"So much for Objective Journalism. Don't bother to look for it here - not under any byeline of mine; or anyone else I can think of. With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. That phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms." - Hunter S. Thompson
We were fools to think that the swine flu was going to be the pig's only method of attack. It's starting to look more and more like the hogs devised and initiated the latest Listeria scare as well. Were we really supposed to believe that insufficiently cleaned processing plants were the cause? Ha. A transparent cover-up by a terrified government.
"The Canadian Food Inspection Agency issued a warning Tuesday to avoid purchasing or eating two types of meat products produced by Piller Sausages and Delicatessens Ltd., because they may be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes.
Consumers in Alberta, Ontario, Quebec and Newfoundland are being urged not to eat Pillers "Taste Better than Bacon" maple flavoured smoked ham and "Taste Better than Bacon" hickory smoked turkey bacon."
First of all, nothing tastes better than bacon - let's get that straight right now. Alright?
While I take issue with maple flavoured smoke ham on general principle. I understand why the pigs would choose to infect the ham. It's readily available. There's an ample supply. But the turkey bacon?
Clearly the pigs have branched out and are upping their Listeria operation if they are now able to infect other species as well. Just a terrifying development.
The moral of this installment - wash everything you eat in bleach first. And be afraid of everything. All the time.
Apparently the first round of the NHL Playoffs is now over, so if you joined the Sports As Life hockey pool - that means it's time to make your picks for Round 2.
Go through the same song and dance as you did for Round 1, and do it by Thursday at 7pm Mountain Time.
Don't forget - or you will be mercilessly mocked. Actually that's not true because you'll probably still beat me.
Well Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it. The whole humans living on Earth thing was a good time while it lasted, wasn't it? I hope you had fun, because that's pretty much all over with now.
Honestly, I always thought it would be the robots that got us in the end. They'd grow tired of building our cars and efficiently sweeping our carpets and rise up and murder us in the night.
But no, apparently the smart money was on the pigs. Which, when you think about it, makes sense I suppose. Humans have been taking advantage of pig-manity for a long time, what with our footballs, cosmetics, coarse-bristle brushes, pork chops, hot dogs, ham, sausage, bacon, and delicious, tender ribs. Mmmmmmm... ribs.
The pigs seemed fine with our arrangement for along time, so why now? Were they powerless to resist? Were they plotting and just biding their time? Whatever their reasons for staying passive for so long, I have a feeling this might have been the final insult that finally caused them to strike back.
Whatever the reason might be, it's clear the pigs are here and they mean business. I for one welcome our new snouted overlords. Why shouldn't we give the pigs a shot? We've been running this show for a few thousand years and really haven't done all that much. So why not give someone else a try? And if it's the pigs that have taken the initiative, good for them.
So, I don't really have much to say other than these quick things.
1) If you don't like this song, you're a communist and you hate kittens. That is all.
2) As per Trebor's request, here is the Greg Olsen/He-Man comparison. It's so close I can't believe I never noticed it before. By the power of The U!
3) Here's an email Cooper sent me today - it's just too hilarious not to share with everyone:
You're not going to believe this sh*t! Here I am minding my own business raking my front lawn wearing my Boston Bruins jersey circa 1988 when out of nowhere comes this stumpy little guy who had to be in his 40's and he starts berating me in french and wagging his finger at me for about 3 minutes as he is walking down the street. Unbelievable! From what I can remember from grade 9 french he didn't call me any of the following; a library, bean, grapefruit or a ruler.
4) There will be a live-blog of the NFL Draft this Saturday, so if you have absolutely nothing better to do stop on by. It's starts at 2pm for those of us in Saskatchewan and Alberta, 3pm for those in Manitoba. 6:30 in Newfoundland.
I know you've been waiting with bated breath but fear not dear reader, your wait is over - episode 3 of From Rags to Rags is upon you. Tremble with anticipation!
Anyway, this episode marks the first three-way in From Rags to Rags' short history - as both Cooper and Trebor join me on the program. And my thanks to them for coming on.
This episode taught me four things: 1) Having an idea of what you want to talk about before you start recording would probably be a good thing. 2) I can't do math. 3) I can't tell time. 4) I use the phrase, "Is that right?" more often than I breathe.
In any case, it's a good show - so give it a listen.
Good day - Trebor stops by with a record-shattering third hockey post in as many days, and discusses living as a Canucks fan in hostile waters...
