Thursday, December 6, 2007

I Predict A Riot - Week 14 in the NFL

A couple of things before we get into the NFL today.

First of all, I read on Rod Pedersen's site this morning that George Black is no longer the CFL's Director of Officiating. I look forward to receiving snarky replies to my questions from whoever the new Director is.

Secondly, I don't know if anyone reading this reads Deadspin as regularly as I do - but I think I have to stop reading it at work. I don't think covering up my laughter by pretending I'm coughing is working anymore. They're starting to see through my charade.


Chicago @ Washington
I suspect we won't be hearing the same level of outrage from people not able to get the NFL Network as we did last week. Green Bay/Dallas good - Chicago/Washington I hope that Joe Gibbs tries to shed his image of not being able to manage the clock but attempting to use none of his 6 timeouts for the game. That'll really show 'em.
Winner: Washington

Carolina @ Jacksonville
Hmmm... and all along we though it was the Texans offensive line that was terrible and not David Carr eh? I suppose time makes fools of us all. If not for a wealth of devastating injuries the Texans might be in the playoff mix, while Carr is Carolina's 3rd string QB behind a rookie and a 43 year-old with a bad back. Take of the gloves and cut your hair David.
Winner: Jacksonville

NY Giants @ Philadelphia
In regards to getting a team to the Super Bowl, Eli Manning is sort of like the Titanic - he might get you most of the way there but it's not going to end well for anyone (note: I think I just made that up, but if it's a rip-off I apologize). And Philly taking a quarterback in the second round of the draft doesn't seem like such a strange decision anymore, does it?
Winner: Philadelphia

St. Louis @ Cincinnati
I wonder if Jim "Chris" Evrett played some quarterback for the Rams last weekend? Didn't both Bulger and Ferotte get hurt?
Winner: Cincinnati

Tampa Bay @ Houston
Do you realize that Tampa Bay will win 11 or 12 games? How on Earth did that happen? They're the NFL version of the Minnesota Wild - one or two skilled players give them a lead and then they'll put you to sleep with defence. I suppose being in a division with Carolina, Atlanta and New Orleans doesn't hurt either.
Winner: Tampa Bay

Miami @ Buffalo
I'll tell you what - Miami better win this game because if they don't their last three games are: Baltimore, New England and Cincinatti. I think Larry Csonka is going to spontaneously combust if the Dolphins go winless in the season the Patriots go undefeated.
Winner: Buffalo

Oakland @ Green Bay
After seeing Aaron Rodgers play in relief of Brett Favre last week and almost lead the Packers back, do you think San Francisco made the wrong choice in Alex Smith and his pre-pubescent girl hands? It was only one game I know, but Rodgers looks like he might be a worthy successor to Favre - of course learning from him for the past 3 years has probably helped a little.
Winner: Green Bay

Dallas @ Detroit
Well Detroit's in the middle of their customary collapse, aren't they? They're going to have to win out to get to that 10-win mark that Jon Kitna guaranteed before the season. And now they may have lost Roy Williams for the year. Dallas has one they can borrow.
Winner: Dallas

San Diego @ Tennessee
Instead of actually talking about this game - which I have no desire to do - I thought I'd talk about the Wonderlic. There was so much talk last year about Vince Young's Wonderlic Test score - and this is nothing, if not a topical blog - that instead of actually talking about football, I'd rather talk about standardized testing. I did a little research and the perfect score is 50 (as there are 50 questions). The average score for "regular people" is 24, the average for football players is 20. A score of 10 means you are literate... Vince Young scored a 6. But to his credit he took it again and scored a 16. And I don't want to rag on Young because he seems like a genuinely decent human being... so here are some other famous Wonderlic scores (from Donovan McNabb - 12, Dan Marino - 16, Akili Smith - 15 (Smith's second score was a 37, and apparently it's believed he cheated). I took a bastardized version of the Wonderlic as I was looking this stuff up... I'll keep my score to myself.
Winner: San Diego

Minnesota @ San Francisco
Minnesota has scored 41 and 42 points in the past two weeks - perhaps a celebratory boat party is in order... I was following a 2008 NFL Fantasy Mock-Draft this morning - yes, I am a nerd, this year's huge, embarrassing Fantasy failure isn't even over yet and already I'm thinking about next year's failure - and Minnesota's Adrian Peterson was the #1 overall pick.
Winner: Minnesota

Arizona @ Seattle
If Arizona wins this game they're only one game back in the NFC West... there's just nothing about that statement that seems right to me.
Winner: Seattle

Cleveland @ NY Jets
Although I didn't see any highlights from the Cleveland game last weekend, I'm told they got legitimately screwed by the officials. The Jets meanwhile laid a New Jersey beating on Miami... and seconds after I wrote that sentence I came across a video with Jets' safety Kerry Rhodes and Sopranos alum Michael Imperioli. I don't really have anything to say about this game - I just thought I'd try to gloss over that fact. The Jets should probably just forfeit this game to get an extra week of preparation for the absolutely evisceration they are going to receive next week in New England.
Winner: Cleveland

Pittsburgh @ New England
This is the second-last chance for someone to beat New England this year - at least in the regular season (the Giants game in Week 17 is the other). As much as I'd love to think that Pittsburgh can slingshot Goliath - I don't see it happening. I suspect it's going to another one of those close games where New England makes the plays when they matter and Pittsburgh can't. Maybe I'll be doing laundry instead of watching that happen again.
Winner: New England

Kansas City @ Denver
Dear Kansas City,
Please tank the last 4 games of the season in hopes of improving your draft position. It's not like it's going to take much, you're not very good anyway. Nobody will even really notice I promise. You're already starting a guy at running back named Kolby and have a quarterback named Brodie - people are not expecting great things from you. I expect you to do everything possible to make sure either Jake Long or Chase Daniel is in a Chiefs jersey next year.
Thank you.
Winner: Denver

Indianapolis @ Baltimore
Indy probably should have lost last week and Baltimore probably should have won... and... and... sorry I got caught up in reading the wonder that is an internal ESPN memo.
Winner: Indianapolis

New Orleans @ Atlanta
I don't think this is quite the game that ESPN had in mind when they scheduled it. The game probably looked good on paper many months ago - two exciting, up and coming teams battling for a division title on Monday Night. But that was before Michael Vick started killing dogs (ok, it was before we found out about him killing dogs) and the Falcons disintegrated like the Hindenburg. And the Saints have been Christina Aguilera-like teases all season long.
Winner: New Orleans

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