Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

(ED. NOTE - The editor is too tired to edit, so here's Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby in the raw)

Well well well, the playoffs are here and for some gone. Last week I suffered a defeat in the first round in my keeper league. I could blame it on Addai, Wayne, Gore & Romo who didn’t perform or I can say if I sat romo for shaun hill, or played deangelo hall instead of coleman. I was averaging 105 pnts per week, last week 75 and only lost by 5.5. It was a rough loss but I’m still in all the other leagues..hopefully going to the final round in my espn league and winning the big one this weekend (16 teams $120/team…big prize).

I try not to look at this point of the game what my matchups are and what the opponents are. As far as your own team this should have been done before the trade deadline and if you didn’t like it something should have been done back then. Now there’s nothing to do and last week was an example of match-ups being deceiving. By match-ups I was getting blown out: Addai vs cincy, warner vs rams, colston vs atla, cotchery vs SF. Meanwhile I had westbrook vs NY (less than 50 yds first time they played), deangelo vs TB, Andre vs GB, Rivers vs Oak. The game in the end wasn’t even close 150 – 40 (rounded) for this guy. Pretty much all of his players did the bare minimum, whereas I had huge performances. Who knew that TB was that bad against the run..suddenly the witten for stewart trade pays off.

People get in trouble when it’s playoff time, going with a mediocre player with a great matchup over a guy that is a proven star with just a so-so matchup, or a star who’s in a slump. Being burnt by sitting Steven Jackson in week 6 (whatever week he went off for 30 pnts), isn’t even comparable to losing in the playoffs with him on the bench and producing. So am I going to sit Andre Johnson cause he plays against tennesee for koren robinson who gets the rams…NO. Yeah robinson could have a big game but trust me you won’t be kicking yourself because you didn’t start a #3 wr for your top guy..pissed of yes but it’s about giving yourself the best opportunity. If you like risks then play the match-ups but it’s not for me.

So to write something I looked at the match-ups this week and saw that in 3 leagues I have 3 of the same players playing this week. 2 have great match-ups 1 an alright match-up. Westbrook, and indy defense could get me 50 pnts, then the 3rd is andre. If mcnab decides that he wants to throw 70 times this week..I’m screwed or if Indy overlooks the lions I could be done. Also in 2 leagues I’m playing against teams with the pitts defense and chris Johnson (good thing Lendal probably won’t play).

If your looking for some advice short and sweet..game by game. Again no pictures cause I’m tired and sore from boarding in louise and still have to go shovel the 20 cm of snow we got last night.

TB – ATL : Sit-Turner the Burner and Matt Ryan, Garcia
Start- Roddy White, Bryant

Was – Cincy : Start – Portis, Moss, Housh

Ten – Houston : Sit – Schaub
Start – Gage

GB – Jags: Start – Rodgers, MJD
Sit – Garrard

Sf – Miami: Sit- Ronnie, Foster (If he’s a starter)
Start – Pennington, Bruce

Seattle – Rmas: Start – Branch, Morris, Jacson, Bulger

Buff- NYJ : Start- Favre, Jones
Sit – lynch, Evans

SD- KC : Start Thigpen, Rivers, LT
Sit – LJ

Detroit- Indy: Start – Any Indy offensive player
Sit – Calvin Johnson

Minny – Arzizona: Start- AP
Sit – Warner, any Arz rb. ( I’m saying sit warner cause though he will throw for 200+ yds and 2-3 Td’s I see turnovers, he’s also likely better than most #2 qb’s out there so ….

Pitts – Baltimore : I’d start no one here

Denver – Carolina : Start – Carolina rb’s, Cutler, Marshall
Sit – Delhomme

NE – Oakland: Sit – Cassel
Start – Morris

NYG – Dallas : Sit – Choice (I’m assuming Barber’s out), Eli
Start – Romo, Owens

Browns – Philly : Start- Mcnab

No real stretches out there but one thing I did just remember. It came to me when I was writing the Dallas game, and that was Jerry calling out Marian the Barbarian and I am glad he did. I know it doesn’t look good, but your team needs you . Challenging a guys toughness is ideal but jerry and the fans see the qb trying to play with a broken finger, the year before a wr with a broken thumb, then a guy with a dislocated toe and he’s out for the most important games???

With Marian out though there is a terrible trend that just serves as a reminder that you can know everything and say this is a skill, but like poker there’s luck involved. This week the following rb’s are likely out. Addai, Gore, Marian, Jacobs, Lendal. There’s also a host that have already been injured and out or that are banged up and may not finish the game. All of the guys listed though could have been #1 rb on someones team.

It’s luck when you’re the #5 in the draft you want addai, but the guy in the 4 spot takes him and leaves you with Westbrook. At the time your like oh well he’s still good. Then he gets hurt midway, you stick with him though and now he’s one of the top players down the stretch meanwhile that guy who took addai..probably out of the playoffs.

