I Predict a Riot - Week 2 in the NFL

I Predict a Riot was on hiatus last week as I was desperately trying to finish the 32 Teams in 30-Some Days. As such, I apologize for the lack of football picks last week - however, judging by who I wagered on you were better off without what I had to say anyway.

And if you must know, I've been on holiday this week - thus the lack of posts. But we've had three today, so if you missed Cooper and Trebor's posts scroll down for much hilarity and T&A. If this is what you had to look at all day, would you want to be in front of a computer?



On to the games...

Chicago @ Carolina
Soooo... after Week 1 this looks like a potential NFC Championship match up? I'm not sure if I'm ready to buy that just yet. But even if it pains me to say, I'm buying Chicago more than I'm buying Carolina. I watched that Sunday night game and Bears look like a team you don't want to play right now. Even the Neckbeard looked competent. And Matt Forte ran up and down Indianapolis. I'm sticking with the Bears until further notice.
Winner - Chicago

Tennessee @ Cincinnati
Vince Young suddenly going around the bend might be the best thing to happen to Tennessee this year - even if that means Kerry Collins leading the way for the Titans. I still have no remorse about feeling pure joy about Tom Brady getting injured, but I do feel bad about Young's situation. Some people just aren't equipped to handle the pressure of being a pro athlete and I hope he gets the help he needs. I think Cincinnati needs a little help too - actually they probably need more than Young does. This is just a team in shambles and look like they might be a top-5 draft team next year. It doesn't matter who's playing quarterback for Tennessee, they're going to run all over the Bengals.
Winner - Tennessee

Green Bay @ Detroit
You know what's really sad? Because of Detroit, Matt Ryan now has more career wins (WITH ONE!) than does the Chiefs' Brodie Croyle. Did I mention that Ryan has played one game and Croyle has been in the league 3 years. I honestly thought Detroit might be a little bit better on defence this year than they were last. That, it appears, isn't the case. Detroit still puts up big numbers through the air but it's only because they're always so far behind. Green Bay looks like they haven't lost too much from last year and they should role in this one.
Winner - Green Bay

Buffalo @ Jacksonville
Well it only took one week for Jacksonville to lose it's lustre didn't it? That sure didn't take long. Tennessee was a stout challenge to be sure - but Buffalo is no pushover either. The Bills are much improved, as Seattle found out last weekend. With seemingly no healthy offensive linemen, I'm going against Jacksonville until they show they can actually win.
Winner - Buffalo

Oakland @ Kansas City
Someone's gotta win this game right? The sad thing is, I don't think it's going to be Kansas City. As bad as the Raiders looked on Monday, I think they've got more upside than the Chiefs. Darren McFadden and JaMarcus Russell looked solid when they're offensive line was able to remain upright, which didn't seem like was that often. And what happened to that vaunted Raiders pass defence? Luckily for Oakland, Kansas City doesn't have much of a passing game to speak of. But as much as I like bringing down the Chiefs, they were one Dwayne Bowe drop in the endzone away from taking the Patriots to overtime. As a Chiefs fan, I think I speak for us all when I say - WE WANT TIM TEBOW!! WE WANT TIM TEBOW!!
Winner - Oakland (even though, by all accounts, the team is ready to implode)

Indianapolis @ Minnesota
Yes, the Vikings lost last week and Tarvaris Jackson only completed a pass or two in the first half, I'm still not writing him off. In the second half, when the Vikings' coaches let him off the leash a little bit he looked like he could move the ball. And Indy... yikes, what happened there? Peyton better hope that knee gets better soon... and Jeff Saturday's too. And Marvin Harrison should probably just stop shooting at people all together. I think Indy will be fine in the long run, they're just shaking off a little rust.
Winner - Indianapolis

New York Giants @ St. Louis
The only reason St. Louis is relevant at all is in the race for the number 1 overall pick in next year's draft. And for this reason, I'm rooting for them to win a game or two so that Kansas City can lockup that first overall selection. Rams coach Scott Linehan might be looking for a new job by Thanksgiving - Canadian, not American.
Winner - New York

