Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

I would like to thank the people who run Pro-line for not posting this Saturday’s games until 11 this morning, thus making these picks a little bit late. I went 2-3 last week but at least I got the Alabama upset right and if it wasn’t for Wisconsin blowing a 19 point lead in the last 20 minutes and Nebraska taking 2 back to back, 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalties on V-Tech’s last drive I would be 4 - 1. Woulda, shoulda, coulda I guess.

Before I get to this weeks picks here are some now infamous Youtube video’s of everybody’s favorite octogenarian college head coach Joe Paterno.

The first one is a commercial for the Big 10 network. I am not sure if Joe is showing intensity at the end or just shear desperation for someone to come to Penn State:


This one is a little long but things pick up at the 50-second mark:


I do believe that if he keeps up with this kind of intensity day in, day out he is going to have himself a massive stroke or at least a coronary.

Ok, on to this weeks games. There are no big name games this week like last week. In all honesty none of the games this weekend are appealing. Any one of them could be the Brown Bag Special of the week.

Stanford (3-2) @ Notre Dame (3-1): I really want to go with Stanford in this game. However, Notre Dame has burned me 3 times already this year so I am going with the Irish. Notre Dame’s performance last week lifted them from Brown Bag Special to something that you necessarily wouldn’t put a Brown Bag over, but you would still question your decision afterwards. Say something like these:



Florida St (3-1) @ Miami (FL) (2-2): Ten years ago the winner of this game would have almost been guaranteed a national championship. Now however, either one of these teams would be lucky to win their division, let alone their conference. Florida St has these:



And Miami counters with this:


I’ll take Florida St to cover and to win outright.

Kentucky (4-0) @ #2 Alabama (5-0): Roll Tide!


Even with this following pick I will still take the Tide!



That is really, really, really awful. An absolute atrocity! I can’t tell who is the elephant and who is the person. Can you?

Damn I just remembered that Ashley Judd is always at Kentucky games.



And this:


Wow hockey suddenly got more interesting all of a sudden.

It appeared this game would be a blowout until I remembered the Ashley Judd factor. It will be really close but I have to take Alabama to win.

#13 Auburn (4-1) @ #19 Vanderbilt (4-0): Ummmm……… I’ll take the Auburn Tigers in this one.

Vandy has this group of ruffians:


Auburn has this:



And now for the Brown Bag Special of the week.

Illinois (2-2) @ Michigan (2-2): I have to go with Illinois here. Michigan came back from a big deficit to defeat a national champ contender last week. However, Wisconsin just played the 2nd half of that game not to lose and didn’t convert on 6 Michigan first half turnovers. It was just a brutal, brutal game to watch. Illinois did lose to Penn State last week and they are looking like contenders to win it all this year after USC’s collapse. Oh and there is also the ugly factor. The worst I could dig up on Illinois was her:


Michigan unfortunately has her:


Like I said I will go with Illinois

The Further Adventures of Coach Lebowski

The waiting limo's back door is flung open. The Bishop is shoved in and awkwardly takes a seat facing the rear. The door is slammed behind him.
















COACH LEBOWSKI
Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum!





















BRANDT THE GM
We've been frantically trying to reach you, Bishop.


Brandt sits catty-corner from the Bishop; directly across from the Bishop is Coach Lebowski, a comforter across his knees.

















COACH LEBOWSKI
Where's my g*ddamn offence, you bum?!















THE BISHOP
Well we--I don't--

















COACH LEBOWSKI
They did not receive the ball, you nitwit! They did not receive the g*ddamn ball. OUR OFFENCE WAS IN YOUR HANDS!





















BRANDT THE GM
This is our concern, Bishop.















THE BISHOP
No, man, nothing is f*cked here--

















COACH LEBOWSKI
NOTHING IS F*CKED? THE G*DDAMN PLANE HAS CRASHED INTO THE MOUNTAIN!

