Upon Further Review - Week 15 in the NFL

Yeah, yeah it's late - sue me.

I've been having trouble coming to terms with the fact that I only went 8-8 last week. I've also spent quite a bit of time this afternoon handicapping all 32 of the College Bowl Games. It's not just for fun - I'm in a pool. I was going to post a picture of the notes I'd made but the picture was so monstrously big that my computer nearly turned against me. It wasn't all that exciting anyway.

But before we get to the NFL, I suppose we have to deal with this...

So we've officially got a Green Mile in Regina now eh? Do you think it's possible for everything relating to this football team to be any less original? First the Rider Nation and now this. Although I guess I shouldn't expect any less from a football team that took the same name as a team already in existence (Ottawa Rough Riders, 1876 - Saskatchewan Roughriders 1910). If we take out that space between Rough and Riders nobody will notice that they're exactly the same, right? Although in all fairness, news probably didn't travel across Canada all that fast in the old days. Saskatchewan probably didn't even know there were Rough Riders until 1963.

I also read something interesting on Rod Pedersen's blog this morning, which came by way of Gregg Drinnan - it was a question as to whether the Miami Dolphins could beat the Saskatchewan Roughriders, or vice versa. As I see it the CFL is entirely made up of players who are not good enough to play in the NFL. So despite what a team's record may be, the talent levels really aren't comparable. And who knows, maybe it wasn't a serious question to begin with.

I'm not going over every game this week because I'm a little pressed for time... and quite frankly I don't remember everything that happened anyway. But I can tell you this...

... Bryan Gumbel not only knows nothing about football but is also a colossal jackass - apparently. On Saturday night Gumbel referred to the game he was calling as Thursday Night Football. Sorry we woke you up for this Bryant. He also, and there's no way I could possibly make this up, referred to 49ers running back Frank Gore as Al Gore. I was just speechless after that - and I still don't really know what to say. That can't be anything more than stupidity. Bryant also displayed how smart he was by arguing with Deion Sanders for a full 15 minutes about the merits of San Francisco going for a 4th down. Obviously nothing was solved from this argument - but each party did get to enjoy the sound of their own voice the entire time. However, the best line was Gumbel's, even if I agree with you're opinion... and I don't. I can't tell you how much condescension there was in his voice. I haven't equal parts loved and loathed someone or something this much since... well, since the NWO.

... the only football I actually wanted to talk about was Miami finally winning a game. I was really hoping they would wait 'til next week against New England but having them beat Brian Billick is almost as sweet.

... also, it snowed in Cleveland.

... a couple quick programming notes - this is going to be the last full week of Sports As Life until after the New Year. I'll still be putting up football picks but it'll just be picks, no commentary. Cooper and I might also try to do a few things on a few Bowl Games - but we'll see. We'll be doing the BCS games in the New Year for sure.

... and tomorrow we're going to be running the Sports As Life Utterly Meaningless and Totally Contrived Yearly Awards... so make sure you check those out.

Monday Headlines

Here are today's Headlines. There will be no Headlines today, as I really don't have anything to say about anything other than football - and I'll do that tomorrow.

Actually I do have one thing to say today and it is this - Who are you and what have you done with the Calgary Flames?

Also, if the Price is Right tries to give you "a new car" - I would deliberately lose at Plinko if I were you.

Anyway, instead of your normally scheduled Headlines we're going to kick off the College Football Bowl Season. Between Cooper and myself we're hoping to have a preview or review of most of the Bowl games. First up is the Poinsettia Bowl on Thursday night. Here's Cooper's preview:


After a month-long hiatus I am finally back with my review of the upcoming Bowl Season, severed hand and all. This first Bowl game of the season is the San Diego Country Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl (Even Jenna Jameson says that is a mouthful) Oh Snap! The Poinsettia Bowl is Dec 20th @ 9pm live from, I am assuming Qualcomm Stadium, home of the Chargers.

This year's version of the Poinsettia Bowl pits the University of Utah Utes (8-4), the 3rd place team from the Mountain West Conference up against the Naval Academy Midshipmen (8-4) who are an independent entry. I was not able to catch any Utah games this year but I did watch two Navy games, one in which they ended a 43 year losing streak against Notre Dame and the other was the Army-Navy game.

