Monday, March 16, 2009

An Off the Cuff Offseason Presents: The Continuing Misadventures of Napoleon in Rags, Vol.2 - Just Hook It Up to My Veins!

To fill some space during the offseason I’m going to be running a series of stories about the “hilarious” mishaps that I am growing ever more accustomed to. My days are generally filled with fraudulent attempts at professionalism, lame attempts at humour and staggeringly transparent attempts to fit in with the normal humans. It’s mostly gaffes, apologies and dizzying social awkwardness – just ask anyone who has had the misfortune of being romantically linked to me. Don’t worry, not everything is 100% accurate or 100% hilarious. Here is today’s installment:

The Unadulterated Joy of NyQuil

You may have noticed that production around these parts has been a little slow lately. Alright, who are we kidding - you didn't notice.

Truth be told I've been a little under the weather lately with a nasty bout of Cotard's Syndrome. Nah, I'm just kidding - it was just a little touch of the hanta virus. Whatever it may have been, I was reminded of something I can't believe I forgot - NyQuil is awesome.

I'm not going to go off on some Dennis Leary rant (which wasn't really all that funny), all I'm saying is that if everybody in the world took one NyQuil Liquid Cap a day there would be no more war. I'm only 30% kidding about that. If every night you're dreaming about a rabbit with the body of a salamander (that is also you, somehow) fighting a galactic emperor in a gravel pit in an alternate dimension that is somehow also in the house your grandparents used to live in, chances are you're not going to be worrying about starting a war. Or maybe you're more likely, who knows?

To sum up my point, I love sleep. And the only thing I love more than sleep is anything that makes me sleep more.

I don't know what's in NyQuil. I'm pretty sure it's just a diluted form of whatever Bones gave Kirk to make him look dead when Kirk had to fight Spock because Spock needed to mate and went crazy and then Kirk stole his mate! That was something.

You know what I'm talking about.

I should say that Sports As Life does not endorse drug dependency, legal or otherwise - but you should definitely take NyQuil every day.

Alright, here you go:

Crank it up!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

NyQuil eh? Are you allowed to operate a motor vehicle or be around sharp objects in that state?

Can you recite Peter Pepper? Walk to Shoppers Drugmart?

Whatever happened to a good dose of Vicks Vapor rub down the throat like the good old days?