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well, I finally got to watch some football and it was a frustrating day, as you may have gotten from my post last week. Speaking of that post, CH was asking about QB’s and it’s such a great question. If there were another draft held today, look at the different top positions:

Top 10 WR's - still pretty much the same except for Moss and Colston, both due to injury. Holt is really the only one I can think of that’s been a big disappointment.
Top 10 RB's - maybe Willie Parker moves into the top but even Steven Jackson is still putting up decent numbers - maybe not top 10 but not a big bust.
Top 10 QB's - here’s where the fun begins. This year in all my drafts I waited until the later rounds to pick up my QB. I got Warner in most of my leagues and he’s worked out not bad. But if you selected a top 10 projected QB, how are you feeling now? Anderson is close to losing his job, Palmer might turn things around, Big Ben is hurt and struggling, Brady is out. Hasselbeck and Bulger have done nothing and to some degree Peyton has been a disappointment.

So that’s what - 7 out of 10?? Not good. Instead your top qb’s are Rivers, Cutler, Warner and Rodgers, many of them selected for a teams #2 qb.

Now with the bye week, the Manning bros’ are sitting so teams may be looking for a qb right now, and there should be some guys still on Waivers. As I said there in my post, there are some options out there - JTO, Edwards, Campbell... maybe even Griese (though I’d wait a couple weeks before proclaiming him a top qb).

If you have a top qb maybe look at moving him for. I just traded Warner in 1 league away for Schaub. There were a few other players involved but sell high, buy low. Schaub may lose his job but if he makes it through this week his schedule gets more favorable. I also have rivers as my other qb so I'm not too worried. But the thing here is that the qb position is up and down, people are losing jobs and maybe Trent Green, Gus Ferotte or Brady Quinn become top guys, so get strong at the other positions and try and find a serviceable qb.

When you're looking, look ahead see what games are coming up. Make sure that you don’t get 2 with the same bye or have difficult mathcups the same week. When it comes to Sunday play your best match ups, sitting Mcnabb for Edwards this week might be a great move. Edwards may not be the best but playing against St. Louis… the only thing stopping him from throwing 2-3 td’s is Lynch just running it in all the time.

Anyway last week, my pat on the shoulder pick... sit Delhomme against a weak Minny pass def… he threw for what 129 yds no td’s. LJ was so close, tuning in mid way threw the 3rd quarter he had done nothing. However, I didn’t know the KC was that bad... LJ got his points in garbage time cause Atla. didn’t care they crushed them. Again the sits were pretty bang on. The starts ??? where did Kevin jones go in Detroit?? I still don’t know. How can Bryant Johnson the #1 wr in SF only get 2 catches against Detroit???.

I’ll start off with who to start, see if that changes things.

WR
How about Robert Meacham? Colston is out, Shockey is out, General Patten might be out. Brees can only throw swing passes to Bush so much, so it’s either Meacham or Henderson...
Dwayne Bowe – yes he plays for the Chiefs, but Denver seems to have a terrible defense so…
Josh Reed – he gets targets a lot and is playing against the Rams, plus Parrish is out so he’s the unquestioned #2 guy.
Ocho Cinco – he’s done nothing but I think it’s a shootout game and he’s gonna get his TD this week.

QB’s
Delhomme – last week I said sit, this week start. Smith in his 2nd game back against Atla. I’m believing that KC is that bad and not Atla not that good.

I already mentioned Edwards and JTO… so that’s enough qb’s

RB
Jacksonville duo – last week they came out finally, this week they play Houston they should both put up solid numbers.

John Stewart – he seems to be the goaline back so he should see lots of work this week.

Chris Perry – hopefully Cincy has turned things around and being the starting back in that offense should help.

Sit

RB
Lendal 'Marshmallow' White – he’s been getting the TD’s and been a serviceable #2 back, however against Minny he wont get many chances.

Thomas Jones - he started off great but has fallen off, even if Favre is a bit banged up he’s not going to hand the ball off so I would consider him a #3.

Westbrook and Willie Parker are out, should you start their back-ups??? Buckhalter yeah, Mendenhall no - stay away from this guy. He may have a great game but he’s up against Baltimore and his fumblitis kept him off the field for the most part… too many negatives.

WR
Antonio Bryant – here’s my far out pick... he had something like 18 receptions last week, and GB defense isn’t the greatest but I’m thinking they’ll cover this guy a bit better this week.

