Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A News Release From the Sports As Life Major Projects Division

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Dear Valued Reader:

Sports As Life is pleased to announce its most ambitious project to date. Starting today, the Sports As Life 2008 NFL Preview will begin. Last year's epic-length previews were a rousing success not hated - as a result, this year the project has been expanded. So I am pleased to bring to you:

32 Teams in 30-Some Days

Ideally, I would do 32 teams in 32 days. However, I don't like tying myself down with constricting deadlines - so let's just say 30-some days. Definately before the start of the season anyway.

We'll start with the NFC, shall we? How about the East?


THE DALLAS COWBOYS




Hey baby, I see you looking over here baby
Are you gonna keep looking - or get up?
And talk to me
Here's an opportunity that don't want to miss tonight
-A Public Affair by Jessica Simpson


In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I've never felt as bad about the existence of the Internet as I did while looking up all this Jessica Simpson-related material. However, I think the lyrics apply to the Cowboys in a roundabout way.

This year is the opportunity the Cowboys don't want to miss (tonight). They might be the most talented team in the NFC and are probably many people's prohibitive favorite to at least get into the Super Bowl.

And I will agree they are talented and are going to be fun to watch- with Tony Romo, Marion Barber, Terrell Owens, Jason Witten, DeMarcus Ware and Roy Williams, et. al. Plus the Cowboys added Adam Pacman Jones and Zack Thomas in the offseason. And Felix Jones and Mike Jenkins in the draft. In addition to their new blood, the Cowboys are returning 21 starters.

That talent does seem to add up to a team that can win the Super Bowl. But I think it's going to add up to something else:




This team has more baggage issues than Air Canada... ooohhh, topical.

Terrell Owens is a borderline sociopath at the best of times. Add to the mix, gentlemen's club afficianado Adam Jones and don't forget gun enthusiast Tank Johnson. Then there's Tony Romo's on-again-off-again involvement with the Simpson cult family. Plus draft pick Mike Jenkins already has one arrest under his belt.

This is going to be the Greatest (Side)Show on Turf - settle down, that's the first of many bad puns this season so you better just get used to it.

Are we really to believe that the iron fist needed to keep this travelling freakshow together belongs to Wade Phillips? Colour me skeptical but I don't know if I buy it.

The Verdict
Teams are going to be gunning for the Cowboys. That plus their questionable character adds up to a disappointing season as far as I'm concerned. I think they're going to be hard pressed to get to 10 wins - probably 8-8 or 9-7. And that's a disappointment as far as the Cowboys are concerned.

If that happens, Jerry Jones' facelifts are going to come unglued and he'll resemble something like this:

3 comments:

Trebor said...

fitting link since they did just have an earthquake at the cowboys camp.
They certainly dont have an easy schedule and playing in the NFC east where at the end of the season difference between 1st and 4th is usally 2-3 games, but I think they will win their division and with ease getting to the 11 or 12 win mark.
Their area of concern will be at reciever, owens has been one of the best the last few years, but a #2 wr ??? glenn out, crayton was horribly inconsitent last year.

Ken Clean-Air Systems said...

I really should agree with you - like Michael Irvin said on the NFL Network last night, the Cowboys are basically an All-Star Team.

But I'm designating the Cowboys as my Han Solo "I've Got a Bad Feeling About This" Team for this season.

Trebor said...

Ahh NFL network, although I'm starting to get into football especially with fantasy leagues starting up I've stayed away from that channel for the past 5 months.

I wonder what commercials are playing??? last year it was peyton doing everything....is it brady?? hopefully it's giselle or whatever her name is. I think I may have to tune in tonight and get back into it with the same three words...."we did it, we did it"