Monday Headlines (NFL Playoff Edition)

Well the on again, off again Sports As Life holiday hiatus is now officially over. We're rested, re-dyed and ready to work... at least I am anyway. Cooper is MIA and probably lost somewhere in the wilds of Southern Manitoba... so don't hold your breath about getting a college football National Championship preview today.


I'd Like a Tom Collins With a Side of Self-Destruction
So because it was Saturday, I was asleep in the late afternoon... it was the weekend, I don't carry any guilt with it. By the time I finally woke up, the Seattle/Washington game was in the 4th quarter and Washington somehow had a 14-13 lead (apparently they'd just scored 2 quick touchdowns). As my eyes started to regain some focus I saw Matt Hasselbeck throw an interception, giving the Redskins a chance to kill some clock and increase their lead. However, Todd (Tom) Collins proceeded to remind us all why he's a career backup. I was a little groggy still but I'm pretty sure Collins threw 12 straight interceptions for touchdowns and the final score was 177-14, thus fueling my hatred for Seattle to an even more ridiculous level. The Seahawks better get exposed in Green Bay as the frauds I'm pretty sure they are. And will someone please throw some batteries at Shaun Alexander already - c'mon!

You Know What Else Goes Nicely With Self-Destruction? Roethlisbergers
Mmmm... Roethlisbergers. When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. The game that I thought might be the worst of the weekend turned out to be the only really good game - and of course it was the only one I wasn't able to watch... at least the second half anyway. I was thoroughly enjoying the jack-booting that Jacksonville was giving Pittsburgh in the first half. Unfortunately, I felt obligated to go play goalie (soccer people insist I call it keeper - whatever, what do soccer people know - they like soccer) for my indoor soccer team. And all I got out of that was a bruised ego and a hyper-extended elbow, which has left me with little more than a deformed claw where my left arm used to be. So because of all this I missed Pittsburgh's second-half comeback and Jacksonville's game-winning field goal. Soc-cer!!

Just Another Reason to Hate Joe Buck
As if you needed one. It is entirely Buck's fault that the Giants were able to beat Tampa yesterday. The Bucs had just gone up 7-0 and Elisha Manning was looking like his usual frightened-puppy self, when Buck made a comment to the effect of, the Giants need to establish the run because they won't be able to win without it. Read: Eli Manning isn't very good. The words were barely out of his mouth and Manning had turned into John Elway - ok Elway might be a stretch... let's say Jim Miller. The Giants never looked back, winning 24-14. The only positive to come out of this was listening to Buck back-peddling for the better part of the second quarter. Hi-larious. Are you prepared for Giants/Cowboys III?

If Two Teams Play and Nobody Watches - Does the Winner Still Advance?
Luckily for everyone, the San Diego/Tennessee game was cancelled due to lack of interest. What...? Oh, I'm told they did decide to play after all. This really puts a dent in my theory that the Universe revolves around me and my interests. Because I didn't watch one second of this game, I've had to rely on outside sources. I'm told San Diego won 17-6. The game included a phantom Ladanian Tomlinson touchdown, Norv Turner shamelessly flaunting his timeouts, and Phil Simms advocating that San Diego take a timeout to decide on a challenge - however, that timeout was their last and using would mean they're unable to challenge the play. Can someone remind me why anyone thinks having former players in the broadcast booth is a good idea? I'm serious.