Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Sports As Life Presents: An Off the Cuff Offseason

In an effort to keep things rolling during the unending drudgery of the NFL offseason, I’m throwing open the doors of the highly exclusive Sports As Life dining room. Whereas we usually have a strict NFL jersey-only dress code (or at least a Big 12 jersey), the rules will be relaxed in the coming months – so much so that you probably won’t even have to wear clothes to get a seat in here. If I could borrow a line from King of Hill, “No shirt? No shoes? … Yes service!”

Want to read about how I have a pair of pants that are 10% asbestos? We’ve got a table for you.

Want to read about why baseball is the best spectator sport? We’ve got a table for you.

Want to read about why I can’t wait for a new Justin Timberlake album? Why don’t you grab a seat at the bar, you’re table will be ready in about 20 minutes.

Is there something you want to lazily glance through during your lunch break? Let me know. Have you written something that others could lazily glance through during their lunch break? Let me know. Have you written a long-form epic ode to Han Solo and are looking for the proper forum to post it in? What about your Snakes on a Place fan fiction? Look no further!

Trust me, this will be better than reading constant revisions of my “47 Point Plan to Turn the Kansas City Chiefs Into a Super Bowl Contender.” Don’t worry, we’ll still be talking about the upcoming draft and the never ending coaching carousel – but I think this is a good way to fill in some space on those slow weeks. And there are sure to be some of them.

As it stands now, the main feature of the Off the Cuff Offseason is going to be a recurring segment called, “The Continuing Misadventures of Napoleon in Rags.” More on that later - I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

Addendum: I wrote this post over a week ago and some things have happened since then that I should at least mention:

First, I have nothing, nor will have anything to say about the Eric Tillman situation. Why? Well, because for starters it's not funny and that basically eliminates 98% of my repitoire. And second because there is nothing to say, until the truth comes out, what else am I supposed to add? Any personal commentary I have would surely put me in a libelous situation and I don't have the legal team for that. So, for the time being we will be ignoring the spiky-haired elephant in the room.

Also, I apologize for missing out on Groundhog Day, just so that I could post one of my all-time favorite movie quotes:

"This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to eat it. You're hypocrites, all of you!"

And finally, lost in the Super Bowl hulabaloo was the fact that Feb.1 was the 2nd anniversary of Sports As Life. Don't worrry if you forgot to send a card, I had forgotten about it as well. I just want to say thanks to everyone who has stopped by the site or has participated in any way - if it weren't for you, I wouldn't still be doing this.


Trebor said...

We need more rider talk, maybe not.

Thought I'd point out that the saskatchewan riders got mentioned at the sports blog with leather.

I'm in calgary so I hear jokes about it, but how serious is the rideer nation over this incident?

I'm thinking if the charge was laid after 6 months of investigating there might be some merit to it ??? Though I do understand that regina now has the biggest tim hortons so actual time going to actually investiate could be down.

Napoleon in Rags said...

Was it on With Leather? I didn't see that. It got posted on shortly after it happened. I was waiting for Deadspin to post something on it.

For Rider talk, I'd refer you to the link on the right side of the page to the Rider Prophet site. He's got things well covered over there. If something comes up that I feel like talking about, I certainly will.

Trebor said...

to note I posted before I read your article talking about how you didn't want to talk about that.

Napoleon in Rags said...

Gotcha - but if you are looking for Rider news, Tillman-related or not, I'd still encourage you to check out the Rider Prophet.

Trebor said...

way to many comments to sift through, especially by this one guy napoleon in wait.

Rider Prophet said...

I read that Larry Johnson wants to "break ties" with KC.

Any idea what will become of LJ?

Napoleon in Rags said...

Inmate #23854 is Missouri's Boonville Correctional Center.

No, I have no idea. His huge contract, bad attitude, lack of production and broken body will pose a few challenges in trying to move him.

There are rumours that he might be included in a package (with the #3 pick) that KC shops to New England for Matt Cassel.

I suspect in the end he'll just be released - he's going to be almost impossible to trade.