Good luck to all in the playoffs except for the editor. No even to him, though if you win I want it to be because Boldin gets those 7 Td’s, and not because of huge performances by Chris or Pitts.

I Predict a Riot - Week 15 in the NFL

So as you may have noticed (but probably didn’t) there was no NFL wrap-up post this week. I’m blaming the fact that I couldn’t come up with a clever song lyric to fit in the “nameless post” model – and while you may scoff at that, I assure it played a larger role than it probably would have for a sane person.

But since we’re all here – why don’t we have a chat?

Did you know a new football stadium was apparently built overnight here in Regina? I sure didn’t. But from what I’ve been able to piece together it is a state of the art, 60,000 seat, retractable roof, interchangeable turf, multi-use, NHL-enticing, Rolling Stones having every year, BEST THING EVER stadium!!1!1!!

It seems like only about 10 months ago we were having this same discussion and hey – look what I found! From a March 18th post:

Well let me be the first to give this new stadium it's first nickname... the World's Most Expensive Golf Dome. Or how about The Big Empty? That Stadium They Used to Play Football In? Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time?

Anyone want to sit inside on a beautiful summer night and watch football? Didn't think so. An indoor stadium would save fans from how many cold games a year... 2... 3? And that's all part of the experience of going to a football game in Saskatchewan.

Is a new stadium needed? Maybe.

Taylor Field absolutely has to be upgraded and improved. But if a new stadium is followed through with, it has to be open-air. What is a brand new, multi-hundred million dollar indoor stadium going to be used for in the winter? Occasional soccer game? The odd concert Regina can pry away from Saskatoon? Car dealership extravaganzas?

And where might the money come from for this new pipe-dream? Oh, the government you say? I will agree that there is lots of money to go around in the province right now. But let me counter by saying there are a few hundred things that need funding in this province before a new football stadium.

Our infrastructure is crumbling.

Our health-care system is dangerously close to collapsing in on itself (ok, maybe it's not that bad - but I sure don't want to go to the Emergency Room anytime soon).

Affordable housing is a joke and a thing of the past.

I'd like to think that we have a little bit of common sense in this province and we see to it that some of these more pressing issues are dealt with before we build a novelty that will sit empty and unused for half of the year.

However, if this project does somehow start to move forward you can be that I'll be using this platform and it's (non-existent) influence to come out fully against the indoor stadium. Or at least the use of public money to fund it.

That is all.

And just think, that was written back when oil was $110 a barrel and rising, today’s price: $43.50. Oh well, there’s always potash.

But I’m sure glad I wrote all this back then because it saved me a lot of time now. The only thing I would change is the name of the stadium, I still love ‘The Big Empty’ but here’s what my sources (I have none) tell me the stadium will be called:

“Hopson’s Folly”

In the spirit of other affectionately-derisive stadium nicknames, like “The Big Owe” and “The Mistake by the Lake,” I think “Hopson’s Folly” is perfect. “Fiacco’s Folly” and “Wall’s Folly” just didn’t have that same ring, even though they might be more appropriate.

Then there is the fact there are some who think the possibility of an NFL team in Toronto (less likely than it was 6 months ago) would kill the CFL (I still don’t see it). So even if both of those longshots paid off and the Toronto Bills killed the CFL, what then? Would the Regina Red Sox play in front of 45 people inside this testament to man’s need to build the biggest, coolest stuff he can?

Oh, by the way – as you were reading this SaskPower raised your rates by 13%. How would you feel about a tax increase to pay for a new stadium now?

And since the writing of the post spanned two days, here’s a quote from yesterday’s Leader Post, from Kevin Blevins:

What does matter is that Fiacco, our fair city’s most public cheerleader, has come a long way in the past 12 months, from thinking we could only spend $10 million on fixing up 80-year-old Mosaic Stadium to now believing that maybe this city, and this province, can build something extraordinary that will serve our province for the next 50 years at least. There is a long way to go, especially when Premier Brad Wall says it’s a City of Regina issue. Thanks, Mr. Premier, maybe Regina will build the stadium and then rename them the Regina Roughriders.

All I can say is bravo, Mr. Premier. At least someone in a position of power isn’t getting swept up in this hoopla. And he’s right, it is a City of Regina issue. Are people in North Battleford going to want to pay higher taxes or have their tax dollars (or however it would be paid for) used to build a new stadium in Regina? How about Saskatoon? What percentage of a Roughrider crowd comes from Saskatoon? 10%? I have no idea but I think even that might be a little generous. And that’s only 10 days a year (probably 9 in reality). And yes I know that provincial money is spent in regions that do not affect me one iota – but I’d say that fixing a road or bridge in northern Saskatchewan or a hospital in Moose jaw is slightly more important than a new luxury stadium in Regina.

Sure, a new dome would have a larger effect if a big name concert was drawn to Regina – but I don’t think simply building the stadium means Led Zeppelin is going to play a reunion date here.

