The Sports As Life Christmas List

Good news for you sad, last-minute shoppers out there (raises hand) - TH stops by this afternoon to give you some much needed Christmas gift ideas for the sports lover on your list. And there was much rejoicing.



Well it is that time of year again, a time that inspires fear and terror and an overwhelming sense of hopeless… no, I’m not talking about my fantasy team – although I probably should be. No, I’m talking about Christmas shopping – all the pushing, shoving, swearing and eventual crying and the stealing of the who-pudding and who-roast. That is why I love this time of year.

So, if you are looking for that perfect gift for the sports-lover in your life here are a few of Sports As Life’s favourites.

For the football lover in your family how about this classic?


Didn’t everyone always want one of these growing up? They look kinda useless and you probably wouldn’t want to pick up the phone or make any outgoing calls on them…but they…well…ummm…they look like a football, what else can I say?

This is also the season that people tend to overindulge with snack foods and the like, well if you have one of those in your family that also loves sports they might love this.


A perfect festive combination. Who wouldn’t be proud to use the snack helmet as a centrepiece for all kind of social functions? Could it be the perfect Christmas gift? Well, no, because the KC logo has a high risk of causing people to choke (like they did against San Diego…bam!) (Ed. Note - also causing self-inflicted wounds) when you tell them that yes in-fact you are a Kansas City Chiefs fan. Oh, and yes, I know that the Raiders lost, but they got blown out and were never really in it. KC should have won…Merry Christmas Mr. Editor. (Ed. Note - *cocks hammer*)

People still like hockey… don’t they? Didn’t Sports As Life use to have an NHL department? It was as successful as a southern United States hockey team. Ah, the tough economic times must be the reason that nothing has come out of that department since…? But I digress. For the hockey fan in your life how about this classic?


What little Canadian child didn’t want one of these growing up? You could spend hours playing with them – lets face it they are more exciting than real NHL games - then someone would break it and it would end up in the attic or garage and never get used again and just be a place that would house mice and other vermin for the winter…ah the memories. Either that or you could put all your Star Wars figurines on a table tennis court and spend hours down in the basement trying to knock them over…sad, real sad.

But if hockey isn’t their choice of sport then what about…race car driving? If you know someone like this then how about this all-time favourite?


Because who doesn’t like drinking beer and watching cars go around in a circle? Perfect for all the race fans and people with less than a grade 9 education in your family.

Then there is my favourite sport…one that Sports As Life loves to cover, almost as much as NASCAR. Yes, that’s right…BASKETBALL!!! And what basketball lover wouldn’t want one of these beauties hanging on their tree or taking up useful space on their coffee table?


But lets face it, Sports As Life is a football site, so one last fantastic football themed gift for that special someone in you life.


I was never really sure how this worked, although they have leagues surrounding electric football these days. Maybe we could put the NCAA reporter on this up-and-coming sport when the college football season ends and he wonders what he is going to do with himself until draft day. Or that lazy-lazy NHL reporter that just stands around the coffee machine all day talking about the Flames…so lazy.

Lastly, for that sophisticated sports fan in your life, what about this classy fragrance?

Seriously, who wouldn’t want to smell like a burger 24/7…

Well I hope that this helps all you last minute shoppers out there. Have yourselves a Happy Holidays.

A Giant Post About the New York Jets

(Or how I learned that Brett Farve can’t play in the pouring rain)


Finally, the boss has given me an assignment that I can sink my teeth into - writing a piece about the New York Jets/Denver Broncos game. What’s that you say, I have to fly to New York to cover the Jets game? Ok, but can I put it on the company credit card? What’s that you say? Cooper spent the company’s limit on his buffalo moon farm and paying our lawyers for being sued by college co-eds? F*ck! Well looks like no Christmas gifts for the family this year.

Well, I decided that this was the perfect way to climb the corporate ladder at Sportsaslife Inc., so I bit the bullet and bought my ticket to the game and to New York City for the Jets/Broncos game. If the editor doesn’t take note of this then I may as well look for another job at another sports-blog. I also didn’t want to be taken advantage of in the big city, so I brought some muscle along (by brother DH) and some brains (Sportsaslife fantasy guru Trebor and his beautiful wife).

There were a few days before the game, so I decided that I might as well see the sites of the big city. We started at the Statue of Liberty, which was smaller than I thought, but still mighty impressive. Needless to say you can tell that we are some classy people and really respect the integrity of historical things.


Yes a bunch intelligent sensitive people, yup that’s us.

Well, down to Wall Street to see where all the magic of the market happens. Oh, wait, there are a bunch of people in suits begging for money. Hey, I think I see our editor holding a sign up asking for a bail-out!?! Better not take out that housing loan.


Jeez by the time we made it through Wall Street I was out 250 billion dollars and I didn’t even get a thank-you or a reach-around. Man, this trip just got very expensive. Perhaps things will be better on 5th Avenue.

Oh, Sacs 5th Avenue, Tiffany’s, Louis Vuitton, these are stores that everyone knows…and that poor shmoes like us aren’t allowed into. I guess that explains why all these stores have door guards. Well off to Macy’s, hopefully there are no Christmas shopping related squishings while we are there. Too soon?