Hines Ward – he’s been doing pretty good, but I’m just enjoying the downfall of the Steelers so much… Baltimore is going to pester Big Ben all night and I don’t think he’s healthy, so Ward may see a lot of targets but nothing big.

Tory Holt – this is an easy one, no one is thinking that Trent Green is the answer and Holt wasn’t doing anything before so…

QB
Big Ben – as mentioned before
Garrard – they’ll run he ball too easily, plus he’s struggling thus far
Derek Anderson – I think this might be the last week we see him, onto the Brady era. It’s too bad stone hands Edwards and Winslow haven’t helped and their matchup have been tough. This week on paper easy game but things don’t look good.

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

The DOWN GOES SOUTHERN CAL! DOWN GOES SOUTHERN CAL! DOWN GOES SOUTHERN CAL! Edition

See people, this is why I stay up late - to give you all the timely sports news. Lowly and unranked Oregon State has just upset mighty, #1 ranked USC in what was a fantastic game and the first big upset of the season. CFL teams, get Jacquizz Rodgers on your negotiation list right now - he's all kinds of talented but he'll be too small to play in the NFL. And as luck would have it - here's Coach Cooper with your weekly dose of coed T&A.


Another week, another set of mediocre picks. I went 3 – 2 for the second straight week, I am hoping to at least get 4 correct picks this week. Did anyone else happen to watch the Georgia - Arizona St game last Saturday night? If you didn’t you missed an absolutely ridiculous play by Georgia RB Knowshon Moreno.



ABC also showed a high school clip of Georgia freshman wide out AJ Green making an outstanding one-handed grab.



At the present time he would be by far the best receiver on the Riders.

(ED. NOTE - I'm including the video of this catch from last weekend too, because it's equally as ridiculous as the above catch.)



Speaking of picks did anyone else out there have the Patriots completely F you and your Pro–Line?

Ok... on to this weeks picks. I would like to thank those of you who sent in suggestions for pictures. Keep sending them in and I will use them to the best of my ability.

Tennessee (1-2) @ #15 Auburn (3–1): The first of 2 SEC match-ups previewed here this weekend. Both teams are coming off loses at home last weekend. Tennessee however, showed more of an ugly side, both on the field and in the stands as seen here:


Auburn comes into game still looking good, even after a loss at home:


The obvious pick here is the Auburn Tigers.

#9 Wisconsin (3-0) @ Michigan (1-2): I wish I could use the pictures from the Playboy piece profiling the girls of the Big 10 and their respective teams in this match-up. Sadly this is no site for images like that. Going by Playboy this game should end in a 49 – 49 tie.

I have scowered google and sadly this is what Wisconsin is bringing to the table:


Speaking of table it appears these girls didn’t know when to push away from the table soon enough. (Yes, that is a fat joke) In a state known for brats and beer maybe this is the best they have to offer.

Michigan counters with this:


(ED. NOTE - Cooper had a joke written here about dogs and bitches, but I couldn't get the corresponding picture to work. So I went with this one. Apologies.)

I’ll take the Badgers of Wisconsin in this one.

#8 Alabama (4-0) @ #3 Georgia (4-0): This is the best game all weekend. I pray to the ghost of Bear Bryant it is televised here. It will be all defense, a very close game. I would play the tie on Pro-line with this one. Alabama rolls into Georgia with these fine beauties:


And this:

ED. NOTE - I'm linking to this picture because it's boarderline NSFW. Enjoy at your own risk at work - click here.

Georgia has home-field advantage with this:


And this:


Very close game indeed. I have to go with instinct with this pick and my instinct is telling me Roll Tide!

Virginia Tech (3-1) @ Nebraska (3 –0): First of all what the F this is?


I happened to find it in my research. Here is what passes for V-Tech cheerleaders:


The Cornhuskers counter with this:


And this:


I’ll take Nebraska in this one. It will be close; I am leaning towards the Pro-Line tie on this one.

And finally time to brown bag it and pick my Brown Bag Special of the Week. Notre Dame makes a second straight appearance with their match-up against Purdue this weekend.