I am well aware that this has been all over the map – but here’s my last question: If this new stadium was 40,000 seats let’s say – would the Roughriders have the ability to sell 40,000 tickets for every football game? I say probably not. And I guess in reality the stadium would hold 30,000ish and be expandable. But a situation should not be created wherein sections of stadium are tarped off so empty seats aren’t visible and the game is technically a sell-out.

In the end, I don’t care if a new stadium is built – I’m just not going to pay for it.

But on to why we’re here:

Note – my fantasy football semi-finals are this weekend, in which I’m playing Sports As Life’s own fantasy guru Trebor and am going to get blown out of the water. So expect much fantasy talk in the game previews, as I try to motivate my team by cursing them out in an electronic medium they will never, ever see – and if you don’t like it go read a newspaper.

New Orleans @ Chicago – I hate you Lance Moore. I know you basically saved my season when Jerrico Cotchery disappeared faster than my interest in network television. But you screwed me last night Moore – ruining the slim chance I had at making the finals, so kindly go find an interstate to run across.
Winner: Chicago

Tampa Bay @ Atlanta – Die Tampa, die!
Winner: Atlanta

Washington @ Cincinnati – The bloom has really come of the Jim Zorn rose, hasn’t it? Apparently Clinton Portis thinks Zorn is a “genius” – which I assume means that Zorn isn’t a genius. Although I could be wrong about that – I was away the week they taught sarcastic quotation marks in school. Or are they ironic? Like I said, I was away.
Winner: Washington

Detroit @ Indianapolis – After this game, Detroit has New Orleans and Green Bay left. Neither of those two teams should lose to Detroit, but Baltimore shouldn't have lost to Miami last year either. I'm extraordinarily excited for Detroit to go 0-16.
Winner: Indianapolis

San Diego @ Kansas City – Gee, I hope this steaming pile of garbage is on TV. So word out of Kansas City this week is they might be looking to get a pass rusher in the first round instead of a quarterback. For those scoring at home, the Chiefs still only have 6 sacks for the year. And while a defensive end is needed, I don’t think you can build a team around that position. YOU NEED A QUARTERBACK. Fun fact: in the past, the Chiefs have tried to shore up their defensive line through the draft with hilarious, if not expected results:
2004 – draft Junior Siavii in 2nd round, played 2 years in the league – now out of football
2004 – get lucky in 4th round, draft Jared Allen – trade him during last offseason because General Manager is grade-A prick (note: Allen has 12.5 sacks this season – Kansas City’s entire team, 6)
2002 – draft Ryan Sims in the 1st round (6th overall), played 4 wildly unspectacular seasons in Kansas City – apparently now with Tampa Bay. Here are some of the defensive linemen taken after Sims in 2002: John Henderson (9th overall), Dwight Freeny (11th overall), Albert Haynesworth (15th) – as I was typing that I had to fight a very strong urge to spontaneously combust.

But if you want to drive yourself nuts, get on Wikipedia, look at past NFL draft results and see just how bad your team is in the draft. Were you aware that David Carr was taken number 1 overall in 2002? Joey Harrington was taken #3. So I guess a quarterback is never a sure thing either.
Winner: San Diego

Buffalo @ NY Jets – If you use speakerphone for the majority of your person to person phone calls, you’re a douchebag ok? I hate to break it to you – but you are. PICK UP THE RECEIVER AND SPEAK TO THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END AS IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY WORTHY OF YOUR TIME! “Oh I’m sorry, I’m much too important and busy to pick up 0.25 pounds of plastic and place it under my chin.” Here’s another news flash – absolutely nobody wants to hear your phone calls. PICK UP THE PHONE!
Winner: New York

Seattle @ St. Louis – I just know you’re going to screw me over this weekend, aren’t you Steven Jackson? I just know it. This actually might be the worst game of football every played.
Winner: St. Louis… no wait, Seattle… no wait, there will be no winners associated with this game because in the end we all lose

San Francisco @ Miami – Well it was inevitable… the Sports As Life accounting department has just informed me that due to a catastrophic corporate structure and borderline-incompetent money management we will be bankrupt within the month. So here’s my question – is this the line for a bailout, or are we taking numbers?
Winner: Miami

Green Bay @ Jacksonville – It’s come to my attention that the light in my office’s photocopier is green, rather than the usual retina-destroying bright white. Yes, it is a fascinating life I lead – thank you for asking.
Winner: Jacksonville

Tennessee @ Houston – Chris Johnson, this weekend you’d better run like you’re covered in BBQ sauce and LenDale White is chasing you with that look in his eye. Hell, I’ll even supply the sauce if that’ll help.
Winner: Tennessee

Minnesota @ Arizona – Since I have nothing to say about this game, other than I hope Kurt Warner contracts a case of sudden-onset, acute, uncontrollable pants-pissing syndrome and has to sit this week out, forcing Matt Leinart into the game wherein he miraculously thrown 7 touchdown passes to Anquan Boldin and nothing to Larry Fitzgerald – here are some pictures from Arizona’s NFC West-clinching victory last weekend, courtesy of commenter B.