We just got out of Macy’s and a day has somehow passed us by… what happened in there. I guess that is to be expected with a store that’s advertisement reads “Macy’s: The Biggest Store in the WORLD”.

Off to Times Square to see the sights...


Well all I got there was a street CD that I didn’t really want. Actually, it isn’t bad hopefully our editor can put a track on somehow, if not, check this guy out at myspace.com/inchmoney99. Seriously, check it out! (Ed. Note - He couldn't, so y'all just have to follow the link)

Hey, one of the huge New York city news tickers just said that Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg at a night club with a handgun that he didn’t have a permit for…he must be a Rhodes Scholar. Maybe he goes home at night wondering how he could join his buddy Mick Vick in jail. Perhaps he also goes home at the end of a game and starts flushing money down the toilet for entertainment. Idiot. The second that news hit the streets the New York Papers were killing him… and I have to say that he deserves it. Well, no time to waste, have to see all there is to see before the game.

I guess we should go to a museum or something… doesn’t Ben Stiller work at the Natural History Museum?


After 4 hours of looking I am finally convinced that Night at the Museum was not a documentary and Ben Stiller doesn’t work at the New York American Museum of Natural History.

I suppose that we should go to the game, since that was what I was here to see. Oh, good, it is pouring rain. Even better, it is cold… hurray, I am looking forward to this already. Wait, what!?!?! We have to go to New Jersey to see the game…what!!! Needless to say once we emerge for Lincoln Tunnel I know we are in New Jersey, and I know why it is nicknamed “The Swamp”.


Into the Giants Stadium surrounded by real New Yorkers, the first ones that I have seen since I have been here. The game starts out well despite the rain, 7 – 7, and I just learned that you can’t challenge fumble recoveries in the NFL – could someone remind me why the NFL has replay again? But things look promising for the Jets since the Broncos can’t stop the run. Oh, wait, Brett Farve has started to do those Brett Farve things… sling the ball down the field. Did he forget that he isn’t any good in the rain?

Oh, things are getting out of hand before the half.


Just before half the Broncos have an injury. Oh, two in a row, people are starting to grumble. Wait, wait, three in a row… the people around us start to boo. I turn around and I think Elliot Gould is sitting right behind me. He looks and sounds exactly like him. I ask him for his autograph and he asks for my wallet. Nice, Elliot Gould has just stolen my wallet at a Jets game. But he said he was the wallet inspector.

Oh, more booing, which means that there is another Bronco lying on the field only to come back into the game 2 plays later after they have sat by the heater for a second. One more down and I begin to boo – I am starting to feel like a Philly fan booing when Michael Irvin was lying on the field at Vet’s stadium with a broken neck. I seemingly have lost all interest in the game and start to count how many Broncos can be ‘injured’, and contemplate how well they are organized… never are their two Broncos lying on the field at the same time. They could form some kind of synchronized swim team. They could dominate international competitions! Oh, I have also learned that stepping on the white sideline does NOT mean that you are out of bounds… the things I didn’t know about football. Oh, look my first viewing of a Brett Farve overthrow interception… neat.

Thank god the game is finally over, that was painful to watch, and no wonder the editor gave me this assignment. I think he hates me. The Jets couldn’t even beat the lowly Broncos, who were blown out by the Raiders… I guess the Jets also lost to the Raiders…and they are going to the playoffs!?!

Well after I stand out in the rain another hour waiting to get on the bus back to Port Authority and the safety of New York I am ready to go home. Our flight is in two hours, loads of time. Into the cab on the way to the airport and someone has forgotten their passport at the hotel… AHHHHHH!!!


Bye-bye New York, you were a fine city… let's see where the boss sends me next year.

32 Teams in 30-Some Days - Oakland Raiders

The Oakland Raider's preview is brough to you by TH - and thank goodness because I'm running out of steam.

The Oakland Raiders

Ok, let’s get this out in the open before I start. ---------- Sigh,
this is harder than I thought it was going to be. Oh, boy, I…am……a
fan of the Oakland Raiders. Wow, that was really hard to write. Now, I
am not one of those ‘fans’ that emerged when the Raiders were one of
the top teams every year in the AFC West (still in my mind the best –
not the most talented, but most entertaining – divisions in the NFL)
with Gannon, Rice, Garner, and Woodson. I was born this way, I just
can’t help it. I came into this world wearing an eye patch and hating
the Chief, Broncos, Chargers and wayyyyyy back when, the Seahawks (a
hatred I still have for that team). And no, my love of the Raiders is
in no way gang related. I can’t explain it, I just love the Silver and Black.

Now before you get the wrong idea of how this whole preview of
the Oakland Raiders is going to go when it is written by a Raiders fan,
I think they stink…they stunk last year and the year before…heck they
have had one of the longest Super Bowl loser hangovers that I have ever
seen. Well, except for perhaps the KC Chiefs, who have done what
exactly since they won Super Bowl III? (Insert smarmy comment here
Chiefs fans…jerks).

Do I, like my Jet loving brother DH think that they are going to
make the playoffs? I hold out hope, but I am not some mad man. The
Raiders have a very young team. With the retirement of Sapp (did he
even make one sack in his entire Raider career?) and the exodus of dead
weight like Jerry Porter, there is not a lot of experience on the team.
Then there is the most overpaid man in all of football, JaMarcus
Russell (I may be calling for Jeff Hostetler in a few weeks time if things aren’t going well). Who else can get paid so much money before even throwing one
ball in the pros?