Purdue (2-1) @ Notre Dame (2-1): Not the ugliest match-up on the Pro-Line ticket this weekend but who wants to read about New Mexico and New Mexico St. Purdue has these lovely fans:



Yikes!

Notre Dame yet again is represented by my favorite girl in the world:



I’ll go with the smart pick and take the Boilermakers


Keep the pictures coming everyone - sportsaslife@hotmail.com

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Well anther week where I missed all the games because of softball in the afternoon and soccer in the evening - 1 day I’ll watch a game and hopefully it’s not Seattle, St Louis, Cleveland or Cincy playing - oh yeah, Oaktown and KC are on that list too.
My recommended sits were bang on last week, the greatest of them was going against the the grain and the experts. Favre against a weak NE secondary... he’ll put up big numbers. Nope. Ryan Grant going against the Lions... big numbers. Nope. It helps that he got hurt but he was on the injury report and yet people were still giving him the must start status, not this guy though.

The starts were a different story, though. Looking at some of the scores in my fantasy leagues there were no big time players. Warner and Rivers were top notch, as were their receivers. But again your not going to sit Fitzgerald or Boldin. It’s the guys you pick up in the later rounds that you have the decision to make about and none of those guys put up numbers this week.

On to week 3 and I’m dialing this one in, not sure what that means but I’m assuming it means I’m going to be lazy this with this week's picks.

Sit
WR
Braylon Edwards – wow hands of stone, he also plays for 1 of the teams that should be good but aren’t. That is Cleveland/Cincy. I’d consider Braylon or even Housh, like a #3wr. The other awful teams… St. Louis, Oaktown, KC, Seattle were never expected to be good so them sucking isn’t a big surprise.
Chris Chambers – he’s a top 10 wr right now so this may be a tough one though all of his points have come from like 5 catches… and this week the Jets may shut him down.
Santonio Holmes – he hasn’t been great this year and with a tough matchup this week I don’t see big ben and his big shoulder throwing the ball deep, which is where Holmes gets his catches.

RB
Don’t say LJ don’t say LJ…
LJ - he’s been his typical awful self in the beginning of the season and now he’s complaining about how many touches he gets. This week looks like a great match up for him. Though he’s got Thigpen is in... who’s that? Do you think Atlanta will be stacking the line??? Either way, he’s my breakout/bust player… he’ll either post ridiculous numbers or terrible - no in between for this game.
Well if LJ is on there I might as well put LT on here too. Is he going to play??? Will he be any good?? The Jets may not be the best but if he’s hurt and with a competent backup he may lose some carries this week. Consider him a decent #2 rb, so your probably not going to bench him but there is definitely better options out there. But I would consider sitting him if say, Kevin or Julius Jones were my #3 back.

As with every previous week all Houston, Cincy, Cleveland rb’s should be benched... and this week Carolina rb’s can be added too

QB
Matt Shaub – I liked this guy going into the season but the mess in the backfield along with the seemingly unmovable Titans' defense makes me believe he’ll be sacked 10 times and forced to heave some balls.
Jake Delhomme – this is a risky pick cause Minny sucks against the pass, but they held Peyton for like 3 quarters, sure he ended up with 300+ yds but most came near the end.

Start
I’m broadening this to guys that may be on the waiver wire that if you have room you should scoop up.

QB
JTO - too lazy to see how to spell his name, but he plays the Lions this week, so book it.
Cassel – he may be no Brady but he’s going against the Dolphins and guess what Dolphin made a prediction? I wonder how Parcells reacted to that??
Hasselback- who’s he throwing to??? He plays the Rams at home so it should be good. NOTE* this week in the one league I will be starting Courtney Taylor and Koren Robinson. The Rams defense better not show up this week.

RB
Fred Jackson – last week I wouldn’t have known who you were talking about. He’s Lynch’s backup so not a lot of work but he gets catches and runs and plays Oakland... consider him a solid #3 rb.
Darren Sproles – probably not available anymore but if you own LT... get this guy now. He probably doesn’t start this week but even if he doesn’t LT's workload may be decreasing.
Michael Bush – even if Mcfadden does start Bush will get 10-15 carries and he can always break a long one. Probably a low end #3 rb this week.
Kevin Jones - gets to play against SF in what will be a shootout.
Julius Jones – should see lots of action against a bad defense.