Winner: Arizona

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore – Whooooweeeee, this might be the most exciting 6-3 game you’ll ever see. This game might also bring us the NFL’s first on-field aggravated assault charge.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Denver @ Carolina – By all logic Carolina should rush for about 1,400 yards in this game – which of course means they’ll rush for 42. I still can’t get over the ass-kicking they gave the Tampa defence last week. The only rushing game in the world right now that’s better than Carolina is Georgia Tech. If you love the Triple Option, and how could you not, make sure to watch the Chick-Fil-A Bowl on New Year’s Eve. I’m sure Cooper will cover this as well, but I wanted to give it an early plug.
Winner: Carolina

New England @ Oakland -

Winner: New England

NY Giants @ Dallas – If you happen to find yourself standing near a bus while in Dallas, Texas – beware! Someone from the Cowboys organization will find you and throw you under it. First Jerry Jones threw Marion Barber under for not being tough enough (of all the people to question!). Then Terrell Owens throws Tony Romo and Jason Witten under for having a secret club and not inviting him (winner for least surprising news of year). I’m certainly glad that my fantasy fortunes are tied so closely to two people in the middle of a blood feud – although I guess that’s what I get for making that fantasy deal with the devil. How’d that Pacman Jones signing turn out by the way?
Winner: Dallas (the power of positive thought!!1!!!)

Cleveland @ Philadelphia – I just need Brian Westbrook to be stifled for one week and he’s playing Cleveland?!?! Shoot me in the face. Where’s that “can only tie with Cincinnati” Philly team when you need them?
Winner: Philadelphia

A Giant Post About the New York Jets

(Or how I learned that Brett Farve can’t play in the pouring rain)


Finally, the boss has given me an assignment that I can sink my teeth into - writing a piece about the New York Jets/Denver Broncos game. What’s that you say, I have to fly to New York to cover the Jets game? Ok, but can I put it on the company credit card? What’s that you say? Cooper spent the company’s limit on his buffalo moon farm and paying our lawyers for being sued by college co-eds? F*ck! Well looks like no Christmas gifts for the family this year.

Well, I decided that this was the perfect way to climb the corporate ladder at Sportsaslife Inc., so I bit the bullet and bought my ticket to the game and to New York City for the Jets/Broncos game. If the editor doesn’t take note of this then I may as well look for another job at another sports-blog. I also didn’t want to be taken advantage of in the big city, so I brought some muscle along (by brother DH) and some brains (Sportsaslife fantasy guru Trebor and his beautiful wife).

There were a few days before the game, so I decided that I might as well see the sites of the big city. We started at the Statue of Liberty, which was smaller than I thought, but still mighty impressive. Needless to say you can tell that we are some classy people and really respect the integrity of historical things.


Yes a bunch intelligent sensitive people, yup that’s us.

Well, down to Wall Street to see where all the magic of the market happens. Oh, wait, there are a bunch of people in suits begging for money. Hey, I think I see our editor holding a sign up asking for a bail-out!?! Better not take out that housing loan.


Jeez by the time we made it through Wall Street I was out 250 billion dollars and I didn’t even get a thank-you or a reach-around. Man, this trip just got very expensive. Perhaps things will be better on 5th Avenue.

Oh, Sacs 5th Avenue, Tiffany’s, Louis Vuitton, these are stores that everyone knows…and that poor shmoes like us aren’t allowed into. I guess that explains why all these stores have door guards. Well off to Macy’s, hopefully there are no Christmas shopping related squishings while we are there. Too soon?

We just got out of Macy’s and a day has somehow passed us by… what happened in there. I guess that is to be expected with a store that’s advertisement reads “Macy’s: The Biggest Store in the WORLD”.

Off to Times Square to see the sights...


Well all I got there was a street CD that I didn’t really want. Actually, it isn’t bad hopefully our editor can put a track on somehow, if not, check this guy out at myspace.com/inchmoney99. Seriously, check it out! (Ed. Note - He couldn't, so y'all just have to follow the link)

Hey, one of the huge New York city news tickers just said that Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a night club with a handgun that he didn’t have a permit for…he must be a Rhodes Scholar. Maybe he goes home at night wondering how he could join his buddy Mick Vick in jail. Perhaps he also goes home at the end of a game and starts flushing money down the toilet for entertainment. Idiot. The second that news hit the streets the New York Papers were killing him… and I have to say that he deserves it. Well, no time to waste, have to see all there is to see before the game.

I guess we should go to a museum or something… doesn’t Ben Stiller work at the Natural History Museum?


After 4 hours of looking I am finally convinced that Night at the Museum was not a documentary and Ben Stiller doesn’t work at the New York American Museum of Natural History.

