Friday, June 6, 2008

The Sports As Life 2008 CFL Preview - The Godzilla Remix - Part 2

Good day, and welcome to Part 2 of the 2008 Sports As Life CFL Preview - The Godzilla Remix. As stated in Part 1 of the Preview, in trying to find an original way to preview the season we're using the motto of the city each of the CFL teams play in. Part 1 covered the East and now we're on to the West.

*Disclaimer: This preview contains no actual research and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Please, no wagering.*

Saskatchewan (Regina) - "Let Regina Flourish"
If you like conservative governments, skyrocketing housing prices and nurses so powerful they make the Roman Legions look like Girl Scouts, then welcome to Alberta Saskatchewan!

Yes Saskatchewan, home of the defending Grey Cup Champions - we haven't been able to say that since Michael Jackson was black - and no, ninja masks do not count. Saskatchewan is also home to the most unoriginal advertising campaigns (Welcome to the Green Mile brought to you by the Rider Nation) since I tried to market my own homemade McRib sandwiches out of the back of a van parked in a McDonald's parking lot. They were not pleased about that.

For the casual observer it seems the Roughriders are trying to apply the addition by subtraction philosophy this year. Gone are Kent Austin, Reggie Hunt, Kerry Joseph, Fred Perry and probably a few others. But as someone smarter than me once said, just because you know their name doesn't mean they're any good. I'm looking directly at you Jackie Mitchell... wherever you are.

Edmonton - "Industry, Intergrity, Progress"

I must say, I know less about the Eskimos than just about any other team in the league I reckon... and if you've read this far, you'll know the competition for that title is pretty tough.

I think that fat little French kid they hired as their coach a couple years ago is still hanging around... somehow. Nothing like ruining a streak of decades upon decades of consecutive playoff appearances.

Plus they acquired Fred Perry's gold teeth via trade in the offseason. So they got that going for them... which is nice.

Calgary - "Onward"

If you've ever met somebody from Calgary you'll know that motto is probably the most profound thing someone from Cowtown has ever come up with. Did you know that when children are behaving badly in Calgary their parents tell them the Deerfoot lives under their beds and will eat them if they don't behave?

This season I can only hope that the Stampeders continue the trend of signing the biggest NFL Draft bust they can possibly get their hands on. Last season it was the Akili Smith debacle - What? The accuracy problems that cost him an NFL career weren't suddenly remedied by only playing 3 downs? I'm shocked!

My shortlist of busts Calgary should sign this year would include David Klingler, Heath Schuler (although I believe he's an elected official in the U.S now - but that CFL money could probably lure him out of retirement) and Lawrence Phillips... oh, wait. But the guy I'd like to see more than anyone is Ki-Jana Carter. C'mon Hufnagel, he was a #1 pick for goodness sake!

Note: I was going to make an Andre Ware joke here but I forgot he was in the CFL many moons ago - and actually won a Grey Cup. Yes, he was the backup. To Doug Flutie.

B.C (Vancouver) - "By Sea, Land and Air We Prosper"

I think something got lost in translation there because as far as I knew B.C's motto was "By Leg Whips, Chop Blocks and Chokeholds We Prosper."

Since the Commissioner won't be troubling himself with negotiating with the NFL anymore, perhaps he might turn an eye to the punishment system in his own league. Or maybe not - players without fear of reprisal are sure to play within the rules at all times.

Ok, that does if the this year's CFL Preview - and I must say it was much easier than writing an NFL Preview, which I'm going to have to start this weekend if I want it to be done by September. Speaking of weekends, starting tomorrow I'll be out of the Sports As Life offices for a week - so don't expect any posts during that time. But don't worry, I'll be working on some things for the week I return.

Also, with the Stanley Cup wrapping up last night - and might I say, how sweet was it to see Fleury score on himself again to cost his team a championship - it meant the end of the Sports As Life NHL Pool Party. Yours truly could not hold on to the lead down the stretch and failed to go wire to wire for the victory. The winner was ShakeyJ. So congratulations you bastard - also belated congratulations to CH who took home the the March Madness Pool Part. Both will receive a Sports As Life T-Shirt of their choice. The next chance for you to win something will probably be in the fall with the start of the NFL season - which can only mean one thing, the start of Fantasy Football season!

That's it, have a good week - and do yourself a favour and watch some Euro 2008.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Welcome back. How do you feel about the "sold out" preseason rider game? Will we repeat? Will they crash and burn? Didn't see any of the game, but did here alot of fireworks after they scored. I'll guess they'll have to start preparing the "green mile".