WR
John Carlson – yeah he’s actually a TE but he’ll get lots of looks from Hasselbeck in St. Louis
General David Patten – Last week against the Editor, I picked up Devrey Henderson because Brees throws the ball, well that didn’t work out to well - he either does great or nothing. Patten however should see double digit targets so ppr leagues he’s a strong #3.
Desean ‘TD’ Jacskon – Luckily in the league that I have him I also have Westbrook so no harm no foul. Anyway back to to back 100+ yrd games... that’s a good sign, though he is playing a tough Steeler defense.
Bryant Johnson - really him or Isaac Bruce could be considered #2 wr this week with a favorable matchup.

Something key next week, you have the beginning of the bye weeks… Lions, Colts, Patriots, Giants, Seahwaks. So there a few key players going to be sitting - best to start looking at the waivers early.

Coach Cooper Hates Your Team

It appears that I got off to a rocky start last week, only correctly predicting 3 of 5 games. Hopefully I can run the table this weekend. My extensive research which consists of my accessing pictures on Google with the search criteria being “said university frat girls”, or “said university cheerleaders”, and “said university hot chick”. I have come up with the following evidence to support my claims this week. If you have any pictures you would like to share by all means submit them for approval.

#18 Wake Forest (2-0) @ #24 Florida St (2-0): This game pits the girls from a southern Christian school and against the girls of a Florida party school. Should be no contest right? Here is the evidence that I am faced with. Wake Forest, located somewhere in North Carolina has this:


While Florida state has these two:


The visual evidence tells me Florida State wins this game hands down however I hear that Christian girls are all about embracing the Holy Trinity. That’s just too good to pass up.

Give me the Demon Deacons of Wake Forest by a field goal.

#6 LSU (2-0) @ #10 Auburn (3-0): This is the first of two battles between SEC rivals this weekend. The SEC is chalk full of gorgeous southern belles. I automatically look to play the tie in this one on Pro-Line. However, I am forced to choose a winner. The LSU Tigers are representing this weekend by these fine young ladies:


Where as the Tigers of Auburn counter with this:


Like I said this game is close, all defense, no offense. If you have not heard, Auburn defeated Mississippi St last week 3 – 2. Yes you read that correctly - a field goal held on to win against a safety. What no rouge?

I am going against my better judgment and going with Auburn in this one.

Arizona (2-1) @ UCLA (1-1): In the words of the fine American linguist Emmitt Smith, both teams “got debacled” last weekend. UCLA lost by an incredible 56 to BYU. A Mormon school people - C’Mon! My vast research on the frat girls of Arizona leads me to believe that the good looking women flock to Arizona St:


I guess she must really like “A”

UCLA gives us this:


I swear that when UCLA and USC meet up the shear volume of attractive women in one stadium will create giant black hole and the earth slowly implode in on itself.

UCLA wins

#4 Florida (2-0) @ Tennessee (1-1): Here is the second SEC battle of the weekend. Florida as you would think is well represented coming into this game:


And this:


(Note: that is Florida QB and Heisman winner Tim Tebow and his alleged girlfriend)

Tennessee give us this:


I use the picture with the old lady in it to show how little I think Tennessee will win this game. I will go with Tim Tebow, Percy Harvin and the great women of Florida in this one.

Notre Dame (2-0) @ Michigan St (2-1): I am torn between what to call this game, I have come up with “The Dogs of the Week”, or “Brown Bag Special”. Either way it will be a weekly pick. Notre Dame located in Indiana, and Michigan St located in, well if I need to tell you, just forget it. I don’t imagine either state is a breeding ground for anything more than your typical “Sara plain and talls”. Notre Dame comes into this game represented yet again by her:


While Michigan St counters with her:



YIKES!

Michigan St is at home in this game so I will give them the nod.

ED. NOTE - If you have any picture suggestions, send them to: sportsaslife@hotmail.com