My Heart Stopped Pumping But My Nameless Post was Still Alive

NY Jets 34 @ New England 31 – So Matt Cassel wants to be paid Aaron Rodgers money? Well good luck with that chump – see how you do on a team that’s not led by Bill Belichick. Please not Kansas City, please not Kansas City…

Detroit 22 @ Carolina 31 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #1: DeAngelo Williams (120) and Jonathan Stewart (130) each rushed for over 100 yards in this game. That more a function of Detroit’s brutal defence than anything else – but man, that’s still impressive.

Oakland 15 @ Miami 17 – Ugh…

Philadelphia 13 @ Cincinnati 13 – Man, oh, man. If there’s a football equivalent to the Simpson’s Movie, this was it. Not nearly what you expected, generally disappointing and you’re just glad when it’s finally over.

Chicago 3 @ Green Bay 37 – Here’s a story for you… for some inexplicable reason, a guy that works in my office continually whistles and sings Sinatra’s “Strangers In the Night” – and not quietly either. He works down the hall from me and I hear him all time. And whatever, it is what it is – just another example of how everyone but me is unbearably annoying. The problem is that I’m madly in love with the movie Fletch (I may move to Massachusetts and marry it), in which Chevy Chase sings, “Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants...” So now I’m walking around all day singing the parody version of the song. Yes, it’s quite a glamorous life I lead.


Baltimore 10 @ NY Giants 30 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #2(Feat: Derrick Ward): The Giants both literally and figuratively ran over the Ravens. I guess things change for Baltimore when they have to play a quality opponent.

Denver 24 @ Atlanta 20 – That’s a tough loss for Atlanta and it might sabotage their playoff hopes. But this season has been so much better than anyone’s expected that, unless Matt Ryan starts showing up for games wearing a fur coat made of puppies, it’ll be considered a great season.

New Orleans 30 @ Kansas City 20 – Did you know, over the past calendar year Kansas City is the worst team in football? Yes, even worse than Detroit. They’ve won one game – ONE – since November 4 of last year (Detroit’s won two). Another fun fact – Kansas City has 6 quarterback sacks this season – on pace to have the lowest number ever. Joey Porter has 13 ½ .

Houston 27 @ Indianapolis 33 – It’s happening, I know it is – it’s already started. This was the first in a series of events that leads to the Colts going 12-4. The next step is for SkyNet to become self-aware. Then a souless army of Manning killbots will endeavour to wipe the human race off the face of the Earth.

Minnesota 13 @ Tampa Bay 19 – If the computer I use at work had a face, I would smash it in with a rusted shovel.

Arizona 26 @ Seattle 20 – Dynamic Duo of the Week #3: Larry Fitzgerald (151) and Anquan Boldin (186) each had over 150 yards receiving. This has to make Kurt Warner the front-runner for the MVP – and makes Matt Leinart the front-runner for most ASU co-eds nailed.

St. Louis 16 @ San Francisco 35 – Do you ever have ridiculous thoughts pop into your head, and you think you must be the only person in the world who thinks of things like that? Welcome to my life. Here’s one I had this week: If I were operating the paper shredder at work and my tie were to become trapped in the shredder somehow, would I be able to MacGyver myself out of the tie before I was strangled? Of course, I know there’s a stop button on the shredder but I think I’d try to escape the noose of death, just to see if I could. It would be like reverse calf roping.


Tennessee 24 @ Jacksonville 14 – CBS’s Upset-o-meter was registering off the charts for at least the first half of this game. Big game for Tennessee next week against the Jets. I never thought, in a million years, I’d type those words in that order this season.

San Diego 10 @ Pittsburgh 11 – I’m genuinely worried that the NFL is losing it’s luster and might be in some trouble. The officiating situation this season has been abysmal (as evidenced by the refs stealing a touchdown from Pittsburgh at the end of this game – cost my fantasy team a crucial 6 points, and gamblers worldwide $64 million) and the way hitting is being legislated the players might as well just play flag football. The Commish needs to lay down the law in his own organization in a similar manner he does his players.

Dallas 14 @ Washington 10 – Apparently all it took for Dallas to get back on track was Tony Romo’s boyish good looks and million dollar smile. That gives me an idea for a sitcom – it’ll be Listen Up meets Gary Unmarried meets Alf.

Cleveland 29 @ Buffalo 27 – Wide right, eh? My oh my, how that must bring back memories for fans in Buffalo. Luckily for them, they won’t have a team much long to drive them crazy.