Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Cooper's Corner, Vol.III

Due to inclement weather and serious travel delays, Cooper's Corner was unavailable yesterday. Apologies to everyone who relies on it to get you through Tuesday. But here it is:


To you I say good-day, or good evening.

Depending on what time it is on your metric clock as you read this week's entry, please pick the appropriate greeting that applies to you. In this week's entry I will not be rambling on aimlessly on one particular topic, or regaling you with tall tales of past hockey glories. No I am doing what all good writers do when they find themselves in a bind and are late for their deadline, write a short piece, with multiple short quips on a variety of topics, what is known in the business as a “Robservation Piece”. So named after the very hack who oh so often enthrals us almost on a daily basis with his complaints on sports and his waning libido.

However I am not the sort to suckle on the teat of a local green clad group of ruffians and criminals.

Nor am I the sort to bitch and moan about how I am not able to access a certain 4-letter sports channel on my black and white at home.

Instead I will give you nothing but pure muck that is fit to rake, nothing but the pure gold I see in the media fit to mention. And without further ado, my first ever “Robservation Piece”. Enjoy!

- On a recent episode of “Off the Record” with that proverbial douche bag Michael Landsberg, former NHL’er and now agent to Ryan Miller, Mike Liut exposed himself as a lying SOB. When asked when the last time he had heard Brass Bonanza was, Liut promptly said that he has never heard it before. How is it that someone who played for the Whalers in the 80’s, the heyday of Brass Bonanza has not heard the song before? LIAR! I have promptly burned all my Mike Liut cards and memorabilia and I urge you to do the same.

- There is a new video circulating the net made famous by sports talk radio personality Steve Czaban of what is possibly the worst golf swing in history. Luke and I have both studied the film and have come to the conclusion that the guy in said video has no bones in his arms. Just some sausage casings filled with rancid mechanical meat. Check it out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAelgNV_ivE. I also encourage you to read the frame by frame analysis at http://www.czabe.com/ (Editor's Note: As Cooper routinely skips story meetings he was unaware that this clip and story were included in this week's Master's wrap-up. However, because the swing is so absolutely ridiculous, we here at Sports As Life have decided to include it again.)

- Did anyone happen to see the Dog Show on TSN last week? I mean seriously did anybody catch that? Maybe Rob Vanstone has a valid point. No on second thought he does not….he is still a douche.

- Has anybody else noticed that the term “douche bag” has been going around quite a bit? When did that become so popular? Not that I am complaining, I use the word more than anybody. It just seems to me that more and more people are using it these days.

- This just in, Steve Czaban is calling for a media blackout of the nickname “Pacman” and just calling the now suspended Tennessee Titans defensive back by his birth name, Adam Jones. I for one applaud this move. Somewhere in the distance I hear the unforgettable noise of Pacman dying. You know the one.

- The playoffs are about to start in a few hours and I for one am pumped. I was very disappointed however in Maggie the Monkey’s picks this year. Another reason why TSN is nothing but a joke and a bad one at that.

- I for one am fed up with Pierre Maguire’s constant ass kissing of Sidney Crosby. Am I the only one to notice this? If so I will shut-up but I swear that Maguire is shoulders deep into Crosby. Always with the praise and sticking up for the guy. Maybe that is what made me vomit in Moose Jaw.

- Don Cherry will be making cameo appearances on NBC’s coverage of the playoffs this year. If the American public has a problem with a radio personality using the term “nappy-haired hos” then I can only imagine the outrage Cherry will bring to the American public after one of his long rants on how Europeans and the French are douche bags. See there it is again. Always with the douche bag placement.

2 comments:

Trebor said...

Though it's not a sports related observation something in your Robservation Piece could have included the daily show's new set...very nice.

Also, I watched the dog show which was mildy entertaining espically when a mr muggles look-a-like went in attack mode on judge #3..... in case you don't know who mr. muggles is here's a clip, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJooNqNT4O8. If anyone actually watches this can you post what song is playing during the clip, it's starting to bother me ...

Anonymous said...

In the spirit of Robservations (man i hate that guy) I would like to make a few comments on the playoffs, or more importantly TV coverage of the playoffs.

- Has anyone noticed the "pixie dust" sound effect on CBC that accompanies every transition between replay and live coverage. Turn up the sound if you haven't. I cringe every time. First time i noticed was with the sound turned up watching the flames/oilers game a month back, right after the smyth debacle.

- Did anyone else have an epileptic seizure during the Sens game last night? Every time it looked like there may be a hit, goal, or save there was a 1200 kilowatt camera flash which took over the television screen. Is this common, and my eyes are suddenly picking up more frames per second than before? If it is truly an ottawa thing, i revoke my Eastern favourite pick for the Cup.

- During that hilarious, yet tragic play of events during the islanders/devils game on sunday, did anyone else enjoy the tsn commentating on Dubliewiz during the shootout. Who knew having a Yoda picture on your mask would turn your goal stick into a "lightsabre", as mentioned multiple times by the commentators. The combination of Mitch's passions must have been too much to handle.

Cheers,
Chris