Thursday, June 26, 2008

My Hovercraft is Full of Three-Down Football

Well since today is the start of the 2008 CFL season, I thought it would be appropriate to do the Roughrider season preview today. No, there will not be a repeat of last year's (moderately) popular prediction post - who has the time for such things?

However, it warrants mentioning that if the CFL season starts and no one sees it, did it still happen? Thank you very much SaskTel - I want my next bill to be pro-rated, to reflect the two days (and counting) my cable has not worked. Not that it's a big deal. I didn't really want to watch the Euro 2008 semi's, CFL games tonight or the NBA Draft anyway. If I'm a little testy you'll forgive me, I haven't seen a Simpsons episode in 56 hours.

Seriously, what did people do before television? Converse with one another? Have well-rounded inter-personal relationships? Read their evening newspaper by whale-oil lantern? Go outside? No thank you very much.

And while I'm complaining on the subject of things that bothering me, when did it become acceptable for fans to refer to a sports team as we? As in, "We really need a win tonight," or "we need a touchdown right here." No - they need a touchdown, you need to shove some more Dorito's into your noise hole.



Well, I digress. On to why you're here.

I must confess that the reason I didn't write anything the Roughriders for so long is that I honestly don't have much of an idea about this team - at least nothing that I could turn into anything funny, which is generally my number one concern.

Once the season gets going I'm sure I'll have a little more material to work with - maybe Matt Dominguez complains about the health care system again, maybe Scott Schultz wins a chicken wing eating contest, or maybe Luca Congi presides at a lesbian wedding. The possibilities are endless.

The only concrete idea I had going into this post was that I thought new Roughrider head coach Ken Miller looked like the Big Lebowski from, well, The Big Lebowski.

Which got me thinking that I would give both my kidneys to see this scene play out on the sidelines this year, with Marcus Crandell playing the role of The Dude and Ritchie Hall as Brandt.

Video NSFW, or at least turn your volume down.

"Marcus, the ********* plane has crashed into the mountain!" Seriously good times.

There is a big question on everyone's mind right now, and I know what it is - Do the Roughriders win the Grey Cup again?

If I had to guess I'd say they have a pretty good chance, somewhere around 1 in 8.

Well that's it for now - if my cable doesn't come back on soon, this is going to be the only sports I'll be watching in the near future:


Rider Prophet said...

" and Marx is claiming it was offside" Awesome!

You should also be sure to check out the upcoming Silly Olympiad. I'm particularily looking forward to the 3000m steeple chase for people who think they're chickens.

Anonymous said...

Khaaaan! To be at work and not be able to see what inspired comparisons to steeple chase for people who think they're chickens is very frustrating. I'll be sure to check it out tonight.

I don't know if Miller really looks like Jeffrey Lebowski, but I can definately picture him at a press conference saying, "Strong men cry too. STRONG MEN CRY TOO!!"

Did you see in the Leader Post that Hughes' replacement doesn't like the riders. How is she going to last in that spot that was normally only read by 85 year olds looking to hear about daylight savings times, a rider opinion from someone even less qualified than the rest of the LP staff, and tips on how to sweep DUI's under the rug?

Oh yeah, and get rid of that sasktel box of your's. Get with the times - a pvr will change your life. I'm an HD snob first and foremost, but am quickly becoming a snob when it comes to watching TV on my own terms and schedule. But kudos to sasktel for the Score in HD.

Since i'll be at the same prior engagement as you during the rider opener i'm looking forward to a completely ignorant summary based solely on statistics. Let the bashing begin.


Cooper said...

Hold on a moment. Replacement for Hughes? Are you to say that since I left Bob Hughes was replaced at the Leader Post? Sweet Justice!

Speaking of "The Goddamn Plane Has Crashed Into the Mountain" that is exactly the mood here in Winnipeg after the opening loss to the Argos. I always thought Rider Nation was the worst for throwing in the towel after a loss, however people here are already writing off the season and jumping out of their 30th story office windows.

Anonymous said...

Hey CH, careful with the SaskTel cracks, my meagre retirement depends on some sort of positive net income from that organization.

What's a couple days without the MAX service. It must have been the "Head End" as we say. Totally out of our control.

Did someone say Bob Hughes is not writing his guest spot for the LP? What will Sobey's south store do without the exposure regarding their strike? Did someone say the strike is over?



Anonymous said...

I guess my comments on Sasktel weren't clear. I meant exchange your sasktel HD box with a Sasktel PVR. I'm loving that thing.

And yes, Bob Hughes is gone gone gone.