New Orleans @ Washington
Do you think it's possible that Washington might fire their first year head coach before the season is over? I think it's more likely today than it was 2 weeks ago. Washington looked totally inept last Thursday. What I'm getting out of this is that hiring someone with absolutely no head coaching experience is probably not a good thing? New Orleans lost their #1 receiver for at least a month, however they should still have the offence to get by Washington. They'll probably only need a field goal to beat the Redskins - and I'm not saying they'll beat Washington by 3, they'll only need 3 points to win.
Winner - New Orleans

San Francisco @ Seattle
Little known fact - I tried out to play wide receiver for the Seahawks this week. Such was their need that a slow, slightly overweight white guy with slightly above-average height was given a shot. I think my downfall was that tried out in jeans and I was wearing my glasses. That's not true at all - they asked but I would never play for Seattle.
Winner - San Francisco

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
I think things are going to be a little more difficult for Matt Ryan this week than last. I don't think Tampa's all that good - but they'll surely be more rigid than Detroit. Which isn't saying much because watered-down Jello is more rigid than Detroit's defence. And what's the deal with Tampa and their quarterbacks? Is Jeff Garcia actually hurt? Or is Jon Gruden just jerking him around or what? Actually, you know what - on second thought, don't answer me. I don't care.
Winner - Tampa Bay

Miami @ Arizona
Ugh, thankfully this game is not going to be on network TV - at least I hope not. Games like this are an advertisement AGAINST Sunday Ticket - there are some games I just don't need to see each week. It's looking more and more like Arizon might be the team to come out of the NFC West this season. If that happens, Matt Leinart is going to score so many coeds from ASU he'll go through more antibiotics than the Red Cross.
Winner - Arizona

San Diego @ Denver
I refuse to believe that Denver is any good. I WON'T AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!! I know as a Chiefs' fan I'm instinctively supposed to hate the Raiders, but my loathing is focused on Denver. I hate that team and their smug coach like poison. San Diego won't be as good as people thought, but they should prove to be a tougher challenge than Oakland was on Monday night. Shawne Merriman finally decided he should have his knee ligaments reattached and now LDT is questionable for the game. The Chargers will still win though - right, RIGHT!?!?!?
Winner - San Diego

New England @ New York Jets
I know the chosen one has gone down but I'm still not believing that the Patriots are done until they're done. They always have a way of coming through when people have counted them out. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. This is going to turn into one of those Cinderella stories and the Patriots are going to storm back and win the Super Bowl again somehow. REVERSE JINX! REVERSE JINX! Matt Cassell might be serviceable at quarterback but the problem for New England was always going to be defence. I'm pretty sure Tom Brady didn't play defensive back for them, so his injury doesn't really change things all that much. Good teams don't let Kansas City hang around like that.
Winner - New York

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
Cleveland looks like they bought into their own hype. This is a team that's going to be on prime time a half-dozen times, oh hooray. I can't wait to see them get blown out all season long. I'm glad I jumped on the Cleveland hater bandwagon early.
Winner - Pittsburgh

Philadelphia @ Dallas
This should be the game of the week and it's in prime time on Monday night. I don't know if there's anything I enjoy more than Monday Night Football. Sure it's great to sprawl out on the couch on a Sunday in various states of dress with remnants of various junk foods strewn about. But to come home Monday night after a long day at work and there's football on! That's just about the best thing ever. And this one shouldn't disappoint. Both teams are coming off huge offensive week 1's - and this game should be a shootout.
Winner - Dallas

Baltimore @ Houston
This game is going to be on Monday night as well due to one of the various hurricanes that's currently moving toward Texas. Did you know that Joe Flacco also has more career wins than Brodie Croyle, after ONE GAME! Baltimore might be the only challenger to Pittsburgh in the AFC North this year.
Winner - Baltimore