I suppose that we should go to the game, since that was what I was here to see. Oh, good, it is pouring rain. Even better, it is cold… hurray, I am looking forward to this already. Wait, what!?!?! We have to go to New Jersey to see the game…what!!! Needless to say once we emerge for Lincoln Tunnel I know we are in New Jersey, and I know why it is nicknamed “The Swamp”.


Into the Giants Stadium surrounded by real New Yorkers, the first ones that I have seen since I have been here. The game starts out well despite the rain, 7 – 7, and I just learned that you can’t challenge fumble recoveries in the NFL – could someone remind me why the NFL has replay again? But things look promising for the Jets since the Broncos can’t stop the run. Oh, wait, Brett Farve has started to do those Brett Farve things… sling the ball down the field. Did he forget that he isn’t any good in the rain?

Oh, things are getting out of hand before the half.


Just before half the Broncos have an injury. Oh, two in a row, people are starting to grumble. Wait, wait, three in a row… the people around us start to boo. I turn around and I think Elliot Gould is sitting right behind me. He looks and sounds exactly like him. I ask him for his autograph and he asks for my wallet. Nice, Elliot Gould has just stolen my wallet at a Jets game. But he said he was the wallet inspector.

Oh, more booing, which means that there is another Bronco lying on the field only to come back into the game 2 plays later after they have sat by the heater for a second. One more down and I begin to boo – I am starting to feel like a Philly fan booing when Michael Irvin was lying on the field at Vet’s stadium with a broken neck. I seemingly have lost all interest in the game and start to count how many Broncos can be ‘injured’, and contemplate how well they are organized… never are their two Broncos lying on the field at the same time. They could form some kind of synchronized swim team. They could dominate international competitions! Oh, I have also learned that stepping on the white sideline does NOT mean that you are out of bounds… the things I didn’t know about football. Oh, look my first viewing of a Brett Farve overthrow interception… neat.

Thank god the game is finally over, that was painful to watch, and no wonder the editor gave me this assignment. I think he hates me. The Jets couldn’t even beat the lowly Broncos, who were blown out by the Raiders… I guess the Jets also lost to the Raiders…and they are going to the playoffs!?!

Well after I stand out in the rain another hour waiting to get on the bus back to Port Authority and the safety of New York I am ready to go home. Our flight is in two hours, loads of time. Into the cab on the way to the airport and someone has forgotten their passport at the hotel… AHHHHHH!!!


Bye-bye New York, you were a fine city… let's see where the boss sends me next year.

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well I was going to do the re-draft thing this week, as when I got back to Canada I found out that the election 2 months ago didn’t matter. So then it was going to be a whole new draft starting today and who to take. However, I brought back the New York flu and energy has been drained so something simple.

Most leagues should be in playoffs by now, in my espn league I’m in week 3. So the team has got you to the big show or let you down, either way unless there’s huge injuries your team is finalized and you got who you got.

Because of time I’m going old school, no pics

RB

Clinton Portis – What was it like 5 - 6 weeks ago people were saying if you redrafted portis would be the #1 back or top 2 at least. He didn’t fool me and though there wasn’t any redraft I can say told you so. He’s always had injuries but he made it through the first half, imagine if you would have traded him away for a #2 rb and top wr…the possibilities. He’s hurt and playing against one of the best run defenses. I don’t see him getting much running room or playing time - SIT

Ronnie Brown – before I left one reader asked about Ronnie to which I said he’s a time share running back now. Since then nothing has changed and going into Buffalo the weather will be terrible, wait is this the week they play in Toronto. I was going to go with a low scoring game but indoor on turf…I’d still sit Ronnie he’s a #3 rb this week - SIT

Chester Taylor - Yes Adrian is the starter and will get 100+ and 1-2 Td’s, however the Lions stink. I believe in the past 4 games in 3 of those games the opposing teams #1 and #2 backs both got 100+ yds. Also Chester has been doing great the past few weeks, has a nose for the endzone even with his limited touches – START

Peyton Hillis - It used to be that any Denver rb would be a top back because of their offensive scheme and blocking. Then Portis left what 4 years ago and since then Denver hasn’t had a #1 back, Shanahan has screwed with fantasy owners by having 2-3 rb’s and rotating who gets the carries. Well because of 4 injuries Hillis is the last guy, no time share and he’s doing what you expect of a Bronco rb. He ran over the Jets last week and this week is KC. – START

QB

Romo – Almost every football site you see something saying about Romo this week because he’s playing Pittsburgh. If he’s on your team you drafted him to be your guy, you likely don’t have Jay Cutler as a back-up so don’t go and pick up a guy on waivers. JP Losman did fine against the fins last time and he could lite it up again but his ceiling is like 200 yds and 2-3 Td’s. Romo yes, has a bad match-up but his ceiling is so much higher it’s worth the risk. START