Navy is a fun team to watch. They run a very entertaining old school option style offense similar to the one used by Nebraska (when they were actually good). Navy will have an assistant as the head coach for this game after the former head coach Paul Johnson pulled a Bobby Petrino and dashed for Georgia Tech after the final game of the season. But as usual all of that “trivial” stuff like stats and trends and talent go by the wayside. The only thing that truly matters when breaking down a game is breaking down the mascot match-up.

The Utes are named after a tribe of local Native Americans that a group of Mormons most likely slaughtered in the 1800’s and then decided they were good enough to name a football team after.

On the other side, the Midshipmen represents a naval officer of the absolute lowest rank, who is most likely happens to be gay. And here is a link to their fight song. Apparently they have a former Ute on their team.

I have to tip my hat on this one to Navy. A group of native Americans who were most likely slaughtered is no match for a group of gay old salts.

A Special Guest Blogger for a Friday

Jeff K is off this week, so no Sights & Sounds today. You may now panic. However, do not panic - we've brought in a special guest blogger for your reading enjoyment. Longtime reader and commenter TH is making his inaugural splash on Sports As Life. Be nice to him and maybe we can get him to come back sometime.

A Sad, Sad State of Affairs

The buzz of the crowd, the tension in the air, the crack of the helmets, the smell of the ice, the fight songs sung by thousands of fans… the loudspeakers blaring out the latest hip-hop songs!?! I love sports, I love going to a game and the build-up around the whole experience. Sporting events are a day-long event, from the moment I wake up on the day of a big game to the final whistle/horn (and sometimes the stumbling home from the victory celebrations). If you are a sports fan then you know that there is a certain sound to sport – and I am not talking about the music from the mid-90’s that they play on the loudspeakers in the stadium. It is electric, and it is one of the many things that I absolutely love about sport. I love the camaraderie in the stands with fellow fans and the hated fans of the opponent, each trying to out cheer the other. But lately it is more about who can have the biggest speakers in their stadium, or the hated ‘thunder-sticks’ (is it just me or do your feel like grabbing those things away from the people around you and mashing them on their head until they break-out in tears and promise to stop?). I have gone to sporting events all around the world, and I hate to say that we in North America are pretty poor fans. We need to be constantly entertained by loud music that requires no fan interaction (we can just sit there and ‘enjoy’ it). What ever happened to just cheering my brains out? Or singing songs about my team… or the other team? The best we have these days are the random drunk fan questioning the sexual preference of the opposing team and their fans – nice, real nice, that will show them.

I was in Paris a few years back and decided to go to a Paris Saint-Germain football game (soccer) and the fans chanted and sang throughout – although I must say that my French is poor and I had no idea what they were saying, the singing was infectious and it was one of the most enjoyable sporting events that I have ever been too. Although the lighting of the road flares throughout the stadium probably helped.

Have you ever watched a Liverpool FC game? It is great watching the match on TV and seeing all those people singing… heck even in certain pubs filled with fans it is amazing to see. Can you imagine being surrounded by 40,000+ Liverpool fans in Anfield singing ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’:

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of a storm, there's a golden sky, and the sweet silver song of a lark. Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone... You'll never walk alone. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone... You'll never walk alone.

Want more - then check out the variety of the songs for this one team in the English Premiere League: http://www.thefootballnetwork.net/main/s46/st706.htm

Just think, almost every professional football (soccer) team has a set of songs that they sing throughout the game… for the ENTIRE GAME!

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not trying to say that European sports are superior, they aren’t (personal preference and all the PC stuff… blah, blah, blah). It just seems that they have held onto certain traditions that we have/are letting slip. But fear not, all is not lost; we can save some semblance of tradition. Recently the Sports As Life regular Sweet, Sweet Fantasy writer Trebor and I went to an NFL game in Washington (see the pics a few posts back if you want).

