Gary the Pandemic Pig Says:

We were fools to think that the swine flu was going to be the pig's only method of attack. It's starting to look more and more like the hogs devised and initiated the latest Listeria scare as well. Were we really supposed to believe that insufficiently cleaned processing plants were the cause? Ha. A transparent cover-up by a terrified government.

But now the pigs have tipped their hand:

"The Canadian Food Inspection Agency issued a warning Tuesday to avoid purchasing or eating two types of meat products produced by Piller Sausages and Delicatessens Ltd., because they may be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes.

Consumers in Alberta, Ontario, Quebec and Newfoundland are being urged not to eat Pillers "Taste Better than Bacon" maple flavoured smoked ham and "Taste Better than Bacon" hickory smoked turkey bacon."

First of all, nothing tastes better than bacon - let's get that straight right now. Alright?

While I take issue with maple flavoured smoke ham on general principle. I understand why the pigs would choose to infect the ham. It's readily available. There's an ample supply. But the turkey bacon?

Clearly the pigs have branched out and are upping their Listeria operation if they are now able to infect other species as well. Just a terrifying development.

The moral of this installment - wash everything you eat in bleach first. And be afraid of everything. All the time.