Thigpen – Denver as of late has played better on defense lately but Thigpen isn’t that bad of a qb and he should be able to find some holes. He’d be a qood guy to have if your starter has a bad matchup this week. START

Cassell – I went away and this guy is putting up 400 yrd games. Good thing I had him sitting on the bench for Kyle Orton. Last week not good but that was more of the defense I believe. This week it’s Seattle and he may not get back to 400 yrds but he’ll put up some numbers. START

Garrard – This guy is having an awful year. He was one of my targeted qb’s going in to draft week and luckily he was always taken before I wanted to take a qb. This week he’s playing against Chicago and don’t expect much. The only receiver is Matt Jones - still not suspended. SIT

Peyton – What to do with this guy? You're starting him of course but last week against the Browns he didn’t do anything, who’s to say this week will be better? One thing though I like his new commercial. “You're going down Manning ”– “Yep 4th floor gonna get me one of the massages.”

Eli – Well talked about one manning, might as well mention the other. He’s been playing good as of late even without Sherrif Plaxico in their. I think the pass rush of Philly gets to Manning and without a legit deep threat the Giants offense will struggle. SIT

WR

Laveraneus Coles – Favre and the offense should play better. SF has a decent run defense so it will be done in the air. I’m hoping it’s not Cotchery so then it’s gotta be Coles. START

Hines Ward - Adam Jones is back for Dallas and Ward hasn’t been that great so I’m sitting, not only Ward but Santonio to, if Pittsburgh gets yards it’s going to be on the ground. – SIT

Calvin Johnson - Minny gets to roll through Detorit this week. I don’t really understand the whole restraining order but the Williams' get to stay and that doesn’t bode well for Detroit. You gotta believe Calvin will be double teamed and though he wont get shut out he shouldn’t put up big numbers. SIT

Marvin Harrison - He’s got all of his TD’s at home so if your going to start him it has to be when they play in Indy. Also going against Cincy you gotta believe everyone on offense has a great chance of getting a TD this week. START

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It is the final weekend of the college football regular season. There are mostly conference title games this weekend with a sprinkling of meaningless rivalry games thrown in. Then after a few weeks rest we begin an orgy of 60 + bowl games such as “The Meineke Car Care Bowl”, “The Outback Bowl, brought to you by Outback Steakhouse”, “The San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl” and so on and so on and so on. Oh also the GMAC Bowl from Detroit. That is if General Motors is still in existence in 2 weeks time. We will wait and see I guess.

#12 Ball St (12-0) @ Buffalo (7-5): MAC title game. I see that this game is currently in progress and it is currently 7 – 7.


I’ll take Balls St.
(Ed. Note - Since Cooper sent this on Friday and I'm posting on Saturday, I'll share with you that Buffalo trounced the Balls St. 42-24)

East Carolina (8-4) @ Tulsa (10-2): The Conference USA title game features the Pirates of East Carolina versus the Golden Hurricanes of Tulsa……So a few days ago I was relaxing on the couch watching tv when I saw in the tv listings a show on APTN called “Cooking With Wolfman”. Interesting I thought, so I checked it out. I was sadly disappointed to find that it was not at all what I had envisioned as I had assumed this so called “Wolfman” was Wolfman Jack. Was anyone out there aware of this?

I will take Tulsa to Win.

#18 Boston College (9-3) @ V-Tech (8-4): ACC title game. You know what marriage has taught me. It has recently taught me that if you own a sweet vintage 1970’s Coke machine that you are no longer allowed to keep it and must sell it. Also I have learned that when married you are no longer allowed to buy a sweet vintage 1970’s coke machine for $300. And before you ask, yes it is in perfect working condition. My dream was to purchase it and place it in the sunroom in the summer and stock it full of ice cold Miller High Life…The bottles, not the cans! Serenity Now, Serenity Now!

(Ed. Note - Since Cooper didn't include a winner for this game, I'll tell you that Virginia Tech won 30-12)

#1 Alabama (12-0) @ #2 Florida (11-1): Well it appears that in this year's SEC Conference final we have Coach Satan versus Coach Hitler. I will let you decide who is who. I really would like to see nothing more than both teams lose but sadly someone must win. I am a big fan of Alabama’s simple crimson red helmets with white numbers.

Alabama to win…It truly pains me to say that. The only satisfying outcome for an Alabama win is if unruly Bama fans rush the field at the end and trample Nick Saban to death.


Photo from sundaynonsports.files.wordpress.com

#19 Missouri (9-3) @ #3 Oklahoma (11-1): Did anyone happen to watch the Oklahoma – Oklahoma State game last Saturday? No? Didn’t think so. Well I did and no less than 6 times did I see WWE’s Jim Ross walking the Sooners sideline. Don’t know where I am going with this. Forget it.

So let me get this straight. Texas beats Oklahoma and finishes with the same record as Oklahoma yet Oklahoma goes to the title game over Texas. Now if Mizzou happens to upset Oklahoma then Texas, not Mizzou would go to the BCS title game. Ya no need for a simplified playoff system is there?