This team has potential. Their defence is alright,
no big names, but a decent secondary and a workman like linebacking core that
could be good if kept healthy and intact – and off the field for at least half of the game.

Then there is the offence.

Could they be worse than last year? Perhaps, but that might be hard. With a full preseason under his belt, Russell still has a lot to live up to (making so much money) and whom is he throwing to? A wide receiver core that is questionable at best – although Javon Walker could be ok if he stays away from Vegas and stops wearing $20,000 necklaces in the ghetto – although they have two young TE’s in Miller and Madsen that could have a great year with a young QB like Russell. The one thing that they may be able to depend upon is their running game, which ranked 6th in overall yardage gained last year – and that was with Lamont Jordan and Dominic Rhodes – so Huggy Bear Jr. and McFadden have the potential to be a great backfield.

Listen, the Raiders may not be good this year, but they will be
fun to watch, and if Al Davis can keep his mind in check for a year or
more (which may be harder than you think) and keep this team together they could potentially be a good team in a year or so. If all else fails they do have the craziest home fans in the entire NFL. Hey, remember, that is the thing making all the noise under your bed when you are 10…unless you are a Raiders Fan.

The Verdict

5 wins…please have 5 wins…please, oh why are you so bad.

February and the Decline of Sports

February.

Cold, windy, dark… lets just call it a miserable month and be done with it. There really aren’t any redeeming qualities to this month, so why don’t you bundle up on the couch, grab a drink and watch some sports. What’s that you say? The Super Bowl is over and there are no good sports on TV? What about the NBA? What about the NHL? What about college hoops?

Boring.

That is not to say that these sports are dull all of the time, but this is a time when things really aren’t hitting stride in these respective sports. The NBA has just had their All-Star ‘Game’, which is mildly entertaining but perhaps shouldn’t really be classified as sport (unless you consider wrestling a sport and not sports-entertainment). The NBA doesn’t really get interesting until the last few weeks and the playoffs.

The NHL, well there is a whole host of problems with trying to pass the month by watching hockey (just look at our poor hockey journalist CH, who cries himself to sleep every night wondering and waiting for when hockey will be fun again), and like the NBA, doesn’t really get interesting until close to the playoffs (perhaps if they didn’t play so many damn games these earlier ones might be more interesting… and meaningful). NCAA? Come on, March Madness… need I say more… it isn’t called Fabulous February, geez.

So in light of not having any current sports to talk about this month I thought that I would try and honour a true sports fan who took his own life February 20, 2005. Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. This article is for Mr. Sports As Life, who is locked in his bunker right now waiting for the war to end, and whose journalistic hero is Dr. Thompson. I shan’t rant and rave and try and tell you all about Thompson, I could never do him justice so just read this and bask in his brilliance.

Now that was a man who can write. That was a man who was passionate about sport – and in turn passionate about sports effect on the rest of society. I suggest you follow some of the links to his other articles and just think about the talent that was lost 3 years ago.

Just two other links to remember this day while we try and get through this horrible sports month:

I don’t really like baseball that much, but with Thompson running things it may have been a little more interesting.

Lastly, here is Dr. Thompson himself…

Need I say more? So let us all remember Dr. Thompson and wait until March Madness and the resurrection of sports on TV.

Hunter Stockton Thompson
July 18, 1937 – February 20, 2005

All Aboard The Crazy Train

There's a rumour going around that next week Luke is going to return from wandering in the wilderness - until then however, TH continues to shoulder the load...



I went to a charity hockey game this past weekend, and I must say that it was… well, a little dull. Aside from seeing old guys who are past their prime try to relive their glory days, there was one thing lacking. Can you guess what it was? Hitting, fighting, you know... a little passion. Which got me to thinking – ok you can all stop laughing now – there is acceptable violence in sport and then there is crossing the ‘line’. But is there a clear cut ‘line’ not to cross? So I racked my brains for a few good examples of people going crazy, above and beyond the call of crazy duty. I hope you enjoy these I know I had a good chuckle while watching them.

Now I know not everyone knows who Eric Cantona is, so here is a little introduction to him. But you know when something just goes snap? When that little voice of reason is out for a coffee break? Well check this out. To paraphrase Keanu Reeves “He knows kung-fu”, I wonder what that guy said to make him want to kick him in the face… not just punch him in the face, but take a running/flying kick at this head.

Which leads into our next crazy contestant quite nicely. Now Zinedine Zidane was arguably the greatest player of his time, if you don’t quite know what he was capable of then take a look-see here. (Ed Note: After watching that video, this post was edited while wearing my Zidane jersey). Now that is why they call it the beautiful game, that sh*t gives me goose-bumps (some people say goose pimples, but I am not sure why… but I digress). I hope you took the time to watch it, because people will only remember him for this. Seriously, people say bad things to about my sister all the time, I don’t go around head-butting them (I guess it helps that I don’t have a sister).