Now being surrounded by almost 90,000 fans is great, but even better is when they sing after a score. Heck they even had a marching band in one end zone. Here is the modern version of the song “Hail to the redskins” that they use… plus I also included the older version:

The Modern Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail to victory!
Braves on the warpath!
Fight for old D.C.!
Run or pass and score!
We want a lot more!
Beat em, Swamp em, Touchdown,
Let the points soar!
Fight on…Fight on…
Til you have won, Washington!

The Original Version
Hail to the Redskins!
Hail Victory!
Braves on the Warpath!
Fight for old Dixie!
Scalp 'em, swamp 'em,
We will take 'em big score!
Read 'em, weep 'em, touchdown,
We want heap more!
Fight on... Fight on...
'Till you have won,
Sons of Washington!

Jeez, I wonder why they stopped using the old version?

Even better than the pro’s are the College ranks. NCAA football is huge down in the ol’ U.S.A., one could even say that it is bigger than the NFL. Trebor and I went down to Dallas to watch a Cowboys game a few years back and it was during the Longhorns/O.U. game. Wow, you would have thought that it was the World Cup final!!! When we said we were down for the football game people thought of the college game. Insanity. But aside from rabid fans are the myriad of fight songs that each college has its bands play while at the stadium… and I am not talking about a few unemployed trombone players droning out roll-out the barrel in the end zone, I am talking about full bands with lots of school specific songs. Check this site out – it may first strike you as a sub-par site, but it has all the songs (I don’t know about all, but a lot):

http://www.fightmusic.com/
(Note: check this out as well)

I would have figured that the Sports As Life college writer would have dealt with this awhile back, but from his posts lately I assume that he has been struck with some debilitating illness…lazy-itis perhaps? I have heard that there is a lot of that going around these days. Nah, Cooper is a good guy… I hope he can find a new job when the editor fires his ass and replaces him with a chimp. But I digress, back on topic.

Heck even baseball can be exciting if you aren’t inundated with popular music being shoved down your throat (or in your ears). I was in Japan awhile back and decided to go to a JBL game in Osaka (seeing that Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck is one of my all time favourite movies…seriously, I’m not joking). The Hanshin Tigers are a fun team to watch - the people sing songs that I can’t understand, but like PSG it was the spirit of the event that mattered, not the words. Although the cute Japanese girls with beer kegs strapped to their backs helped the atmosphere a lot. Oh, here - I found the fight song for the Hanshin Tigers:

Hanshin Tigers no Uta (Rokko Oroshi, romaji)
Rokkō oroshi ni sassō to
Sōten kakeru nichirin no
Seishun no haki uruwashiku
Kagayaku wagana zo Hanshin Tigers
Ō-ō-ō-ō Hanshin Tigers
Fure-fure-fure-fure

Tōshi hatsuratsu tatsu ya ima
Nekketsu sude ni teki o tsuku
Jūō no iki takaraka ni
Muteki no warera zo Hanshin Tigers
Ō-ō-ō-ō Hanshin Tigers
Fure-fure-fure-fure

The Song of the Hanshin Tigers (The Wind of Mount Rokko)
(An official English version, not a direct translation)

Dashing swiftly through the wind blowin' from Rokko
Like the big sun soaring in the clear blue sky
Mighty spirit of the youth shows the victor's grace
The name that shines in glory "Hanshin Tigers"
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hanshin Tigers
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!

Powerful hits and skillful pitch achieved a thousand times
Trained with every discipline here at Koshien
Crowned with constant victory glorious, matchless feat
Always proud, invincible "Hanshin Tigers"
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Hanshin Tigers
Hooray, Hooray, Hooray, Hooray!

Strange song. Trust me when I say that it sounds a lot better in Japanese.

But even better than the singing, flag waving and drum banging… the balloons. Check this out. Now you can’t tell me that those balloons don’t look like sperm. Do you think that they are trying to say something? Who needs a 7th inning stretch when you can blow up a giant sperm shaped balloon and let it go into the air? Oh then again I have the sense of humour of a 14 year old.

Even more than this I hear that baseball is a thinking-fans game (which may explain why I don’t follow it). Fans trying to figure out what the next pitch will be, what the batter is going to try and do, what the base runners will do, etc. Try doing that with the latest jock-jams blaring in your ears.