Oklahoma to win.

Now you are probably asking yourself where are the pictures of scantily clad college women representing their school. Well I say if you can find an attractive woman on the campus of Ball State, Buffalo, East Carolina, Tulsa, Virginia Tech, Boston College, Missouri or Oklahoma than you definitely have lower standards than I.

I Predict a Riot - Week 14 in the NFL (Thursday Night Football Edition)

ARE YOU NOT AFRAID? YOU WILL BE… YOU WILL BE

Wait, what’s happening? Noooooooo…

SANCTUARY!! … That’s not it?

PARLEY!!... No?

PROROGUE!! A-ha! I knew it was something like that.


Oakland @ San Diego – I swear this game better be high scoring to be even remotely watchable. And I mean high scoring – like 76-68. But who are we kidding, you and I? It’s going to be 12-10. At the very least there better be a brawl, or better yet - a stabbing:

Winner: San Diego

Jacksonville @ Chicago – It’s like a Sufjan Stevens album up in here. (runaway leader for “Obscure Musical Reference of the Year)

Winner: Chicago

Houston @ Green Bay – Well it’ll probably be another 15 years before Houston is on Monday Night again. In other news, I’m going rogue in my fantasy league this week by starting the Green Bay defence, who have given it up more than Jamie Lynn Spears over the past two weeks. I own the Pittsburgh defence, who are playing against Tony Romo and Terrell Owens – so they are just going to be cancelling each other out. So I’m taking the plunge with Dallas getting past the Pittsburgh D – I’m already convinced I’ve made the wrong decision.
Winner: Green Bay

Atlanta @ New Orleans – A fantasy player’s dream matchup: Brees, Bush, Colston, Moore, Ryan, White, Turner. And no defence anywhere in sight! As an aside, I hate that Microsoft Word tells me I’m spelling defence incorrectly – when in fact I’m spelling it much more correctly.
Winner: Atlanta (but of course it will probably be New Orleans)

Cleveland @ Tennessee – I’ve got new sitcom pitch for you. Picture this: The leader of country of, let’s say about 30 million people, is having a rough week. Nobody seems to like him; all the bullies at work are ganging up on him and trying to get him fired. All he wants more than anything in the world is for everybody to SIT STILL AND DO EXACTLY AS HE SAYS! Just when he’s about to give in, he’s visited by a mysterious ghost in the middle of the night. The ghost tells him that must not give up, that he is destined for great things – that he is a robot with magical powers. The next morning when he wakes up, he thinks the ghost was only a dream – but he soon realizes he has no human emotions and does have magical powers. HE CAN MAKE TIME STOP FOR 6 WEEKS AND BECOME INVISIBLE! Problem solved and hilarity ensues. It’s Yes, Prime Minister meets Out of This World meets Transformers.

Winner: Tennessee

Philadelphia @ NY Giants – Yes, Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg whilst trying to unload his handgun in a nightclub – but that’s not the strange part of the story. The part I can’t get my head around is, he was wearing sweatpants? Really? At the club? Is this the new thing – hobo chique is actually chique? Dressing like George Costanza is now the thing to do I guess.
Winner: New York

Cincinnati @ Indianapolis – The Colts don’t score a touchdown last week, Peyton Manning throws two picks and then still win? It’s just as I have foreseen it – someone get a couple buckets of goat’s blood.

Now that’s telekinesis Kyle!

Winner: Indianapolis

Minnesota @ Detroit – Looks like the Williams Sister have been spared from the heavy hand of the NFL in their “banned substance” case for at least another week. A little common sense here by the League wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It’s obvious just by looking at Pat Williams that the only thing he’s ever injected into his body is turkey gravy.

Winner: Minnesota

Miami @ “Buffalo” – Hey – it’s the first ever NFL regular season game in Canada!! Can you afford $300 for a ticket? No… well, please go away and be poor somewhere else. We’d rather not sell the game out than let the plebs in. It’s a shame Ted Rogers didn’t live to see this, actually… … in the spirit of not speaking ill about the recently deceased, I’m not going to finish that sentence.
Winner: Miami

NY Jets @ San Francisco – If you wear a Santa Hat in public you should be stripped of your citizenship to whatever country would have you in the first place, have your passport and assets seized and be forced to walk the Earth forever like Kwai Chang Cain. I’m serious.