At this point you may be saying to yourself "those silly Europeans, always going crazy and what not. It’s a good thing we saved their ass in WWII”, but don’t worry your little dullard heads, North Americans can go just as crazy as anyone. Heck we do it bigger and better than anyone. I know you all like basketball, I know I find it really boring but you may not… but I do recall watching this beauty of craziness on the news channels for about 4 months. I am sorry about the stupid music, I would have thought that I could find a clip of just the game commentary but alas, I am lazy and just linked the first clip I could find. But seriously, who is more crazy, the fans for trying to fight pro athletes, or the athletes for going after fans who may sue them? Ponder that if you will.

Ah so you are saying it’s just those young pups that like to get into the crazy juice and be hooligans. But I would argue that even those who are hundreds of years old and held together with tape and glue get a little crazy now and again… a certain Mr. Zimmer comes to mind. When you are 70+ are you going to run at a man 1/3 of your age and try and fight him? I think not. But thanks to Don Zimmer, we all now know what will be the result of such an action. Hilarity at its finest. Thank you insane Zimmer, you made me smile.

But all of the previous examples are just ‘haha-type’ crazy, then there are those who are just fu*kin’ crazy. Do you remember Mike Tyson? You ever wonder where he is now? Probably picking fights with gorillas at his local zoo. But his fight with Evander ‘the real deal’ Holyfield and the infamous ear bit will go down in infamy as just one of those ‘did he really just do that’ moments in sport history. I forgot that he had taken a practice bite before the main coarse, and did one of the commentators just compare him to Dracula? How does somebody justify an ear bite you may ask? Well here is the answer. Now go lock your doors and always walk the streets with a buddy, Mike Tyson’s current location is not known.

I know you all were waiting for me to bash hockey, but I thought that that might be way too easy (plus hockey has its own dedicated writer here at Sports As Life… but I think that he is busy with real work so I will throw in the obligatory weekly hockey clip). And who is the lucky winner this week? Why it’s crazy Chris Simon just back from his stint on Broadway in the smash hit Stomp. Stomping on someone is bad enough, but with a blade tied to your foot? Freakin’ crazy.

I feel like I am picking on the players of the games a little too much right now. You know that the testosterone is running high, the adrenalin is kicking in, so I think that we can forgive (somewhat) a few incidences of players boarding the train to Crazytown… but what of the fans?

Haven’t you ever been sitting there at a game and some guy/girl is just going nuts – they could be a fairly normal person outside of this sporting event, or not – and they are saying things that would make a person with tourettes blush. But what happens when they cross the line? Well they do stupid things like this. Seriously, what can you say? I thought that I was helping the team out by getting in the penalty box and trying to fight their tough-guy? Maybe the drunker you get the better your team plays?

I think that there should be some kind of experiment done to that effect… I am willing to go out on a limb and volunteer the whole Sports As Life staff (dependant on the ok from Mr. Editor) for the drunkness-to-success-in-sport experiment. You may not hear from us in a couple of months.
There are so many clips out there, and these are just a few that came to my mind when I thought about this when I was supposes to be watching old dudes play hockey – man, is it me or is hockey really boring 90% of the time?

There are a lot of crazy people getting paid a lot of money to play a game. These people are very lucky, they get to do what most of us just dream of doing for a career – now I know that they have, mostly, sacrificed a great deal to be where they are, but that does not excuse them from being decent human beings and acting in a way that is acceptable to our societal norms (or at least within the rules of their respective sports). Too often do we just shrug our shoulders and excuse their actions because they are ‘professional’ athletes.

People are allowed to make mistakes, but when people like Simon, Artest, Tyson, (Vick?) and their lot are continually doing what they do/did, when do we as a society say enough is enough? I am not saying jail (although in many instances that may be a good place for them), but do we withdraw the right – for it is a right – to play their respective sport?

If you went into work and had a bad day and go and bite off your bosses ear do you think that you can go into work the next day? If your sales department gets into a brawl with your financial branch do you think that all you will get is a few fines? If actions aren’t deemed acceptable in everyday life, then how come we give so much slack – I realize that they are playing sport and physicality is part of the game, but as this article has demonstrated, or at least I hope that it did – to these so called professionals? If you are a professional then act like it.

Oh, I don’t want to end on such a harsh note, so here is a mascot fight… seriously, mascots are so silly. I hope that this is the first in a long line of crazy train articles, feel free to write one, I think that the theme is pretty self explanatory – have fun with it, I know that I did.

If You Are Easily Influenced, Do Not Read This...

Or, How TH Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Terrible Advertising...


I can’t believe it - there has been nothing on this site written about the most holy-of-holies: the Superbowl (I bet you thought that I was going to say Lent, or Ash Wednesday, or that day that you gorge yourself on pancakes… no, wait I think that last one is related to the Superbowl). But I am not going to write about the game, I think that anyone who watched the game will be duly impressed by what was possibly the best 4th quarter of football that has happened in the last 10 years. No, I am going to talk about the ads (and seriously that is what most people are really watching the game for)… except all of those people who are stuck watching local ads for battery stores and some discount pizza shack (thank-you CRTC).

Now, I am not saying that all the commercials are good. In fact this was a fairly weak year for ads, although there were some hi-lights. If you haven’t seen any of the ads then please lookie here: http://www.superbowl-ads.com/. Just in case you were wondering I think that the T-Mobile ad is the best… oh, and I never want to eat another Planter's nut again in my life.