To be a fan of those guys skating around with a “C” on their jersey is tough. Even though I now live in Calgary, I’m not talking about the Flames but rather the Canucks, and no I was not born in Vancouver. I’ll give you a few seconds to settle down form the shock………
Really, I need to give you that pause because it seems pure blasphemy for saying I’m a Canucks fan and for saying I’m not a Flames fan even though I’m in Cowtown. The looks of bewilderment I get, kinda like when people think about why this girl:
Is with B.A.G:
I just felt like posting a pic, so it may not be like that at all but... enjoy. This last one isn’t from a magazine shoot or anything just walking down the street.
I’ve noticed lately, maybe because everyone starts getting more interested in hockey now'a days, that the question comes up more often. I’m asked what team I cheer for, upon my answer I get a puzzling look usually followed by ‘I thought you’re from Saskatchewan’, or ‘I didn’t know you lived in Vancouver.’ Why???
If I said I was an Oilers fan, I would get a shake of the head maybe a pump of the fist, but there’s an understanding. A Maple Leafs fan would get a chuckle, even a Canadians fan makes more sense to people than someone cheering for the Canucks. This isn’t just a Calgarian thing either, when I lived in Regina/Estevan the same reactions. It has gotten to point of needing to know why?
My only reprieve to this shocking behavior was from a trip I took on the weekend to Prince George. There were Canuck fans, I didn’t feel left out. There were no questions of how dare I cheer for a non-Alberta team. Even though according to a map Edmonton and Calgary are closer than Vancouver.
I should say that I’m not a big hockey fan, but sometime after the All-Star break I start getting into the games more. Maybe because I like the idea that every game means something. Yes I know 1 point may decide who goes to the playoffs in the end, but it’s hard getting excited over a 3 game winning streak to start the season when there’s 79 games to go. A 3 game win streak when there’s 10 games to go... different story.
Throughout the season when I have time I’ll log onto a sports page and check scores and news stories and it’s usually centered around 2 teams: the Canucks and the Penguins. Down the stretch though I’ll start paying more attention to the Canucks and their race, be it for the playoffs or for the division title (thanks Pylon Dion Phaneuf... maybe that’s unfair, the whole team has been shaky though it seems most games you can find a clip of Dion being skated around like the skates were cement.
A bit old but the laugh is awesome.
Anyway back to the question I always get ’Why the canucks?’ - and the first answer that comes to me is “Trevor Linden” there aren’t many Trevor’s in sports (Cause we're lazy! Well that’s what the baby name book says) that I’m aware of, it’s not like Chris, so I had to cheer for him.
Also I really got introduced to hockey via pro deck trading card phenom which for me was early 90’s. This is also true for baseball and I'm not sure why, but the player I remember the most from back then was John Olerud. Not sure if his card was hard to get or I liked him because he was funny looking like me, but he’s the player that I think of when I think baseball cards. So yeah the trading card frenzy coincided with the Canucks big playoff run, losing to the Rangers in game 7, some 15 years ago.
So in a nutshell that’s the reason why. I thought I’d throw that out - because if you're going to be a fan there should be some reason, even if it’s just that my dad was a fan of this team... so I became one.
Anyway the point of all this ramblings is about to come to fruition. I know there are some hockey fans that read this blog, fans of the Flames (Ed. Note - That was goaltender interference!!1!1), of the Oilers, of the fro... Canadians and to them I ask: why is that it’s such a shock to people when they find out I’m a Canucks fan and I’m not from the island?
Now I’ll answer what I can see some people saying right off the bat... cause they suck. So other than that, is it that they don’t have as much history? The only thing I can think of is the towel waving being a Canuck thing, though it was waved as a flag for surrendering to the refs terrible game calling, not like it’s used today. Though maybe it’s cause they’ve never won the cup???
(At the one minute mark)
Being from the Canadian prairies, the team I cheer for pretty much has to be Canadian, and the only Canadian team without a cup is the Canucks. Is that why it’s hard to believe that someone is a fan? I wish I knew and maybe someone with more wisdom and knowledge of the game can help out.
This was supposed to come prior to the start of the playoffs but oh well, just don’t want people thinking I’m jumping on their bandwagon when they come out of the West and finally take the cup……
Speaking of bandwagons... There was a poll and 36% of the people in Calgary think the Flames will win the series. If they win game 1 I wonder how much that number will change - a guy at work is betting for 90% believe they’ll win the Cup. (Ed. Note - Trebor sent this before the game last night, but I wasn't able to put it up until this morning. The poll number will probably be at about 15% today.)