I love going to live sporting events, and I can even handle music being played from time to time, but I don’t need to be distracted during the entire game. What ever happened to talking to fellow fans about the last play? Can’t do that anymore, all my senses have to be occupied all the time with music, jumbo-trons and the like. We are rapidly losing an important part of sport, the sounds... and that folks is a sad state of affairs.

NHL Headshot of the Week

"For the sake of the game, they oughta throw him in San Quentin. He is a criminal element! The worst goon in hockey today. Oh, yeah. Real cement-head."
- player/coach Reg Dunlop

This week's Headshot is Scott Walker's headbutt of Mike Fisher - video evidence here. I just don't understand this one - Walker and Fisher had a great fight, it was winding down and then Walker throws a headbutt. He was probably just upset about being bled like a stuck pig.

That was the NHL Headshot of the Week - however, if we were picking Headshot's regardless of sport - this would be the runaway winner. Horford obviously didn't mean to palm Ford's skull - and I'm laughing now because Ford's alright - but you can just hear Ford's bones turning to dust when he hits the court can't you? They called me Mr. Glass.

I Predict A Riot - Week 15 in the NFL

Well the Mitchell Report ended up being a slight disappointment - most of the players named aren't even in the League anymore. And many of the ones that do still play, I've never heard of. Roger Clemons, Andy Pettitte, Gary Sheffield, Miguel Tejada, Eric Gagne and Gregg Zaun were the biggest (active) names implicated. I must say, this morning's fake list was much more entertaining than the actual list... Glenallen Hill, come'on?

Anyway, enough enjoyment over the public humiliation of others. But I gotta say, after skimming through the 400 page document I'm a little worn out - worst... Riot... ever.

14-2 last week, try to do better this week...

Denver @ Houston
I may watch this game - but I refuse to enjoy it. Mike Shanahan coaching against his former Offensive Coordinator, Gary Kubiak, for the first time. Also Shanahan's son is apparently on the Houston coaching staff as well - or he plays for Houston - or he lives in Houston... it's something like that.
Winner: Denver

Cincinnati @ San Francisco
Nobody will complain about missing this game because they don't get the NFL Network. I think I've used that line before but it's never been truer than right now. Who exactly is playing quarterback for the 49ers in this game? I suppose I should find that out...
Winner: Cincinnati

Buffalo @ Cleveland
Apparently Shaun Hill is the starting QB for San Francisco this week - according to NFL.com, until last week he had never even attempted a pass in 6 seasons in the NFL... Right, the Bills/Browns game... I don't know why, but I've got a feeling about this game. This game could potentially decide one of the wildcard spots.
Winner: Buffalo

Tennessee @ Kansas City
I'd like to thank the entire Chiefs organization for taking to heart the letter I wrote them last week. But in the future could we making the tanking a little less obvious please? What's that you say... oh you were tying? Ahh, you're just not very good at all.
Winner: Tennessee

Atlanta @ Tampa Bay
I don't know if Atlanta's coach quitting on them helps or hurts the Falcons. I could almost see a defiant Falcons team coming together to show how much Bobby Petrino was holding them back. But then I remember this is the Atlanta Falcons.
Winner: Tampa Bay

Seattle @ Carolina
You know - I'd sort of forgotten that Carolina even had a football team.
Winner: Seattle

Green Bay @ St. Louis
This is another one of those I have a feeling games. Brett Favre in a dome, everything going great... something has gotta happen doesn't it? Sometimes I don't understand why everything must be so difficult - I'm trying to find out who is playing quarterback for St. Louis this week - because the Rams' 1st and 2nd stringers were out last week. And now there is no mention of any St. Louis injuries anywhere. The most recent injury report on the official Rams website is from November 9th. In fact, because of the difficulty this team just caused me - this is happening...
Winner: Green Bay

Baltimore @ Miami
The road to perfection continues...
Winner: Baltimore

NY Jets @ New England
This... ahhh... this is going to be ugly. My suggestions are: give the points, take New England, take the over and watch the ensuing carnage. The post-game handshake might turn into a fistfight if we're lucky. The Patriots have a pretty good shot at 70.
Winner: New England