I must say that the idea for this column was taken from a radio segment I heard last week that was talking about how people over-eat around the Superbowl – surprise, surprise – and what was being advertised. Now I took a look at that list I gave you and this is what I came up with:

I am going to the grocery store to by some gum, some Coke and Pepsi, and some Planter's Nuts (which I will never, ever buy again) and some Lifewater and/or vitamin water and/or G2 and some Red Bull-like Amp. Then off to the liquor store to by some Budweiser (a lot since they got on four ads), now after I have gotten drunk and all sugared up then I can stumble over to my computer and make some E-trades and look at some cars online. Hopefully I have made some money with my trades so I can buy that Audi or Toyota that I have always wanted (heck, I might even include that Garmin GPS thing in the car and some nice Bridgestone tyres). I could also go out and buy some Victoria secret stuff for all of my lady friends (I can assume that the women will be crawling all over me since I have so much money from my online trading).

However, I think that my online trade intelligence is nil and since I am probably drunk with all that Budweiser I will have no money left, so I can go to Careerbuilder.com and find a good job to get me out of hock. And with debt in mind I could go to Salesgenie.com and sell all of my worldly goods. I could then phone all of my friends on my T-Mobile phone and ask them to Fedex me some money ASAP. Then when I realize what kind of sh*t I am in I will probably vomit on myself (as I am filled with so much liquid, gum and gross nuts) and then clean myself up with a Tide-to-Go thing.

Nice, what-a-day, what-a-day. There is not one thing on that list that is useful let alone practical. Heck, there weren’t even any store advertisements, no movie ads and no real food ads (healthy or not). Now I like Superbowl ads, but what are we trying to sell people? I think that they should put some ads in for the healthcare system, or maybe a life-insurance company to let your family bury your fat, broke ass.

Well I am beginning to ramble at this point and thoughts like this could get me blacklisted (the Planters people are probably trying to locate me at this moment and make me look at that woman in the ad again… yuck).

With football over I guess I am going to have to find a new sport to watch until the autumn. Curling maybe? Perhaps some wacky European sport? Any suggestions on what I should occupy my sports time with now that the NFL is in hiatus (I guess that there is always the Pro Bowl). Hey, I could always watch the NHL… HA!

The Sports As Life Utterly Meaningless and Totally Contrived Year-End Awards

The end of the year means two things - useless resolutions that will inevitably be broken approximately 1.3 days after January 1st... and made-up awards. We'll do the awards first - I'll wait 'til January to deal with my addiction to Duel.

We've got 4 award categories this year (as that's all I could really think of). All 4 of the Sports As Life contributors (as well as myself) were asked to pick one person/moment/story in each award category. So here we go...


The Mark Mangino Award (For Biggest Story/Moment of the Year)

Cooper: I am going to be a major homer on this one - but my choice for the biggest sports story/moment of the year (more moment than anything) is the Riders finally prevailing and winning the Grey Cup. I know I complained about this team as much as the next guy but it was still great to see them finally win one.
Jeff K: First, who in the hell is Mark Mangino? After Googling him, I did come up with this clip. After watching this, this award should probably be for the biggest blowup/meltdown in sports. How can someone of his health/physique have a fit like that and not go into cardiac arrest?
On to my pick for favorite sports story of the year - I would say Brett Favre. Brett is dominating at the age of 38. The Packers have been playing tremendous football all year and this all stems from Brett's play. After reading the Sports Illustrated "Sportsman of the Year" article where they gave the honours to Brett, I have decided this is the greatest thing in sports this year. Hopefully Brett can pull some sort of miracle out and beat the Cowboys and then Pats in the playoffs to take the Super Bowl... then he could retire already. Although, why retire when you are in your second prime?
Luke: I'm going to surprise everyone (and disgust myself) by saying this - but it's the New England Patriots. As much as I loathe that organization to its very core, I can't deny that what they're doing is unbelievable. We may never again see a team dominate with such ease and play so flawlessly (at least prior to the last few weeks). Through the first 10 or so weeks of the season they played football as close to perfection as is humanly possibly. And they just made it look so easy.
TH: England not making the Euro 2008 competition after being knocked out by Croatia 3-2 in their final match of the qualifying round. For a nation that worships European football this is a big one. Turkey made it. Romania made it. Poland made it. Even the neutral Swiss made it. Not only will England not be in the Euro Cup competition next year, they won't be in the World Cup in 2010. This will be the end of some of England's best international players' careers. I think that this will affect a whole nation's psychology and sense of self... and for that it is the biggest sporting story of the year. The award goes to England's collapse and the let-down of an entire nation.
Trebor: Kevin Glenn breaking his arm. That story meaning that the Riders, for the first time, wouldn't have to wait 23 years between Grey Cups... only 18.


The Pierre McGuire Mangasm of the Year Award
This award is given to a player who's jersey you would buy or makes you sit up and say 'wow' - basically your favorite player, regardless of sport.

