A Playoff Riot

So I've been sitting here for most (all) of the afternoon debating about whether I wanted to write anything about the NFL playoff games this weekend... and the truth is, I really don't. I have no idea why - it probably has to do with my total lack of anything original to say about any of the games... Or maybe it's the fact that I haven't actually watched a football game in two weeks and sometimes I find my interest waning.

Anyway...

Washington @ Seattle
I cannot for the life of me believe that Washington is in the playoffs. Seriously, Todd (Tom) Collins? Just goes to show I guess... what it goes to show, I have no idea... but that seems like an expression people like to use. (clearly I'm reaching for something to say). I've decided to pick these games based on who I want to win, not who I think will win. I think this is mostly based on the fact that I think Seattle is going to win - but I've decided that I straight up hate Seattle. Actually, it's mainly Shaun Alexander that I hate. I can't wait for Alexander's customary playoff-game disappearance... I'm thinking sprained ankle sometime early in the 2nd quarter. I hope they boo him off the field... while throwing C-batteries at him (yes, I was originally going to say D-batteries but it seems like C's would be easier to throw. I have no battery-throwing experience, so maybe someone can help me out here).
Winner: Washington

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
I think I'd almost rather watch hockey than watch this game (yes, you read that right - and yes, hockey... you're dead to me... it's over... finished... pack up your stuff and get out). It's not that I don't enjoy a defensive battle - this just feels like a 10-6, mistake filled, crap-fest to me. I'd really love to see Jacksonville whomp Pittsburgh though - I think because that radio host from Pittsburgh who's always on the America's Game and Top 10 is a real prick. And I also don't think I like that Ben Roethlisberger very much either... wear a helmet when you ride your bike jackass. In a perfect world, Joey Porter would still be a Steeler so he would have to suffer through a home playoff loss - but I guess he did just complete a season on one of the worst football teams of all-time... so that's still a victory.
Winner: Jacksonville

NY Giants @ Tampa Bay
... Getting spiteful today - so we'll just continue in that vein. If the Giants had any self-respect at all they would have done everyone a favour and not lost to the Patriots last week. Was that really too much to ask? Apparently so. If they had beat New England this week's huge, embarrassing let-down game in Tampa wouldn't sting quite as much - at least they'd have last week to show for their season. Plus that would mean New England wouldn't have gone undefeated and I wouldn't have to drink half a bottle of mouthwash in the morning just to get through the day. This is all your fault Elisha... and even if it isn't, I'm still blaming you. I'd compare you to Fredo but that would be too insulting to Fredo. I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect! Sure you do Elisha... sure you do - why don't you just take a seat over there.
Winner: Tampa Bay

Tennessee @ San Diego
I actually want neither of these teams to win - do you? Vince Young might be a colossal bust and if not for Ladanian Tomlinson, Norv Turner would be picking through garbage cans right now. Seriously... Vince Young versus Phillip Rivers in a playoff game? I might be busy washing my hair on Sunday afternoon. Seeing these two teams in the playoffs might not be so bad if they weren't playing each other. Yeesh.
Winner: San Diego