Arizona @ New Orleans
Take the over - this is going to be a shootout. It's a shame to see Drew Brees playing so well now that my miserable Fantasy season is over. RIP Now With 15% Dogfighting (4-10) - you will not be missed.
Winner: New Orleans

Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh
This is the best of the early games (except maybe Buffalo/Cleveland), although I imagine I'm going to be watching the Massacre in Massachusetts - despite Phil Simms being involved in that event. Curiously absent this week was Anthony Smith's guarantee of a victory over the Jaguars. Funny that.
Winner: Pittsburgh

Indianapolis @ Oakland
I don't think anything could make me watch this game. Although this might be the reply to New England's crushing of the Jets in the morning. Could be interesting only for the anything you can do we can do better factor.
Winner: Indianapolis

Philadelphia @ Dallas
T.O. finally speaks and he finally rips someone who actually deserves it - Keyshawn Johnson. All season on NFL Countdown Johnson has been generally condescending and well, prickish. If it wasn't for Emmitt Smith's continuing struggles with the English language, it would be Johnson's continuing parade of disinterest and arrogance that we would be talking about. Keyshawn calling T.O out for being immature and talking about his former coach... wow, I'm not entirely certain that Johnson has a lot of high moral ground here. I believe Keyshawn had a history of taking shots at his teammates as well. I suspect T.O. will be sufficiently motivated this week - as if playing against his old team wasn't enough.
Winner: Dallas

Detroit @ San Diego
I'm picking San Diego even though there are a lot of reasons not too. Shawne Merriman is out, Phillip Rivers is hurt - and he's not real good even when he's healthy. But the most important injury might be fullback Lorenzo Neal. He's done for the season and LaDanian Tomlinson is going to miss him - you can be sure of that. Plus the Chargers are still coached by Norv Turner - at least for a few more games.
Winner: San Diego

Washington @ NY Giants
I can't believe I have to watch the Giants in prime time. Oh well, at least I'll get to see Todd "Tom" Collins.
Winner: NY Giants

Chicago @ Minnesota
So Minnesota is good now or what? It boggles the mind to think that Tarvaris Jackson might be the quarterback of a playoff team. Also, Kyle Orton is starting for Chicago this week - hide the key to the liquor cabinet!
Winner: Minnesota

Report-ed!

The excitement and tension are palpable here in the Sports As Life Corporate Headquarters. Everyone will be gathered around televisions at 1pm waiting with baited breath because - it's Mitchell Report Day!

The feeling around the office is that we hope certain people (Roger Clemons - who, it's already been leaked, is on the list, and Alex Rodriguez) make the list - while others (Cal Ripken Jr and Ken Griffey Jr) don't show up.

There's something about the heroes of our youth getting labelled as steroid abusers and cheats that really doesn't sit well with any of us. Which is why we're hoping that the Report is mostly about players who have played in the last decade or so.

The NFL picks might be a little delayed this afternoon, as we'll be going over the Report like the Dead Sea Scrolls.

If Joe Carter somehow makes the list the 1992 World Series VHS tape is going in the garbage.

Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby

Here is the much anticipated return of Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby to Sports As Life:


The playoffs are here… well in 2 of my leagues anyway. Yahoo and espn start their playoffs in Week 14, yahoo has 8 teams in the hunt espn only 4.

My Espn league was an autodraft, was free and I didn’t know anyone in it so I paid little attention to it… I had Boldin as my #2 wr…oops. Also had kolby smith start instead of 3 other starting rb’s.. oops. I was really surprised it was playoffs, but even more surprised when I came away with the W.