Cooper: My choice for the Pierre McGuire Mangasm of the Year Award goes to Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings. As much as I dislike the Vikings and their horrific colour scheme, I am very impressed with how this kid runs. (Remember when you referred to a pro-sport rookie and couldn't call them 'kid') He is one of a few rare breed of running backs that possesses the speed and agility of a Gale Sayers and the brute power and strength of a John Riggins. It is a shame that he will most likely be gone from the NFL in a few short years. Taking pounding after pounding, week in and week out in the NFL eventually takes its toll (i.e: Ricky Williams, Priest Holmes, Jamal Anderson, Jamal Lewis). And with his history of injuries at Oklahoma (broken collarbone, sprained ankle) and now his torn LCL with the Vikings, it leads me to believe he will be going to the glue factory in a short time. Watch him any chance you get while he's still here.
Jeff K: My favorite player: Daniel E. Ruettiger... Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Honestly, after thinking about it, I don't think I have a "favorite" player right now. So I guess I am taking resumes. There are a ton of players that I like, but none I would call my favorite. How sad is that? Later Edit: After more thought, I should have chosen Steve Nash as the winner for this award... simply for this.
Luke: With all due respect to Purple Jesus, who I've loved since the Jets game in the pre-season, my Mangasm of the Year is San Francisco 49ers linebacker Patrick Willis. He runs like a gazelle and hits like Ike Turner... oooohhhh. Because he plays on an awful 49ers team I haven't been able to watch many of his games - but I did get to see him play on Saturday night. He laid a licking on Rudi Johnson (or possibly Kenny Watson) that made me get out of my seat, pumping my fist. /crosses fingers - Patrick Willis jersey for Christmas, Patrick Willis jersey for Christmas.
TH: Brett Favre, no doubt about it. Who would have thought that this old man - who was great in the mid-to-late 90's - would be having the year that he is. And seriously, who doesn't secretly root for this guy to win it all. To go out like Elway. To recapture a bit of his youth, and in turn a bit of our own youth. I am not a Packer fan, but I would most assuredly buy a Favre jersey. The award goes to: Brett Favre.
Trebor: Patrick Willis... maybe it came from watching the highlight of him against LSU. Just get all kinds of fired up over that. And though there hasn't been that many big hits (the Leinart hit has alright), he had back-to-back games with 18 tackles... so pretty good. He's also incredibly fast. In one of those games where he got 18 tackles he chased down a WR 62 yards from the line of scrimmage. Also I'm a fan of defensive play, despite being in all sorts of Fantasy leagues.


The Apollo Creed Award (For sports story that was beaten to death)

Cooper: My choice for the Apollo Creed Award is a toss up between the Mike Vick saga and the Barry Bonds home run chase/should their be an asterisk debate. I have a feeling that I am not alone in this, but I could be wrong.
Jeff K: Well there are some pretty obvious choices here. You have Michael Vick and his great decision making. You have the most lovable player in baseball, Barry Bonds, and his record-breaking home run and indictment. Honestly, between Bonds and Vick don't you have a couple great role models? Next you have anything that has to do with the Boston Red Sox and the New England Patriots... just ask Luke, who has repeatedly proclaimed his love for Pats coach Bill Belichick. The "Camera-gate" scandal was all you could hear for... well, it still is all you hear about. Also there was the reffing scandal when Donaghy bet on games he officiated in the NBA. So, in the face of all these dead horses that were beaten, what have I chosen? How about the Beckham's moving to Los Angeles. This shouldn't have received more than one day of media... and let's fact it, Victoria Beckham drove the story. If you take her out of the equation, you might not have even heard that David Beckham was moving to L.A. Honestly, I can't even think of what the US soccer league is called. NSL? MLS? Who cares? I hate is when Hollywood and Sports collide. I shouldn't have to see or read about Victoria Beckham when I am watching or reading sports news. By the way, what ever happened to Victoria Beckham's reality show? Good riddance.
Luke: I'm going off the board on this one... sure there was Bonds and Vick and Brady and steroids. But at least all of those stories were legitimately newsworthy, despite all the over-hyping that followed. My pick is something that I don't think even qualifies as legitimately newsworthy, not yet anyway. And it's the imminent death of the CFL at the hands of the mighty and terrible NFL. I haven't seen this much hand-wringing since O.J under the bathroom faucet in '94. Too soon?
TH: This is a tough one. Brady? Unbeaten Pats? But I have to go with Barry Bonds chasing the home run record earlier this year. Does anyone remember this now? After it happened Bonds, the Giants and excitement in regular season baseball just disappeared. But while he was chasing it that was all that anyone talked about on all the sporting networks... heck it even made it into mainstream news. Every time Barry and his sub-.500 team were playing that was the game that was shown. When he was a few away from the record, he every at-bat was picked up by all the stations that could pick it up - just to watch this over-the-hill steroid monster swing for the fences (usually striking out or walking after 4 or 5 pitches). This was going to be the biggest event in sports EVER... but it wasn't and the media jumped all over it like a hungry hobo. The award goes to: Barry Bonds run for the HR record... with honourable mention going to the Brady-loving media and the Pats chase for 'perfection'.
Trebor: "Spygames", "Patriot Games"... anything Patriot-related. Yeah, they are going to go undefeated and all but I just don't need to hear about it all the time. Coming a close 2nd is the Mitchell report... maybe because it's fresh?? It wasn't much of a story but it was hyped and the conference was a waste of time and the report proves nothing and it's an hour of my life I'll never get back. I hate baseball.