Winner: New York

Kansas City @ Denver - Can Kansas City win both games against Denver this season and hold the tie-breaker over them when they finish tied for first in the division at the end of the season? In a word: No.
Winner: Denver

New England @ Seattle - This will be an inevitable New England route that overinflates their significance for another week. So instead of talking about that, I'd like to talk about how much I hate Deion Sanders. Truth be told I'm watching the NFL Network at the moment and it's Deion front and centre. He's running routes against a member of the US Army and getting in the soldiers face when he burns him on a fade route. Only we find out later they had to run the route about 4 times becase the soldier kept breaking up the pass. The best part, immediately after that segment the NFL Network went to commercial, and what was the first commercial for? You guessed it: the US Army. Man, I can't stand that guy. What ever happend to Lincoln Kennedy? Sigh.
Winner: New England

St. Louis @ Arizona – A win in this game and Arizona will clinch the NFC West, which is sort of like being the best ski jumper in Kenya I guess. Sure the title is nice, but really – there wasn’t a whole lot of competition. They will be one and done in the playoffs.
Winner: Arizona

Dallas @ Pittsburgh – A suspect day of games, for the most part is completely redeemed by the last three – starting with this one. For purely selfish reasons, I'm hoping the Dallas offence can outscore the Pittsburgh defence. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure Warren Sapp just threatened to kill, skin and wear a polar bear.
Winner: Dallas

Washington @ Baltimore - A pretty nice little Sunday night game, no?
Winner: Baltimore

Tampa Bay @ Carolina - There's a rising tide of people that are putting Tampa in the Super Bowl. Shoot me in the face.
Winner: Caronlina

I Am a Nameless Post King

Not the… a.



If you’re a fan of Slavic gypsy pseudo-punk (and stop kidding yourself, you are) Gogol Bordello is the band for you. Yes this song is in the commercial for what I’m sure is a terrible video game – but I tell you this, I would pay some serious rubels to see this band live.



Tennessee 47 @ Detroit 10 – Predictable – especially when you predict it the day after the game as been played.

Seattle 9 @ Dallas 34 – Just as predictable, but with more star power.

Arizona 20 @ Philadelphia 48 – Less predictable, but with even more talent – if not star power.

San Francisco 10 @ Buffalo 3 – Thankfully Mike Singletary managed to keep his pants on all afternoon – at least as far as I know.

Baltimore 34 @ Cincinnati 3 – You know who is the worst person in the world? (Is that a Keith Olbermann bit? I think it might be, but I don’t know for sure – I can’t stand that guy) The guy at the gym who doesn’t wipe down the machine after he uses it – don’t think I didn’t see you Goatee and Glasses Man or you, creepy guy on the bike next to me.

Indianapolis 10 @ Cleveland 6 – Cleveland is now down to Ken Dorsey at quarterback, eh? To me Ken Dorsey sounds like a late-night news anchor:

Good Evening, I’m Ken Dorsey.

First tonight, a La Hoya man clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool.

New Orleans 20 @ Tampa Bay 23 – We’re through New Orleans. The restraining order will be in the mail this week.

NY Giants 23 @ Washington 7 – Plaxico Burress became so frustrated with his injured hamstring that he attempted to remove it by shooting it off of his body. Results were predictable, hilarious.

Miami 16 @ St. Louis 12 – You know what two of my three favorite words are? Ruse and gambit – and I just happened to read them both today. The third of my top three, you ask? Thorax.

Carolina 35 @ Green Bay 31 – I guess having a good pass defence doesn’t mean much when you give up 5 rushing touchdowns.

Atlanta 22 @ San Diego 16 – If Kansas City does keep winning, the only upside would be if they finish ahead of San Diego. This is the same team, minus Shawne Merriman and Michael Turner, that went to the AFC Championship last year, right?

Denver 34 @ NY Jets 17 – Could someone explain to me why a fumble recovery isn’t a challengeable play? It was pretty clear to me that Cotchery had the ball on the ground until a Denver player hydroplaned into him and it squirted out. I have no love for the Jets, but that was brutal.

Pittsburgh 33 @ New England 10 – Man, sometimes there is a reason to get out of bed in the morning…



Kansas City 20 @ Oakland 13 – Even in victory Herm Edwards is finding ways to screw this team, now by making the team just competitive enough to keep his job all while ruining their draft position. 2-14 is not better than 1-15 in this case, it’s worse. And Oakland – a fake field goal that makes Sebastian Janikowski run? Seriously?

Chicago 14 @ Minnesota 34 – I’m almost 100% certain that John Madden said that Pat Williams said that he would only let his daughters date if a boy brought Pat $50,000… Now, I don’t want to use the P word but that’s toeing the line a little bit I think.

Jacksonville 17 @ Houston 30 – Brutal. But here’s something to make you laugh and brighten your spirits. From the Boston Herald:

Rosie O’Donnell has had her variety show canceled because of bad reviews and even worse ratings, TV’s Extra reports. Only 5 million people tuned into O’Donnell’s variety show, “Rosie Live,” on NBC last Wednesday night, prompting the comedian, 46, to pull the plug. “There will b no more,” Rosie blogged on her Web site. “No ratings . . . bad reviews.” O’Donnell also blogged that even though the show tanked, she had fun while it lasted. “Yet still - a thrill 4 me.”

Nice spelling Rosie, is it really so hard to type that e in be? Also, I think it’s staggering that even 5 million people watched that.