Monday, April 27, 2009

Gary the Pandemic Pig Says:


Well Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it. The whole humans living on Earth thing was a good time while it lasted, wasn't it? I hope you had fun, because that's pretty much all over with now.

Honestly, I always thought it would be the robots that got us in the end. They'd grow tired of building our cars and efficiently sweeping our carpets and rise up and murder us in the night.

But no, apparently the smart money was on the pigs. Which, when you think about it, makes sense I suppose. Humans have been taking advantage of pig-manity for a long time, what with our footballs, cosmetics, coarse-bristle brushes, pork chops, hot dogs, ham, sausage, bacon, and delicious, tender ribs. Mmmmmmm... ribs.

The pigs seemed fine with our arrangement for along time, so why now? Were they powerless to resist? Were they plotting and just biding their time? Whatever their reasons for staying passive for so long, I have a feeling this might have been the final insult that finally caused them to strike back.

Whatever the reason might be, it's clear the pigs are here and they mean business. I for one welcome our new snouted overlords. Why shouldn't we give the pigs a shot? We've been running this show for a few thousand years and really haven't done all that much. So why not give someone else a try? And if it's the pigs that have taken the initiative, good for them.

The only thing I ask? Please no cross breeding - this is not something any of us need to be dealing with.

4 comments:

Trebor said...

Ah tha bacon bikini's..I thought I saw the last of them. Interesting idea, I'm assuming it was a marketing add for PETA....

Really pig was forseeable... First was madcow, then avian flu...what other tasty barnyard animal was left..the llama or the ostirch, I hope not because ostrich burgers are where it's at.

I forsaw the no crossbreeding leading to this ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogettes

Funny thing I dont remember seeing them when I was at Fedex field, I dont even remember looking for them. When we watched the JETS fireman ed was being sought but not the hogetts..I wonder why?? TH can you remember?

Rider Prophet said...

Who knows what the next pandemic might bring Emu Flu... Ferrett Fever... Newt Pnemonia... Crocodile Cough?

Also I'm with Trebor on the ostrich burgers.

Napoleon in Rags said...

"You know, they say ostrich has less fat - but you eat more of it."

Also, I wouldn't rule out the ostriches rising up at some point. I don't trust birds that can't fly - there's something shifty about them.

Trebor said...

As a married man I get to talk about how my day was and what I did every day. So this topic came up in discussion to which my better 2/3rds said 'Sounds like Old mcdonald is a terrorist'

So then besides starting to sing the old macdonald song in my head. I tried thinking of what the old man looks like? Does he resemble our modern day view of a terrorist? Is he part of some splinter cell ? So many questions

Good luck getting the song out of your head.