The Award for Most Howard Cosell Grave Roll-Overs (For worst sports commentary)

Cooper: My choice for the Howard Cosell Award goes to Mr. Bryant Gumbel of the NFL Network's Thursday Night Football. I was all pumped up to watch NFL football on Thursdays, however Mr. Gumbel's ineptitude at play-by-play has completely turned me off tuning in anymore. I am sure that I am not alone in this. Remember his quote, "Two Minutes Morning," instead of "Warning"? Classic!
Jeff K: I am about to make a few people very unhappy. Are you ready?... Don Cherry. I have always disliked Don Cherry. He is an idiot, plain and simple. I hate that he is so loved in Canada and is some sort of symbol of hockey. He is a crazy old man. He should be in the grocery store yelling at the cashier, not on TV. I just can't stand him, and I don't even care to go into more detail than that. The very close runners-up would be Chris Walby and Pierre McGuire. Coach of the Year Award: (I added this award for an excuse to link to this clip) The winner is - Rickey Jimmy.
Luke: It's Bryant Gumbel - hands down. He doesn't know the names of the teams, he doesn't know the names of the players, he doesn't even know what night he's calling the games on (on Saturday night he thought it was Thursday). All I need to say is that he's called Todd Collins, Tom Collins and Frank Gore, Al Gore. Next question!
TH: At first, I came up with Emmitt Smith. He is just the worst public speaker that could ever be - and he can't be forgiven for being an amateur because someone was dumb enough to pay him to slaughter the English language. But then I noticed the play-by-play/colour limitation (Ed. Note: originally the award was limited to booth personalities) and thankfully for my sanity Smith doesn't/can't do that (a person who would make me stop watching football altogether). So with that in mind, I would have to nominate the CBC/TSN CFL coverage teams. It doesn't matter which one you choose - they are all terrible. Walby, Suitor, Black... all of them suck so much it isn't funny. Could anyone make the CFL a bigger laughing-stock? YES, the idiots calling the games. There is Rod Black apologizing for everything, Brian Williams seemingly doesn't like football, Walby is a know-it-all loudmouth and Suitor... well, he is just there. K-Jo?!? Need I say more?
Trebor: This should really be like a Top 10, since there are so many to choose from. Emmitt is up there. If I watched TSN, maybe Palmer - TSN says he's an expert... how many snaps did he even take in the NFL? Madden comes close, not for taking an hour to figure out and describe why it's Three Rivers Stadium, not even for talking about Turducken. I go back to the game I watched in Wershington - Indy and San Diego. Peyton is bringing the Colts back on successive drives, completion after completion... to which John says, "It's almost as if Peyton is doing this on purpose"... thanks John. If I had to pick one... Keith Olberman really just annoys me to no limit. He was just doing highlights - "He could go all the... maybe only halfway... no, all the way..." If there was a tackle attempt or something then that's understandable, but the guy was clearly in fact going all the way.


So that's it for the SALUMATCYE Awards for this year. Who knows, we might even be doing this again next year. Feel free to nominate your own award winners in the comments.

A Special Guest Blogger for a Friday

Jeff K is off this week, so no Sights & Sounds today. You may now panic. However, do not panic - we've brought in a special guest blogger for your reading enjoyment. Longtime reader and commenter TH is making his inaugural splash on Sports As Life. Be nice to him and maybe we can get him to come back sometime.

A Sad, Sad State of Affairs

The buzz of the crowd, the tension in the air, the crack of the helmets, the smell of the ice, the fight songs sung by thousands of fans… the loudspeakers blaring out the latest hip-hop songs!?! I love sports, I love going to a game and the build-up around the whole experience. Sporting events are a day-long event, from the moment I wake up on the day of a big game to the final whistle/horn (and sometimes the stumbling home from the victory celebrations). If you are a sports fan then you know that there is a certain sound to sport – and I am not talking about the music from the mid-90’s that they play on the loudspeakers in the stadium. It is electric, and it is one of the many things that I absolutely love about sport. I love the camaraderie in the stands with fellow fans and the hated fans of the opponent, each trying to out cheer the other. But lately it is more about who can have the biggest speakers in their stadium, or the hated ‘thunder-sticks’ (is it just me or do your feel like grabbing those things away from the people around you and mashing them on their head until they break-out in tears and promise to stop?). I have gone to sporting events all around the world, and I hate to say that we in North America are pretty poor fans. We need to be constantly entertained by loud music that requires no fan interaction (we can just sit there and ‘enjoy’ it). What ever happened to just cheering my brains out? Or singing songs about my team… or the other team? The best we have these days are the random drunk fan questioning the sexual preference of the opposing team and their fans – nice, real nice, that will show them.

I was in Paris a few years back and decided to go to a Paris Saint-Germain football game (soccer) and the fans chanted and sang throughout – although I must say that my French is poor and I had no idea what they were saying, the singing was infectious and it was one of the most enjoyable sporting events that I have ever been too. Although the lighting of the road flares throughout the stadium probably helped.