This guy had Westbrook, T.O. Adrain Peterson. Those 3 players can win weeks by themselves..but not this week. It was close and if it weren’t for the fact that GB was playing the lowly raiders I would have lost but the 26 points by the DEF gave me a 5 point victory. On paper he had the better team and probably 6-7 times out of 10 he would win, but it’s not a huge upset. He went 10-3, I went 9-4-1 (stupid ties)

My other league it was a different case…..It’s a keeper league that costs money… I was the favorite to win... he beat me early on because of a monster performance by Rocky Mcintosh. I played him in week 13 won 144 to 96, I had high hopes. I’m sitting at work (only place I could at least log on) and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

He got great performances from Kevin Jones, and Andre Johnson... even his defense (Ernie Simms) lit it up. What was worse he had Rivers, who when I got here had thrown 2 int’s and Collins was taking snaps…"Yes" was my reaction, then later I find out rivers comes back in…oh oh….but he throws a pick…. I’m already thinking of ways to harass this guy over Rivers performance….. then I watched the screen to see rivers complete long touchdown drives and rack up the points…"damn you Rivers, somebody cover Chambers or Gates or something", screams could be heard through the hallways.

My team or certain players like Housh, Gore, Cribbs, my top notch D... with names like Morrison, Tatupu, Witherspoon, Willis all stunk it up. Another 1st round defeat leaves me questioning why do I participate in fantasy football. I started writing this before the Sunday night game, then sitting in some bar watching the game I suddenly loved football again, I watched Addai get 3 td’s and Wayne also get 1 to put me ahead by 15 points…. Thank you Baltimore!

Which brings me to the format of play. I’m not sure what is the best.. I’m in one league that there is no head to head, it’s just points: team with the most points at the end of the year wins.

This eliminates having the 2nd highest score in your league but still getting the L. Or not being the lucky guy who plays the loser of the group twice (loser either because of injuries or bad trades or starting people on byes).

Now in this league it is skewed because the top player has Randy Moss and Brady and after 14 weeks is like 300 points ahead of everyone. At first I didn’t like the idea too much but it is starting to grow on me, you really have to pick the right players/match-ups. Case in point #2-#5 are within 40 points of each other… If I had started Kevin Jones this past week, I’d be 8 points behind 2nd….. not bad after starting out dead last with Brees, Leinart tossing up negative points. However KJ has a reputation now of next to 0, 20 points, 0 , 20, ?? I’m guessing 0 this week but without Merriman who knows.

The yahoo league is alright, the final game will be played week 16 which is good. 8 of the 12 teams make the playoffs though. As the #2 in the league I don’t like this one but, I had a 11-2 record, the guy I was playing 7-6. He may have had some close games, but really he squeaked in and if I didn’t have Addai get 22 points I lose the week because of his usual mediocre players did better than expected, and my top players didn’t do anything.

This format also rewards the bad teams because they are at the top of the waiver list, so now Reggie Bush is out the Stecker sweeps begin. Well some guy at the bottom will pick him up and knock off a top team who probably has a very similar line up to when he started. If I’m at the bottom I love this format, upset special right.

Our NFL.com league is not bad 12 teams and 4 make the playoffs and it’s played week 15-16…. It may be the only thing good about that league. It would be better if I made the playoffs but being the 11th ranked coach doesn’t help.

Part 2 of this starts tues afternoon, just after going to the above mentioned ESPN site to see if the guy I defeated was crying or not. Turns out there’s a new twist, a European football twist. It looks like I play him again this week, then the 2 weeks are combined and a winner decided that way. I think this is stupid! Mostly cause I now will lose. Also 2 week playoff game… come on… then the final is based on week 16-17…I hate the idea of having playoff games determined on the 17th week... performances can be skewed so easily.

So for next year the format that I would like to see … I think money should also be involved, makes my format easier to understand.

6 teams make the playoffs. #1 and #2 get byes… have to rest their players after all. Chances are #3 and #6 are fairly close so it should be a good match up, if 6 comes out with a win probably no whining.

Then for that team who has a horrible draft or horrible luck…. Have a loser bowl. Another league I’m in does this. So 12 teams in the league 1-6 play for 80% of the cash, 7-12 play for 20%. That way even if your at the bottom you still have something to go for.

Good luck to CH this week, I hope you beat the Crushers. You may not need this advice but…. Don’t start Norwood….don’t own Norwood….until Dunn retires he’s not going to be worth anything. I’d also consider benching Bowe…. He had a good stretch but with Haynesworth going after Brodie or whoever is QB, Bowe may not see many touches. I have no clue why but Jabar is still available.