sports As Life T-Shirt of their choice. The next chance for you to win something will probably be in the fall with the start of the NFL season - which can only mean one thing, the start of Fantasy Football season!

That's it, have a good week - and do yourself a favour and watch some Euro 2008.

The Sports As Life 2008 CFL Preview - The Godzilla Remix - Part 1

Bet you thought you'd never see the day, did ya? The day when 'ol Sports As Life came crawling back to the CFL. Well, if you're looking for football right now it's either the CFL or Arena Football and the CFL won out... by a rouge. Three down football, here we come.

But the season hasn't started yet, how can we possibly have an intelligent discourse prior to one snap even being played, you might ask yourself? Well I would probably dispute our ability to have an intelligent discourse regarding the CFL even once the season starts - but that's neither here nor there.

What follows is what they call a season preview, wherein experts make guesses about the upcoming season based on past events and future predictions. However, where this is going to differ is that I am by no means an expert. Quite the opposite - my knowledge of the CFL is limited to only as far as my interest would take me over the last few seasons. Which is to say, not very far.

But I feel a James Earl-size jones for football, so here we find ourselves. I know it's frightening but don't worry, it'll only hurt for a moment...

As a (possibly?) original means of breaking down the 8 teams in the CFL, each of the cities the teams play in will be compared by what else than their city motto's. We're going to East to West, try to keep up.

*Disclaimer: This preview contains no actual research and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.*


Montreal - "Well-being through harmony"
Now obviously that's translated from the original French. However, I refuse to acknowledge French as an actual language - unless what's being said is, "We surrender unconditionally" or "This cheese smells worse than my awful grandfather." Anything other than those two phrases should be considered as nothing more than gibberish.

As far as I know, the Montreal team is older and more tired than Don Cherry's shtick. The last I heard the team was also in open revolt against their head coach and general manager. If there is a combination that is a recipe for success it's tired veterans and an arrogant asshat for a coach.

The white flag should be up in Montreal in no time.


Toronto - "Diversity Our Strength"
And if by diversity you mean mediocrity, then yes - that seems about right. With the loss of Damon Allen, Toronto was forced to meet it's aging mobile quarterback who's lost a step quota. Enter Kerry Joseph. Enjoy the Kerry Joseph era Hogtowners - he's about as accurate as George W. Bush doing long division.

And that's about all I know about Toronto's team. I'm pretty sure that they're about as old as Montreal though. So old in fact, that Mike O'Shea was one of the Fathers of Confederation (hint - he's the fifth one in on the left).


Hamilton - "Together Aspire - Together Achieve"
Riiiiiight, well you can just tell yourself whatever you want then - I'll believe it when I see it. The only thing Hamilton is aspiring to is owning a hockey team.

I have two questions about Hamilton. First: Can we finally admit that Jesse Lumsden is injury prone and that it might end up being the defining characteristic of his career? Second: Did Casey Printers catch a disease that causes mediocrity while he was in Kansas City? Mediocre players are pretty common in KC - you never know.


Winnipeg - "One With the Strength of Many"
Clearly this is not a reference to Kevin Glenn's ulna. Oh snap!

I'd have more to say about Winnipeg but their back-up quarterback sucked out my soul with his eyes.



If any of your cattle turn up mutilated, you'll know who to contact the authorities about.

And this ends Part 1 of the 2008 CFL Preview. Stay tuned for Part 2, coming soon - or whenever I feel like writing it.

Around The... Blogosphere??

Hey look everybody - it's a Trebor post!


To some that I have the pleasure of talking to, I talked about a new blog that I frequent - Washington Redskins' tightend Chris Cooley's - his latest post is even more reason.

In reading some of his posts you get a sense that this is a down to earth guy, almost like an average joe if you will. Not really caught up in the millions of dollars he’s making and without the pro athlete attitude. It’s refreshing. It’s also interesting too see a players perspective on these things behind the scenes (I find this picture hilarious). He’s been writing about mini camps, draft day, the owners and the CBA… and then he also throws in blogs about poker night and also his hot wife.

When I first started reading his blog back when Jessica Simpson was bringing defeat to the Cowboys, he answered the question who would win in a tag team fight between Tony/Jessica and him/girlfriend… “The tag team match would start off with Christy and Jessica in the ring. Someone would come out of the stands with a cooler of beer and a couple of stools for Tony and I. We would proceed to sit ringside and high-five while clothes were furiously ripped off”. He also put in pictures as well... very helpful

I was going to send something last week, basically about Kobe "I don’t need to play for a full game" Bryant, and how attitude really is everything in pro sports. There were also some great videos of Bruce Bowen getting schooled and Manu being a bum… but with the shift to an all football blog, like everyone else when it concerns the NBA. I’ll take on the attitude of ...who cares.


Ed. Note - First of all, I don't think any post about Chris Cooley would be complete without this picture...














As terrifying as that picture might be, any man who can rock those shorts and get away with it is alright in my books.


Secondly, perhaps I should have specified about the football only rule. I will only be writing about football from here on out. But if anyone should want to send something in about one of the lesser sports, they should still feel free. Like, say a championship series in which one of the teams has yet to even score.

Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?

Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?

I know I do, which can only mean one thing - the CFL season is right around the corner.

All 6 of you who have read Sports As Life in the past know my feelings on the CFL... the only place in the world an aging, former safety can be the league MVP. And the rouge - oh how I love the rouge.

However, I have made an executive decision to overhaul Sports As Life into strictly a football blog - which, let's be honest, it pretty much was anyway - so the start of the CFL season means the start of Sports As Life season again.

Trying to write something "clever" about all the major sports was a pretty unwieldy task, so I've decided to streamline. While I enjoy watching basketball and baseball, I just don't follow them closely enough to consistently write about. And hockey... don't even get me started. Hockey is for stupids and you'll never convince me otherwise. All this week I had planned on writing something called The One Year No-Hockey Diet - but I just never quite got around to it.

So if you're like me, football season just can't come fast enough. I'll even settle for watching OTA's on the NFL Network for the love of Pete!

And as always, I think rouge's are going to tell the story.

This Is Not How the Story Ends...Not Yet Anyway

Truth be told, two hours ago Sportsaslife.com was dead. No more. Finished. There wasn't anything else I had to say.

An hour and a half ago, Sportsaslife.com was not going anywhere. After much thought and soul-searching, there was a re-commitment to try and make it work again.

An hour ago, I was on the fence about Sportsaslife.com - I had been down this road before about the decision to plod on or shut it down permanently.

And as it stands now, a temporary stay of execution has been granted. I plan on keeping production going until the end of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, at the very least. I couldn't very well end the Sports As Life Stanley Cup Playoffs Pool Party prematurely now could I? There's a free shirt at stake after all.

Although it doesn't seem like it the majority of the time, it has taken a lot of hard work to keep Sports As Life in a semi-functioning over the past 15 months. A lot. And at certain points during that time I had very high hopes for this little project. However, it became clearer and clearer that very little of what I hoped would come to fruition. More than anything, I suspect this was due to my expectations being far too high. I'd like to think I gave it a valiant attempt - and I suppose at the end of the day, that's all a person can ask for.

That being said, it does still pain me a great deal to see Sports As Life limp off into the dark night like it has over the past months. Which is why I keep telling myself to try to turn things around. But time and energy are two things in short supply these days. Writing and editing both require those things in greater amounts than you might think. Let alone the opportunity to actually put the required thought into anything.

Wow, if that doesn't sound like a eulogy I don't know what does. Maybe my mind is already made up and I just don't know it yet. Like they say - if you're talking about retirement, you're already retired.

All I know for sure is that if you're in the Stanley Cup Playoffs Pool Party - you better make your picks for the last two rounds. You have until 5pm on Thursday to make your selections. But make them count - this is the last time you'll be able to pick new players.

NFL Draft Day - The 8 Hour Live-Blog

1:20 - Ok, it's a slightly late start today.

But you already knew the first overall pick - Jake Long - so quite whining.

St. Louis just took Chris Long with the 2nd pick, which is very, very disappointing to me because I was hoping he would fall to Kansas City at 5.

Atlanta is now on the clock with the 3rd pick - probably going to be Matt Ryan, who I was also hoping would fall to Kansas City.


1:25 - Dagnabbit! Matt Ryan is gone to Atlanta. I'm not super crushed though, KC can get a decent QB in the second or third round. TH's Raiders are now on the clock - he's here at the Sports As Life Mansion watching the draft.


1:30 - TH is waiting with great anticipation. And it's Darren McFadden! TH likes the pick. My Chiefs are now on the clock. It's gotta be Glenn Dorsey - never thought he'd fall to 5.


1:40 - Kansas City pick up Glenn Dorsey - I must say I'm happy about that. I doesn't really address their biggest needs but he was the best player available. The Jets are on the clock now and it's only a matter of minutes before the crowd in New York goes wild with boo's. I must say this first round is really flying by. Going from 15 minutes a pick to 10 minutes was a nice change.

1:48 - It looks like the Jets are going to take Vernon Gholston. And the do. He seems destined for a steroid suspension someday though - check this out. At least the Jets fans aren't booing - they're usually on suicide watch after their first round picks. The Patriots are now on the clock - oh hooray, let's see how they get better.


1:55 - Well the Patriots just traded the 7th pick to the Saints for the 10th plus something else I'm sure. I'd say the Saints take Sedrick Ellis. Hey - I'm right. And now Baltimore is on the clock and there seems to be some speculation that Baltimore is going to trade this pick too.


1:59 - Mike Mayock was correct, Baltimore traded down to 26 and Jacksonville moves up to #8.

2:05 - Jacksonville takes a defensive end, Derrick Harvey. If he turns out, Jacksonville is going to have a scary defense again this year. The Bengals are now on the clock.


2:11 - And it's Keith Rivers from USC. Cincinnati needs help desperately on defense and this is just a start for them. The Patriots are now on the clock and TH's little brother, D-Money, says it's going to be cornerback Leodis McKelvin.