Have you ever watched a Liverpool FC game? It is great watching the match on TV and seeing all those people singing… heck even in certain pubs filled with fans it is amazing to see. Can you imagine being surrounded by 40,000+ Liverpool fans in Anfield singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’:

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky, and the sweet silver song of a lark. Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone... You'll never walk alone. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone... You'll never walk alone.

Want more - then check out the variety of the songs for this one team in the English Premiere League: http://www.thefootballnetwork.net/main/s46/st706.htm

Just think, almost every professional football (soccer) team has a set of songs that they sing throughout the game… for the ENTIRE GAME!

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not trying to say that European sports are superior, they aren’t (personal preference and all the PC stuff… blah, blah, blah). It just seems that they have held onto certain traditions that we have/are letting slip. But fear not, all is not lost; we can save some semblance of tradition. Recently the Sports As Life regular Sweet, Sweet Fantasy writer Trebor and I went to an NFL game in Washington (see the pics a few posts back if you want).

Now being surrounded by almost 90,000 fans is great, but even better is when they sing after a score. Heck they even had a marching band in one end zone. Here is the modern version of the song “Hail to the redskins” that they use… plus I also included the older version:

The Modern Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail to victory!
Braves on the warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score!
We want a lot more!
Beat em, Swamp em, Touchdown,
Let the points soar!
Fight on…Fight on…
Til you have won, Washington!

The Original Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old Dixie!
Scalp 'em, swamp 'em,
We will take 'em big score!
Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown,
We want heap more!
Fight on... Fight on...
'Till you have won,
Sons of Washington!

Jeez, I wonder why they stopped using the old version?

Even better than the pro’s are the College ranks. NCAA football is huge down in the ol’ U.S.A., one could even say that it is bigger than the NFL. Trebor and I went down to Dallas to watch a Cowboys game a few years back and it was during the Longhorns/O.U. game. Wow, you would have thought that it was the World Cup final!!! When we said we were down for the football game people thought of the college game. Insanity. But aside from rabid fans are the myriad of fight songs that each college has its bands play while at the stadium… and I am not talking about a few unemployed trombone players droning out roll-out the barrel in the end zone, I am talking about full bands with lots of school specific songs. Check this site out – it may first strike you as a sub-par site, but it has all the songs (I don’t know about all, but a lot):

http://www.fightmusic.com/
(Note: check this out as well)

I would have figured that the Sports As Life college writer would have dealt with this awhile back, but from his posts lately I assume that he has been struck with some debilitating illness…lazy-itis perhaps? I have heard that there is a lot of that going around these days. Nah, Cooper is a good guy… I hope he can find a new job when the editor fires his ass and replaces him with a chimp. But I digress, back on topic.

Heck even baseball can be exciting if you aren’t inundated with popular music being shoved down your throat (or in your ears). I was in Japan awhile back and decided to go to a JBL game in Osaka (seeing that Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck is one of my all time favourite movies…seriously, I’m not joking). The Hanshin Tigers are a fun team to watch - the people sing songs that I can’t understand, but like PSG it was the spirit of the event that mattered, not the words. Although the cute Japanese girls with beer kegs strapped to their backs helped the atmosphere a lot. Oh, here - I found the fight song for the Hanshin Tigers:

Hanshin Tigers no Uta (Rokko Oroshi, romaji)
Rokkō oroshi ni sassō to
Sōten kakeru nichirin no
Seishun no haki uruwashiku
Kagayaku wagana zo Hanshin Tigers
Ō-ō-ō-ō Hanshin Tigers
Fure-fure-fure-fure

Tōshi hatsuratsu tatsu ya ima
Nekketsu sude ni teki o tsuku
Jūō no iki takaraka ni
Muteki no warera zo Hanshin Tigers
Ō-ō-ō-ō Hanshin Tigers
Fure-fure-fure-fure

The Song of the Hanshin Tigers (The Wind of Mount Rokko)
(An official English version, not a direct translation)

Dashing swiftly through the wind blowin' from Rokko
Like the big sun soaring in the clear blue sky
Mighty spirit of the youth shows the victor's grace
The name that shines in glory "Hanshin Tigers"
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hanshin Tigers
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!

Powerful hits and skillful pitch achieved a thousand times
Trained with every discipline here at Koshien
Crowned with constant victory glorious, matchless feat
Always proud, invincible "Hanshin Tigers"
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hanshin Tigers
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!

Strange song. Trust me when I say that it sounds a lot better in Japanese.

But even better than the singing, flag waving and drum banging… the balloons. Check this out. Now you can’t tell me that those balloons don’t look like sperm. Do you think that they are trying to say something? Who needs a 7th inning stretch when you can blow up a giant sperm shaped balloon and let it go into the air? Oh then again I have the sense of humour of a 14 year old.

Even more than this I hear that baseball is a thinking-fans game (which may explain why I don’t follow it). Fans trying to figure out what the next pitch will be, what the batter is going to try and do, what the base runners will do, etc. Try doing that with the latest jock-jams blaring in your ears.

I love going to live sporting events, and I can even handle music being played from time to time, but I don’t need to be distracted during the entire game. What ever happened to talking to fellow fans about the last play? Can’t do that anymore, all my senses have to be occupied all the time with music, jumbo-trons and the like. We are rapidly losing an important part of sport, the sounds... and that folks is a sad state of affairs.