2:17 - But it's a linebacker from Tennessee - Jerod Mayo. The Pats definitely needed new blood at linebacker. Their linebacker's are older than most fossils.


2:23 - Buffalo just took the first cornerback of the day - Leodis McKelvin. Denver's on the clock now and they probably take a linebacker or an offensive lineman.


2:28 - Well Ryan Clady is not going to drop to Kansas City at 17. Denver just took him at 12. No matter. Carolina is on the clock.


2:32 - And Carolina take running back Jonathan Stewart from Oregon. And D-Money owes me a case of beer because he guaranteed it would be Devin Thomas or Rashard Mendehall. The Bears are now on the clock and it might be Mendenhall - they need a running back who doesn't run like a fat pig. I'm talking to you Cedric Benson.


2:42 - Chicago takes an offensive lineman in Chris Williams. Branden Albert is still on the board and I've got the fingers crossed that he falls to Kansas City. I was hoping KC could somehow use that 17th pick to trade for Jason Taylor but now with Glenn Dorsey, KC needs help on the offensive line. Detroit is on the clock and they probably take a running back.


2:47 - Well KC just traded up to 15 from 17 with Detroit, so I'm assuming it's going to be Branden Albert. And it is! Very, very excited I must say. The Arizona Cardinals are now on the clock.


2:57 - Deion Sanders yelps for joy at Arizona's pick of Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. Detroit is now on the clock and we're all waiting to see if Detroit somehow picks another wide receiver - but it might be a running back.


3:01 - Well Detroit picks someone named Gosder - Gosder Cherilus, a tackle from Boston College. I suppose whey you're Detroit you take help where ever you can get it. Houston is on the clock and they need some running back help. This might be Rahard Mendenhall.


3:05 - Or not. Houston trades with Baltimore down to 26. And Baltimore is now on the clock. The gents on the NFL Network are saying this is going to be quarterback Joe Flacco.


3:08 - And it is Joe Flacco from Delaware. Baltimore has a new quarterback of the future, replacing current quarterback of the future Kyle Boller. The Eagles and their unruly fans are now on the clock.


3:14 - The Eagles have traded their pick to Carolina and there seems to be a general sense of confusion. And Carolina takes Jeff Otah. Tampa Bay is on the clock now. I can't believe we're on pick number 20 already. The first round has just flown by.


3:25 - Aqib Talib is the pick for Tampa Bay. Just another cornerback for the ol' Tampa 2.


3:31 - Washington has just traded their first round pick. Nobody seems to know to who or for what.


3:33 - It was Atlanta that traded for the 21st pick. They need absolutely everything, so who knows who this'll be. It's Sam Baker - left tackle from USC. If you have a new quarterback, I guess you need someone to protect him. The Cowboys are now on the clock.


3:43 - Any your Dallas Cowboys take Felix Jones, running back from Arkansas. The Cowboys just got a little scarier on offence. The Steelers are on the clock now.


3:50 - Pittsburgh takes a running back - Rashard Mendendall from Illinois. Probably going to be a good fit in that Pittsburgh running game. Tennessee's on the clock now.


3:57 - Tennessee takes the fastest man in the draft - actually I don't know that, I just made it up - Chris Johnson. From the looks of it, he's faster than the Flash - actually, I just made that up too. The Seahawks are on the clock now and for some reason they're playing Bittersweet Symphony for their music - not a real vote of confidence.


4:03 - Well Seattle traded their pick to Dallas and Houston is on the clock now. Dallas takes a cornerback - Mike Jenkins from South Florida.


4:09 - Some guy named Duane Brown is the 26th overall - a tackle that nobody thought should be in the first round. The Chargers are on the clock now. Luckily I'm on Red Bull #2 because I'm starting to fade.


4:20 - San Diego took cornerback Antoine Cason and Seattle takes a defensive end Lawrence Jackson from USC - although everyone thought they should go on offence. San Fran is now on the clock.


4:23 - The Niners take a defensive tackle, Kentwan Balmer. The Packers are on their clock now and there's some talk about them taking a quarterback. That doesn't sound like a vote of confidence for Aaron Rodgers.


4:27 - If there's one thing I've learned from this draft it is that Mia Hamm and Nomar Garciaparra are not bowlers, nor have they ever claimed to be.


4:29 - The Jets have traded with Green Bay to get the 30th pick and it sounds like they're going to take a tight end. It is a tight end - Dustin Keller. And of course Jets fans react with serious disdain to taking a tight end in the first round. Memories of Kyle Brady are still pretty fresh there. We want Sapp! We want Sapp! The Giants are now on the clock for the last pick of the first round. Only 31 picks this year, as the Patriots are pathetic cheaters and had theirs taken away.


4:39 - This is it, the last pick of the first round. The Giants take the first safety of the first round, Kenny Phillips.

And that's it for the first round - and that's it for me as well. Blogging the first round was more than enough. Live blogging never really works out the way I want it to. Here's a couple of videos to make it all worthwhile. Next year this is what I'm drinking to get me through the first round. And if I need a little something extra... the Rocket Edition.